What You Sow
by The Wizard of Koz
Summary: Sometimes you do things that have knock on effects far more devastating than you could have ever expected. Rated for sex and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Strangers No More**

**I own nothing but the original characters featured. I love Sons of Anarchy, I hope it runs as long as Sopranos if not longer and continues its excellent quality story telling.**

The first time they met she was a kid, 17 and working in a dinner off the highway till midnight most nights. Her mum wasn't 'well'. That's what she and her sister had taken to referring to their mother's alcoholism as in their infrequent phone conversations.

Caroline didn't like school, she wasn't good at it. She didn't dream of escaping Charming for an Ivy League diploma, she did dream of escaping Charming though. The second Principle Davis placed that paper in her hand with a thin lipped smile that said 'Good Luck Caroline, you will need it' she was out of here and heading for LA. She had a voice like you wouldn't believe, everyone told her so, likened her to a cross between Janis Joplin and Suzie Quatro.

The kitchen closed at 11 when the 'chef' went home and customers gradually left, then she'd flip the sign to closed, put the chairs onto the table and mop the floor before turning the lights off and locking the door. If she got the bus it took nearly a half hour, if she walked it took 10 minutes to get home. The 10 minute walk meant she had to cut through some wasteland and a wooded area. She always took the bus. Whenever she caught sight of the woodland at the back of her house her blood ran cold. 3 years and still it haunted her.

On a non descript Tuesday night he came in. It was 11:30 and a man already sat in a booth at the back, didn't look like he had anywhere better to be and she briefly wondered about staying the night in one of those booths. If this other guy stayed till midnight then she wouldn't be done mopping and locking up till gone 12:30 and the bus had a horrible knack of being on time. The owner was kind of a freak about not mopping when customers were still around. Some years back someone had slipped, sued and nearly bankrupted him so he was paranoid about lightening striking twice.

"Sorry, kitchen's closed" she said from where she leaned on the counter.

"You got Coffee, right?" he said in the raspiest, gravelliest voice she thinks she might have ever heard in her life. She imagined the dirtiest things being spoken in that voice, the kind of things that 17 year old girls shouldn't have any experience in, for all their hormones teenagers don't venture far beyond heavy petting, sloppy blow jobs and the missionary position. Caroline should know.

"Yeah" she nodded. He took a seat at the counter and she went to fetch the pot.

"What kind of pie is that?" he asked nodding towards the pie display.

"It's cherry"

"It good?"

It was the best pie ever, she'd made it...and she'd been planning to eat it herself. The last piece. But something about the guy said 'you lie to me, bad things will happen'.

"It's real good" Caroline sighed, "real sweet and moist"

His lips twitched, like that's what passed for a smile with him.

The customer in the back booth made his way to the door, dropping some notes on the counter.

"Thank you, come again" she called in a joyless tone.

"Warm it up, be back in a second" he said as he headed for the door.

"You want ice cream?" she called after him.

He just raised an arm and gave her a thumbs up from over his shoulder indicating that he did.

She didn't hear him go up behind the customer and jam his knife into his neck as she made her way to the kitchen in the back, his arm coming up to smother his screams. Death came for him quickly but even after life left his body blood continued to spread over his killers sweatshirt.

The man wrestled the corpse into the back of the van he'd pulled up in, tossed in his ruined sweatshirt and headed back inside.

Caroline should have known better, she'd spotted a tattoo peaking out of the neck line of his sweatshirt, but that didn't stop her from nearly dropping the plate when she came out of the kitchen and saw him coming back inside, a fearsome reaper on the front of his T-shirt.

Sons of Anarchy. Of course.

She'd lived in Charming her whole life, she'd had to of been walking round with a blindfold on for 17 years not to notice that SAMCRO ran this town.

She shuffled back up to the counter and placed the pie in front of him.

"This better be as good as you say"

She just smiled quickly before her dimples shrank back into her face. He didn't dig into the pastry, he _stabbed_ into it and scooped it into his mouth. His lips pursed around the spoon. She squeezed her legs together to attempt to satisfy the sensation building low in her body as she watched him eat. His lips could probably do things she couldn't properly comprehend.

"Fuck me, that's good" he mumbled, "you make this?"

She nodded,

"You'd make someone a hell of an old lady some day"

"That a biker thing?"

He nodded.

She lingered only a moment longer, teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she watched both of his wrap around the spoon again. She busied herself by putting the chairs onto the table tops and readying her mop and bucket before hovering by the door.

"Don't mind if you got to clean up" he said, gesturing to the bucket with his half drunk coffee mug in one hand.

The top row of her teeth sank into her bottom lip again. She wondered how old he actually was. Early 30's was her guess. Too old to consider a proposition from her as something more than a guaranteed jail sentence?

"The owner doesn't like me doing that with customers around. Swear you won't tell anyone?" she said, completely seriously. She needed this crappy job.

"What you gonna do for me?"

"No charge for the pie" she shrugged. Honestly she didn't know if she'd have the guts to charge a Son for stale pie with no one around to hear her scream.

"Then I ain't a customer. Deal"

She mopped in silence and he left just as she was pulling her denim jacket on over her uniform. And that was that she supposed, she'd never lay eyes on him again.

No goodbye.

The lights flickered off at the flip of the switch and she twisted the key in the lock and turned to light that came from a street lamp 20 feet from the dinner that lit up the bus stop, like a lighthouse calling a ship to shore.

Then something else caught her eye. The tattooed stranger making his way over to a van.

Caroline's life was hard. She wasn't academic, spent her day at school being told things she didn't understand or knew she'd never need in the real world. She worked till midnight. And in all the time in-between she was either making sure her mother was rolled onto her back and not choking on her own vomit or listening to her alcohol induced tirades hearing how useless and stupid she was, how no one was ever going to love her, how not even Stephanie loved her enough to stick around and had now vanished into Nevada where she's doing god knows what for god knows how much. So what if she climbed into the backseat of Seth Duvall's car every now or again? Caroline realised she liked sex not too long ago, she probably 'treated herself right' in the shower most days. She needed something in her life that made her feel good.

And this stranger made the lowest parts of her abdomen ache with just a look, in ways Seth could only achieve with a lot of effort and a sore wrist. So she went for it. It was now or never, the worst he could do was laugh at her or be repulsed.

Her feet carried her over and she was formulating something seductive to say, something he wouldn't... couldn't turn down when he pulled open the van door she saw it. A bloody arm flop out.

Caroline felt her mouth open and a scream come bursting out. Within a heartbeat he was in front of her, a hand over her mouth and another around her neck.

"You need to listen to me" he said. He was calm. This did not make Caroline's legs stop shaking or her heart stop thundering in her chest. She'd waited 17 years for a man to make her heart feel like this and now it was for all the wrong reasons.

"That man, he was a bad man. He was a drug dealing Nazi ass hole, he hurt women and children because they were the wrong colour, does that seem right to you? That someone like that should be free to walk around and do the shit he did?"

She shook her head.

"Good girl" he said in that raspy voice of his but he keeps himself against her for a few moments more, takes one of her long blonde curls between his fingers and rubs it, feels how silky smooth it is.

Later, when she's not terrified, she wonders whether he shaves his head or had lost his hair entirely; She wonders if men with no hair secretly hate women because they'll rarely loose all there's, and she wonders what his scalp would have felt like beneath her fingers. She could feel him getting hard under his jeans, she was scared of what he might do with an erect cock and no witnesses but that didn't stop her from feeling the ache low in her belly becoming never more apparent, from her underwear becoming just a little bit damp. She was angry with herself after, when she was 14 one of her friends was raped and that was horrific, rape in general was horrific, not something to be turned on by. For the rest of the night and some of the morning she pictured Laura sitting on her living room couch, curled up in a blanket and unwilling to engage with any of her visitors.

Then she heard a low rumble and saw head lights a little way down the highway.

"M-my b-bus is coming" she whispered.

"Go" he ordered.

Her legs never carried her so fast.

* * *

The next time they met Happy was gunning it down the highway, close to midnight, with Myan's on his tail.

He has yet to be filled in on what's going down in Charming but when a gun shot had narrowly winged his shoulder followed by a barrage of bullets and he'd quickly glanced over his shoulder he'd had his suspicions that it involved Myans. He'd hit the accelerator and been travelling at the same pace for 10 minuets. It felt like a life time. He'd started to give himself the 'so this is it' speech in his mind, the one a person unafraid of death gives themselves when faced with the certainty of it.

Then he'd seen the sign that advertised 'Betty's Place' being a quarter of a mile ahead and the decision had been made for him.

Never return to the scene of the crime seems like a good policy to have, even if their waitress do have a pretty face and long legs that she wants to wrap around you so badly you can practically smell the want coming from between her legs. He'd wanted to go back, passed the place on his way in and out of Charming a few dozen times over the past 4 months. The place had huge glass windows that wrapped around the front and sides of the building, at night with all the lights on you could see everything inside. It was how he'd known his mark had been sitting in a back booth that night. He saw her occasionally when he rode past at night, he could see that pretty blonde hair pulled back and her pouty pink lips that stood out against her pale skin. And he was so sure that the blue dress uniform didn't do justice to the young body underneath he'd bet his bike on it.

He swerved into the dinner parking lot and leapt off the bike

He holds the pre pay up to eye level for a second and skims the list for SAMCRO's direct line before dialling and sprinting up to the dinners front door. She's just stepping out from the kitchen, bucket and mop in hand when he crashes through the front door, grabs the mop from her hand and jams it in the door handle.

"Hap?" Tig answers,

"I'm at Betty's Place, Myans chancing me, I need you!" he said quickly,

"On our way"

The Myans open fire just as he's dragged her behind the counter, pushed her to the floor and dived on top of her. She can't see anything but the sound of an MC riddling her workplace with bullets scares her so bad she can feel tears pouring down her face.

Her hearts beating in her ribcage like a jack hammer on tarmac. He can feel it as he covers her body with his, protecting her from the grass shards currently flying all about the place. When she's older she'll ask him what her face looked like, that she must have looked like shit. He'll grin and tell her that he was more preoccupied with feeling her tits over her uniform under the pretence of protecting her.

It was laying on that floor that Caroline made the final decision on a dilemma that's been plaguing her for her entire life.

Screw her mum, she was getting the hell out of Charming. She's taking the $3288.37 she's got stuffed into her mattress, hopping on the next Grey Hound to LA and starting to live her life for herself.

When SAMCRO turns up he tells her over the sound of the shoot out to crawl into the kitchen, stay there until she's sure they've gone, call the police and tell them that Myans shot the place up, too say NOTHING about SAMCRO. He doesn't tell her that he's sorry for bringing this on her. That bothers her.

When one of Unser's lackeys takes her home hours later she tosses every item of clothing she owns into the one piece of luggage Steph didn't take with her two years ago as soon as she gets home from the station. Her mother staggers to the front door as she's leaving and yells incoherent nonsense that Caroline barley registers. Dragging the wheel-less suitcase along the streets of Charming in the wee hours should feel like a chore but the difficulty is oddly wonderful, like Charming's trying to keep her there and she's fighting against it, better yet she's wining.

The LA plan holds up for all of 8 months. Before the end of April she finds herself glaring at the "Welcome to Charming" sign.

* * *

She sees him in Vegas. She's in a shitty motel off the strip, here for a few days attempting to track Stephanie down because Steph's paternal grandparents received a package from her a few days ago containing a working light-up 'Welcome to Vegas' sign and think she might be there. They're too frail to make the trip themselves but fund it and send Caroline 'a little something' for herself that she knows they can't afford but she can't afford to turn down.

It's 2 in the morning and she's been awoken by the close roar of motorcycles. She spots him standing in the light of a streetlamp, half in shadow, half illuminated. She recognises the sleeve tattoos first, she spent 20 of the worst minuets of her life studying them on the diner floor.

She considers going down there before the far more sensible part of her brain reminds her that they've met twice and that both times were terrifying. Also he's with 6 other guys and this seems to Caroline like the part of 'The Accused' that she could stand to watch and that does not fit in with the E! True Hollywood Story/ VH1: Behind The Music that Caroline's got planned out for herself.

She watches him leave and feels the pit of her stomach fill with dread that she's missed an opportunity.

Her trip is unsuccessful as she believed it would be but went to make an old, infirmed couple happy. She does her best though, visits every bar that lets her over the threshold, asks all the staff at every strip club that'll allow her in, every hooker she comes across if they know of a 'Stephanie Sweet'. It's coming to the end of her trip, her bus leaves in 14 hours and she's asking a row of prostitutes if they've ever head of 'Stephanie Sweet'. One woman says she might if Caroline's got something to 'make her remember'. Caroline's fallen prey to this yesterday and has already lost $100 to it. She learns quickly.

She's walking away when another woman comes up behind her and gets her attention. The woman looks around nervously before telling her that she knew a girl calling herself 'Sweet Caroline' last year but she hasn't seen her around since. Caroline manages to thank her before rounding the corner and screaming in frustration. Why hadn't she thought to ask that 2 days ago?

When she calls Barbra and Jim the next morning she tells them that she's seen Steph, she's working in a bar, living with a few girls she works with and that she's in a support group for coke users. The lie makes them happy in ways she didn't believe possible.

* * *

He'll never admit it but he thinks about her a lot. It's the fact that nothing happened that makes it so intense, the promise of what could have happened, that he could have gone round the counter, hoisted her up onto it and fucked her in that little blue dress she wore as a uniform. That while they were lying on the floor, gun fire all around them he could have touched her in ways that would have made her forget that death was three feet above her head.

The fantasies killed a lot of the time he spent staking out his mark's. Like now he was standing in an alleyway in a Vegas suburb eyes trained on a non-descript house. The beat up car pulls up onto the driveway out front and the woman he's been waiting for gets out, looking over her shoulder as she does. She knows she's in danger and still she came back. Stupid Bitch.

It takes no time at all to break into the house, the door gives in at the lightest 'encouragement'. She tried to run for the back door but he's on her in seconds, her hair in his hands reminds his of The Waitress, the squeal that she emits when he pulls her back to him reminds him of the noise that The Waitress made when he pushed her to the floor.

It lasts a second, he puts his silenced 9mm to her temple and pulls the trigger.

Another sweatshirt ruined.

* * *

The next time she sees him she's 19 and her mother's just died. She's at the hospital and just coming out of the corridor that leads to the morgue, trying to keep it together when she sees him.

She's chanting 'I will **not** cry for her' over and over in her head when she turns the corner and sees a bunch of Sons gathered a few feet away. He's with them, standing and listening to Jax Teller with the rest. He nods once before turning to make his way in her direction, their eyes lock and she practically dives into the chapel.

She hopes he doesn't follow, she knows she's going to crack the second she lays eyes on him. She'd right, he enters and tears burst forth.

"My mum died" she finally managed to whisper. Saying it out loud didn't feel like 'the first step to recovery', it felt like it made it more true than it had been a minute before.

"That's rough" he said with that gruff voice that managed to turn her on at even the most inappropriate times, "I'm sorry"

"They haven't done an autopsy yet but they think she fell and smacked her head on the coffee table corner" she wheezed, "drunk, as usual. Sorry, You didn't ask to know this shit"

" 'S alright"

"God, I don't even know why I'm crying, I hated her, drunk bitch never did a damn thing for me"

"Shouldn't talk about your mum like that"

She finally lifted her head to look at him, stared into his eyes; they were softer than they'd been in their previous two interactions. He wasn't scolding her, it was almost telepathic but in his short statement he seemed to tell her not to hold a grudge she couldn't resolve.

"You close to your mum? She a good mum?"

"Yeah" he answered but he seemed uncomfortable.

"Jesus, I'm just so angry I can never tell her that she sucked! You know? Just tell her how bad she was to me, how I thought about her every day but I'm sure she wasn't thinking of me"

They sat in near silence for a few minutes, Caroline's heavy breathing filling the air. When she finally managed to compose herself he spoke again.

"You need a ride home?"

"On your bike? No thanks" she sniffed, whipping away some of her tears.

"What? You scared?"

"Terrified"

"Come on, I'm a good rider, promise"

He stood, was going to leave with or without her and she realised that she really didn't want to be alone, she really wanted to be with someone, anyone.

"Ok, if you promise" she consented. The next 10 minuets were a blur, literally. Charming whipped past her at a speed she wished the hard work she was putting in down in L.A, playing dives even her mother wouldn't seek a drink out, before her inevitable discovery followed by immediate fame and fortune.

"Do you want to come in?" she'd be a liar if she denied knowing what she was actually asking.

They crossed the threshold in silence.

"You grow up here?"

She nodded, "my whole life"

"No dad?"

She shook her head;

"I never ever met him, fuck knows if she knew who he really was, she always said he was some dead beat Elvis impersonator" she said.

He temporarily lost all control of his facial muscles.

"He wasn't, like, in costume or anything, she wasn't 'into' that sort of thing" she explained when she saw his expression change in the space of seconds after she revealed this information about her father. "At least I hope she wasn't, eww, can you imagine?"

He let out a low deep laugh and grinned.

"You got no kinks?" he smirked.

Her lips thinned.

Yes.

His eyebrow twitched.

"Really? What?"

She shook her head and refused to look him in the eye,

"You'll laugh at me"

"Not gonna laugh darlin'" he said placing his index finger under her chin and gently forced her to look at him.

She sighed, getting ready for light hearted ridicule.

"I like...to keep my shoes on" she said.

"You like to fuck in your shoes? That's hot" he rasped out looking down at the flat tan leather boots, "You got spiked heals or something?"

"No, I've kept these on a couple of times" she admitted running her lift foot up and down her left calve.

Her eyes never left his own dark intense stare. She felt like her insides were slowly melting, warm and soft.

She ran her tongue over her drying lips; He stepped closer.

"I don't even know your name" she murmured,

"Don't know yours either sweetheart"

"Should we trade or would that ruin everything?"

He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers for the very first time. That night was the night of a lot of firsts. The first time they kissed, the first time she took his hand in hers, the first time he wrapped himself around her as they slept, the first time she a woke to find him gone and felt stabbing disappointment in the pit of her belly where lust had been hours before.

The kiss started gentle but grew hot and heavy within seconds. His lips sucked and nipped at hers, her head tilting to one side, his to the other. His hand buried itself in her thick, wavy blonde hair. It felt even better than he remembered, he had nothing to compare the softness too. Her hands found their way to his chest, twisted themselves in the front of the wife beater he wore under his Cut, her thumps running along the underside of his pectorals.

She pulled away and took hold of his hand in hers, leading him to her childhood bedroom. It was still the way she left it 8 months ago, covered in any image that inspired her. She was completely mortified when she pushed him down onto the bed and his head landed on the soft belly of Smokey, the red dragon she'd once confided all her hopes and fears in.

"He's cute, he share your bed every night? Might make me jealous"

"Sorry, he...he...it...ignore him" she settled on, ripping the stuffed animal out of his hand and tossing it into a chair by the window.

"Nice shot"

"Thanks. Now loose the shirt"

"Think I'm gonna have to see yours before I show you mine darlin'"

She grinned but rolled her eyes, tugging the long sleeved t-shirt over her head. Her bra was electric blue but plain.

"Want to see more skin? Start stripping"

"Want to see all your skin baby"

She straddled his lap and pushed the Cut off his shoulders before grabbing the hem of his shirt.

"What's the matter? You shy?" she teased.

He flipped them over and lay her so her head was on the pillow, him supporting his weight on his arms above her. He said nothing as he pressed his lips to hers again, his tongue forcing her lips apart as one hand travelled down to the hem of her skirt. The moment his finger brushed her lace covered pussy she felt electric, like every fibre in her body was tingling; her breath came out in a ragged pant. He ran his finger from back to front, his index finger coming to rest on his clit that seemed to go rock hard at the contact. She was ready for almost anything, anything except him standing up and removing his body from over hers.

She whimpered and he couldn't help laughing,

"Be back baby, promise"

"Ok, if you promise"

He pulled off his wife beater revealing the abundance of muscle and ink.

"Jesus" she muttered, not really knowing what she was in awe of. He undid his belt buckle, unzipped and took his boxers down with his jeans after kicking his boots and yanking his socks off.

"Fuck, you're big" she muttered, eyes never leaving his half hard cock. "Like, really big, I'm not...fuck, you're big" she repeated. She'd had a rough day, she wanted to fuck, not do uncomfortable yoga moves to accommodate his impressive size.

"You'd be amazed at what a body can do" he told her kneeling back on the bed and reaching for the button and fly of her denim skirt. She let him unzip it and slide it down her thighs and off at her ankles, working it over her boots. His eyes stayed on her panties for a while, she shifted under his scrutiny pushing up on her elbows to sit up a little.

"What?"

"Nothin', just didn't figure you too match your underwear"

"Always match your underwear" she told him matter of fact-ley, "it's the only advice my sister ever gave me. Well, that and 'get the hell out of Charming'"

"She around?"

"Why? Already board of me?"

"Nah. Just feels sad to think you're all alone"

"Don't. You'll ruin it" she said lightly. She wanted to keep things fun, his concern, no matter how minute made things considerably less so.

"Sorry" he said before crawling up kissing her hard, getting the passion back. It came back tenfold. He wrapped an arm around her lower back and encouraged her up onto her knees and allowing him access to the back of her bra. He practically tore it off from over the full, round globes that were creamy and soft and had never seen sunlight, you could tell from her fading tan lines. He grazed her rock hard nipples with his thumbs while her mouth assaulted his neck.

"Mmhh" she mumbled into his flesh. One of his hands travelled down the flat expanse of her stomach to the waist of her blue lace bikini briefs that exposed more of her ass than they covered. He dipped in and instantly felt the heat coming off her. His suspicion that she was wet was confirmed when he moved his middle finger down to her opening, grazing her clit as he went.

"Fuck that's good" she breathed before an incoherent screech when his finger finally slipped into her tight, wet cunt.

"You're real tight"

The only response was a ragged breath expelled from her nostrils. He moved his finger our slowly and then back in, attempting to add another finger. She moved her hips in time with his fingers, the bounce she was getting from kneeling on the mattress achieving the kind of sensation everyone hopes to achieve when they have sex.

"Wow" she breathed, "Oh god, wow, god"

He felt her pussy tighten and contract around his fingers and knew she was close. His thumb rubbed against her clit to finish her off and her orgasm came in ragged pants. He gently slid his fingers out and pushed her back onto the bed, a smile of pure ecstasy on her face. Beautiful. The cum produced was going to help but he'd felt the blissful but excruciating snugness of her cunt and wasn't completely convinced that he was going to get his length even half way in. He reached down to his jeans and found a condom.

"Hey, you got anythin' for lubrication? Y'know, just in case"

"Don't think so. I'll see what I can find" she said standing up on shaky, boot clad legs. "Don't go anywhere"

"With this?" he said, gesturing his now rock hard cock. He lay back on the bed and glanced at the clock radio. 22:23. He was supposed to be on the road now, on his way back to Tacoma at the SAMCRO VP's command. Fuck it. He'd make up some excuse. This was The Waitress, the one who'd haunted his mind for 2 years.

She was gone longer than he'd thought, surely she either had lube or she didn't.

She stood in the doorway, her cheeks flushed but not completely from her orgasm, she was embarrassed that she was even going to suggest this but...she really wanted to fuck.

"I...this is all I could find. I think it'll work just the same"

His eyes trailed down to what she held in her hands.

He grinned and shook his head,

"You are so kinky"

"I haven't got anything else and I saw this in a movie once" she said earnestly. She wasn't trying to be kinky and seductive. That made it a million times more sexy.

"Get over hear" he said with a smirk, "I'm gonna be writing to Penthouse after this"

The first time they fucked she left her boots on.

He swore that if he ever found himself inflicted with amnesia and forgot every single thing about himself he'd remember the girl with the softest hair and perfect lips who liked to fuck with her shoes on and used butter for lube.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for the nice reviews! Thought I'd get some negative feedback but was very pleasantly surprised!**

The L.A dream persists for another 9 months. She doesn't realise it but L.A's killing her, robbing her of the new life she felt herself earning with every pull of the heavy suitcase on her way to Charming's bus station. It's the disappointment that's stabbing away at her spirit, the rejection that she tells herself she can handle. It's better than Charming though, better than prostitution in all its guises, 'Porn Star', 'Stripper', 'Mistress', Flat out working for that Ernest Darby guy. All ways of fucking for money in Charming.

But L.A forces her to realise some shit. Like the fact that she can't count on anyone. The boys she'd hooked up with to form 'Caroline Sweet and the Diabetics' are all talent and no hustle; she's the one who's arranging everything. She had a revelation one night when waiting for Tommy Q too pull the van around the back of a shitty little nightclub with the rest of the band, she realised that she doesn't like putting her happiness in other people's hands; she's done it too many times before. Caroline knows that the only person she can rely on is herself.

And Lyla. She can rely on her cousin for some stuff. Like picking her up from the bus station when the L.A dream comes to an abrupt halt when the woman she's renting the house out too in Charming informs her that the house next door blew up, something about a Meth Lab, and that she's moving out...and good luck getting her already late rent out of her, the second bedroom's carpet smelt like rancid butter so she was being gouged anyway. Caroline screams the most obscene words she knows down the phone at her. That rent covered half of what she was shelling out to live in her shitty apartment with Harlow (real name Jenny), they're already behind and their 'charm' just isn't working on the landlord like it used too.

She and Harlow make a pact. That in 1 year they'll be back in L.A. They spit it their hands like they're 7 years old and shake in the bus depot before Harlow boards her bus back to Kerr County.

"_Home of Stonehenge 2, don't cha know" she tells her in her lazy southern drawl._

She's engrossed in the memory that she doesn't register Lyla until she's right in front of her.

Lyla reaches her and throws her arms around her. She can't help thinking that her cousin smells like pussy, what's probably bulk bought lube and strawberries.

"How are you?" she asks, concern making the face that hasn't aged since she was 16 crinkle and finally shows her actual age.

"Like I've died inside" she tells her, dragging her bags to the trunk of the car and tossing them in before slamming it shut.

"Poor baby. But there was a time when I didn't think I was gonna make it on camera, that I was gonna be fluffing my whole life. But then it happened"

Lyla doesn't realise it but Caroline zones out right after that but she continues to go on about how her 'big break' happened, every time she hears it she gets that little bit bile in her throa,t Lyla's story is _that_ gross.

They're on the road by the time she senses Lyla getting to 'the good bit' and her mind drifts back to the last time she was in Charming.

'_Jesus, what is that smell?' was her first thought when she woke up that morning and the nights events came back to her, butter and cum made the most unholy stench together, who knew?_

_The biker was nowhere to be found and she was only a little insulted that he hadn't woken her up to say he was leaving, the smell was enough to force anyone out of the room. She wrapped her sheet around herself and limped to the bathroom. She'd told him that she liked to keep her shoes on because she liked the idea of being able to walk away straight after and he'd promised that after a night with him she wouldn't be walking anywhere the next day. _

_She didn't make it to the bathroom before there was a knock at the door and she could see through the screen that it was Lyla._

"_Hey" her cousin greeted before shutting the door behind her, "how you feeling?"_

_Caroline shrugged, "How should I feel? Drunk bitch is probably drinking it up with Dean Martin at the open bar way down south"_

"_I came to talk to you about funeral stuff"_

"_I'm not claiming the body. Let the state burn her on their dime, I sure as shit can't afford it"_

"_My mum's claimed the body. She just wants your input"_

"_Whatever costs her less. Bitch doesn't even deserve a ditch on the road side, don't piss hard earned money away"_

_Lyla wanted to wrap her little cousin in her arms and squeeze all the hurt out, all the anger that would inevitably eat her up inside._

"_That just leaves the house"_

"_It's half Steph's, can't sell it till she resurfaces from whatever underworld swallowed her up"_

"_You could rent it, right? That's a possibility"_

"_Yeah, but you have to fix shit when it goes wrong, how am I gonna do that from 400 miles away?"_

"_I'll take care of it, don't worry"_

"_I can't give you that hassle, you've got work and Piper and a coke habit I'm politely ignoring"_

"_Don't worry about it. Go, live the dream"_

"_You know I'm living in a dive with a borderline anorexic right? It's not 'the dream', not yet"_

_Lyla reached out and brushed Caroline's hair behind her ear. She hated that Caroline had such a shitty upbringing._

"_Have you cried yet?"_

_Caroline ran her tongue along the inside of her upper lip._

"_Nope"_

"_Go get cleaned up, go wash the away the" she inhaled and tried to identify the smell, "butter that I'm gonna want to hear about later and we'll go out, get some lunch"_

"And then Luanne said 'get her a towel' and the rest is history" Lyla finished.

"If you're making such good money now why are we riding round in your mum's old piece of shit Dodge?"

"Car's in the shop, should be ready for your birthday so we can do something really special"

* * *

Caroline had been to Teller-Morrow once in her life, when she'd been messing around with Seth in his car, he'd gotten overeager, kicked the handbrake out of park and the car had rolled a short distance into a tree.

As Lyla pulled through the gates Caroline felt every nerve in her body tense. She'd seen sleeve tattoos, she'd seen a head devoid of hair, she'd seen lips that did...amazing things to her last time they met. The Stranger was thirty feet away. They got out of the car and Lyla made her way over to a guy with a wool cap on and Caroline fought for her feet to move in a similar direction. Her head snapped around seeking him out again but he had vanished and she thought perhaps her mind was playing tricks on her.

"Hey" Lyla smiled broadly as soon as the guy noticed her presence, his eyes lighting up "my car ready?"

"Yeah, just let me grab the keys"

"Great" she smiled, before turning to Caroline, "See, we can make it to Frisco, maybe take the Jelly Belly tour, know how much you love 'em. Or Six Flags but I guess Piper's too little for some of the rides"

"You not working today?" Opie enquired.

"Nah, took it off for Caroline's birthday, not that she's excited to be leaving her teen's behind. Caroline, this is Opie. Opie, this is my cousin Caroline" she introduced.

Opie and Caroline exchanged handshakes and pleasantries.

"Just move to town?"

"Just moved back. Been in LA for a while, ran out of cash"

"She's gonna be working at CaraCara, already cleared it with Luanne. Guess she's your employee too" said Lyla.

It was at that point that Jax Teller came out of the club house flanked by some Sons, Caroline's eyes bulged when she spotted The Stranger among them. Her heart hammered in her chest, her breath becoming a fraction more laboured. He seemed to spot her too, his jaw going slacker for a moment, but his eyes were covered by shades so any emotion to be found in them was well hidden.

"S'up?" he asked Opie.

"Nothing much, Lyla's picking up the car. This is our latest CaraCara employee, Caroline" he said nodding in her direction. The Strangers jaw tightened noticeably.

"I'm Jax" he said, "This is Chibs, Juice, Half-Sack and Happy. Any scrum bags give you shit let me know. Doubt Georgie's dumb enough to retaliate but you never know"

Caroline's heart stopped in her chest. 'The Stranger' had a name...sort of. All but Happy gave her a nod in greeting.

Lyla stiffened,

"You...You don't think...I mean he's not gonna-"

"Naw, naw, relax darlin', it's all cool. You don't got to worry about a thing" Jax assured her.

"Ok, great" Lyla sighed, "Keys?"

* * *

The rest of the day was like Caroline was watching it through glass, she could see it but she wasn't engaged in it, she thought of nothing but Happy, fantasising about their next encounter. God, she felt like she was back in high school and desperate for Tyler Harris to notice her, imagining how he'd come into the diner one day without his douche bag friends and they'd have an actual conversation and then he'd realise there's so much more too her what happened to Lucy Owens. Life was full of disappointments and when Happy didn't come to her house that night it was just another one on the endless tally Caroline was keeping in her head. She'd stayed up a little later than she should have considering that she had her first day of work in the morning. She'd pulled her sister's old 10 speed out of the garage when she'd first gotten home, finding it in better condition that she'd expected, only in need of a new chain.

She was peddling down the almost empty main drag when she saw him coming out of the store on the corner, pack of smokes in hand. She nearly came off the thing with the haste in which she beaked next to his bike.

"Hey" she beamed, mouth wide as it would go.

He nodded in acknowledgment before slipping his shades on and cocking his leg over the bike.

"I'm on my way to my very first day at CaraCara" she told him, hoping to instigate some kind of conversation, "that's a SAMCRO enterprise, right? Any advice?"

He shrugged, "Smile no matter who puts what where. And don't count on riding home on that" he said gruffly, refusing to look at her. She wasn't able to respond before he started the bike up and pulled away.

Yet another disappointment. He'd smiled at her like he thought she was special that night, kissed her with the kind of intensity that made her knees weak. Now he wouldn't even look at her. She glanced at her ancient watch acquired from a dingy pawn shop many years ago by her sister. She didn't have time to sulk, she had to get to work.

* * *

She meets Bobby her very first day but she's too busy zipping around on the bike picking up and delivering anything Luanne asks her too to sit down and talk to him. They have exactly one exchange of words, he asks her where Luanne is and she tells him she's in the editing suite.

"Didn't think porn needed editing, everything I've ever seen has been one long scene" she comments.

"And there I thought you seemed like a nice girl"

"I am. I just happen to have seen a lot of porn. I was in a band with four guys and they all seemed to think jerking off together counted as 'bonding' and I wanted to bond so I 'bonded' along with them"

Bobby's mouth hung open and his eyebrow twitched upwards.

"Nah, I'm just screwing with you"

Bobby lets out a deep belly laugh, his black rimmed glasses falling down his nose a little.

"If you're heading back there can you tell her I'm taking off to hit the blood bank before my other thing starts"

"We not paying you enough darlin'?"

"Well I am short on cash but I'm AB-, it's really rare and if something happens to me I'd like St Thomas to have enough to treat me at least"

"Hey I'm AB- too. You get goin', I might need it some day"

"Kay, see you tomorrow" she smiles politely and heads out the door before anyone can stop her.

* * *

He wasn't in the mood for a rap party at CaraCara, he wasn't really in the mood for anything but target practice miles from town. The Waitress...Caroline as that porn star had identified her...He didn't really feel like being near her let alone being in a room with a bunch of people that had probably fucked her over the past week. He got there as late as possible, had to make an appearance, maybe get a blow job. He wasn't opposed to fucking porn stars but he hated to think of her doing that shit.

It wasn't even her fault, it was his, he'd built her up to be something she wasn't. He didn't know her at all, he didn't even know her name up until mere days ago, until then she'd been 'The Waitress', the thing that, late at night, in a club house of a charter he wasn't actually a member of he jerked off to the memory of how she'd felt against him the first time they'd met, how she'd felt under him on their second encounter and mostly all the shit that had gone on when he'd finally gotten her on a bed. Their history spanned years but it was only made up of three encounters, the first two not even an hour long. It shouldn't have been anything too him but to Happy it was everything because she wasn't like every woman he'd ever been with, she knew what he was and still she let him undress her, touch her, trusted him. Maybe he was naive and she had a death wish, maybe she did get off on the fact that he could kill her any second but it hadn't felt like that, he could tell when they got off on the danger, they'd flinch at his touch and be very careful about what they said and did. The Waitress...Caroline had been bossy and not afraid to tell him how she wanted it.

"Brother" Tig greeted from the couch he and Bobby were occupying with their company for the night, "what you drinkin'? They got everything but Tequila, Juice has been doin' body shots all night, dumb ass can't even appreciate where he is anymore"

"I was gonna send Caroline out but she had to get to her other job" said Bobby

"That some new girl hazing? Making her go for shit?"

"No, it's what a 'go-fer' does"

Happy folded his arms and tried to sound casual;

"She not talent?"

"Nah. Not that Luanne's wouldn't give her a shot in front of the camera but right now she just goes for shit that's needed"

Happy just nodded, his face unmoving. Internally it was like a pressure valve had been released. She wasn't fucking for cash, she was still the same girl who'd blushed when she'd suggested using butter for lube, who'd been self-conscious when admitting that she liked to fuck with her shoes on.

He didn't need to be told where her 'other job' was.

* * *

"You came here, this is the part where you tell me why" she said, still holding the chair she'd been in the process of stacking onto the table top when he'd come through the door. She hadn't even heard the bike on the diner's gravel lot outside, she'd been working out how much she could save in 1 year from her two jobs and how far that would go in L.A. Maths was her worst class.

He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and kneaded the loose change inside.

"The other day I thought you were a...whatever they call 'em"

"Ewww, did you actually think I was a performer?" she squealed, he let his brain wondered if her voice would go to that pitch when he had her under him, her legs over his shoulders and his fingers on her clit.

"Yeah" he admitted,

"So what? You figured since I'm not getting paid to fuck I'm still giving it out for free and you'd come get some?" she slammed the chair down and folded her arms across her chest, "Ok, I fucked you and didn't want to know your name, that probably gave you some ideas about me but I'm not 'that girl'. I like sex, ok? Who doesn't? I don't feel like that makes me a slut so I don't appreciate you trying to make me feel like it does"

The voice in the back of her head reminded her that she was going to proposition him in the parking lot the night they met, if that didn't make her 'that girl' she didn't know what did.

"You done? Great. I don't think you're a slut. I did when I thought you were doing porn and even if you were I shouldn't have, you got bills like everyone else and you don't owe me any kind of loyalty just 'cus we hooked up once. And I'm sorry I didn't stick around then, I should have been heading to Washington when I ran into you, had to hit the road. Can we start over? I'm Happy" he said extending his hand for her to shake.

"Caroline" she said, taking his large hand in her tiny one and shaking it.


	3. Chapter 3

'You really shouldn't have done that' she told herself as she stared her reflection down in the diner's bathroom mirror.

"_Caroline" she said, taking his large hand in her tiny one and shaking it._

_It was so smooth, the gentle but forceful way he pulled her up against him. It was the parking lot all over again, only this time there was no dead body and she was aware he had more dimensions than just 'killer', protector, son and lover had been added to the list on their second and third meetings._

_She looked up at him, his eyes and expression were cool but not cold. He still held her hand in his, she felt his thumb brush against her knuckles and her internal organs melt. She wasn't used to tenderness, didn't think she'd know what to do with it if she was ever shown it. _

_When he touched his mouth to hers it opened instantly, their lips swiped against each other with choreographed ease. He bought the hand he held in his up around his neck and released it. It stayed put and she bought her other arm up on her own, that was all the sign Happy needed to know that she wanted this._

_He went slow, teased her mouth with his, felt her nails lightly graze his neck. His hands started out on her waist but went exploring, touching places he'd been once before, he skimmed over her hips and gripped her ass lifting her to him. She allowed her feet to leave the ground, her legs entwining themselves around his waist. Before she knew it he'd walked them over to one of the booths and placed her on the table._

"_Hit the lights" she panted as soon as his mouth left hers._

"_Got to let me go first" he said, simultaneously patting an arm around his neck and a leg around his waist._

"_Fuck it. You've got a condom, right?"_

"_Course, always carry"_

_He retrieved his wallet and pulled out the foil wrapper from within setting it down on the table. Her hands went to the buttons on the front of her uniform and her nimble fingers began to rip them open. His hands travelled up the dress' skirt and traced over her thighs until he came to the waist of her panties, taking hold of the waistband he gently eased them down her legs._

"_What is the point of these?" he asked with a grin, holding up the tiny embroidered mesh thong on one finger. "Can't wait to see what matches"_

_With agonising sluggishness she eased the dress off her shoulders._

"_Can't believe you remembered that"_

"_Remembered everything. Nice" he grinned as the sheer material around her tits came into view "But it's gotta go baby"_

"_Clasps in the front"_

_He unhooked it with a single swipe of his index finger, her perfect, supple breasts barley moving as the wire moved from funder them._

"_Damn they're nice" he muttered, reaching out and running his thumbs over her nipples. Caroline's breath hitched, his calloused finger tips catching on the sensitive flesh._

_She reached for his belt buckle and practically ripped into his jeans, forcing them down his hips with his boxers. She snatched the condom up, tore open the foil and rolled it down his cock. He took hold of her arms and wrapped them back around him, regaining control of the situation. He pulled her closer to the edge of the table before letting the head of his cock grazed over her soft folds as he lined them up and thrust into her, his hands dug into her hips under the gathered fabric of her uniform and guided her back and forth on his cock._

_Sometimes she wondered if she really deserved to feel this good, to have him rubbing parts of her she didn't know she possessed. His strokes were slow but deep and let her feel all of him, every inch._

_The tension built with each of his thrusts, hitting erogenous zones like he had a map to them. She'd first heard The Velvet Underground when she was 10 and hadn't understood what White Light/White Heat had been about. She'd finally understood it the first time she had Happy inside her, her orgasm had crashed over her exactly like the song said, she'd felt like she was passing out and it felt so damn good she couldn't wait to feel it again. He didn't disappoint and she came biting into his neck like it was the only possible way to hold on to him._

_The second he'd drew his spend cock out of her she leapt off the table top and retreated to the bathroom, locking the heavy door behind her._

'Dumb bitch' she mentally berated her reflection, 'I don't know if you're a real live nympho or just a whore but getting all 'I'm not a slut, how dare you' and letting that happen was a real stupid move'

She took her time in the bathroom, re-buttoning her uniform and whipping away the fluids produced minuets earlier. She expected to find him long gone, of course he would be; he had gotten what he wanted and knew he could get it from her with little effort.

"You ready to go?" he asked, leaning the mop against the wall. Caroline looked down at the shiny wet floor beneath her feet. She felt her heart tighten in her chest.

* * *

She gets a phone call the morning after. She's searching the fridge and cupboards for something that might count as breakfast but disappointed with her findings when she hears the opening rift from 'Immigrant Song' coming from where Happy was reclined on the couch watching the early morning news with disinterest.

"Can you get that?" she calls inspecting some flour, wondering how long it's been in the back of the cupboard and if the pancakes it produced would be in any way edible.

Happy considers it just more evidence of her inexplicable trust in him, he wouldn't let her answer his phone but then again nothing but criminals call him.

"Who is it?" she asks as he lumbers over, phone outstretched in his hand for her to take.

"Dolly Parton?" he shrugged,

"Harlow!" she gushed ripping the phone from his grasp.

He winds himself around her and nuzzles her neck as she 'uh-hus' her way through the conversation eventually saying 'I have to think about it, I've got stuff going on here'. When he'd answered a thick southern drawl had said 'Shug, you are gonna love me even more than yo mama loved the sauce!'

"Ok, call you later" she agrees before sliding the phone into the front pocket of her jeans, "I'm thinking pancakes" she told him, "but I hope you like 'em dry"

"You didn't tell me you were friends with Anna Nicole Smith"

"That's my L.A roommate, Harlow"

"What sort of a fag name is Harlow?"

"The kind of name girls names Jenny give themselves when they move to the Big City. She's got an uncle who runs a rodeo, offered her three months work, she put in a 'good word' for me, room and board thrown in so it's all cash in my pocket"

"You're leaving?"

"No, probably not. It's not like I need the work. Now, bone dry pancakes?"

* * *

Caroline stood with her arms folded and head cocked as she pretended to be considering the dog on the end of the leash. She was really considering the man holding it. Her eyes drifted upwards from under her lashes to catch glimpses of him staring straight at her.

When she'd seen Happy follow Jax Teller and Opie with the Alsatian she knew she was in trouble, her heart started thundering in her chest again, no man had ever had that effect on her.

"So we just let him out at night, let him roam around and shit everywhere?" Luanne asked, not even remotely convinced that this was better security than a humungous tattooed badass.

"What if it mauls someone?" asks Bobby,

"It's trained, ok? We just need to introduce him to everyone that's gonna be around, let him get to know your scent" Jax insists.

"Just get him to sniff the laundry, plenty of 'scent' hanging round in there" Bobby chuckled,

"What are you thinking?" Luanne asked, turning to Caroline, believing her to be thinking very long and hard about the dog. In reality she was thinking very long and hard about how long and hard Happy's cock was last night... all night long...riding her bike CaraCara had been painful especially since she'd had to retrieve it from the diner. He'd tried to ride alongside her on the deserted early morning highway but she'd told him to go do his thing, she was way too slow, every time she attempted to go even a little faster her pussy ached like crazy.

"So Georgie Caruso's guys break in and then what? Can the dog handle a piece? Is the dog bullet proof?"

"Quit being sarcastic" Lyla chided as she pulled a sweater on and readied herself to pick Piper up.

"Just saying"

"We'll try it, see how it goes" Luanne consented.

"Hap's gonna stick around, get it settled"

"Right" Luanne said with a nod before she turned to Caroline, "You can lock up, right? It's your night off from the diner, isn't it?"

"Yeah, no problem"

She waited till the door closed behind Luanne and they were completely alone before spinning on the balls of her feet to face Happy. She wasn't a great animal lover, she went all gushy at the sight of any baby animals but most girls did. Seeing Happy setting up the dog's living arrangements made her smile, he was talking to it- so fucking cute.

"And you're gonna be a good boy, aren't ya?" he asked, "yeah, you are, gonna take down any fucker who comes in this place"

"What's his name?" she asked approaching slowly.

"Dane. Dane Guard. C'mere, walk faster" he commanded, the dog barked furiously and Caroline stopped dead in her tracks, "Dane Stop" he said firmly, standing between the dog and Caroline, holding his hand out flat. Dane stopped barking and sat back on his hind legs.

He held out his hand to Caroline;

"It's ok, promise"

She felt her lips turning up at the corners,

"Ok, if you promise"

They squatted down next to the dog and Happy bought her hand up to its nose. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't frightened, Happy felt it in the tenseness of her fingers between his.

"It's ok, I'll put a slug through its skull before I let it bit you"

"What a waste of four grand" she murmurs,

To her relief that wasn't necessary, Dane sniffed her hand, prodded it with his sloppy wet tongue before losing interest and laying down.

"Well I feel rejected now"

"What does he know?" he said in that raspy voice. She turned her head to say something but was cut off when his lips forced themselves onto hers. She stumbled back from her squatted position, arms reaching back on to the floor to catch herself. He moved with her with cat-like nimbleness, moving over her, one arm wrapped around her waist urging her ass to the hard floor, the other supporting his weight on the floor, legs settling between hers.

As soon as she was flat on her back her hands pushed his cut off his shoulders and reached down to the hem of his white t-shirt. Kisses became hungrier as she dragged it up the length of his body, lips smacked against one another producing a squelching sound with echoed around the otherwise empty warehouse.

He reached down to the fastening on her jeans but she grabbed his hand.

"Can you do something about him?" her head tilting in the vague direction of Dane "I'm not fucking while the dog watches. He may not mind if he's got an audience but I do"

Happy didn't argue, why waste time? He ran a hand over the dog's head after he'd tied it up in the office, he was a good dog, not vicious but not a pussy, he reminded Happy of himself, he'd attack to protect what he was charged with protecting but wasn't unnecessarily aggressive.

He headed back out into the studio, hard and ready but stopped in his tracks. Caroline's mouth spread into that goofy grin from where she reclined on the tacky chez lounge she'd draped a black silk sheet over moments before stripping everything but her heels, she'd seen who'd been 'performing' on it over the course of the day, no way was her ass touching the upholstery.

"How do you turn this thing on?" he asked moving over in carefully paced strides and patting the camera. All his blood may have been gathering in his dick at that moment but he knew that if he moved too quickly towards her the power balance would be thrown off.

"Thought you didn't want me doing porn?"

"Depends on who your co-star is" he shrugged,

"Come on, loose the clothes, I know you want too, can see it from here"

His lips smirked, he later regrets not savouring the moment and telling her that he couldn't see that she wanted him to get naked and get her to spread her legs and let him watch her touch herself. He would have committed that to memory and use it over the time they'd spend apart.

Instead he tugs everything he's wearing off with the same careful pacing as before. He stands before her and she rolls up onto her knees reaching out and taking his cock in her hand, when she runs her tongue over the head his eyes roll back. It's sloppy and her teeth graze against him at times but when he feels his shaft sliding down her throat he forgets his own name and has to fight to keep his knees from giving out. He rests one hand on her shoulder while the other grazes over her pussy, rubbing and touching the dampening passage. It's amazing but he slides his hands through her hair and eases his dick out of her mouth.

She looks a little offended for a second, big brown eyes look up at him in confusion until he leans down and softly kisses her, pushing her back onto the couch and settling between her legs. He rolled the condom down his length and slowly pushes himself into her after making sure she's wet enough.

They said nothing, just moaned and grunted as they rocked and rubbed against each other until Caroline felt the tight pressure building deep in her belly and ghosted a hand over his jaw.

"Close" she moaned, "really close"

Happy had been 'close' all along, could have let himself fall off the Caroline edge the second he'd felt her pussy walls wrap around him. His hand moved to her clit and rubbed it furiously until he felt her cunt tighten and contract and heard her let out an incoherent curse. Then he allowed himself his release.

* * *

He didn't come by the next night and she learnt from Lyla the morning after that the SAMCRO boys were behind bars. She casually inquired as to whether they were out just about every hour that day up until Lyla had informed her that Jax had an Old Lady. Caroline didn't think she'd ever been offended by anything as much as Lyla's assumption that her 'type' was temperamental pretty boys.

It wasn't until there was a knock on her door at 2 o'clock in the morning that she knew they were out on bail.

"Come for a conjugal?" she'd smirked tiredly, leaning against the door frame, eyes drifting closed for a moment and a yawning. She felt him scoop her up and carry her into the back bedroom.

It was slow and comfortable, neither had the energy for much more. His lips stayed fastened to hers from start to finish, her hips rolling, meeting him thrust for thrust.

"You're really hard to get to know, anyone ever tell you that?" He said taking a drag of his cigarette. He'd been attempting post-coital conversation but every question had been met with short, blunt answers.

"I'm 20, there's not a lot to know" she said rolling onto her front, the lumpy mattress of her mother's bed beneath her, she didn't sleep in here normally but decided that the double bed would be much more accommodating to their activities, "you're much older than me, loads more shit to find out about".

"Can't tell you much, SAMCRO's kinda hard on tellin' outsiders shit that could bring 'em down"

"I'm not gonna tell anyone"

"Can't be sure of that"

"See what I'm hearing is 'Caroline, I don't trust you'. I trust you"

"I know. Why? You know what I am, what I do. Aren't you scared?"

She climbed over him and lay flat against his naked body, her tit's pressing flat against his chest and lower body becoming cradled in his. Her chin rested on the flesh over his heart, on the long belly of the snake that dwelled there. She looked up into his dark, intense eyes.

"If you wanted to kill me I'd be dead already. I feel dead inside, I always do, can't remember a time when I didn't. I feel alive when I'm near you, maybe because death's always so near, I don't know, I don't care, I just feel it and I like it"

He's a killer, he takes lives. Maybe it's because his own mothers end is so close and he's helpless to prevent it that hearing that he makes someone feel alive makes him feel good, it washes over him like a hot shower on a freezing morning and eases the numbness that being a killer necessitates him to have.

Making her feel good makes him feel good. It's so simple it shouldn't be allowed to be true but it is.

"Now tell me about all of these" she said running a finger over some of his tattoos.

* * *

Things in Charming are getting out of hand. Over the course of 48 hours everything's turned to shit. He should have known better than to dear to hope that life could be just like the little taster he'd had over the past week...just without the prison part. The 'Dead Bitch' incident followed by Luanne's death all in the space of 18 hours shakes her. Spending the day seeing how bad the situation is first hand gave him the first dark thoughts and now seeing the smoke billowing out of the doors of CaraCara and hearing Jax say that he's going Nomad with teeth gritted conviction makes up Happy's mind.

Last night he sat next to Caroline on the crappy, borderline dilapidated couch in her living room and listened to her sob that it wasn't 'fair', that Luanne hadn't started that shit with Curuso, that Lyla wasn't doing anything to him and still he targeted her. He thinks a lot about that word, 'fair'. He supposes that he'd earned half his smiley faces from making things 'fair', the other half... not so much.

But it's not fair that they're finally in the same place for more than 10 seconds and now he has to force her out of town. It's not about keeping her safe, he has no doubts that they're going to resolve this thing with Zobelle but her seeing their methods this early on is going to give her an ugly glimpse into the club that she shouldn't see until she's in too deep to get out.

"I've been making pies all day; I don't know what to do with myself" she said as she stood in her kitchen, a pie in each oven glove clad hand. She's got flour on her cheek and looks so fucking cute he has to tell himself to make it quick, otherwise he's going pussy out.

"Want some? I remembered you liked cherry that time but I made blueberry and apple too, I've been experimenting with some new shit if you're brave. You know the original Betty of Betty's Place taught me to bake when I was 10. She lived in that house that blew up back when this part of town wasn't such a dump"

"No, I'm fine. Sorry about CaraCara. Do you know what you're gonna do for work now?"

"No idea. Know anyone who's hiring?"

He forces the words out of his mouth, crosses his arms over his chest and tries to be as nonchalant as possible.

"What about that thing your friend called about?"

"The rodeo? You know I'd be in Texas for 3 months, right?" she says turning to look at him with complete naivety, wide smile and soft eyes.

Happy forced himself to shrug.

"What the fuck does that mean?" she asked mimicking his gesture.

"If you want to go be with your friend don't stay on my account"

"And what does _that_ mean?"

She's quickly getting his meaning, her eyes are growing harder by the second. She's folded her arms too, she knows what's coming and wants to protect herself as much as she can; she'd been stupid to trust so quickly and easily.

"I'm just saying I hope you ain't staying 'cos of me, that you're not expecting anything from me"

She nods, her lips pursing.

"Ok, Texas it is. Can you leave please?" she says before turning away and refusing to spare him another look.

He plans on doing some damage control just before she leaves, intends on telling her that he'll be thinking about her while she's away, but Clay charges him with too many tasks around the club house regarding security, he can't get away. He overhears Lyla telling Opie that Caroline's gone out of town for 3 months while they're on lockdown.

The next time he sees her 6 months have passed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews!**

"I can't believe this place keeps giving you your job back"

She didn't even turn around, just kept mopping in figures of 8.

When he was inside Happy had a very clear picture of Caroline in his mind. She was naked of course, leaning back on her arms on her bed and waiting for him to get back from the bathroom, her smile is a million watts and she tells him to get his ass over there and 'do' her. Now she's thinner, he isn't sure he likes it. The last time he'd held her naked body she'd been in amazing shape that you could chalk up to her youth and that she'd been cycling around Charming, tight, toned ass and legs. Now she was skinny, her uniform looked a size too big on her slender frame.

"I know the deep dark secret of Betty's Place" she shrugged.

"What's that? They got some deal with Floyds? He the Sweeny Todd of Charming? That what makes your pies so damn good?"

She didn't answer him, didn't turn to face him or even acknowledge that he'd said a word.

"When'd you get back?" he tried again,

"What do you care?"

"I do. Thought about a lot of stuff while I was inside"

"How was jail? You drop the soap or what?" she bit out, eyes burning into the shiny black and white chequered floor, unaware that she'd been mopping the same spot furiously the entire time.

"Me and the guys got split between Chino and Stockton so wasn't as bad as it could have been. Got out this morning"

Caroline rolled her eyes and turned to look at him. He looked the same, maybe a little sleep deprived but she could tell that he'd spent the hours confined to his cell doing push-ups and sit-ups. She could imagine the toned abbs being even more defined than they had before. She'd straddled his upper body once and rubbed herself on those perfect muscles, she probably would have cum by that alone had he not gripped her waist, flipped her over and plunged into her. She mentally slapped herself- back to reality.

"Am I supposed to feel honoured that I'm your first booty call? You haven't fucked in forever so you came for cheap, easy sex? Because I'm not all that desperate right now. I gotta tell you Hap, I have ridden a lot of cowboys while I was out of town. Why don't you think about that?" she said leaning on her mop, both hands clasped over the top of the handle, her chin resting on them.

He doesn't believe her, not for one second because she's looking at him like she's _hungry_, like she hasn't fucked since that last time on her couch the night Luanne died, fast and desperate for pleasure.

"Hey, C'mon, don't be like that"

"I literally have no idea why you're here bugging me, SAMCRO has pussy on tap so why are you here Happy? What? Non of the skanks that hang around up for a butter lubricated fuck fest?" she spat,

"C'mere" he said, stepping forward and opening his arms, ready to take her between them and squeeze the hurt out. She was so damaged and he'd contributed to that.

"I want less than nothing to do with you" she said, folding her arms. His arms dropped to his sides.

He still had one shot. The possibility was miniscule but it could be true. It felt like a million years ago but the first time he'd gone to heaven and back between her thighs she'd said something that had stayed with him, the second she'd mentioned it he'd made the connection with his own life.

"There's something I gotta talk to you about"

"You gotta get out of my life and stay out"

Why the fuck was he even bothering with this bitch?

Because she made the best cherry pie in the world. Because she still slept with a stuffed dragon. Because she'd rather work two crappy jobs for scale than make a fat pay check and do porn. Because this wasn't her, not really. It was a wounded version of her.

He studies her stern face. He thinks he can see it, it's not in any particular feature but the general bone structure.

"You said that first time that your mum said your father was some Elvis impersonator, right?"

Her eyebrows knit together and she's completely baffled not only that he remembers that but that this is what he wants to talk about.

"Yeah" she confirms, her voice careful and apprehensive.

"Well you know Bobby from CaraCara?"

"Yeah"

"He's an Elvis impersonator, like a tribute act or something"

"So?"

"So how many Elvis impersonators do you think there are around here? SAMCRO would shut them down if they thought they were taking business away from Bobby"

"So, what? You think Bobby's my father?"

"Dunno, could be"

Her mop fell to the floor with a clatter and she flopped wearily onto the edge on one of the booth's seats. She pinched the bridge of her nose before eventually looking up at him.

"Why did you have to tell me that? What am I supposed to do with that information? Go bounding up to him and say 'hey, you might be my daddy'? Ass" she snapped,

"Just thought you should know"

"Can you go?" he barley hears her say 'please', it's so quiet, just a whisper.

"Sure. See you at the wedding"

* * *

When they were little Lyla and Stephanie's game of preference was 'dream wedding'. They'd take it in turns to be bride and bridesmaid, switching between Lyla's bridesmaids dress from when she'd been in the wedding of a friend of her mothers and wrapping a large white lace curtain all around themselves. Caroline got cast in the role of reverend/wedding singer while whatever little boy was around (usually Oliver Pendanski ) got cast as the groom whether he wanted to play or not. This was fine by Caroline, she only ever wanted to be the wedding singer.

She favoured 'Wicked Game' by Chris Issak and 'Melt With You' by Modern English but 'Close to You' by the Carpenters and 'God Only Knows' by The Beach Boys made occasional guest appearances.

When Lyla had told her that Opie had proposed Caroline had mixed feelings. She was happy that Lyla was happy but she also knew that she and Lyla wouldn't be living in the same world. SAMCRO had some very cult-like tendencies; secretive, didn't take kindly to outsiders, you have to be in it to understand it. She knew she'd loose Lyla to it and she wasn't in love with the idea of that.

Then Lyla had asked her to collaborate with Bobby when he got out on music. She'd been less than thrilled. Caroline Sweet shared her stage with NO ONE. The other members of 'Caroline Sweet and The Diabetics' knew that too well, if Tommy Q dared to piggyback on her microphone he earned himself an epic ass chewing later. But it was for Lyla and she'd quit being a diva just this once.

Then Happy had gotten out and dumped all that information on her. Now as she sat across from Bobby in the _almost_ empty SAMCRO club house, pages of lyrics spread out over the table she felt claustrophobic. She could feel Happy's gaze burning into her from the bar, she supposed that all the Crow Eaters came out when the sun went down and he didn't have anyone to occupy his time. Her hand floated to her best and rubbed up to her neck, breathing seemed like a chore.

"You ok darlin'?" he asked, "You need some water or somethin'?"

"I'm fine" she insisted, "I think we could do something good with this"

She said flipping through her papers and handed the page over to him.

"Girl from North Country?"

"Yeah, but dibs on the lead"

"Girlie, if you think I'm being Joni Mitchell to your Johnny Cash you've got another thing coming" he says with a grin, his tiny mouth stretching as far as it could.

They don't have the same mouth, her lips are possibly too wide to be described as cupids bow lips but have that kind of shaping. His hair's pulled back and she thinks she might have his ears, his nose too, her eyes are the same shade of brown but much wider, more doe like.

It's more than she can bare, the smile that she should have known her whole life was too new and makes her too sad. Her chair scraped on the floor as she abruptly stands and heads to the door.

"Ok, you can be Johnny Cash!" she hears Bobby call, thinking that's what's upset her. No doubt Lyla's warned him that she's a diva when it comes to music.

She can feel her lip quivering but she doesn't think she'll cry. She's halfway out the door when she feels Happy's hand on her arm.

"Leave me alone" she snarled over her shoulder at him before pulling out of his grasp and running as fast as her cowboy boots will carry her.

"Let me guess" Happy hears Bobby say from behind him "you're hittin' that"

"Yeah. Well I was till we got put away, now she's pissed"

"What did you do?"

"Nothin' that wasn't for everyone's own good" he says, rubbing a hand over his scalp, wishing he'd never said anything to her about the possibility of Bobby being her father. He turned to face him.

"I gotta tell you something about her. A while back she said she didn't know anything about her dad, just that he'd been an Elvis impersonator her mum had hooked up with once"

Bobby got what he was saying right away,

"And you told her I could be that guy?"

"Yeah"

"Why'd you go and put that in her head?" Bobby demanded,

Because if it's true she'd be in his life forever.

Happy shrugged,

"Dunno, 'cus it could be true"

"So what if it is?"

"So you don't wanna know if you've got another kid out there?"

"You honestly think you don't?"

"I always use a rubber, don't wanna put anything out there I can't take care of. She's a cool girl, you'd be lucky to be her dad"

Bobby's taken aback; he'd never heard Happy talk about a women beyond the physical, mum excluded. So that makes Bobby think that there must be something really special about Caroline.

* * *

When she hears the bike out on the gravel lot she assumes it's Happy and immediately gets worked up. What part of 'I want nothing to do with you' was he having trouble with?

Then Bobby comes through the door and she feels like a blow up doll that's had a sharp object driven through it, deflated with a stupid look fixed on her face. She was a little embarrassed about running out on him.

"Hey. Sorry about this afternoon, I felt a little queasy, needed air" she lied,

Bobby sighed,

"Hap told me-"

"Well he shouldn't have" she snapped, anticipating his words, "because even if you are my father I've done ok without you my entire life, what do I need you for now?"

Awkward, wordless, silence hung between them in the 6 feet of space.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, you don't deserve an ass chewin' over this, I'm just really pissed at Happy"

"It's ok. I think we should check it out, what's the harm?"

What's the worst that can happen?

She expels a heavy sigh and sits herself down at the same booth seat she'd sat at when Happy had told her about Bobby in the first place. She looked up at him and considered what she was going to say for a moment before finally deciding on her words.

"I couldn't handle it if you were my father and you didn't want anything to do with me"

"Why wouldn't I want anything to do with you?"

"I don't know, whatever reasons I couldn't take it so I'd rather not know. Sorry"

"No apology necessary darlin'"

They held each others gaze for a moment, eyes locked, unsure of what to say or do.

"Do you want some pie?" she asked, standing suddenly.

"What?"

"Pie, I make it myself and we've got a lot left over. Do you want a slice?"

"Sure" he shrugged.

She cut him a big piece, bigger than she'd cut a paying customer, he looked like he had a big appetite.

"S' good. What's your secret?"

"I dump so much sugar in it the American Diabetes Association has a hit out on me"

"This how you seduce Hap?"

She's a little thrown off that Happy would have mentioned their "past" to him but shrugs it off.

"It literally is"

She watched him devour it, wanted him to tell her she'd make a good old lady like Happy had. A fantasy builds in her head. It's father's day and she bakes him a pie, they eat it together sitting on a couch in no particular living room while they watch Father of the Bride and Paper Moon...maybe On Golden Pond.

* * *

It's a little creepy in a Frank and Nancy Sinatra kind of way, they've broken up some reasonably tender songs into duets but so few people are aware that Bobby could possibly be Caroline's father that it doesn't ruin the atmosphere.

It wasn't Barbie and Ken's fabulous dream wedding like she knew Lyla truly wanted, it was more Britney and K-Fed, but either way Caroline believed Lyla and Opie would last, unlike Britney and Barbie's relationships.

Throughout the day Caroline's gotten the impression that this isn't really about Opie and Lyla but more about SAMCRO coming together to celebrate everyone being out on early release. Caroline didn't think she could live her life for SAMCRO, it was one of the reasons she didn't want to know if Bobby was her father. When she's standing next to Bobby on the sturdy makeshift stage erected in Opie's backyard, she occasionally looks out to see Happy standing on the periphery of the dance floor watching her. Her stomach does summersaults.

Out over the crowd she can see Seth Duvall bring out yet another tray of his mothers Hot and Spicy drumsticks that make Caroline's mouth water at the mere thought of them. The best thing about working the lunch shift at the Duvall's family restaurant is that Seth's mum makes them for her whenever she wants. Caroline suspects that Mrs Duvall is still clinging to the hope that Caroline's going to make an honest man of Seth and give her indisputably beautiful grandchildren.

She and Bobby are just finishing up 'Always' by BonJovi. That's the point when they agreed she'd take a break and he'd do his Elvis stuff for a half an hour then they'd switch. She has a bunch of Lyla's requests lined up but if her cousin thinks for a second she's singing 'I Will Always Love You' she has another thing coming.

She's off the make shift stage for about 10 seconds before she's accosted.

"Come here my little Sea lion, haven't talked to you in ages" says her aunt Karen. Caroline dutifully sat in the empty seat next her aunt who brushed a hand over her cheek, "Such a pretty face, it may have all worked out for my Lyla but I'm so glad you didn't get knocked up by some loser and go into the porn business"

"I'm glad too Aunt K"

"I always thought you'd make it, that I'd be standing in line to see you Live in Vegas"

"No way will I make you stand in line. But I will totally drag you up on stage and embarrass the crap out of you" she smiles, completely brushing over the past tense of her aunt's statement. She senses another 'so what are you gonna do now' conversation that she's had about 10 times since she returned a month ago. She'd spent 3 months in the rodeo and then taken up with a gay country rock band who inhabited a pink school bus they called Victoria for 2 months. That had been an experience, she wasn't sure she'd do it all over again. But she's saved.

"Hey there pretty girl" she hears someone say before a hand gently brushes her neck.

She gazed up into the blinding white of Seth Duvall's perfect teeth and she's glad the Duvall's are catering. Seth was a Chris Evans look alike, there was no denying it, if only Chris Evans was more A-List Seth might have had a career besides 'Assistant Managing' his parents restaurant.

"Mind if I steal her? She promised me a dance"

Her aunt didn't love Seth, mostly because she'd had to come and bail them out when they'd been arrested on prom night for possession. The charges were dropped when it became apparent that they'd been sold crushed up aspirin.

"Go ahead, we'll talk later" she smiled.

Caroline was floored. Could she have possibly changed her mind about 'the little criminal'? Late at night, when she was mopping the diner floor, she allowed her mind to fantasise about Happy and what a life 'together' might look like... whatever 'together' meant in Sons of Anarchy. She'd always imagined that introducing him to Aunt Karen might be the most painful experience in the world, you only had to look at him to know he'd...'lived', that he'd seen the inside of many jail cells. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, maybe Aunt Karen had been broken in by Opie.

"So" Seth began as soon as he'd placed one of her hands on his shoulder, slid one arm around her waist and taken the other's hand in his, "is your man here?"

Seth knew all about Happy, Caroline told him everything about everything, even the shit he'd rather not know about.

"What do you think?" she said, her hips moving a little faster into his to the sound of Bobby crooning 'It's Now or Never'.

"Which one is he?"

"The super mean lookin' one with all the tat's. See him?"

"Oh yeah, if looks could kill. I get that you're trying to make him jealous, make him suffer. But your gonna make him beat my face so bad my mother aint gonna recognise me, so quit grinding on me, your making me hard and I know you don't plan on helpin' me out"

Caroline got that guilty smirk that Seth found simply irresistible a million years ago and looked up, eyes dancing.

"You know my game too well"

"Just go say 'hey, wanna dance?' He's not gonna say no"

"I don't want to dance with him. I'm still mad, I mean 'don't expect anything', what the fuck?"

"Ok, not defending that but girls expect things when they give other stuff up, it's a fact, you couldn't control it even if you wanted to. You get offered a job out of town and turn it down to see what happens with the guy you're with you're gonna expect all this shit that you haven't even discussed with the guy. You're gonna expect for him to make it worth your while, that's a lot of pressure to put on something that's made up on a handful of fucks".

Caroline considered this. Yeah, had she stayed she probably would have expected some stuff from him; for him not to go cold on her the second she started to seem like someone he hadn't expected her to be. But that had been the benefit of leaving, she hadn't give him the chance to regret being with her. And now he was chasing her. Caroline was getting exactly what she wanted, so why did it feel so empty?

Because she wasn't allowing herself what she wanted. What she wanted was Happy, naked, sweaty and fucking her harder than he had any time before.

"I'm gonna go freshen up before I'm back on"

"M'Kay, go make yourself pretty my little rock star" he said with a lopsided smile as he spun her out and let go of her hand.

On her way through the kitchen her eyes found Happy's, her head tilted towards the stairs.

* * *

The second his mouth was on hers she couldn't fathom why she'd denied herself this. The feel of his lips on hers was a sensation she didn't think she'd ever feel again.

When she'd called Lyla from a pay phone outside San Antonio and been told that most of SAMCRO was behind bars she had to race to the bathroom where she threw up the gas station burrito she'd gobbled down in place of breakfast. The thought of never seeing him again made her feel like she was Zhivago watching Lara depart on the sleigh. Her heart was never going to beat in her chest like it did when she was near him, the world was going to be the grey and beige it always had been and not the vivid like the colours of the ink that graced his body.

Then she'd heard the roar of a motorcycle outside the diner and her heart beat a little faster, the red of the diner booths became a little brighter. Then she'd heard him speak, that raspy, gravel that a few choice words spoken it can make her damper than some of the heaviest make-out sessions she'd ever had and she'd remembered that she was angry at him, that he'd bruised her heart and ego. So angry she didn't care that her mouth was desperate to feel his on it.

Now it felt so damn good denying herself this seemed like an act of self-harm. She hadn't done that in years. She wondered if she'd moved on to something a little more sophisticated and complex, denying herself love and affection when offered. That day in her kitchen she'd finally known how Seth had felt when he'd gotten down on his knees in Charming's bus depot and begged her not to go back to L.A. And like she had told Seth that she couldn't pretend to feel more for him than she did by telling her not to expect anything from him Happy had told her exactly where they stood.

She felt divine, her back pressed against Opie and Lyla's bedroom door and Happy's hard cock buried inside her, thrusting over and over again.

"Harder" she moaned, "please, Happy, harder"

"Not gonna be able to walk outa here"

"Don't care. Lie down, I wanna...wanna be...on top" she panted.

He slowly lowered them to the floor, his arm flying out behind him. He lay back on his elbows and let her do whatever she wanted. She dragged the front of his t-shirt up exposing his ripped abbs, ran her nails down them before laying her palms flat to shift her weight up and down his length, sinking down onto his rock hard cock.

"Jesus" she gasps, "fuck, that's so good, s' too good"

She dropped her mouth to his as she began to move herself up and down on his cock, the muscles in her knees and thighs doing all the work. Her lower back began to break a sweat as she picked up the pace.

"Tryin' out your new rodeo skills?" he asked in a raspy chuckle,

"What? You don't like?"

"I fucking love it. You're so fucking tight, feels like you're cunt's trying to rip my cock off"

"It would never do that, it really likes your cock, really... really likes it"

His hands latched onto her hips and began to move her up and down, faster and faster.

"You gettin' there?"

"I'm getting there" she moaned.

Happy lay flat on his back, feet to the floor and began to thrust his hips up off the floor. Caroline had to lean down and bite into his neck to muffle her scream.

"Tell me...tell me...warn me when you're gonna do _that_" she gasped,

"I'm gonna do 'that' again" he panted and thrust back up, "and again"

She frantically rolled her hips into his looking for her release that she knew was coming, he'd never left her disappointed. She picked her feet up and laid the soles flat on the floor so her legs were squatted but upper body flat against his, her mouth breathing hard against his neck. Her pelvis moved furiously against his until she felt that amazing sensation deep in her pussy that made her loose all control and say some very dangerous things.

"My god! Fucking love you!" she heaved. Her eyes bulged and breath came out in ragged wheezes.

He reached his peak seconds later with an animalistic cry. She managed to ease herself off him and flop onto her back. They lay there unspeaking for a minute, heavy breathing the only sound in the room. Outside the wedding reception raged on, Bobby was now crooning Suspicious Minds.

"I love this song" she gasped.


	5. Chapter 5

**Big thanks to the reviewers, it's really great of you to take the time to let me know what you think even if it's just to say that you like it.**

"About what I just said-" she began as she pushed herself up on her elbows, finally able to think straight.

"Don't worry about it. I've said some retarded shit when I'm blowin' my load"

"Nice" she said, her nose crinkling in revulsion "but ok, good"

She climbed up and headed to the dresser in search of the makeup removal whips that she'd had to confiscate from Lyla after she'd re-done her makeup the third time. She could feel the sweat drops beginning to run down the backs of her thighs and navigate their way down her legs. She ran the moist cloth all over her legs, ass and what her dress would allow of her back. She must have looked SO classy with the little lace prom dress bunched up around her.

But Happy didn't give a shit about classy, there were so much more a woman could be than some uptight bitch who pretends that they don't love to fuck and won't say how she _really_ wants it, who makes you jump through a million hoops to earn their forgiveness.

He really appreciated that he hadn't been made to make some dramatic declaration about how sorry he was about how he'd treated her and how badly he needed her. He'd just had to wait for her to get over it and be there when she did.

She droped her skirt back down and slid her previously discarded white lace briefs back on before running a second wipe over her shoulders and neck. He was still flat on his back on the floor, used condom on his now flaccid cock. He knew he'd have to get up eventually but watching her is just too tempting. She's so fucking cute. When he was a kid his grandma had little fairy figurines all over her living room. They all looked like her, pale and blonde with pink cheeks and wide eyes. Right now in that staples yellow dress with the huge pink bow and sash around her middle she's only a set of wings away from being one of those figurines.

She's reapplying her lipstick by the time he moves to the En Suite to dispose of the Trojan and when he re-enters the room she's got her hand on the doorknob ready to escape.

"Hey, hold up" he ordered, "Wanna talk to you"

"I have to get back so Bobby can have a break. So..."

"I'm coming by later"

She pursued her lips and nodded,

"Look forward to it"

* * *

Piper totally outs her. She reminds herself not to buy him any birthday or Christmas presents for the rest of his days.

The receptions pretty much over and she's pretending to be helping Seth clean up when Lyla drags Piper and Kenny into the back yard by the backs of their t-shirts. Happy and most of SAMCRO have taken off 'on business', groom included. Bobby's still around, he'd joined her back on stage and Caroline supposed that was a way of distracting the guests from the biker gang's absence. What genius thought that up?

"What did I tell you about wrestling in our room?" she shouted, "You could hit your heads or break something!"

"S'not fair" she heard Piper whine, "Aunt Caroline was wrestling in your room"

She wasn't watching them but she could almost hear Lyla's forehead crinkling,

"What?"

"Aunt Caroline, she was wrestling with one of Opie's friends in your room, she was winning too but he didn't mind"

She can feel tension building in her shoulders as she anticipates what happens next and before she knows it Lyla and Piper are in front of her.

"Tell her what you just told me"

Piper knows he's a rat, he looks at his feet the entire time as he recites his previous statement.

"That true?" Lyla demands, nostrils flaring, the implication that they both knew what had really happened hanging in the air.

Even though they both know it is her head still screamed for her to lie and say no.

"It has roots in reality"

Lyla looked like her heads about to explode, her cheeks go dark pink and her fists clenched at the thighs of her knee length staples organza dress that's way whiter than she has any business wearing.

"This is my 21st Birthday all over again!" she yells with the kind of vigour that Caroline gets the impression that this day has been far more difficult than Lyla's wide smile lets on.

"It's been 4 years! Let it go!"

"I can't even deal with this right now!" she screams and turns on her heel, marching Piper back inside.

"Meant to be the happiest day of your life! Wouldn't know it!" she yelled after her.

Usually Caroline loved being the centre of attention, thrived on it, but having the remaining wedding guests all staring at her wasn't the kind of attention she liked.

"Almost done. Go wait in the van" Seth said pressing his keys into her hand.

She sits on the curb outside and sort-of wishes that she smoked so she had something to do while Seth took his time. She can feel Bobby lurking by the front door and when he finally makes his way over to her she knows where the conversations going to go and what she's going to say, it was blatant to them both that they felt something while they duet-ed.

"Hey, you ok?" he asks as he sits himself on the sidewalk next to her,

"Not really. I'm such a fuck up. Lyla's, like, the only person in my family who really cares and I can't keep my legs closed at her wedding. I hate making her miserable"

"Come on, you could have fucked Ope, that would have fucked up her wedding. Fucking the guy you've got history with, not so much"

"Still, I have to be all about her for one day out of 365 and I can't? That's incredibly selfish, right?"

"I think people are meant to be selfish, it's how we're wired. I mean it's selfish that I wanna know if you're my kid or not even if you don't"

There's a long pause that straddles a territory between painful and comfortable but not empty.

"Let's do it"

She says it quickly, like she's going to change her mind at any second.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

* * *

She's spent the hours since they parted company thinking, which she doesn't love because it makes her realise that she's not as much of a 'free spirit' as she thought she was. She wants to be boring and have him be her only guy and be his only girl. Damn it! She always though she was a Samantha, turns out she's a Charlotte, so vanilla.

She hears the roar of his Harley outside on the gravel outside, it drowns out the sound of the running water provided by the steam that runs adjacent. She'd planned on sitting him down and having 'a talk', make sure they're both on the same page. But the second she opens the door and he greets her in that voice that's like sandpaper she finds herself jumping on him the second the doors closed. When her lips touched his it was like she'd been wondering the desert for 100 years and finally found an oasis to quench her thirst, she lapped it up, didn't want to part herself from it at any price.

When she said she hadn't been celibate while she was away it hadn't been a lie, she'd ridden a cowboy or two, it just hadn't been satisfying. It was cold and mechanical because it wasn't 'Rusty' or 'John' that she wanted on top of her and she'd given up and simply satisfied herself with her own touch and the memory of the evening in CaraCara.

It wasn't until his hand dipped into her sweatpants that coherent thought returned.

"Don't you think we should talk about what we're doing here?" she managed between kisses.

"Right now?"

"It's just...You're not fucking anyone else, right? I don't want to cause trouble between you and Bobby because I think we're exclusive and we're not"

"No, only you"

It's a kind-of-short-of-lie but he doesn't really count Crow Eaters, they're one time things, if he had a repeat it didn't register, they were just warm bodies to warm the cold absence of...someone.

"Good" she smiles as she shoves him through her living room into her mother's old bedroom, their room now she's decided, she'll always refer to the room with her single bed and millions of posters as her room, even when the house no longer belongs to her.

When she pushed him down onto the bed and climbed into his lap he swore he saw her eyes become those of a lioness ready to devour her prey, hungry and predatory like it had been that afternoon, but then her mouth set its self into that soft smile that made his gut stir and she's back to 'normal' and it becomes about more than the animal need to satisfy the coiled tension in her crotch.

Reunion. Reunion of their bodies, reunion of their lives. They reunited all night long.

After she lay curled into the side of his body, his arm draped around her, fingers fiddling with the slender gold chain around her neck and the charm on the end that at first he thought was a C but sees now that it's a horseshoe.

"We're going to have to have the 'history lesson' at some point you know"

"You're history was grindin' into you this afternoon" he scoffs.

She smiled a little, aww, jealous.

"Yes, Seth and I have slept together-"

"Don't wanna have this conversation baby" he says firmly.

"Ok. But you'd tell me if you've ever had anything super gross, right?"

"Yeah"

She turns her head to check the prehistoric digital clock, 3:00 AM. Her eyelids instantly become heavy. She wakes up the next morning with her head on his shoulder and her fingers entwined in his. She thinks she might be able to get used to this.

* * *

Her SAMCRO debut is the following Friday. She's not prepared, physically or mentally.

They've been practically living together for the last week and Caroline won't let her mind consider the possibility that he doesn't have anywhere to sleep, those are very counterproductive thoughts. He picks her up from the diner a little after midnight, her floor mopping becoming less than half arsed. The first time she was on the back of his bike her mum had died and her mind had been elsewhere. Now she loved it, the rush rivalled her best L.A gigs for the adrenalin they'd made thump around her veins. And that was only half of it, being pressed up closer to him than they became during sex was like a brand new level of intimacy she'd never experienced with anyone. She's bought out of her thoughts when she notices that they've long past the turning to get to her house and squeezes him around the ribs. He turned his head slightly and yelled;

"Not goin' to your place" over the roar of the Harley engine and she knows what's coming. She's been to the club house in the day time, most recently three days earlier when she swabbed the inside of her cheek with Bobby for their DNA test. At night, in the light of bonfires, the reaper that hung outside came a close second as the most sinister thing Caroline might have ever seen.

She feels very underdressed in her blue dress and well worn white Chuck Taylor All Stars. She had an outfit planned for this moment, one with a neckline that reaches her navel and jeans like a second skin. All around her women of varying heights, weights and ages are scattered around, the only thing they seem to share is a lack of clothing and a passion for bikers, but Caroline can't comment, her favourite stage outfit back in L.A featured a sequin leotard, huge hoop earrings, 6 inch heels and nothing else... she also finds bikers very sexy, one in particular really. Still she resists the urge to yell 'get off my dad!' when she spots some fat, old whore giving Bobby an almost lap dance.

She's met them before but as the relative of the chick Opie's hard for 7 months earlier. Now she meets them as Bobby potential long lost daughter and Happy's...whatever, she's off limits, that's all they need to know.

They don't have strong feelings either way for her and she's not offended when they talk to Happy like she's not sitting right on his lap. Juice is friendly though, tries to make conversation with her about L.A. Juice will be the source of her downfall, had she known this she wouldn't have been nearly as animated during conversation.

She supposes that her mothers alcoholism makes her predisposed for a drinking problem but whenever someone asks if she wants another she doesn't decline. She's drunk, undeniable, she has to make her eyes focus when Bobby plants himself next to her while Happy's using the bathroom.

"Do we need to take your keys away?"

"What?"

"That's, you're 6th drink, hope you're not driving home"

"You keeping tabs on me? I can't drive anyway" she giggles,

"What do you mean you can't drive?"

"Never learnt. Seth tried to teach me once but I scared the shit out of him. I had to skip out on drivers ed to get to work, had to catch the dinner shift, truckers leave huge tips if they think they've got a shot at hittin' this" she laughs. Bobby doesn't.

"I'm gonna teach you how to drive"

"You don't have to-"

"I'm gonna teach you how to drive" he repeats more firmly.

"Ok then"

She'll never know what Bobby's exact motivation was but she assumes it's some variation on guilt. She knows he'll skip out on it if it emerges that she's not his kid and she tells herself she'll be fine with that really. But she doesn't get the opportunity to test this theory because a week later the results are back and Caroline gets another chance at a proper family.

Not long after Happy has to carry her to the empty dorm room, he doesn't trust her to walk.

"I am wasted" she laughed as he put her onto her unsteady feet and closes the door making sure to turn the lock. Jesus, if Bobby came in here while he was balls deep inside his kid things would get awkward and stay awkward.

"Can see that baby"

"I feel good"

"You won't in the morning"

She sits on the bed and feels her mouth breaking into a huge grin. He does have somewhere else to go, he just chooses to sleep next to her.

"What?"

She shakes her head,

"Nothing, you're just about to get, like, extreme levels of lucky"

"Extreme levels? Do I need to stretch first?"

"I think that would be wise" she smirked, reaching up and grapping fistfuls of his t-shirt, using it to pull herself to her feet.

She peeled every item of clothing off them both with the agonising slowness of a sunset.

"Sit" she ordered. She rested a lot of her weight on his thighs as she leaned in to press her lips to his in a sloppy, drunken kiss. She tastes like rum. He nearly rips her lip off when her finger makes its way along his half hard cock. She sinks to her knees and does the same with her tongue.

"Let me finish, yeah?" she said but didn't wait for a reply as she circled her toungue around the head as her hand wrapped around the base. The only reply she got was what she supposed was some prefix of 'fuck' and 'goddamn'.

He run his hands through her hair as she wrapped her mouth around him and began moving up and down until those hands turned to fists and he was essentially dragging her head up and down his length. She reached up and brushed her hands over his. He let up immediately, laying his hands flat on her scalp and rubbing the spots he'd been rough with. She didn't stop, wouldn't until she felt his cum running down her throat.

It was potentially the foulest taste Caroline had ever had in her mouth, if she was fooling around with some vegan pussy this wouldn't be such a chore, but she smiled the whole way through when he eventually came, she swiped at the cum dribbling down her chin with an index finger and liked it clean, eyes never leaving his. If he wanted this 5 times a day 365 days a year she'd do it for him.

"You ok? I hurt you bad?"

She shook her head, there was a dull ache in matching spots but she'd forget all about that in the morning when her hangover took over. He could tell she was lying and grasped her shoulders forcing her to stand. He took her hands in his and pressed kisses to them both.

"Lie down" he commanded and she did without argument. His mouth closed around her hard nipple, her hands instantly travelled to the back of his head, rubbing the bare skin with the pads of her fingers encouraging him further. She could feel herself growing wetter and wetter as he moved from one nipple to the other. She knew he was about to return the favour but all she really wanted was his cock buried deep inside her and his lips on hers. Was that boring? His mouth was devouring her pussy before she could find her words and she was glad she'd said nothing. Any time any other man had been down there it had been nice but not the toe curler Harlow had made it out to be.

She'd been missing out clearly, she knew the gasped profanities coming out of her mouth were getting louder and louder, that anyone passing the thin wooden door could hear her but she didn't give a shit, his tongue was moving from clit to cunt and back again until her hands hand their nails into his scalp and she let out a wail borrowed from her rendition of Janis Joplin's Ball & Chain.


	6. Chapter 6

**I hope it's not completely obvious I'm loosing interest in writing this. Anyway big tanks to all reviewers especially FunnyMick for their consistency. **

She felt so at ease it was incredible, never in her life had she felt this level of calm. She perched on the countertop in SAMCRO's kitchen and watched Bobby whipping up waffle mix from scratch. When he'd caught her doing the 'walk of shame' at 10:00 AM he'd insisted that she stay and he'd make her breakfast. Happy wasn't a morning person, she'd learnt that quickly. As nice as it all was she felt like she should remind him that there was a very good chance that they had no genetic links at all and she'd hate to think that he'd feel like he wasted his time lavishing all this attention on her. She wasn't stupid, she realised that Bobby was probably a pretty feckless father and that having the possibility of a grown-up child without a mother with her hand out for child support was probably a novelty that would wear off, she might as well enjoy it while she could.

"So how'd you and Hap meet?" he asked as he poured the mixture onto the iron.

"He came into the diner a while back, just sort of happened" she shrugged, legs swinging back and forth, under the empty space under the countertop and back again. Bobby nodded, obviously expecting that the question would elicit more of a conversation than it had.

"If I ask you something will you answer me honest?"

"'Course"

"You don't remember my mom at all, do you?"

"Sorry darlin', got a lot of notches on my bedpost"

"It's ok, can't say I remember everyone I've been with. See!" she exclaimed as Bobby's face turned to a look of disapproval, "why is it ok for a man and not a woman?"

"It's not 'cus you're a woman, it's because you're a kid"

"I'm 20 years old Bobby"

"You're a baby, trust me. All done" he smiled as he lifted the waffles off the iron and onto the plates.

"Lets play a game" she suggested as they carved into the gloriously soft, sweet breakfast, "Favourite movie?"

Bobby thought for a moment, "Spartacus" he answered,

Caroline nodded, "You cry at the end?"

He looked around, they were completely alone but just in case someone was lurking in the shadows.

"Keep a secret?"

She nodded, her lips tugging into a crooked smile, she already knew the answer;

"Every damn time. Yours?"

She chewed on another mouthful of waffle while she considered her answer carefully,

"Breakfast at Tiffany's. But my guaranteed movie tearjerker is Midnight Cowboy"

Bobby nodded,

"Oh, and the end of Homewood Bound, I'm a total pussy when the golden retriever lives. Favourite-"

Her words died on her lips He stopped mid sentence as the clubhouse doors came crashing open and Lyla flew in.

"Where is he?" she demanded, "Where the fuck is he?"

She was so mad her voice shook as it pushed its way through gritted teeth.

Bobby mutely pointed to the hallway Caroline had appeared from and Lyla stormed her way towards it but stopped midway.

"Wait, what are you doing here?"

"Tell you later"

Lyla nodded once before turning back to her mission.

"Wonder what that's all about" Bobby sighed,

"Nothing good. Got a feeling I'll be leaving with her soon, thanks for the waffles"

"I meant what I said about driving, wasn't drunk or nothing"

"I know"

They'd been aware Opie and Lyla were shouting but at that moment their voices raised 100% louder and you could hear Lyla screaming;

"Know what Ope! Fuck you! And fuck this club!" before she came thundering back from down the hall, face red and eyes ready to burst tears.

"See you later Bobby" Caroline said with a small, tight smile before chasing after Lyla.

"Ly! Come on, talk to me!"

Lyla through her purse down onto the picnic table and sat down on the bench, head in her hands. Caroline reached out and rubbed her cousins back.

"Tell me what's wrong"

"Everything! Everything is wrong! And what are you doing here having breakfast?"

"I spent the night if you must know"

"With who?"

"Happy"

Lyla's head snapped up and her eyes grew to the size of plates, the thought of her little cousin sweating and writhing under the MC killer was an incredible and horrifying thought.

"He the guy from my wedding?"

"He was the guy from those months back. And the guy from the butter thing"

"I might barf"

"Like you can talk! You're most soft core movies are way worse than that!" Caroline snapped but quickly put her hands up, palms flat in surrender, "sorry, sorry, don't want to fight"

"Me neither, well not with you anyway"

"Come on, take me home and tell me all about it" she said nodding towards the car parked down the lot.

The journey began in silence, Lyla's hands gripping the wheel with white knuckled rage. A thought suddenly struck Caroline and she quickly turned to look over her shoulder at the back seat. No suitcase, good sign.

"The honeymoon over before it began?" she asked lightly,

Lyla nodded,

"I thought getting married would 'exercise the ghost of Donna' but it hasn't, if anything it's made Kenny and Ellie even more aware that I'm not their mom, I mean how am I supposed to help raise them and not replace her?"

All Caroline could do was shrug, sure there had been 'Uncle Mike' and 'Uncle Pete' through her childhood but they'd never attempted to be her father or even get her name right.

"She would have despised me, I mean even if I wasn't doin' her husband. She was Miss perfect mom and I'm..."

"Miss perfect porn star?"

"Miss unemployed porn star, haven't worked in months, Ope's fucking loving it"

"Think that's what's actually wrong? You don't want to be Miss Stay-at-home-mom à la Donna?"

Lyla considered this for a moment, eyes straight ahead on the road.

"You're, like, smart or something"

"Yeah, or something"

"But thing is you gotta go where the work is"

Lyla's mother could read her better than anyone, Caroline came a close second. So when her cousin's teeth grazed her bottom lip for just a moment she knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Wait, your marriage is a week old, a week old today in fact, and you're thinking about skippin' out?"

Lyla said nothing.

"For fucks sake Lyla!"

"What? It's either go to the mountain or work for Caruso, the guy who had a dog slaughtered and 'dead bitch' written on my dressing room door in its blood"

Caroline's heart ached at the thought of Dane's grizzly end.

"He back?"

"Yeah, the Thi lady-boy thing is a real niche, didn't work out for him. Think he heard most of the boys had been put away and got brave"

The sound of Charming PD's sirens filled their silence, no doubt off to deal with something that would lead back to the Sons. Neither woman was deluded enough to think either of the men they were involved with had gone straight.

"I should probably mention the Bobby thing too"

"What's 'the Bobby thing'? Seriously, if you're doin' two sons that makes you a Crow Eater and if I though you were a Crow Eater I'd be hunting down a convent to send you to"

"Eww, incest, so gross" Caroline cringed, "No, know how my mum always said I was the result of a one night stand with an Elvis impersonator?"

"Yeah...No!" Lyla gasped nearly running them off the road,

"Jesus, we're not in a fucking Hitchcock movie Ly! Watch the fucking road!"

* * *

He was alone. He could sense that without opening his eyes, no warm body on top of him like it had been last night, well this morning. Her scent lingered everywhere, cheep but sweet perfume and pastry, there was also the tangy aroma of her cunt. He liked that smell best, it's primal, and it's what man is genetically manufactured to be attracted to, the smell of a woman who _wants_ it. It was the only evidence of her existence, dress and purse were gone. Way back before he'd gone nomad he sometimes found himself considering the possibility that 'The Waitress' was all in his head. There had never been any hard evidence of her, only the faint scent of butter coming from his junk one morning.

If Caroline was a figment of his imagination he might take his piece and put it to his head. Caroline was the one good thing lately. Life wasn't golden, not by any stretch of the imagination. SAMCRO was broke, the gun running was non-existent, the Sons position in Charming was in jeopardy with the new hot shot police chief from out of town. Top it all off Happy hadn't killed or tortured anyone in months. His need for violence was not being satisfied, he had to be on his best behaviour or he'd be back inside.

Caroline was a good outlet for his energy, she could fuck for hours and had a spine like elastic. And everything was made even sweeter by the fact that she knew what he was, what he did for the club, there was no troublesome voice in the back of his head that told him that whatever woman he was with would recoil if they knew the dirty details. She'd seen it first hand and she still wanted to be under him.

Fuck, where was she? The clock indicated that it was almost eleven. He reached for his phone and typed a quick text.

'At home' she replied 'lucky to be alive'

He hated the concern that flared up when he read the last sentence.

* * *

Christ, had she actually passed out this time? Embarrassing. She could feel her sweat slicked hair sticking to his bare chest and her cheek was sticking to his rock hard pectoral muscle.

"I need to talk to you about something" she puffed, exhaling heavily from her nostrils. She could feel their sweat becoming like a glue between them, she was going to have to peel herself off his chest. They were sprawled out on the hallway floor, hadn't quite made it to the bedroom.

"What is it?"

"It's about CaraCara", she swallowed heavily, regaining her breath, "what's the chance of it reopening?"

"Why?"

"Keep a secret? I mean really, you can't tell anyone I told you"

"Yeah"

"Lyla needs to go back to work or else she's gonna run out on Ope, just gonna make 'em both miserable and she'll regret it forever if she does"

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look into his eyes. They were as unreadable as always, deep dark pools of intensity.

"You should talk to Opie, tell him everything but don't tell him Lyla's said anythin' 'bout leavin' him, just gonna cause trouble. If it comes up I'll second it, if that's what you want. But if it does reopen I don't want you anywhere near it, ok?"

"I'm not gonna be seduced by the 'glitz and glamour' of pornography, ok? You're not gonna see me on a DVD cover eatin' pussy so you don't need to worry about me being around it"

That's not what he's concerned about. Caruso was back and not gonna like his competition rising from the ashes and he'll be out for blood again.

"I mean it Caroline, understand?"

"Understood" she confirmed, "Think we can make it to the bed?"

"Maybe after round two" he grinned, curling an arm around her waist and flipping them over. By morning she'd have carpet burn on her back and her chin. Her hands took his face between them and bought him down for a kiss, her thumbs brushing over his cheeks. She didn't really want to go back to CaraCara, she liked seeing Seth every day at the restaurant and hanging out with him when it was quiet. If she could move her shifts at the restaurant and diner around life would be perfect. But if life were perfect Caroline wouldn't believe it was actually hers.

* * *

As she approached Teller-Morrow's garage she began to pussy out big time. She had a decent relationship with Opie really, mainly because she keeps it light and shallow; she looked after Kenny and Ellie on occasion and he was grateful. They had a shared interest in smoking weed in the back yard when Lyla told them to get out of her way. Now she was going to tell him what was what in his marriage. She'd be lucky if he didn't take a swing at her. She was truly thankful he was all alone.

"Hey Opie-Dokie" she greeted leaning all her weight on the trunk of the station wagon he was bent at the back of, inspecting the exhaust pipe

"Hey Cara-Caroline" he smiled up at her but didn't stand, "Hap's in the club house"

"I'm not here to see him, I'm here to see you. Put your serious face of 'cus I need to talk to you about Lyla"

Opie groaned, he sprang upright and folded his hands behind his head, eyes squeezing shut just a moment.

"She's pregnant, isn't she?"

"No, she's not. But she is kind of miserable"

"And what? That's my fault? I make her miserable?"

She wasn't surprised that Opie got defensive quickly, no one liked to hear that their week old marriage was going to hell.

"You don't help. I mean it's her own fault for not saying what she wants and keeping it all bottled up thinkin' that it's gonna go away"

"And what does she want?"

"Honestly? I think she wants to go back to work, I think that would make her happy"

"How the hell am I supposed to make that happen?"

"Re-open CaraCara?" she shrugged,

"That's club action and takes money, I can't just open a porn studio"

"So ask the club. From what Lyla told me it was a money maker"

"It was" he conceded, "but I hate her doing porn"

"It's not like she sprung this on you, you knew what she did when you hooked up with her. There's somethin' else"

"Jesus" he grumbled and she started to think that maybe this was all too much too soon, that she should leave the other stuff till later. Nah, rip the Band-Aid off nice and quick and painful.

"I don't know how true this is but she says you're never around and I think she feels like the kids are just dumped on her. If you're just around a little bit more I think it'll make her happier"

"How am I supposed to spend more time with her if she's out at work"

"I ain't Dr Phil, like I'm supposed to know, figure it out" she shrugged.

They stared each other down for a minuit until Opie finally looked away.

"Thanks for letting me know this. You know good Old Ladies flag this kind of shit"

"I'm not an Old Lady"

Opie gave her a sideways glance,

"Sure you are"

"I belong to no one and no one belongs to me...yet" she said, a lips spreading to a meaningful smile.

* * *

This envelope will change her life, this manila envelope is going to change her past, present and future. It's possibly the most simple thing she's ever had in her hands and it's going to do so much it feels like it shouldn't be allowed, things this life changing should be big and complex and shouldn't do something in the blink of an eye. Then again it wouldn't be the first time events that happened in the blinks of the eye changed her world.

Considering that this was their 'man cave' the couches in the Son's club house were surprisingly uncomfortable. She turned the envelope over in her hands for the billionth time that afternoon. It had spent all day in the front pouch of her apron as she served soup and salads to the working population of Charming, every time she leaned over to collect plates it prodded into her belly to remind her it was there.

Now she waits for Bobby, they're all 'at the table' discussing god knows what but if it's discussed in the privacy of the chapel it can't be anything legal. The sleeve of her long-sheeved t-shirt is subconsciously in her mouth, becoming saturated with her spit, it's a habit she had through childhood, whenever she was afraid or anxious she'd chew on her sleeve. She didn't have a sleeved top that hadn't been treated to having its cuff chewed off.

One of her most vivid memories is from 6th grade when she had to read her book report aloud, over the course of an hour she'd chomped every thread in both cuffs out of her hideous hand-me-down Minnie Mouse sweater until finally the teacher made it to the end of the S's on the attendance list. Her eyes had fallen to her desk and she'd found a book report that she certainly hadn't written because the spelling was correct, it was actually good and it was typed out by computer, not the typewriter Caroline owned. The teacher was going to know that she hadn't written it, the only good thing she ever had to say about Caroline's work was that she liked how 'quirky' using a typewriter was. She'd turned to look at Laura next to her on the back row, she didn't look at her and kept her head down, but her lips gave her away, they were twisted and desperately fighting a smile.

She's snapped out of her memory when Happy snaps his fingers in front of her eyes and chuckles when she blinks about a million times.

"Back to earth daydream believer" Bobby laughs,

She slowly took her sleeve out of her mouth to find most of SAMCRO looking at her like she's crazy. Tig's looking at her like she's crazy, that's just not right. It didn't help this perception that all she did was hold up the envelope without a word.

"Those the results?"

She nodded and finally found her tongue;

"Yeah thought you might wanna open them with me"

"Sure, c'mon" he said nodding towards the door. Outside was good, nice and private. As she followed him she felt Happy's hand close around hers for a second giving it a squeeze. She wanted to kiss him so bad right then and there but she just squeezed back, kissing him in front of all his brothers for purposes other than sexual anticipation was far to intimate, they weren't 'there' yet. So she just squeezed back.

They situated themselves on the picnic table side by side, the envelope still firmly between Caroline's finger tips.

"Favourite song?" she asked,

"You wanna do this right now?"

"Might be the last time"

"Whisky in the Jar, thin Lizzie but Metallica's cover is pretty damn good. Yours?"

"Wicked Games...No, Life on Mars...or With or Without You. Short answer? Haven't got one. Just for the record if you're not my father I'm gonna be so disappointed"

He leaned over and squeezed her knee,

"Me too darlin'"

Bobby cocked his head and squinted;

"You're mine, I can just tell. You look like a blond version of my mom"

"She alive?"

"Nah, dad too"

"Do I potentially have any brothers and sisters?"

"Yeah, Kirk with my first and Tiki and Leo with my second"

"Tiki? Really?"

Bobby shrugged, "Precious pushed that 10 pound girl out of her vage, she can call her whatever she damn well wants"

"Ok then" Caroline laughed as she slid her index finger under the flap and tore into the envelope. Her hands shook as she pulled it out of its confines and unfolded the page.

The word 'Match' was in several significant places.


	7. Chapter 7

"Say you'll miss me" she demanded as her hands curl around the sides of his cut, "seriously, you're not pullin' out of here until you say you'll miss me!"

Happy tried not to grin and pretend to think about it. He was going to miss fucking her senseless for the night but the call of an hours long stretch of tarmac is appealing enough to tempt him away for the night.

"Got that movie we made to keep me company"

"That's nothin' like the real thing and you know it!"

He suppressed a grin again,

"I'll miss these" he said as he leaned in and kissed her lips.

"And these" his hands glided up her curves and cupped her breasts, squeezing just a little.

"And this" his hand reached between them and cupped her pussy, Jesus she was glad Bobby hadn't emerged from the clubhouse yet.

"Oh and this" he finished, grabbing her ass and effortlessly lifting her off the ground. She squealed and flung her arms around his neck as she wound her legs around his waist.

Everyone was watching them and she didn't give a shit. The last month has been amazing.

Never before has Caroline fallen so madly, passionately and quickly in love with someone as she has with Tiki. She's always been the little sister to both Stephanie and Lyla but now she's a big sister. When she opened the envelope and saw that she and Bobby were a DNA match she'd been pretty happy.

Then she meets Tiki and the true greatness of this situation sinks in, she has siblings who haven't vanished into the many underworlds of Vegas. Leo took a little work but he's a surely teenage boy, even his mother has a hard time communicating with him. Eventually they bond over an interest in the Lakers that Caroline fakes to begin with. Precious takes a little convincing, Bobby's been in jail for months and owes her soooooo much money but eventually she relents and gradually trust Caroline with them more and more.

"Put him down sweetheart!" Clay barks as he passed them out on the lot on the way to his Dyna.

"I'll miss you" his whispered gruffly into her ear as he slowly lowered her to the floor and takes one last kiss from her lips.

She hoisted herself up onto the railings and watched as the dozens of motorcycles pulled out of the lot in perfect formation, like a flock of crows she supposed. She was about to jump back down and head home to prepare for the arrival of Tiki and Leo when Gemma came into her eye line, the SAMCRO queen stood 20 feet away, refusing to come to her. Gemma beckoned her, actually crooks her finger and summoned her forward.

Their relationship will begin badly and eventually erupt into disaster. Gemma doesn't intimidate her, not one little bit. L.A's made her despise that kind of older women, the ones still trying just a bit too hard to keep up with the youngsters, sure they've "still got it"...it's just several inches south of where it used to be. Gemma's exposed bra tells Caroline everything she needs to know about Gemma. But Caroline obliges and takes tentative steps to the queen.

"You and me need to have a talk"

"Is it gonna be quick 'cus I'm babysitting today?" she asks in a 'I hope this sounds polite but I don't really care if I offend you' kind of way.

"It'll be as quick as you want it to be" she says cocking an eyebrow, "C'mon".

Chuckie and Otto are on their way out as they enter. Caroline finds them absolutely adorable, they have an unspoken agreement, Otto is Chuck's hands and Chuck is Otto's eyes. They're probably on their way to CaraCara to watch over things while Lyla's away in a meeting that she's been talking about all week but Caroline still knows little about.

She hasn't seen the clubhouse devoid of people since Bobby made her breakfast that Saturday morning, now she and Gemma are all alone around one of the mismatched tables that inhabits the small room.

"There are certain things you should know about but never talk to your man about" she begins.

* * *

"It's fine, honestly" she told Lyla as she slammed the kitchen cabinet door.

"Are you 'fine'?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Because Hap's out on a run and 'what happens on a run stays on a run'?" she snapped sulkily.

"Oh honey" her cousin sighs with a head tilt, "what happened?"

"Gemma Teller-Morrow happened. Apparently Sons cheat, even when they've got top notch pussy at home- fact"

She rested all of her weight on the back of one of the chairs that sat at the kitchen table. They were all mismatched, every last one of them. If someone were styling the movie set of some white trash family's kitchen they could look to Caroline's for some tips.

Lyla tilted her head and studies Caroline for one of the longest minuets of Caroline's life.

"What?" she asked, shifting uncomfortably under the scrutinizing gaze.

"You're in love"

"I'm not 'in love', I just...I don't know. How can you love someone who doesn't want to be faithful to you?"

"It's easier than you think. And at least they're up front about it"

"That doesn't make it ok Ly! I don't wanna be giving head and wondering whose pussy I'm tasting! I mean I'm expected to keep my legs shut while he's sticking his dick in anything he likes while he's away?"

"That's about the size of it" Lyla said with a sympathetic smile.

"I looked so dumb and so naive when I told her that he was getting it, like, 5 times a day so I didn't have to worry about him going somewhere else"

"And what did she say?"

"That it's never 'enough'. And she's right, isn't she? In fact I've screwed myself, haven't I? He's used to getting it 5 times a day so he's gonna notice when he's going without, right?"

Lyla stepped forward and took Caroline's face in her hands,

"Honey, calm down. Happy is no more likely to screw around on you than any other guy, remember that"

Caroline exhaled heavily, she felt like a volcano that had been ready to blow its top and then all of a sudden all the built-up pressure vanished.

"You're right, you're so right"

"And also you're my cousin, your pussy's gotta be somethin' special, it's genetic, it's science"

"Well if it's science" Caroline smirked.

"Ok" Lyla smiled back, "Again, I hate-hate-hate to do this to you but-"

"It's fine, go, conquer the porn world"

"I'm gonna make this up to you, I know you were excited about finally being trusted with Tiki and Leo"

"Its fine, Ellie and Kenny are good kids, Piper's inclined to bribes. It'll be fine. You're gonna be a good boy for me, aren't you Piper?" she called over her shoulder. Piper nodded furiously from section of the living room couch that could be seen through the door frame. Yeah, he was getting a Christmas present this year; she couldn't hold a grudge against him.

* * *

From the way Bobby had talked about his Ex Caroline hadn't expected Precious to be civil let alone nice. But she was...just don't mention Bobby to her. It had started out small, two hours in the park luring them into conversations about school, and quickly escalated from there but this was the first time in the month since she'd gotten the DNA results back she was going to be alone with both of them for the entire day. The week before she'd helped Leo put together his costume for his Halloween dance, he didn't know who Jack Sparrow was but he knew Courtney Luther was cute and hadn't left him alone all night so he assumed his newly discovered sister knew a little something about what teenage girls are into.

"Be back around 6, that ok?" Precious said as she handed Caroline the kit with all Tiki's medication inside.

"Absolutely"

"What 'cha got planned to keep 'em busy"

"We are gonna bake some cookies and I got 'UP', hear it's good. Think Leo might get bored"

"Just lock him in the bathroom with a skin mag and a jar of something slippery, he'll keep himself busy"

"So wrong" Caroline grinned, shaking her head. She could talk to Precious about stuff, right? They were sort-of friends.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure you can"

"Being with a Son, there are up sides and down sides, right?"

"Just like every other guy"

"What were down sides?"

Precious assessed the girl who would have been her step-daughter if only fate had discovered her earlier. She knew what had happened.

"You and Gemma had 'a talk', didn't you?"

"Yeah" Caroline nodded,

"And you heard shit you didn't want to hear about the life style?"

"I did"

"Aww honey, Everyone wants to hear that their guy's different, that his head isn't so easily turned by spread legs and huge tits, but it is. Out of sight really is out of mind to those guys, all of 'em. And I could deal with that, what I couldn't deal with is putting SAMCRO first, my kids coming second, your kids should never have to be second, I don't think you should never have to be third to your man. But that's me and how I wanna live my life. But ignore 50% of what Gemma says"

"How will I know what 50% I'm supposed to listen to?"

"Your blood will run cold. The stuff that makes you angry and frustrated is the shit not to listen to 'cus you'll just try to change it and when you can't you'll get even more angry and frustrated"

Caroline nodded the whole way through. Bobby described Precious as his 'Crazy Ex-wife', she seemed pretty together to Caroline.

* * *

Georgie Caruso slammed fist after fist into the punching bag.

"Fucking CaraCara!" he roared.

Dwight stood off to the side, arms folded. Really? Had Georgie not though SAMCRO wouldn't have been looking to get back into porn? He knew Georgie didn't know shit about porn when he started up 'Flesh Fest' but surely he would have done the basic math, porn=money, and surely he would have worked out that this was a formula worth repeating. So why had he been surprised to see Lyla Winston walking out of the offices of California's largest adult store chain shaking hands with the owner? Dwight often wondered why he didn't rebel and try to take over this venture. Georgie's problem was that he was greedy, he didn't want a piece of the pie, he wanted all of it. Probably went some way to explaining Georgie's gut.

* * *

Indian Hills was kind of a dump. Visiting the Vegas charter would have been his first choice but then again the Vegas charter weren't in possession of their AK's.

CaraCara was turning a profit already and they'd put that into AK's from a Columbian pipe-line who laded lightweight aircrafts in the Navada desert transporting guns and blow into the most debauched state of them all. Now all they had to do was transport them back to California and deliver them to the One Niners. SAMCRO was back and it was evident in the Indian Hills club house.

It was like there was electricity in the air, music thumped from speakers spread out along the walls and everything just seemed more alive.

Happy downed to tumbler of whisky and slammed it back on the bar for a refill. If only the night wasn't marred by the fact that he wouldn't be spending tonight with Caroline riding his cock, hearing her puff and pant into his ear how 'fuckin' big' he was, how it having him so deep inside her was 'so fucking good', then hearing her wail out her worship. No, no Caroline tonight.

He migrates over to where a bunch of guys are watching a few girls twist and turn to the music

Her eyes are glassy and dead, like she's been used and abused too many times but doesn't know how to stop moving in this world and leap into another. She'll probably OD on crank and cut her life short in the next...two years? She might be the woman from the patch over, he honestly wouldn't know. But she's blonde, it's from a bottle but he's not actually fussy about that, it's like some guys prefer huge tits whether they're real or not, he doesn't care if the blonde's natural or not so long as it's there. Caroline says she'd rather shave her head than put chemicals in her hair but then again she's naturally blessed with great hair...she's naturally blessed with great everything.

The woman slowly walks from the group to him in measured strides. Yeah, it probably is the woman from the last time. She's climbing into his lap in no time, rubbing and grinding against him, his body is defiantly interested, can feel himself getting hard fast.

But his heads back in Charming, watching Caroline smiling and laughing with that douche-bag who's always looking at her like he's picturing her naked. In his mind the douche-bag undresses her with his eyes and then he turns to look at him like Happy owes him a 'Thank You' for making Caroline _that_ good in the sack. They're at the movies, douche-bags probably gonna yawn and slide his arm around her.

The absolute worst part is that no one looks at them; they're just another happy couple out on a Saturday night. If he took her to the movies everyone would stare, big, mean, tattooed biker and his whore that probably caught a beating every night for something like burning dinner. They'd never be a normal couple, he'd never be 'normal', hell she'd never be 'normal' but she could disguise it better, walk among the beige and grey people of the world and pretend her life was beige and grey. And if you pretend long enough someday it might be true.

His mind snaps back into his body when he feels his zipper coming down.

"C'mon" he orders pushing her off his lap, standing and stalking towards the Indian Hills dorm's. She follows him like a little, lost puppy as he prods each door in search of an empty one until he eventually succeeds.

So long as it's not Jury's or Needles' it's all good.

He sits on the crappiest bed he may have ever had the misfortune of sitting on, worse than the piece of shit he's been fucking Caroline into 3 times a night for the last month. The mattress sinks under just the slightest pressure and he can feel springs jamming into his ass.

"Knees" he says to the woman who obeys wordlessly.

She practically swallows his dick, her mouth warm, wet and welcoming. She sucks cock like a pro but he misses the unskilled attention of Caroline, the way her nose exhaled warm puffs of breath onto the newly moistened portions of his shaft as it slid in and out of her mouth making the sensation even warmer. How her nose sometimes bumped against him while she was licking up and down his cock.

He can't quite get the picture of her right in his head, he's got the hair, all wavy and multi-toned. The nose that's just like Bobby's only with a heavy oestrogen influence, small and cute. Peaches and cream skin only marred by a mole of her right jaw, nothing huge, just a dark brown dot that he likes to run his tongue over on his way to her ear. Long, full eyelashes even without the heavy mascara she applies with a steady hand every morning. Lips that aren't full and pouty. Fuck she has a huge mouth and he guesses that she needs a huge mouth to produce the huge sound she howls out every single time he's inside her. He can't get the eyes right, in his head they're cold and dead, they don't squint or roll or light up, they're just dull marbles in her head.

No, he can't enjoy this for a single second without that perfect picture in his head so he whips his phone out of his cut and flips through the content to the footage he took the night before. Caroline's big brown eyes and gigantic smile appear on screen and he can see even in her recorded image, in her eyes, they say I'm _all _about you.

She steps back, smile still intact but he can see that she's topless in a black satin thong, black over the knee socks and red heals. The sounds all fucked up, she talks occasionally but for the most part the Guns N' Roses version of 'Since I Don't Have You' plays in the background of the footage. Her hands go to her hips and she juts them out to the right and her eyebrow cocks, her mouth moves and he thinks he can remember her asking him if he liked her 'outfit', to which he replied that he did, to which she asked if he wanted her to keep it on. He'd told her to 'loose the panties baby'. She then twirled and glided over to the dresser where she picked up a pair of scissors and cut into the sides of the thong before slowly peeling it away. The sharp metal sliding against her perfect skin is the hottest thing he'd seen in a long time.

She comes back to sit on the end of the bed and he knows she's saying something like 'you're not gonna show this to anyone right?' no smile, eyes serious.

"Course not baby, promise"

"Ok, if you promise" he can just make out over the noise of the song in the recording and the music beyond the door. Her smile returns and she gladly spreads her legs. Her pussy's all pink and hairless, her fingers glide across the lips and teases herself, eventually dipping a single digit into herself, Watching her slide her fingers in and out of herself, eye contact never breaking, sends him over the edge into the sweetbut's mouth.

Part of him expects Bobby to give him shit in the morning, maybe even Opie but it's Clay, _Clay__**, **_who sidles up to him while he's having a solitary smoke outside.

"Gotta talk to you about somethin'"

"What?"

"Bobby's kid"

He's getting really sick of hearing that, as far as the club should be concerned she's been his girl longer than she's been Bobby's kid, but they don't know the half of it and he's not about to tell them.

"Ope tells me settin' CaraCara back up was her idea"

"It was but she wasn't suggestin' it for our benefit, she figured it'd make Lyla happy to be back at work"

"Whatever the motive was getting CaraCara up and running was thanks to her, and because of that the Gun Running's operational again, I'm just sayin' don't piss off the good luck charm, make sure she understands the life and she's game"

* * *

"So Happy-Go-Lucky doesn't mind you being out with me?" Seth asks as they join the snack line at Charming's only movie theatre.

"I _dare_ you to say that to his face"

"Nah, I value my life"

"He's out of town if you must know"

"Ah, I wondered why I had a pleasure of your company this evening"

"He does occupy my time" she conceded,

"You must know him inside out by now"

"We don't talk much, it's all very physical"

"I bet it is" Seth smirked,

"Not like that. Well mostly like that but it's kind of like we don't need words to communicate, like we just know if we're hungry or need to be somewhere"

"Sounds 'special'" he said without a hint of scepticism.

"It is, it really is"

"Must be nice"

"You should have asked Rachel to come with us" she said with a sly smile to which Seth decided to play dumb.

"And why would I do that?"

"'Cus she likes you and everyone knows it"

"She say that?" he asked carefully.

"Yep. It's not like she's doodling Mrs Rachel Duvall on her order pad but she definitely can't keep her eyes to herself when you're bringin' in deliveries, loves to watch you bend over"

"And how would you know this if you're keepin' your eyes to yourself?"

Caroline shrugged,

"I like to keep tabs on what I'm missin'" she grinned.

It was a split second occurrence, eyes were allegedly the windows to the soul and through his big blue eyes she saw his soul ache for a second. Fuck, she needed to quit doing that, flirting with him, bringing up the past. Sometimes she hated herself for not loving him back.

But then his eyes returned to normal, maybe put his defences back up, she wasn't sure, hoped that he didn't have to do that with her, she allowed herself to be completely honest with him, didn't care if she got hurt because she knew he'd never do it intentionally.

"Come on, my sweet tooth's got demands. What d'ya want?" he asked rubbing his hands together in anticipation. This was the only give away in the outside world that Seth was husky as a kid, he loved the candy counter at the movies, it was his only indulgence.

Before she could reply a voice broke through the air.

"Didn't think you two were still together"

Their heads snapped around, they knew that voice. Harvey Finkelstein had been neither popular or unpopular in highschool, one of those background characters of which you know nothing but their name but they seem to know everything that may or may not be true about you. He had, however, been a frequent visitor to Xander Tupper's van at lunch as Seth and Caroline had been. Biology was so much better when you'd been puffing the magic dragon at lunch.

Caroline was about to inform him that she and Seth were never 'together' but she realised this would be insensitive considering Seth's once strong feelings towards her.

"We're friends, always have been, always will be" Seth drawled as he through an arm around her, ready to protect her if Harvey wanted to drag up old shit. It was then that Caroline noticed that she could pick out 5 faces from high school around the lobby. Did no one escape this town?

* * *

When she wrenches her front door open at a little after 10 o'clock that night her face actually lights up. It's right there and then that he falls. Every second since he first laid eyes on her he's been edging closer and closer to that edge, when he sees her face light up at the sight of him he falls right over the edge and now he's falling for her.

And then it's like she catches herself, reminds herself of something and her face drops back into its normal state.

"Your back" she smiles, "you should have texted me"

"Don't like surprises baby?"

"No, I don't" she said as he reached his hand out and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear,

"I'll remember that" he mumbled as he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, she threw her arms around his neck and allowed him to lift her. He kicked the front door shut and walked them through the living room, her legs stick out behind her, bent at the knee, she supposed that anyone who cared to be looking through the bay window would see the cover of a typical, tacky romance novel. She didn't do 'typical' or 'tacky'.

Her feet touched the carpet of _their_ bedroom eventually and his lips leave hers for a moment, the thought that hers aren't the only lips his have visited within the last 24 hours creeps into her head and refuses to leave. She can almost picture it and damns the imagination that once served her so well, the imaginary woman's a composite of every crow eater that's ever given her a dirty look, all aging body and tits exposed to compensate for the lack of a pretty face.

When he kisses her again he can feel her lips tense up and he pulls away immediately to see her eyes heavy with worry.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing" she insists and tries to shrug her tension off "just missed you"

She reached up and ran one hand over his jaw and the other over his bicep. Her lips set themselves into that wide, soft smile that makes everything feel like it's going to be ok, no one who smiles at him like that could ever screw him over.

"How about I show you how much I missed you?", he tangled his hands in her hair and gently pulled her head back and forced her to look at him. There was something wrong, she tried to school her features back into neutral but it showed in her clenched jaw. He only caught it for a moment and them she's putting on his big, fake smile.

"That sounds perfect" she tries to purr but it's not quite right.

"What's wrong? And don't say nothin' cus' I know somethin's up"

He can see the struggle all over her face, to tell or not to tell. She eventually sighs and begins what she expects to be an awkward conversation that can't possibly go in any direction but towards their break up.

"I had a talk with Gemma, some of the stuff she told me-"

"Has got you worryin' that I've been stickin' my dick in some whore while I was gone?"

Caroline slowly nodded, her eyes drifting downwards when her head refused to budge from his grasp.

"I didn't fuck anyone on this run, I swear, haven't been with anyone but you since Ope's wedding"

She eventually speaks after a long moment of silence.

"I'm sorry"

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I really am, for thinking that you'd screw around on me"

"S'ok baby, I know that Gemma's talk probably fucked with your head"

She nodded and allowed him to wrap his arms around her.

"Let me make it up to you, yeah? Anything you want, anyway you want it"

He knew what she was offering, he also knew what when his hand wandered from the perfect, smooth flesh of her ass to that forbidden, tight pucker she's froze up, reached for his hand and moved it to her tits or clit.

He leaned down and pressed their lips together, slow and gentle. She exhaled warm puffs onto his upper lip as he sucks on her lower lip. Their hands are everywhere, rubbing each other through their jeans, she can feel him growing hard and herself becoming wetter with every touch. They mange to break apart long enough to get their clothes off.

She kicked off the cowboy boots she'd picked up on the road and liked so much she'd bough the 5 different colours they came in. Her hands make quick work of her jeans and tight t-shirt, before he knows it she's standing there in blue and white striped satin that's the most modest thing in her lingerie collection, doesn't matter, she won't be in it long, even as he takes everything in she's pulling her panties down those long, shapely legs. Jesus he can't wait to get between them.

"C'mon, get naked" she growls doing her 'impression' of him. It'll get better he hopes.

As she watches him remove every article of clothing her eyes grow apprehensive. She wonders over to 'the draw' and pulls out the half empty bottle of lubricant.

"Hope there's enough or I'm gonna have to get the butter again" she says, unable to control the nervous chuckle that escapes her mouth.

He hangs his cut in its usual spot on the back of the chair that she puts neatly folded laundry on which never seems to migrate to draws or wardrobes and turns back to her. He does really want to slide himself into the only virgin territory left on her body, to be 'the first' in at least one aspect of her life. But she slides one leg down the back of the others calf and he can see her knuckles going white around the bottle. She's afraid he's going to hurt her and he doesn't ever want to see that look again.

"Baby, I got less than no interest in puttin' it where you don't want it"

Her mouth opens a little, she appears torn. She wants to do something 'special' for him but ultimately wants to be able to walk the next day.

He moves closer and frames her face in his hands. His mouth fell onto her and while her lips smash enthusiastically into his he takes the bottle out of her hands.

"Put ya boots back on"

Her face lights up again and he realises he's very, very in love. While she pulls the tan leather masterpieces back on he revisits 'the draw' and obtains some protection before situating himself on the bed, back supported by all the pillows. He's going to enjoy this a whole lot. She appears hypnotised as she watches him rub lubricant over his rock hard length. She never got what guys got out of watching girls pleasure themselves, now she does.

"Turn around and hop on"

She braced a hand back on his abs to steady herself as she climbed over him and reared up onto her knees, her other hand lined his cock up to her pussy. She sank down onto him and for once she managed to keep herself from crying out, he growled like a tortured lion.

"Feel good?" she managed to gasp,

"Fuck yeah" he growled again as his hands pressed themselves roughly into her hips and guided her back up and back down again.

"Fuck" she cursed as his eased her down again and hit her G spot,

"Feel good?"

"So good...the best, you know you're the best I've ever had, don'cha?"

"I know baby, like bein' in you more than any woman, you're the tightest, warmest, wettest pussy I ever been in, fuckin' perfect"

She took her hands off his abs and placed both on his bent knees using the support to move her body up and down, with their combined efforts it wasn't long before she felt herself tightening around him.

"Close?" he asked, sitting up a little more to bite into her shoulder,

"Very...just a little... god" were the last coherent words out of her mouth, the rest was too blended with moans to make any sense.

He managed to pull her off his flaccid cock with his last ounce of strength and allowed her to flop like a boneless sack back onto his chest.

"I really missed you" he mumbled into her ear.


	8. Chapter 8

"So they didn't take anything, just trashed the place?" Caroline asked as she took another bite of cheesecake.

She sat opposite Lyla in the diner a little past midnight. If felt weird being here at this time with anyone but Happy. He stood outside with Opie, Chibs and Jax. None were allowed inside due to muddy boots and Caroline's freshly mopped floor. She and Lyla were currently barefoot, their shoes waiting by the door.

"They couldn't, learnt our lesson from last time, anything valuable goes behind this big ass steel door. You really should come by the new studio and see it"

"Happy's not totally in love with that" she said, glancing outside.

"What does he think is gonna happen? That you're gonna rip your clothes off and leap onto Ima's face?"

"So gross. Can't believe you're employing her after 'the incident', I mean I like her, she reminds me of Steph but does Jax wanna see what nearly wrecked his life everyday?"

"Ok, first off how can you say that about your own sister?"

"Because it's true?" Caroline shrugged,

"And secondly you wouldn't be saying that if it was your man she fucked"

"If it was my man she fucked she'd have a new niche, mutilation fetishes. Spread that around the studio, I don't wanna have to worry"

"You" Lyla smiled, "have _nothing_ to worry about"

"Good. So who do you think broke in? Do you think it was Caruso?" she asked carefully,

"Honestly it could be anyone who's got beef with SAMCRO"

"Yeah, they don't really know how to 'play nice', do they?"

* * *

"How'd it go?"

Bobby blinked, completely mystified by the morning's events.

"She passed" he managed to admit, he could hardly believe it. Only two weeks earlier he'd been telling Happy that Caroline was a danger to herself and everyone else on the road, that there was no way in hell she was going to get a licence so any plans they had to pull together and get her an early Christmas present of a car was a no go. And she'd passed. It was nothing short of a miracle.

"You're shocked?"

"Completely. She's a terrible driver, one of the worst I've ever seen, fuckin' deadly behind the wheel"

"Fuck" Gemma laughed, "maybe I should get some walkin' shoes"

"Oh she'll get ya. She nearly ploughed into Hale's development last week"

"She's useful then" she snorted,

"Maybe" Bobby smiled, "so I'm not gonna be around this afternoon, takin' her to get some transportation"

"Cleared that with Clay?"

"Course"

"Cleared that with Hap?"

Bobby gave her a doubtful look, "She's my kid, don't have to"

"He's her man and last time I checked that trumps dad around here"

"He made it official? There ink on her?"

"Haven't done a body search, maybe I should?"

Bobby laughed, "yeah, we can roll the camera and put it on , maybe you could put on a wimple and it can be all 'naughty catholic school girl'"

"Forget she's your kid for a second there?" Gemma asked, nose crinkled in disgust.

"Yeah, I did" he admitted. He grimaced and shook his head trying to banish all repulsive thoughts.

* * *

Happy frowned as the flatbed pulled into the lot. Bobby totally went behind his back and bought her a god damn car. He actually hates seeing her that happy and knowing he had _nothing_ to do with it. He wants to make her _that_ happy, see her leaping from one foot to the other like nothing he's ever seen before. But he commanded himself not to ruin this for her as she came bounding up to him in the garage and threw her arms around his neck,

"Come see my car!" she squealed.

When she'd seen it her heart had stopped but she'd played it cool, clearly the scrap heap owner was not aware of what he possessed.

Bobby leaned back against the cab door of the flat bed and smiles as she drags Happy out to see her new car, he knows it was a little underhanded but he's not going to get this kind of reaction from Leo and he's going to have to wait years to get it from Tiki. He really likes having a grown up kid, one who knows her shit about good music, likes watching Man Vs Food with him and, although he'll never admit this to anyone, he can trade cooking tips with.

"Isn't it beautiful? It's gonna need a lot of work but Bobby says he can get it up and running. And you'll help, won't you? How cool will it be to be ridin' around in somethin' you and Bobby practically did from scratch? I bet that guy will be kickin' himself when he realises what he let slip out of his hands!"

He doesn't get it, it's just a rusty black 67 Impala. She just had to fall for the biggest junker in the lot. But he smiles down at her and tells her;

"It's gonna be a sweet ride baby"

He felt her wined her arms around his middle and lean into him. Fuck, she's so happy.

"That is the biggest heap of shit I have ever seen" says Tig, "and I've used the bathroom after Piney"

"You are gonna eat your words Tigger. You are gonna be saying 'gee, I wish I was as cool and awesome as Caroline Sweet, I wish I had a cool, awesome car like she does, I wish my hair wasn't running away from my ugly face'"

She thinks maybe she's gone a little far mentioning his receding hair line, men can be very sensitive when it comes to hair loss, but Tig smiles that evil smile of his.

"We'll see what I'm sayin' when those piece of shit breaks cut out on you right before one of Unser's big rigs goes ploughing into you. Buckle up" he grins and walks away.

She can't stop herself from yelling;

"Oh whatever! You Prev-o jackass!" after him. Fuck, she wanted to say something _much_ cleverer. But it was too late now. She eases her disappointment by reminding herself just how jealous Tommy Q was going to be when she called him later, he had mad love for Dean Winchester. At this though she feels all the buzzing energy she's had since it had first registered what she was standing next to.

She squeals again giving a little jump;

"God, I have all this energy, you know? Like I wanna get behind the wheel and floor it, you know? I need to burn it off, do something-"

He cuts her off by smashing his lips into hers.

"My room, now" he growls,

"Ok, but I only got an hour till I gotta be at the diner, K?" she grins,

"Go get naked, be there in a second"

"Don't be too long" she smiles coyly, "or else I'll start without you"

"Don't mind if you do, just don't finish"

She skips off without another word. He doesn't want to argue with Bobby, just wants to remind him how things are.

"Hey!" he barks to him the second she's slipped into the clubhouse, "thought we were gonna do that shit together?"

Bobby shrugged, "just happened"

"You just happened to take the flat bed?"

"I know you wanted to be in on it but you can get her somethin' else. Get her earrings or some shit, she's always rockin' those getto hoops, trust me all women want to get jewellery off their man, Caroline's no exception"

"It's not just about that, it's about trust. Can I trust y' Elvis?"

"Can I trust you? With her? Can I trust you to take care of her?"

"Think you'll find that it's me trustin' you with her"

Bobby tried to stare him down, eyes boring into his but Happy wasn't fazed. Their staring contest was broken up moments later when Jax emerged from the club house with Opie and the prospects.

"C'mon" he shouted, "Some shit's goin down at the studio!"

Tig and Juice drop their tools and tug their cuts over their work shirts as they dash to their bikes, Chibs isn't far behind. Happy and Bobby spared each other one last intense and hostile glance before they too run to their bikes. Happy considers running inside and telling Caroline what's what but she's appeared at the clubhouse doors and pointing at him mouthing 'later' with a lot of meaning.

All the hours after midnight and before they pass out make up 'later'. 'Later' is his favourite collection of hours in the 24 that comprise the day.

* * *

"We can't just strike out at them, you need to hit close enough to make an impact but not directly. You have to hurt the people they're close to so they don't want anyone else they're close to getting hurt. You can put yourself in danger but when it comes to the safety of your loved ones it's all different"

Dwight rolled his eyes at Georgie's little monologue. He could have told him that.

On the desk in front of them were a multitude of surveillance photo's taken over the past two weeks.

The heavily pregnant Old Lady was a no go. The mother was a possibility. God knows he was dying to put a bullet in the new Mrs Winston. Then he noticed something, one of the whores appeared frequently in some of the pictures.

"Who's she? What do we know about her?" he asked tapping the image.

"I'm pretty sure she's fucking that guy"

"Wow, what gave that away?" Georgie said sarcastically, glaring down at the photo of the human canvas with his hands all over the girl's ass. "Who is she to that guy?" he asked tapping one where she sat on the picnic bench with the short fat guy's arm slung around her shoulders.

"Don't know"

"Well find out! Fuckin' retard!"

"She babysits the kids sometimes, always at Winston's place"

"So she and porn bitch are tight?"

"Very" he said handing over a photo of the girl and Lyla walked down Charming's main street, arms linked and shopping bags in hand.

"She's perfect, she's three birds and one bullet"

* * *

She doesn't know what happened at CaraCara the day before last, no one wants to tell her, but Lyla's been pale and shaky ever since. Caroline has images of another dead dog in her head and when she tells Happy this he tells her that she's right, that's exactly what happened so she knows it must be much worse.

"Lu-Lu would be really proud of you" she told Lyla as she finished doing up the clasp on the thin gold chain of her horseshoe necklace that she's loaning her for good luck. She would have never dared call Luanne 'Lu-Lu' to her face but it was what she and Lyla had taken to referring to her as in private.

"You think?"

"Course. You didn't let her company die at the hands of some chub-ster pimp, reckon she'd be very, very grateful"

"How do I look? Like a business woman?"

Her skirt is microscopic, she's got a leopard print corset under the jecket and her heals are sky high. Honestly she looks like she's a secretary 'character' in one of her productions.

"Totally. So what's this dinner meeting for?"

"This guy already has a site but he wants to put a link to that site on . And we'll use some of his 'products' in the movies. I sweat I'm gonna start paying you to babysit, seriously, 20 an hour"

"Keep your money" Caroline said sternly, she was pretty sure Lyla was sneaking money into the cookie jar at the back of the fridge that she kept cash in.

* * *

About 2 hours into babysitting duty she couldn't take it anymore, she just couldn't. She liked Ellie a whole lot, in fact she's a little reminded of herself at that age, Caroline's sure that Ellie doesn't feel like anybody's looking out for her just like she did.

But oh my god if she has to hear the 'Fearless' album by the audio violation that is Taylor Swift she's going to murder her.

"Is this the only CD you own?" she groaned,

"No" Ellie said simply before waddling off to her bedroom returning moments later. She spread her CD's out on the floor and Caroline felt bile rise in her throat before swallowing it back down.

All the Highschool Musical albums, Everything by Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus? Vanessa Hudgens? And then she felt a cold chill go down her spine as she spotted it. Jonas Brothers. This girl _needed _her help.

"Ellie, your musical education begins today"

Caroline shuffled forwards on her knees to where Opie and Lyla's CD's were stacked in messy piles. She pulled out a few she knew had to belong to Lyla, no way would Opie be seen dead in possession of these albums. Shuffling back she and Ellie sat cross-legged on the living room floor. She knew Kenny and Piper were fine, she could hear them in the master bedroom attempting to body slam each other.

"Ellie, allow me to introduce you to Madonna" she smiled as she held up the greatest hits album "No last name, she's _that_ cool...well she was, hasn't done anything worth listening to this decade but the early stuff makes Taylor Swift sound like a sack of crap"

She'd rather introduce her to Patti Smith and Joni Mitchell but the kids been listening to Taylor Swift, she needs the audio equivalent of paint stripper. Caroline can't remember a time when she wasn't aware of Madonna, one of her earliest memories was of Stephanie grasping the 'Ray of Light' album in her Tween-aged hands, squealing excitedly, it was out that day.

She puts 'Into the Groove' on first, doesn't want Ellie hearing La Isla Bonita and thinking that's her best work. As soon as the beat hits her ears it overtakes her, she leaps to her feet and she's lips syncing, her feet moving to the carefully choreographed dance routine she'd put together when she was 8. Ellie thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever seen, she giggles as her step-cousin spins around and tells some fictitious 'you' to prove their love to her. She then grabs Ellie's hands and drags her up as she mouths for her to get up on her feet and step to the beat.

She thinks nothing of the sound of a car slowing down as it passes the house and spins the little girl around. When the Myan's shot up the diner she'd had about 5 seconds of warning, she'd see Happy skid onto the gravel and headlights in the near distance, she'd seen the Myan's come into the light the radiated from the diner's large windows that stretched out to the past the car park's edges.

Now she's had absolutely no warning, she first knows someone's shooting at her when the glass of the living room windows shatter. But she knew exactly what's going on and uses her grasp on Ellie's hand to drag her to the floor before diving on top of her exactly as Happy had done for her that terrible night.

She heard tiers screeching on tarmac and the car speed away. She's alive, right? Yeah, her hearts hammering in her chest so she must be alive. Her heart hasn't beat so fast since a night six years ago when her legs had carried her faster than Laura's had. Her eyes drifted up to the wall where a fluctuating line of holes is imbedded in the dry wall, plaster splintering out of each.

She can feel Ellie's warm breath on her neck coming out with the frequency of her own heartbeats. She's probably hyperventilating but all Caroline can think about is that her jeans feel wet.

Fuck, why were her jeans wet? She half hoped it was blood but the smell that hit her nostrils moments later confirmed her suspicions. Ellie trembled beneath her like a camel in the arctic, too petrified to make any sound other than shaken gasps.

"You hurt?" Caroline managed to choke out and the little girl shakes her head. She carefully moved herself off Ellie careful not to stand. She'd heard them drive away but she doesn't trust her ears right now because she can still hear the initial sound of glass shattering ringing in her ears.

The urine on her jeans was mostly hers but some of Ellie's. Fuck, that's embarrassing.

But then another thought smashes its way into her mind and she'd paralyzed in fear again. She can't hear anything coming from the bedroom.

"Boys!" she found herself screaming, "Boys! Answer me!"

When she received no answer she leapt to her feet and dashed down the hall.

"Ellie! 911! Now! Boys! Piper! Speak to me!"

She heard a rustling coming from Opie and Lyla's bedroom. She paused for a moment with her hand on the door knob, in a second she might view an image that would stay with her for decades to come, every time she closes her eyes she might see her second cousin's and step...second cousin's bloody corpses. But she thinks she can hear something and even if this is their tragic end they need a grown up to hold them in their last moments and beg them to hold on for the paramedics.

She flung open the door and braced herself. Broken glass covered the floor

Pipers head peeked out from under the bed followed by Kenny's.

"What has Lyla said about wrestling in here?" she found herself demanding with limited breath.

**I'm not in love with this chapter**


	9. Chapter 9

Opie came crashing out of the chapel closely followed by Piney. This was post-Donna all over again. What? Was Clay and Tig behind this too?

Clay turned to Bobby;

"You get it, right?"

"I get it" he confirmed.

"Hap?"

"I don't love it but I get it"

"Good. We need to get someone in there to lure him out and see about the possibility of taking over Flesh Fest"

Clay could appreciate why Opie and Piney were pissed there wouldn't be immediate retaliation. But there was an opportunity here. If they could get someone on the inside who could find out what was the hierarchy in 'Flesh Fest', what would happen _when_ they took Georgie out there was a possibility that SAMCRO could run the only porn studio's in the San Joaquin Valley. They'd have all Flesh Fest's business contacts, double their porn business, double the cash flow and they could supply all the gun running demands that they could find.

Happy could appreciate this was the right thing for the club, for CaraCara, for a number of people. But it wasn't what was best for Caroline. Unfortunately Caroline came second; an agonising, photo finish second.

* * *

Sleep was a distant memory for the both of them. At least three times a night she bolted up right at the slightest of sounds. He could feel her shaking, her perfect, supple body trembling from head to toe. The first few nights he'd dragged her back into his embrace but eventually he gave up and let her work it out herself.

The quality of their sex life had diminished greatly. He liked being on top just fine but not every time. But that's how she had wanted it every single night, she wanted him on top, to make her feel protected. He could tell there was some kind of dejavu from that night the Myan's shot up Betty's Place at work, he'd thrown himself on top of her then and she wanted to feel like that now.

And he could have dealt with all that if it weren't for the huge streak of crazy that infused itself into everything. She'd developed...habits. For one she won't even attempt to sleep without that red, felt dragon. He used to find it cute back when he first fucked her, not even knowing her name. Now it's just weird but that was the least of his concerns.

When she thought sleep had finally claimed him he felt her move out of the bed and had watched as she went to the bedroom door, opens it just a little before crouching and listening, he's not sure what she's listening out for but he thinks it makes sense to her. She does this ten times a night at least. It's impossible to sleep when the person next to you moves ten times a night.

He doesn't know shit about psychology but he knows compulsive behaviour shouldn't be encouraged. In a way he understands it, she does all these little things and nothing bad has happened so there for if she continues to do these things nothing will. It's all bullshit, about as much use as a rabbits foot but it makes her believe nothing's going to happen. Shit she's fucked up. He doesn't know if he can handle this, that he can care for someone who's developing a mental illness. He's already taking care of his mom, he doesn't know if he can take the stress of the two of them. How can she have gone from being the easiest thing in his life to the biggest burden so quickly?

* * *

He wished he hadn't told her that they'd be discussing action against Caruso today. He knew she'd heard his bike pull up but doesn't expect her to be on him the second he walks through the door.

"What's gonna happen?" she asks as she closes the door behind him, careful to make sure it was closed properly.

"Baby, sit down"

She sits down and immediately starts chewing her sleeve. Another bizarre habit she's taken up.

"We're gonna get somebody on the inside. Caruso's got heavy duty security, we need to lure him out"

"No, You lock 'em all in and fucking torch the place! That's what you _should _be doing! You _need_ to kill him, I _need_ you to, and the kids _need_ you to"

"It isn't just about you, they were probably after Lyla, saw the back of your head and-"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? That 'I' probably wasn't the target!" she screamed, leaping up from the couch.

"It should, it should make you understand that no one's after you and all the crazy shit you do in the night aint needed"

"What 'crazy shit'?"

"You know what I'm talkin' about. I know you're scared and if you've gotta talk about it maybe Jax's ol' lady can-"

"No, no shrinks, can't stand people who ask you one thing but get something else from what you say. It's fucking crazy, like a psycho stalker or something, like 'her eyes said yes when her mouth said no', I-"

"I get it. How about Lyla, can she-"

"No! You can't tell Lyla, ok? She's got enough shit to deal with. I don't need her worrying over nothin'"

"It's not 'nothin' Caroline! It's not normal!"

"What the fuck would you know about normal! The way the Sons live isn't 'normal' so how dare you try and put to me that I'm not acting 'normal'! You're a Son! You reject the 'conventions of society by which the sheep live'!" she yelled, quoting something she'd read on the clubhouse wall.

He points an index finger at her that full of the stern warning to calm down and watch her mouth.

"I used to feel safe with you" she admitted, "now it gets me shot at"

"I know all this shit has got you all shook up-"

"I'm not 'shook up', I'm terrified! I nearly died!"

"I 'nearly die' every damn day!"

"But that's your choice! You know what could happen when you go out and piss people off!"

"Re-opening CaraCara was your idea!"

"So I deserve to get shot at!"

"Quit puttin' words in my goddamn mouth!" he yelled, picking up a nearby glass and throwing at the wall furthest away from him. He needed an outlet for his anger or else he was sure she'd be on the receiving end of it. Fuck, he needed the road. She flinched and whimpered in fright when the glass shattered, he wasn't sure if it was the familiar sound or simply the violence of the act and what it implied but it broke his heart a little. Knowing that feeling was a possibility scared the shit out of him.

He rested his head on his fist and his mind told him to pull himself together.

"If you could shoot d'you think you'd feel 'safe'?" he asked, trying to keep his voice level.

She exhaled heavily and wiped frustrated tears away from her eyes.

"I can shoot, ok? Harlow taught me"

"The model?"

Caroline nodded, "Her dad's a cop, he and her mom had a difference of opinion on what skills a well turned out young lady should have"

"You any good?"

She just shrugged, she didn't know what 'good' was in terms of shooting. Harlow had praised her but she might have been being kind.

"I'm not sure I can live like this" she said in a small voice,

"This is 'the MC life'"

"Well I don't want it. I don't wanna be at the diner, for it to be ticking closer to midnight and every second that passes it becomes more and more likely that something's happened to you!"

"Well tough shit Caroline" he said venomously before marching to the door, ripping it open and slamming it on his way out.

* * *

She doesn't even pretend to sleep that night, wraps a blanket around herself and sits in her old bedroom staring at the dozens of photographs pinned to her walls. It's the ones from L.A that get the most attention.

Jesus she wanted to be a nobody again, be just a face on an L.A street. But even that has its perils. Tommy Q got the shit kicked out of him by some guys who saw him coming out of an well knows gay bar and followed him into a secluded street. He didn't invite the trouble, it just happened, just wondered into his life the way you might wonder into a store with an interesting window display. Shit happens; sometimes terrible things enter your life completely uninvited. Shit, maybe she spoke to soon, before she had time to take stock and think about everything. Fuck, she should call Tommy, and Jovi, Alexander and Tommy VD. She misses her band.

Her eyes drifted to the clock on the wall, 1:00AM. Her mind both wondered where Happy was spending the night and If Tommy Q's sleeping patterns had changed lately.

"How are you love of my life?" he laughed down the phone line,

At the sound of his voice she sobbed, Jesus she missed him.

"Awww baby, what's the matter?"

"I screwed it up with this guy" she sniffed. It sounded so simple and stupid but her heart was aching worse than it ever had.

"Fuck him. Seriously, fuck him, all will be forgiven"

"I'm so scared I'm never going to again. We had this big fight"

"When did this happen?"

"Today, this afternoon"

"Honey, you know even missing persons have to wait 24 hours before the cops take an interest, don't call time on it just yet. I've never heard of you being like this over a guy? It's strange, usually you're having to talk me down off the ledge"

"You fall in love too easily"

"I'm just a hopeless romantic honey. So when are you coming home?"

"Don't know. Money feels like water in a bucket with a hole in it sometimes"

Tommy Q can year it in her tone, the doubt, the longing for him to say 'don't worry about it, stay in your crappy little town and live a crappy little life that's full of crappy little happiness's'.

"You're not coming back, are you?"

"No, I am"

"So what does this guy think of that?"

"I'm not sure he knows"

"You mean you haven't told him. Oh honey, don't build your house on the sand, that's Matthew 7.24"

When Tommy Q had told her he was from some backwater in Georgia that he wasn't completely convinced knew the civil war was over she hadn't really believed him. He seemed so worldly and didn't really have the accent for it. But occasionally there were hints as to its credibility. He quoted bible passages like they were Anchorman lines, embedded in his memory.

* * *

When she drops by T & M in the morning to be told that Happy had gone to visit his mom she's disappointed, not just because she has to live in limbo longer but because he'd alluded to her going with him next time he went and she'd really like to get out of Charming for a night.

"Hold on darlin', I got something for ya" Bobby told her before disappearing inside the clubhouse just as Ima was coming out. Seeing as she's banned from the new CaraCara she doesn't see Ima that much. The porn star really does remind her of Stephanie, that 'take what you want, deal with consequences later' mentality most of all.

"Hey"

"Can you talk to me? Hear I'm the anti-Christ to all Old Ladies" Ima says in that hostile way of hers because god knows it would kill her to be vulnerable for a single second.

"I'm not an Old Lady"

"Not what I heard"

"Yeah well, people talk shit, don't they?"

"True" Ima admitted, finally allowing a smile,

"What you doing here? Thought you weren't allowed around here for fear you'll corrupt these poor, innocent, naive men"

Ima smiles again but there's so much in it. It's a worrying but brave smile.

"Don't know how much I can tell you but I got asked to sleep with the enemy"

"I know exactly what you're talking about. Ima, if someone finds out you're...a double agent or whatever they'll fuciking kill you"

"The rewards out weigh the risks"

"What's in it for you?"

"Flesh Fest if I can make that happen. D'you know what Lyla thinks about that?"

"Fuck knows" Caroline shrugged, "I can't be around her for too long or else she'll just know I'm not dealing with the drive by and she's got too much shit to deal with already"

At that moment Bobby emerged from the clubhouse with something wrapped in what she'd later find to be a pillow case.

"See you around, and good luck" she told Ima, not knowing that they'd be the last words she ever speak to her.

"Hap told me to give you this. Said you knew how to use it"

She unwrapped it slowly and found herself looking at a Beretta. How did he know? Maybe he did the 'Texan cop's daughter maths', who knows but it was almost exactly what Harlow had taught with one semi-drunken night in a field in the middle of Texas miles from any civilisation.

"You ok darlin'?"

"No" she admitted and he wrapped his arms around her, let her put her head on his shoulder.

"You'll toughen up, you're just a kid, no one expects you to be made of stone" he told her,

"Happy does"

"Wanna know a secret? Happy doesn't know shit about women. Sure he can do the 'night you'll never forget, make you beg for more' but he's never done the steady girl thing"

"Wanna know a secret?" she whispered against his shoulder,

"Sure"

"Me neither, never had a boyfriend"

"I don't believe that. Were you fat and ugly till now?"

She felt herself smile a little, lips grazing the leather of his cut.

"Nah, I just couldn't let anyone tie me down, know what I mean?

Bobby glanced over the top of her head to the row of bikes.

"Know exactly what you mean darlin'"

* * *

How could he say he'd made a decision when he felt so forced into it? This was 'it', if tonight didn't play out right he was done. Did that mean he wasn't in love with her? He wasn't sure. Didn't want to entertain the possibility that tonight wasn't going to play out like he needed it to. And what is love anyway? Who gets to define what he feels? Maybe he loves her but he can't be with her. There are loads of those people out there, who couldn't live with the ones they love, people wrote songs about it. 'I Will Always Love You' for fucks sake! The most misinterpreted song on the planet!

He pulled onto the gravel lot a little after midnight. He'd been on the road for 5 hours straight, Seeing his mom had made everything clearer but unfortunately that clarity was that being with Caroline wasn't life or death. If she couldn't pull herself together he could physically live without her.

"Hey" she greeted quietly as he came through the door, her eyes drifting down to her All Stars.

He said nothing as he killed the lights and locked the door.

"What are you doing?"

"This" he grunted, striding over to her.

He reached around her waist and pulled her against him, lips crashing into hers as he did. When she didn't respond straight away he forced her lips open and tasted the warm, wet flesh inside. Quickly his hands moved over her ass and squeezed it, forced her onto her tip toes and her crotch to grind into his. He moved his lips from hers along her jaw, up to her ear and whispered in his usual hoarse tone;

"Feel that? Feel how bad I want ya?"

He could feel her livening up, as his mouth went to the pulse in her neck her felt her hands reach up and lay themselves on the back of his head and neck, holding him close to her. He sucked and bit on the skin, wanted to leave a mark so big she couldn't cover it up even if she wanted to. But she didn't, never ever, she wore his hickeys like girl scout merit badges.

Eventually both her hands went to his head and forced his attention away from her neck back to her lips. This time she kissed him beck, rubbed her lips against his, let her tongue glide past his lips, to move against his.

He lifted her up with one arm, his head craning up to hers as he walked them to a table at the back.

Laying her down on the tabletop he slid his hands up her dress and dragged her panties down. He didn't take the time to appreciate the red satin before he shoved the skirt up around her waist and leaned down to press kisses to her thighs, his hands on the back of them, forcing them further apart before wresting the becks of her knees on his shoulders.

The first time he did this for her she'd been rigid and unconfident in his abilities. He'd proved her so very wrong. Now she craved it, every time he ventured south of her tits her hands glided over his skull and she subconsciously pushed him further down.

He let his tongue tease her clit until he heard heavy pants coming from her nostrils, that was his queue to scrape his teeth ever so gently on the nerve endings and run his tongue over her labia lips before plunging it into the tight hole.

"Jesus!" she cried out, "Fuck!"

The sounds of her panting and cussing were muffled by her creamy thighs pressing into his ears but he was very aware that her voice was becoming louder and louder, it was a miracle that she didn't smash the widows when she her orgasm crashed over her. Her chest rose and fell at a rapid place when he came to loom over her supported on his arms.

She dragged her face to hers and kissed him deeply She never questioned how he could stand to do that as what she tasted on his lips afterwards was anything but delicious.

"That was...wow" she finally managed,

He couldn't help smiling at her. He should have known that all he needed to do was make her feel good. Sometimes the point to which she liked sex concerned him. Could she go without while he was gone? He didn't doubt her fidelity, not for a second.

He lifted her onto her feet and spun her around before gently encouraging her forward onto the table. She liked the intimacy of facing him, watching his jaw get tighter and tighter as her cunt strangled the life out of his cock. But there was no denying that he was able to get deeper in the most animalistic of positions.

She heard his jeans fall to the flop and the ripping open and rolling on of the condom before feeling the head of his dick against her. He pushed himself into her an inch at a time, stopping and waiting for her breathing to become more and more laboured until she eventually reached around them and dug her nails into his bare ass dragging him closer.

"Be patient baby"

"Patience is for chumps! Fuck me!" she ordered,

"Say please"

"Now!"

He not so lightly smacked her on this ass. Sometimes the age difference seemed more obvious and a little creepy, other times it got them both hot. She was so young; she had so much to learn from him. He was older, over a decade, had the experience necessary to please her like he did.

He roughly put both hands on her hips and pulled himself out almost all the way.

"Please! Please Hap!"

"Please what?" he grinned as he took one hand off her hip and moved it to her clit. She had to reach her arms out to stop herself going face first into the tabletop.

"Please fuck me!" she panted as she tried to move herself backwards onto him.

"Hard?"

"Yeah"

"And slow?"

"You know it" she gasped.

She'd suffered enough he decided before forcing himself back inside her at a measured pace before moving back out with the same rhythm. It took her a moment or two to match his pace, moving herself backwards as he thrust forward. His index finger continued to work her clit, she gasped and swore like a sailor, every other word was 'fuck'. Some nights that was all she chanted in his ear, other nights she was more talkative, whole sentences about the sensations he was causing her to have.

He increased his pace without her even having to ask, all he needed was the sound of her breathing coming back into control to tell him that she was ready for more. Her arms began to wobble, eventually giving out and forcing her onto her elbows.

He dug his hand into her hip in an attempt to stave off his climax until her pussy squeezed and contracted around him as she howled out her ecstasy.

Sometimes she wondered if there was much more to their relationship other than sex. On those occasions she also wondered if she really cared if there wasn't.

* * *

Lyla's hand curled around Opie's stake knife. Half to prevent him from using it on Caruso, half so she had a weapon to slit the bastard's throat with. The son of a bitch snapped his fingers and a chair was bought for him.

Rod Howard was looking to move to a smaller studio, somewhere where he could be a big fish in a small pond. Lyla had set up a dinner meeting, they'd wine and dine him, convince him that coming to CaraCara was a good move for his career. Caruso had shown up in the middle and began to explain to Rod why Flesh Fest was a superior choice, how Flesh Fest was where the money was.

Little did Caruso know that they were letting him have this, that Ima had told him about this meeting on SAMCRO's instruction, to gain his trust. In a week Caruso would be dead and they could finally sleep at night. She had to stop the smile from forming on her lips and fight to keep her eyes furious.

* * *

"I need to find my sister" she said lazily as she dropped another kiss onto his chest.

They lay in his bed at the clubhouse in an idle limbo between fucking and sleep. Outside the door a party raged on but they'd so much rather be in their bubble, when it felt like nothing and no one could touch them.

"Why?" he asked, running a hand through her hair. Fuck, that was some kind of soft; the stuff fabric softener commercials are made of.

"I gotta get rid of the house, I can't live there, don't feel safe"

"You need a fresh start" He agreed,

"Exactly. There's this house and it's real cute, right between Bobby's and Lyla's, saw a 'For Rent' sign out front" she rolled herself onto him, lay her chin on his chest and looked up at him, he knew what she was getting at and he smiled, running a hand through her hair again, "I don't know where to start though, don't know who to contact"

"What do you know"

"She was in Vegas over a year ago, sellin' herself, maybe using the name 'Sweet Caroline'"

"You should talk to Precious' man"

"Sergio? Why?"

"Cus a bounty hunter knows how to find people that don't wanna be found"

"You'll help me, right?"

"I'll help you" he confirmed, "I'd do anything for you"

She could see the sincerity deep in his eyes.

"I didn't mean what I said the other day; you do make me feel safer. You make me happier"

"You make me happier too baby"

She put her hands on his shoulders and lifted herself level with him, dropping a kiss onto his lips before resting her head onto the pillow next to his. Sleep took her body over the second she felt his arms wrap around her.

**Thanks for the reviews! I do quite like hearing what you don't much care for as well as what you like.**

**It always bugs the shit out of me how people have 'I will always love you' as their first dance at their wedding. Anytime anyone tells me that I can't just let them be ignorant about the fact that it's about a break up.**


	10. Chapter 10

"Might be late pickin' you up" he told her as he pulled the t-shirt over his head. She stood on the other side of the bed slipping on her uniform for her shift at the diner. They'd had an hour between him picking her up from Duvall's and taking her to the diner, the privacy of his room at the clubhouse had just called to them, said 'hey, why not spend an hour fucking like animals in heat?' and they'd said 'why not indeed?'

"What are you doin'? Or is that top secret?"

"You'll see"

"You're so menacing. It's, like, ridiculously hot" she smiled as she did up the buttons.

"Your shift starts at 4:00, right?"

"Yeah, w-" she began but was cut off as he pulled her back onto the bed and his lips claiming hers in an intense kiss. She was going to be late...again.

* * *

Reason 57 not to go back to L.A: You can't get Doty's Mud Pie anywhere, only Charming.

"You're so skinny" the 60 year old grandma of 6 told her as they stood in the kitchen, out of view from the hatch that looked out over the dining area that only contained all of four customers. Doty's quintuple chocolate desert rested on Caroline's flat palm. "I don't know how you keep that figure"

She was in two minds about saying 'fucking for hours on end', Doty knew what fucking was, she had 4 kids. But can you say that to a 60 year old grandma? No, probably not.

"Cardio" Caroline said with half a mouth full, "lots and lots of Cardio"

"With my joints? Fuck that shit, I'll stay fat"

"Dot!" Caroline spluttered, "you're a grandma! You talk like that around your grandkids?"

"They hear worse at home, my girls sure know how to pick 'em" she said, words dripping in sarcasm, "Don't get knocked up unless you're completely sure you want to tie yourself to this man of yours"

"I'm completely sure about him. I'm just not completely sure I wanna stay in Charming"

"He's a Son, he won't follow you, you know that, don't you?"

"Sure I do" she shrugged, and she had known that deep down but she still felt that stab of disappointment hearing it.

"So you're not serious? You're not his 'Old Lady'?" Doty asked, she didn't mean it in a mocking way, Doty had known her since her childhood, but she still felt offended by her joking tone.

"No, no Crow tattoos yet"

She wasn't sure what she'd do if he asked her to get one, part of her wanted that commitment, the other wasn't so sure, the same half that craved L.A and all the success it promised. Fuck, what did she want? Everything. Is that what 'have it all' meant? Just wanting everything your own way and being unwilling to compromise. Being selfish? Life would be so much easier if she could read Happy's mind and know what he wanted, did he want to put his mark on her or was he just happy to go along until they came to their natural end?

"So you're not thinking about...encouraging your relationship along?"

"Is that what you told yourself it was when you got knocked up on purpose? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? We used to call it 'trapping', 'trapping your man', that's how my cousin got her kid, not that she'd ever admit it, how she wound up being a single mom too"

Doty smirked,

"You" she said stabbing her fork in Caroline's direction, "are far too sceptical for your own good. Optimistic people live longer Caroline"

"I don't know what those women are thinking when they do that. If he's not nuts about you already spending 9 months watching you get fat isn't going to make him any more hot for you"

"The theory is that he's gonna love his kid, that's a given, the second a man hears 'this is your whatever' they fall hard and fast for them, so if that thing is half you then that means that they fall in love with a part of you too"

She couldn't really claim to know how men felt about their kids. Jax Teller seemed pretty nuts about his kid, Opie loved his kids but sometimes it seemed like he didn't really know what to do with them. Asking Bobby if he loved her wasn't going to happen but she was dying to know. In her late night fantasies about how her and Happy possible futures a baby never featured. No, she'd never do the mommy thing, not even to 'trap' Happy.

* * *

Ima should have been walking on sunshine. It was almost over, in an hour Caruso would be in SAMCRO's custody and she'd be convincing Dwight that he'd be in charge of Flesh Fest with her under SAMCRO...or else he could look forward to the same fate as his former boss. She should have been happy, she'd be doing her movies, how and when she wanted. Making a name for herself, making herself the natural successor to Jenna Jamison.

But somehow these thoughts couldn't stop her hands from shaking as she made her way to Caruso's office, avoiding eye contact with anyone she passed. Georgie sat at his desk, she'd never know what he's been discussing with Dwight as she entered.

"They're meeting at this dive bar outside Lodi" she said as soon as she entered,

"Classy" he snorted, "they there now?"

"Yeah"

"Ok, good. Hey, you know who this is?" he asked holding up a photograph of Caroline sitting on the railings at T&M.

"Yeah. That's Caroline" she replied automatically,

"And Caroline is...?"

"Lyla's cousin"

"Who is she to the Son's?"

"She's Bobby Munson's daughter and she's with the guy everyone calls 'Happy' but that's all I know"

"So that's all she has to do with CaraCara?"

"Well setting it back up was sort of her idea"

And it was then Ima realised her mistake. Something changed in Georgie's face, it darkened, his natural expression became a glower.

"What do we know about her?" he asked, turning to Dwight.

"She works at a diner off the highway, Lucas tailed her and her man out there last week, works till late 5 nights a week"

"She there now?"

"Yeah"

"Ok, take her out"

"What about crashing CaraCara's meeting?

"Ima's coming with me. Wait till she's alone and put a slug between her eyes, take Luther and Tank"

"Why? We're about to do some actual damage to them. They're down, why waste energy kickin' 'em?"

"Because, Dwight, when your enemy is down you don't let them get back up"

Dwight gave him a doubtful look but turned to organise his masters command.

'Shit!' Ima's mind screamed, 'Shit!'

"Come on" Geogie said, nodding towards the door.

"What?"

"You said you wanted to learn the business shit, this is the business shit"

* * *

All she could think about was how Caroline was going to die and it would be all her fault. Jesus, if the son's ever found out that it was her fault she'd find herself in an unmarked grave.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket in what she hoped was a casual manner and quickly typed out 'Caroline in trouble' before hitting send to Jax. The message came back in a heartbeat, the reception wasn't good enough out here, she couldn't send it.

Ima's mind went a mile a minute as they got closer to where she'd said the bar was, 'fuck, fuck, fuck, how do I get out of this?'

In reality the end of the turn off she and Georgie would come to an empty lot with nothing but SAMCRO filling it. In the SUV behind them was Georgie's protection in case this ambush turned nasty, she had no doubt that they'd 'get lost' along the way. As soon as that thought occurred to her a van pulled out behind them, blocking the SUV from following.

"What the fuck?" Caruso spat as he glanced in the rear view mirror, then at Ima. It must have been written all over her face, the guilt. When he saw the motorcycles waiting for them her fate was sealed. Her hands leapt for the door handle and she was nearly out as Georgie drew his gun and fired straight into her hip.

Ima screamed, agony ripping through her. This was it, this was her end. Everything became hazy immediately. She felt someone scooping her up off the ground and depositing her into a van's passenger seat.

All the son's firepower was trained on Caruso, someone had the sense to shoot the car's tires out before Happy moved to the door, tore it open and dragged him out, getting a few choice punches in as he did. They wanted him alive, for Otto. He deserved this.

"C'mon, gotta get her to the hospital!" someone ordered as Chibs came to her side to apply some first aid.

"Caroline" she managed to snarl through her gritted teeth, "needs help"

That was all she could manage before she felt life leaving her along with copious amounts of blood. Her whole life didn't flash before her eyes like she thought it would, instead she could see her 10 year old self, walking up the dirt path to her grandma's front door which opened and her grandma's big smile came into view. She felt better than she had in years, and then she felt nothing ever again.

Happy and Bobby didn't need any other explanation; they were on their bikes in seconds.

* * *

She should have known that today would be her last. When she'd woken up that morning with her cheek pressed into Happy's chest, so incredibly warm and well rested, she should have known that it was a last supper. She'd dared to consider the possibility of waking up like that every day for the rest of her life.

Now, as three man approached the diner, eyes trained on her and reaching for holstered guns beneath their jackets she somehow couldn't envision what 5 minutes in the future might look like.

But another far more primal part of her knew that she had to move, she quickly stepped backwards into the back rooms and slammed the door. There was no lock to speak of on the door so she had to think fast, her head snapped to every angle imaginable until she saw the mop and broom leaning against the back wall. Quickly she jammed both through the handle and reached for her purse, ready to yank her phone out and call for help, but she could hear them, hear the guns cocking and flung herself in the large space between the floor and the first shelf, packed with huge tubs of stuff Caroline wouldn't dare sample. She managed to tuck her knees under before gunfire pierced the door.

This would never get easier. She'd never get 'used to' being shot at, her heart would still hammer in her chest even if this happened 100 times. But this time _was_ different, she didn't cower, as bullets flew through the door and imbedded themselves in the opposite wall she reached into the fake, leather satchel, her hand curling around the Beretta.

Slowly she moved flat against the small expanse of wall left and slipped into the kitchen. She ducked and moved quickly to the units that rested under the hatch. Silently she lifted herself onto the units and then, making sure they couldn't see her position she put her finger on the trigger and leaned out, one foot on the ledge, one on the unit below.

This was it. Kill or be killed.

It was like she'd been transported back to the night Harlow taught her to take a life...no, defend her life, that was what she was doing. She could hear the crickets chirping as they had that night, could feel Harlow's breath on the back of her neck as she waited patiently for Caroline to 'grow a pair' and take the shot.

Bang, Bang, Bang. 1,2,3.

It was so simple it shouldn't have been allowed to be true. But it was.

One was dead. The other two were on the floor, one clutching his right shoulder, the other convulsing in pain. She took aim once again at the guy who's shoulder she'd penetrated, got his chest in her sights and pulled the trigger. She didn't feel human anymore, she felt like a robot, like a smoke detector really, it sensed smoke, smoke equalled fire so it turned it's sprinklers on to exterminate the flame which threatened the building. The man had the potential to pick up his glock with his left hand and threaten her life once again.

The other guy was hit in the stomach and clutched it. She knew he must have been screaming like crazy but she didn't hear it, didn't hear anything. She slowly lifted her leg up off the unit and onto the ledge, then she jumped, feet together and knees bent, and landed with no stumble. Shit like that didn't happen when someone was watching.

The bodies were close together; in fact the man she shot in the chest had fallen onto the one who'd died instantly. She stood over the dying man and looked deep into his eyes. She wants to make a speech, say something like;

"_I'm going to end your pain because I'm better than you, you tell whoever you meet wherever you're going that Caroline Sweet is better than you"_

But when she opens her mouth no sound comes out, so she takes aim at his head and takes the shot.

When his head _explodes_ she's knocked out of her trance, firstly because she doesn't expect it, thought it would just go in like she was shooting clay or something soft like that. But also because her heads screaming;

'Shit! You gotta clean that up!'

* * *

The diner was visible from half a mile away; it was the only light in the vast expanse of darkness that stretched out ahead. As they approached he thought, hoped, he might see her collecting plates off late night customers, or leaning over a crossword puzzle as she often was. Then he could finally breathe again. But as they pulled onto the parking lot at breakneck speed the building appeared empty.

"Fuck" he swore as he leapt off the bike and sprinted to the door, crashing through, almost wishing he'd find it locked and she'd emerge from the back, mop and bucket in hand and her face would light up when she clapped eyes on him and he'd fall even deeper in than he was already.

"Caroline!" he yelled, eyes scanning from one end of the room to the other.

No reply.

He moved to the space in the counter that led to the back rooms but stopped in his tracks when he saw the three bodies lying in an ocean of blood. Good sign.

"Caroline?" he tried again as Bobby came through the door. He stepped over the bodies and moved into the back rooms. It didn't take long to find her slumped against the gigantic fridge. He felt himself let out a ragged breath. She was alive, everything was fine. He reached for her hands hand dragged her off the floor up against him, rested all her weight on him. He knew what had to be going on in her head. The first time was always the hardest.

"You had to do it baby, you or them"

"I know" she mumbled.

"But it doesn't feel like it, you feel like there were options you didn't consider, like you could have ran and escaped. There weren't, you couldn't have"

He took her chin under his index finger and tilted her head up, forced her to look at him. Her eyelids were heavy and she seemed resigned to something. Shit, did she think they weren't going to make this all go away? That was going to be doing 25 to life in a women's prison?

"Cleanup's on the way" Bobby announced, coming into the kitchen. He ran a hand up and down her arm, "don't worry darlin', we got this"

Her eyes widened and Happy knew that she'd expected to go down for it. No, this would be good, show her that the club could help her, do things for her, that it wasn't all one sided.

* * *

She doesn't bitch and moan as she wraps duct tape around the blanket enclosed corpses, It's good that she knows how to clean up her own messes, just in case. Happy held up the dead weight so she could move the roll of tape around it five or six times before cutting it off with a hunting knife. He did all the work really, yanked out all the teeth while she held the head.

When it's all done the guys wrestle the bodies outside into the van while the prospects cover the floor in towels, absorb as much blood as they can with them until they become saturated and have to be dumped in trash bags. They then cover the floor in bleach, smother it, the whole rooms going to have a chemical stench to it and she's not sure how she's going to explain it. Maybe she won't, maybe someone will come and slap the cuffs on her tomorrow afternoon and she'd never see the diner again. And anyway, they can scrub the floor till the checker design comes off, there are still other tell tail signs that three guys got gunned down the night before.

Then Tig and Chibs come in with a door under their arms and the impossible suddenly feels remotely possible.

"Where did you get a new door from?"

"You don't need to know that"

"Well what about the wall? There are holes in it"

Miles held up a gigantic tub that read 'Smooth Finish Filler' and for the first time since she put 5 bullets through three men she actually felt confident that she wasn't going to jail, that this might work.

"How long we got?"

"Someone comes in at 5, if not earlier"

"At least 2 hours, not a problem"

"C'mon" Happy said putting a hand on the small of her back and urged her to the door.

She thought this might be the end of the night, that they'd go back to the club house, crawl into bed and she'd spend the last night in his arms before she got dragged off to Valley State.

She was so wrong.

* * *

She panted heavily and tossed the shovel to one side, if she didn't collapse in exhaustion she'd be proud of herself. They'd been digging for half an hour and the shallow grave it produced seemed inadequate for the amount of sweat running down her back.

Happy tossed the bodies into the hole, each one landing with a thud and as he moved back to the van for the canister of gas to burn the three corpses it struck Caroline that this was the closest thing they'd ever had to a date. Some people bowled and talked about movies they hate. She and Happy disposed of bodies in comfortable silence. Normal? Never, ever again would she experience 'normal' again, anytime anything felt normal a voice in the back of her head would pop up and say 'you got away with murder' and practically bleed 'normal' out of the situation.

The flames grew big and powerful. They stood side by side and watched. The high school held a bonfire at the beginning of the school year, what felt like a million years ago she used to watch it from the bleachers of the football field with Seth and the other 'Stoners'. They'd call anyone any closer to the flames than them 'School Spirit Shit Eaters'. She kind of felt like she missed out on something now, the flames were mesmerising, the way they twisted and danced with each other. She missed out on a lot of things in high school.

Eventually Happy picked up one of the shovels and began tossing the dirt back into the grave, killing the flames and covering the bodies until the grave was completely covered and it seemed like the earth had never been moved.

"That's it?"

"We gotta ditch the van, light it up, but yeah, basically"

"And you've done this 13 times? Never got found out?"

"Never"

"You know that makes you a serial killer, right?"

"You and me both" he shrugged,

"I'm not a serial killer. I'm a mass murderer"

"What? You want smiley face tats?" he said, with a tiny, amused twitch of his lips.

"I didn't kill for the club, I killed for me. I feel bad about Ima. Makes me think about Steph, reconsider lookin' for her. Do I really want to know what happened to her? That she's dead and buried 'cus she let someone use her to do their dirty work?"

She makes herself a promise, that if she ever catches SAMCRO using her for anything she'll walk, that she'll go back to L.A, audition for Idol or whatever ratings grabber's on. Sometimes when she watches him sleep she thinks she might die for him, knows she'd put herself between a kid and a bullet. But for the club? No, sorry, wasn't going to happen.

"You wanna get rid of the house, need to find her to do that"

"No, I need to make a 'reasonable' effort to find her, if I can't then I'm legally entitled to sell it, might have to put half the cash away for her for a while. She's dead, I know she is, she'd have made some kind of contact if she was still breathing"

"She a lot older?"

"She is six years older"

"You don't think she's dead, if you did you wouldn't use words like 'is'"

"I...don't want to talk about this anymore"

"Promise me one thing?"

"Depends"

"Don't go all cold and crazy again after this, you've been doing good"

"Because I haven't been at the house"

"You've never been shot at there, why is the house the thing that makes you so damn jumpy"

"Because it's where all the worst shit's happened"

"Worse than drive by's?"

"Emotionally yes"

Emotionally. He couldn't do emotional. Fuck it, if it made her return to her normal self she'd never set foot in the house again.

* * *

Juice knew how this would go when he'd lifted Ima's limp, lifeless body out of the passenger seat and psyched himself up for a good performance. His story was that he got a call from her, begging him to come pick her up from a bar and found her limping at the side of the road not far from said bar.

But when the nurse approaches him she looks so genuinely sorry for him, when she speaks it's so apologetic, he feels bad for lying, just a tiny twinge but it's still something like guilty.

"I'm so sorry, your friend didn't make it" she told him, eyes wide and sympathetic.

Juice nodded, "I didn't think she would".

She's cute, she's got big blue eyes and hair that's all shiny and the colour of milk chocolate.

"The police are gonna wanna get a statement from you" she tells him without a hint of suspicion or accusation. "It's Jean Carlos, isn't it?"

Juices face fell.

"I was shadowing a nurse here last year, you got shanked in jail, right? I recognise your head tats. They hurt?"

"Are you trying to keep me around for the police?"

"No. If you need to 'vanish' I get it, I know you're a Son" she said quietly,

"I do. But it's Juice, my friends call me Juice"

"My friends call me Laura"

**Damedesoleil- firstly do your homework! The fics set after season 3, kind of AU in terms of how long the boys are behind bars for. Also, you caught me, I hate proof reading, I'm really lazy about it. **

**I decided Otto was out of prison because I felt like he should get revenge on Caruso, and I though Ima should get some kind of redemption before I killed her off.**


	11. Chapter 11

"I don't like baths" she said tiredly as Happy turned the taps on in Bobby's bathroom, the place was in desperate need of renovation, all the fixtures were almost vintage. He'd pressed his keys into Happy's palm and told him that he wouldn't be back tonight. That was good, progressive.

"You gotta wash off any DNA you might have picked up, just in case, this'll make you feel better too"

"I hate baths. Can't...can't do it" she said in a weary sigh.

He knelt down in front of her where she sat on the closed toilet lid so they were eye level. Resting his elbows on her thighs he held her hands in his and entwined their fingers.

"Why do you hate baths?"

She felt bad for him; he doesn't know what territory he's just stumbled into.

"It's nothing, I'll have the damn bath"

"Tell me" he demanded as softly as his raspy voice would allow,

She shook her head,

"When I was 8 my mom was on Paxil for a while but she couldn't really afford to stay on it so she was taking them every other day to 'make 'em last', you can imagine the kind of effect doing that had on her"

He nodded in what he hoped conveyed that he was listening. But fuck he could see where this was going and he wished he'd just let her bottle it all up.

"She was fucking crazy, sometimes I think I preferred her drunk. But this one day I woke up and she was perfect. The whole day she was just amazing, made me breakfast, lunch and dinner like a normal person, no cigarette butts in it, nothing still frozen, nothing 'imaginary'. We drew pictures and played hide and seek in those woods out back, it was so great"

Tears shone in her eyes but her smile was so wide. It was so fucked up that this was both the best and worst memory she had of her mother.

"And it came to bedtime and said she was gonna give me a bath. I was so happy I didn't argue at all. She ran it and put bubble bath in, washed me all over, played with my toes. She'd put shampoo in my hair and made it into a Mohawk. She told me to take a deep breath and she dipped me under the water to rinse it out. I held my breath for as long as I could but I started laughing, she looked so weird from under the water, all wobbly and not real. So I tried to sit back up but I couldn't, she was holding me down"

Yep, that's what he figured she'd say. He'd seen some horrific stuff, administered most of it. It's not the worst thing he's ever heard of but right now it feels like it and not because she's sitting right in front of him in the flesh. It's because it's her and she's his. Fuck, _three_ times! Three times someone's tried to take his girl's life!

"Then her hand went to my neck and she pressed down on it, and I coughed and spluttered and kicked my arms and legs out. And everything went blurry. Then Steph was dragging me out of the bath, screaming at her. She hadn't trusted it, hadn't enjoyed it with me, had been at Barbra and Jim's house all day. But she came home just in time, I mean a minute longer and I wouldn't be here now"

He half wants to say something super gay like 'then we need to find her so I can thank her' but that wasn't him, he wasn't the guy who said the perfect bullshit at the perfect time regardless of whether he means it or not. He was action, he did what needed to be done and did it without flinching.

"Well how 'bout I get in with you? Make sure nothin' happens"

* * *

"I don't feel guilty yet. That normal?"

The water didn't make a sound as she lifted her leg out, toes pointing upwards, leg a perfect 45 degree angle. She's done that 5 or 6 times already, likes the cool feeling of the atmosphere drying her flesh. And then when its bone dry she dip it back in and enjoy the warm tingly feeling of the water warming it again. Her body was resting against his chest, her body cradled between his bent legs. The water line came just below her tits, her nipples so hard and pink he couldn't help rolling them between his finger tips every so often.

"Normal's a relative term"

"You sounded like a science professor just then, so hot"

"That another fantasy of yours?"

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to 'play' mister"

"You're a really good actress" he said with a smirk as he remembered that particular night when he'd come into the diner and she'd presented him with a menu and shown him to a table. She'd leaned over him, cleavage on view and told him that if he wanted something that wasn't on the menu she'd be happy to give it to him. Awesome night.

"I know"

"Modest too"

"Modesty doesn't get you anywhere. My music and drama teacher told me that. He made going to school worth it"

"Had a crush?"

"Oh yeah. I tried to seduce him too"

"How'd that work out for you?"

"He was very sweet about it, told me that he was flattered but he didn't think of me in that way. And then I graduated and he asked if I wanted to 'hang out' sometime. Apparently he wanted to hit this but it wasn't worth losing his job for"

"And?"

"And I'd met this guy a few months before, this buff, tattooed, badass killer. My 'type' has been warped ever since. I was totally gonna try to fuck you in the back of the van you had that guy in, I was coming over trying to think of something to say to reel you in, then I saw that guys arm and all I could think about was getting the fuck out of there"

"You already had me baby"

"When did that happen?" she asked, surprised as hell.

"'Yeah'" he said in a breathy voice that was supposed to her hers, "'It's real sweet and moist', had me"

He snapped his fingers for emphasis.

"That was word for word, wasn't it?"

"I jerked off thinking about it more than once"

'Jerked off' had replaced 'fucked a sweetbutt' in the truth for her own sake.

"I wasn't trying to seduce you then"

"You don't even need to 'try'"

She threaded her fingers through his and they were quite for a moment.

"Tell me about your school days, what did you like?"

"Art. Only thing I liked, only thing I showed up for towards the end"

"You graduate?"

"Fuck knows, guess not"

"Bet you were the school bully"

"Nah, I was quiet, but no fucker messed with me"

"Crazy loaner?"

"I guess"

"So why join Sons of Anarchy if you're a loaner? That's, like, the opposite of being a loaner"

"Sometimes it feels like it's exclusively a club for crazy loaners"

"Crazy loaners who don't want to be alone"

"Exactly"

* * *

Caroline examined her finger tips staring intently at the wrinkled digits. They'd been in the bath for hours, the sun was beginning to make an appearance over the horizon, she could see the first hints of it through the bathrooms treated glass. She was so tired and the water was getting cold but she didn't want to move, they were back in their bubble, their bubble was her favourite place to be.

He let her wrap her hand around his wrist and held it out in front of them with hers.

"This is what our hands will look like when we're old. Well if I get to be old, so long as no one tries to kill me again"

"No one's gonna touch you baby, promise"

"Ok, if you promise"

She dropped his hand and leaned back into his chest.

"Think Bobby'd let us live here?"

"He'd let you live here, I would be a maybe that'd never happen"

"You and him, you're ok, right?"

"On most things"

"What do you disagree on?"

"On who gets to buy you a car"

"You don't have to buy me anything. I'm not board of you yet. But if you wanna buy me stuff I've got a sweet tooth"

"I noticed"

"I love Milk Duds"

"You love anything covered in chocolate"

"I'd love you covered in chocolate"

An awkward moment passes over them, it's like they were standing on the sidewalk and huge truck with the words 'THE moment' passes them and they're just watching it pass by.

"I like Butterfinger's" he says eventually, shattering the awkwardness.

"Gross. Something about nuts, I just don't want them near my mouth. _Don't_ say it, whatever you're thinking don't say it" she said, mildly amused at what her words might have meant.

"I was thinking about how you don't like Butterfingers but if my fingers were to slip right here you'd love it" he said as his index finger teased her pussy beneath the water.

"Yeah, I'd love that" she moaned, her head falling back against his shoulder. He gazed down into her eyes and they both grinned. Although they'd both let _THE_ moment pass the same thought passed through both their minds.

* * *

At the diner she fainted. She'd been half sure that the cops would be waiting for her when she showed up the next afternoon. She was pretty sure Seth was going to have to fire her next time she showed up at the restaurant and she wouldn't blame him one bit. But when she climbed off the back of Happy's bike there was nothing to indicate that anyone was aware of what transpired the night before. She'd given him a long, sloppy kiss goodbye and gone inside where Fred greeted her with his crooked smile. When he'd asked what she'd done to the floor she'd frozen for a second, then he'd said how shiny it had been and told her, whatever it was, do it again.

Over the next hour her anxiety had grown and grown until she realised, with a plate of 'Sky High Burger' balanced on one palm and a plate of fried chicken on the other, that she was standing precisely where the three men had fallen dead not even 24 hours before. Then everything went white, like when Happy made her body convulse in pleasure only lacking any pleasure at all.

She wasn't out long and came round when someone dumped a glass of water all over her face. She had a miniscule flashback to what she'd forever refer to as 'the bath incident', her heart stopped in her chest for a moment and she thought she might faint again.

"You ok honey?" Dotty asked, bent down as far as her joints would allow,

"Think so" Caroline managed, no louder than a whisper.

"Called your man, he's on his way"

Fuck, SAMCRO was going to think she was a real pain in the ass if she kept pulling the 'damsel in distress' shit.

She's ok by the time Happy appears in the doorway of the storeroom where she's downing her 4th glass of water and on her second 3 Musketeers...because you need sugar when you faint, right?

"What happened?"

She just shrugged,

"What does that mean?" he asked, mimicking her gesture.

"I was just standing there and the next I was on the floor, just like those guys" she said with a humourless laugh.

He bent down to her eye level and pressed his finger to her lips, giving her a look full of warning. Her eyes drifted downwards in shame, a lot of people had worked very hard to cover up what she'd done and here she was blowing it.

He scooped her up effortlessly and carried her out through the dining room and front door. She'd never actually seen an Officer and a Gentleman but she's seen the ending and doesn't think they look too far from it right now. They don't speak again until she's in the passenger seat of a car that he's probably 'borrowed' from the garage under the pretence of a 'test drive'.

"Sorry 'bout running my mouth off in there. But I'm getting away with murder, that just doesn't feel right"

"You're getting away with defending yourself; no one would believe that three guys didn't give you a reason when they came in packing heat"

"So why didn't we just call the cops?"

His eyes stay trained on the road ahead but one hand stays on the wheel while the other reaches out and took one of hers.

"The chance that they'd put you away was a chance that I wasn't willing to take. If you weren't around my life would suck"

"If you weren't around my life would suck too. You're, like, the only good thing in it sometimes"

"I still make you feel alive?"

"I didn't know what living was until I met you Hap, thought it was just breathing and going through the motions. But it's not, is it? It's surviving and making sure what makes you happy survives too"

Again, he wishes he had the words to tell her that this was how he felt but he didn't. This could be forever and he thought feelings like that would freak him out. But what freaks him out is the thought of her not being forever.

"It is" he confirmed, bringing her hand up to his lips and pressing a kiss to it.

"I really wanna fuck you right now, just so you know"

* * *

She didn't know the realtor at all. If they chatted they'd probably find a person in common but she didn't know John Limburg personally.

"The markets not great"

"Is it ever?"

"It's been very volatile this last...decade. I mean you'll no doubt get more than your parents paid for it but it's not going to achieve what it could if the market was on the rise"

She didn't correct him, why bother? It was a long and messy story that actually looked like it might have a happy ending.

"I'm gonna get rid of it and someone's going to get themselves a bargain, win-win" she shrugged.

When John Limburg heads out the door Lyla finally speaks. She'd been following them around the whole time he'd been valuing the house, saying nothing. Jesus, she wished she'd never told Lyla about selling the house, she'd been deafeningly silent about it the whole time, shooting her meaningful, penetrating looks all day.

"You're not doing this to get some cash to go back to L.A, are you? Because if you are that is some real dumb shit"

The involuntary urge to punch Lyla in the face rose in her chest. She got it any time anyone told her going back to L.A was a 'bad', 'silly', 'stupid' or 'unrealistic' idea. She'd been having coffee with Jim and Barbara, who for all intents and purposes were her grandparents, and she'd nearly dumped her mug over Jim when he'd told her it had been 'a _silly_ idea in the first place'.

"It's not about that. Sure it's great to have money for the first time in my entire life. But ever since the drive by I keep thinking about all the bad shit that's ever happened to me, 90% of it has been in this damn house"

Lyla reached out and brushed Caroline's hair behind her ears and held her face in her hands.

"Honey, getting rid of the place where bad shit happens won't stop bad shit from happening. And you don't need a reason to go looking for Steph"

"Who said anything about Steph?"

"You didn't have too, it's always about Steph, always has been"

Her words pierced through every wall Caroline had constructed for herself over the years, stabbed straight through them faster than she could recover and tears quickly filled her eyes.

"Sometimes I think I hate her" she whimpered,

"I do hate her for how she makes everyone worry, it's not fair to any of us, especially you" Lyla whispered, wrapping her arms around her cousin. Caroline was so much more than that though, she was her best friend, her sister, occasionally her child and her fellow old lady.

"I'm just scared you're going to go back to L.A and blow it all trying to get something that's never going to happen and then you'll have no house to come home to"

Sometimes it frightened Caroline how quickly her emotions could change, it frightened her even more to think that this was how her mother had been. But Lyla's words forced her to go from sad to angry in the blink of an eye. She broke away from Lyla's embrace and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Well if that happens I won't be darkening your door. And thanks for your continuing love and support, it's really heart warming" she spat,

"I don't support you _because_ I love you"

"Well I'm not going back so you must be thrilled! I'm selling the house Ly, live with it"

Later, when Lyla's given up and left, she sat in the middle of the living room floor, legs up to her chest. She usually repressed all the memories the house held but now she allowed herself to remember every last detail of every terrible memory.

She remembered the distressing acceptance that she'd felt the first time she'd invited a friend from school to her home to play only to have her mother behave so insanely that she knew Penny was going to tell everyone in her class on Monday, that she'd be a social pariah for the rest of her days.

She recalled the look in Stephanie's eyes on the nights when 'Uncle Pete' crept into their shared bedroom and pulled the covers of Stephanie's bed down, remembered the edge in his voice when he'd told her to go back to sleep. She'd also remembered the feeling of her mother's hand against her cheek when she'd tried to tell her what happened as Steph sat quietly at the breakfast table and denied it happened.

She remembered Hale, in the infancy of his career, taking her statement when Laura got raped in her back yard, asking her if there was anything she wasn't telling them and her stomach churning with nauseating guilt.

The memory of her mom hurling a lamp at her head and narrowly missing her, taking a chunk out of the dry wall and making her very aware that her mother nearly killed her for a second time, made that morning's breakfast attempt to force its way up her gullet.

Catching Stephanie lugging suitcases out of the door was the worst, being told that her sister loved her but couldn't stick around for her was the worst, she'd only felt that level of betrayal once more.

She had some good memories. Most of them involving Happy. But she also had the memory of him telling her 'not to expect anything' from him and the sensation of her heart shattering in her chest. She loathed that she'd let herself get that attached that quickly. Foolish girl.

But now...this was different. When he got out of jail she'd been guarded, reminded herself that it could all fall apart at the drop of a hat, to enjoy it but not to get invested.

But she loved him, even when she didn't know him she'd loved the idea of him. Then he'd become real, been given a name, she'd spent time with him, had actual conversations and fallen in love with the real him, even the dark, scary parts. Then he'd fucked it up, sent her away, gone to jail, made her aware of who her father was, semi-stalked her, won her back and she'd nearly died twice.

And fuck she was in deep, so deep she was slowly letting go of the thing she'd cried herself to sleep promising herself she'd accomplish all through childhood and adolescence. It wouldn't be the first time she'd broken promises she'd made to herself, wouldn't be the last either.


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't love this chapter, I might rewrite it.**

Bobby promised himself he wasn't going to cry. But when Caroline narrowly missed sending them into a fire hydrant he felt like he might. He'd spent so much time on the Impala and she seemed hell bent on destroying it as they took it for its first official 'spin'.

"I love it, love, love, love it!" she shrieked as they turned back onto main street.

"Ten and Two! Ten and Two!" Bobby heard himself yelling. He'd never thought he'd be a 'nervous' parent but when it came to something that had the potential to explode on impact he got a little tense.

"Sorry. But seriously Bobby thank you so much for this, this is the best thing anyone's ever given me" she grinned.

"You're welcome darlin', Merry Christmas"

"I feel like Santa's gonna have me on a hit list for getting it so early"

"I hate to break it to you but Santa's not real" he told her as she pulled into the gates of Teller-Morrow.

Caroline pretended to gasp in horror,

"You've robbed me of a little of my innocence, you truly are my parent. I mean that's all a parent is, someone who gets a newborn baby and removes all it's innocence"

"We're occasionally good for bailing you out of jail"

"Don't tell me that, I'll abuse it"

"You got mug shots?" he asked in disbelief as she did a piss poor job of parking.

"Oh yeah, mine are good too, arrested on prom night, I'm all dolled up. Sorry if you're hearing shit you don't want to hear about me"

"Nothing you could tell me would make me think badly of you" he said in a voice so genuine it made her heart ache, both because of the warm sentiment and because she doubted it, she knew there were deal breakers with everyone, even her father.

"Thanks again" she said softly, leaning over awkwardly and hugging him.

"Ok" said Tig admitted as she climbed out of the car, "We've done a pretty good job on that heap you dragged in here last month"

She felt herself smile, it was the closest she'd ever get to hearing him admit he was wrong.

"'We'? You mean you helped?"

"You gotta have someone who knows what they're doing sweetheart"

"You didn't touch my breaks, right? I don't have to worry about that, do I?"

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see" he said with that same nasty smile he always had and waled back into the garage. She liked Tig...sometimes.

"If I thought for a second he'd put you in danger he'd never ride again" a raspy voice rumbled in her ear and she felt panties become moist in a heartbeat. His breath fell upon her neck and in the mild December weather her skin prickled with Goosebumps. Happy wrapped himself around her from behind and her hands reached back around his neck, pulling him closer.

"You're, like, really sweet sometimes, you're gonna give me diabetes"

"Baby, if you had diabetes I don't know what you'd do. You're a sugar junkie"

"I am, gotta go to sugar-rehab. Maybe they could treat my Happy addiction while I'm there" she grinned as he unwound her arms from his neck and twirled her round a couple of times before finally stopping her to face him.

"Maybe you should try that over exposure shit, see if that works"

"Worth a try" she shrugged and stood on her tiptoes, his lips on hers was a sensation that she never wanted to go a day without.

"Gonna be hard to do if I'm not drivin' you round anymore"

"Sucks, I like you picking me up from work. Like doing it on the counter...and in the booths...and against the fridge"

"Can still do that baby" he said with a throaty chuckle as he leaned down and kissed her.

"We can do it in 'our' own place" she smiled. She'd been on that for a while, getting 'their' own place. It surprised him how much that didn't bug him. He'd prefer her not to sell the house, he liked her being tied to Charming in a more solid way than her tenuous family ties, but they'd be renting somewhere nicer in a more populated area. He thinks maybe it was the isolation that was making her on edge, sudden bumps in the night were far scarier if there was no one else around to make them.

"You're my boyfriend, right?" she blurted out suddenly,

"What?"

Her teeth sank into her bottom lip and she looked like she regretted asking in the first place but repeated it anyway.

"That's what we are right? You're my boyfriend and I'm your girlfriend?"

It sounds so lame, so weak and pathetic to put it that way; it completely waters down the intensity of it all into something generic like everyone else has.

"No" he says finally,

"No?" she asks, eyes wide and sad and he can see her hearts about to break behind them so he saves it the trouble quickly.

"No. You're my lover" he told her in that gravelly voice.

Her mouth broke out into a gigantic grin. The second he said it she felt her heart explode in her chest and her panties grew even damper.

* * *

Although she protested all the way to the door that she had no idea why she was being dragged along Caroline was perfectly aware of why she was heading towards Tara Knowls' hospital room. She knew both the reason and her motivation, to visit her and her knew born son and because Gemma didn't like her.

Lyla's arms were laden with flowers and a gigantic blue...she wasn't sure, it was like a bear got it on with an octopus, cute though. She'd help but her tote bag was weighing her down, every so often she'd hear this 'glug' sound coming from within followed by the clinking of glass.

When they got to the door she could see Gemma inside, holding the bundle of blankets containing baby boy Teller part deux while Tara sat up in the bed, Able on her lap. Caroline wasn't scared of Gemma, and she probably should have been, it would probably benefit their relationship. But Gemma reminded her of her mother and Caroline was done being scared of her mom.

She entered first and held the door open for Lyla who couldn't be seen through the gigantic bouquet.

"How you doing?" Lyla smiled as she laid the flowers onto the empty chair and made her way over to Tara's bedside.

"You didn't tell me I'd stay this sore" Tara smiled tiredly,

"Well there wasn't anything you could have done about it so why give you shit to worry about? How's the little man, got a name yet?"

"Not yet, it's hard"

"Yeah, I let Lisa-Marie over there name Piper" she said nodding towards Caroline, trying to bring her into the conversation "I was so drugged up I would have let her call him anything"

"I was heavily into Charmed. I was also, like, 14; you're lucky I didn't go with Will."

"Got any name ideas?" Tara asked her,

"Cain? Little bit obvious. Or 'Ready', and then when you have another you can call him 'Willing'"

"No, no more, it was like pushing a watermelon out"

"That's what I said" said Gemma in that tone of hers that's so measured and confident you don't doubt that her words were exactly what she wanted to say, "Then I had another. Could name him after his grandfather"

"Or John" Tara shrugged and Caroline _might_ have been imagining it but a look passed between the two Old Ladies so intense it may have produced a diamond out of thin air. Lyla's eyes met hers for a brief moment.

"I should get him home for his nap" Gemma said after a perfectly considered silence,

"You should" Tara agreed and they carefully swapped children and said tense goodbyes.

"I'm gonna see if they have anything to hold those" Lyla said, arm flailing out in the general direction of the flours and followed Gemma out the door. Caroline didn't doubt that Lyla was going to make sure that she and Gemma were still ok, might try and play peace maker albeit unsuccessfully, maybe remind Gemma of the wild hormone shifts in post pregnancy.

Caroline stood in silence for a moment before moving closer to the bed.

"Ok, I know why I don't like Gemma but what's up with you two?"

"It's long...and complicated...and none of your business"

"Fair enough" Caroline shrugged off the hostility, "I bought you some stuff. I figured everyone would be bringing you baby stuff. I also figured you've already got a kid, a boy no less, so you've got all the baby stuff you need. So I bought things for you" she said as she pulled out her first offering.

Jillian Michaels: 6 Week Six-Pack;

"She's evil and hates fat people but she's got a hot body- fact. But if you're one of those 'I just want to let myself go' people I baked you my chocolate fudge brownie's, they're the best brownies ever, I'm not even being a dick, they are that good, want one?"

She held out the Tupperware crammed full of calories in a casual manner, completely opposite to the neurotic mess she was inside chanting 'please take one, please like me, if you don't like me I'm screwed'.

Tara regarded the girl who Gemma had described as 'as naive as they come'. Was she naive offering a new mother a workout DVD or was she a genius? No, she was just thinking about what she'd want to be given had she just given birth.

Tara allowed a small smile to grace her lips as she reached out and took one of the brownies. It was moist and heavy in her hand and she could imagine how it was going to feel in her mouth. She'd underestimated it tenfold, it was chewy and glorious.

"That's amazing" Tara said between mouthfuls.

Caroline smiled; someday she'd be able to charm people without baked goods, but not right now.

"And if you want something to wash it down with"

She pulled her last offering out of the tote and placed it on the table at the side of the hospital bed.

Absolute Vodka.

"Do you think that's appropriate?" Tara asked with a small smile.

"I have never encountered anything hard drinking wasn't a cure for"

"I'll keep that in mind when I've stopped breast feeding"

* * *

Sergio Coletti pinched the bridge on his nose in the locked bathroom stall. This was bad, this was very bad. When the Vegas P.I had called and said he had a really likely timeline of the events leading up to the last time anyone had seen or heard from Stephanie Sweet Sergio had not comprehended it's potential to devastate Caroline's life. He wasn't going to tell her the whole truth. Couldn't, for her own good. He dragged his feet returning to his workspace where she sat at his desk, his heavy bronze model of the Colosseum in her hands as she examined it closely.

"Ever been?" he asked in a friendly, casual tone.

"Never been out of the country, up till last year I'd never been out of California"

"Gotta see the world, Rome's the best place to start, great city, tons of shit to see"

"It's weird to think millions of people go to see where people were killed, like, on purpose"

"Could say the same about battlefields and Auschwitz"

"That's different though, isn't it? The people who died there didn't die for other people's fun and when people go there it has to mean something to them, they have to feel something. You go here" she said holding up the model, "you go as a tourist and you can walk away without feeling anything. But I like this, you can see all the details"

She has a post card of it on her old bedroom wall among many others of places around the world. She always wanted to travel, she always told herself that she'd see these things when she was on her world tour, maybe hold concerts at them. The most vivid fantasy was one she'd perform at the arc de triumph, right on top, with thousands of people flooding the Champs-Élysées just to hear her sing. But she'd never get to do that, not now, she was letting go of childish aspirations and taking on grown up ones. Like renting a house with your boyfriend. Realistically she'd probably get over the weird issues she's got going on with the house but as long as they're living there it'll never be their house, always hers.

When she first approached Sergio about her sister he had made sure she understood that it might give her answers she didn't want. She's nodded and said that she understood but her eyes gave it away, there was so much hope in them he hates what he was about to do.

"I...It's not 'good' news, but it's conclusive, maybe gives you some closure"

Her eyes instantly became empty and sad, just glassy marbles that sat in her head and blinked occasionally throughout the whole conversation.

"According to the P.I Stephanie arrived in Vegas four years ago around June and started working at Sunset Lounge around the same time. It's a strip-club and licence brothel. She worked there for a year until she stated working for Leon Moretti at various locations in and around Vegas. From the sounds of it Leon Moretti attracts trouble, he's got his hands everywhere, he answers to a higher power where the drug dealings concerned but has a lot of dealers working for him, he's a partner in a casino too but it's the drugs that led to your sister's disappearance." He paused for a moment and took in her face. It was as expressionless as he'd ever seen it, he wasn't entirely convinced that she was taking in everything he was saying, he'd be glad if she wasn't.

"A local gang caught his boys dealing in their territory a couple of times and decided it was about time he started paying up. He didn't much like the idea of ponying up half his profit so he declined their offer of 'protection', naturally some tit-for-tat went on until they got what we assume to be video footage of one of his guys dealing to some big shot politician's dumb ass kid and that didn't sit too well with Moretti's Kingpin who backs this big shot politician to look after his interests so Moretti got Stephanie to infiltrate this gang as their version of...what do you call 'em? Crow Eaters? Find out where this footage was and steal it, which she did but at a price 'cus this gang doesn't take too kindly to getting screwed. She hasn't been seen or heard of in over 2 years Caroline, I'm sorry. I think you could get her pronounced dead easy enough without..." he trails off the second her eyebrows twitch towards each other and her eyes widen. Fuck, if she cries he doesn't know what he's going to do.

But she doesn't, she holds it together.

"Thank you for all the work you put in" she says quietly with a thin, tight smile before standing up and walking quickly to the door.

She's probably going to break down the second she's around the corner but his news could have done so much worse to her. It could have destroyed her blossoming relationship with her father and obliterated the one she had with the Son's killer.

* * *

She cried a lot lately. It felt like the more into this they got the more she cried. Fuck, all he wanted to do was make her happy, make them both happy. But life is like that, you can't always be the thing that makes a person happy, but you can be the person who holds your lovers hand when everything's going to shit. He hates playing that role; he's action, not comfort. He's not practised at it so he doesn't know if he's doing it right.

"What'd he say?" he asked, sitting next to her on the park bench where they'd agreed to meet. He wound his arm around her and pulled her close.

"She's...gone, the body just needs to turn up" Caroline sobbed,

"Sorry baby" he said, kissing the top of her head.

"I mean I knew it was likely, more than likely. You were right, I just never really accepted it"

Once again he doesn't have soothing words to ease the hurt. He bets Teller does, bets his doctor is always whining about anything that comes into her big ol' brain and there's Jax with the right words to make everything good again.

"And the worst part...the worst part is if I got her declared dead Jim and Barbara would find out that I never saw her in Vegas, that I lied to them, it'd all come out and they'd hate me" she wheezed before descending back into sobs.

"Why'd you lie to them?"

"To make them feel better, so they wouldn't worry"

"So tell 'em that, they can't be mad if you did it 'for' them"

"Sure they can" she sniffed, "I let them walk around thinking that their grandkid was ok, breathing at least. I hate telling people what they don't wanna hear"

He doesn't think that's true, after all she managed to tell Opie that his marriage was in trouble, told Tig he's losing his hair and very often tells him that she's spending her night off with Seth which he _never_ wants to hear.

"You're too sweet baby, gotta toughen up"

"Gotta turn into Gemma?" she said, finally composing herself.

"Don't turn into Gemma, she's aggressive, can get you into trouble sometimes. You ok now?"

She whipped her last tears away and nodded even though she wasn't, not really.

"C'mon, let's go see this 'dream house' of yours"


	13. Chapter 13

"So you're in a good mood?" he growled as he finally managed to catch his breath,

"Oh yeah" she grinned, finally summoning the strength to climb off him and onto the space on the bed in his dorm, her body curling into his, "I had a very, very good day. I had a visit from the mayor, he came by my house and wants to buy it, offered me triple the asking price"

"Triple?"

"Triple" she confirmed, "as long as he's got the keys in his hand Monday morning"

"Baby, why would Hale offer you three times the price for your place?"

He felt her try to shrug against him;

"Don't know, don't care. I just know that I am gonna have some serious cash" she said, unbelievable bliss in her voice, "I can put a deposit down on that place on Sycamore on Monday. And I mean I can really do stuff with that kind of money! And I've been thinking about what I'm really good at besides singing"

He had a list of what he considered her most valuable skills but he'd made his feelings about her using them on anyone but him clear from the beginning.

"Baking! At first I thought I could see about training as a pastry chef at the restaurant 'cus I gotta tell you their deserts suck, their apple pie is apple dry"

He gave an appreciative snort at that but didn't quite smile.

"But now I could open my own bakery-cafe type thing!"

"Don't you need experience?"

"I have 'experience', been working at the diner since I was 16"

"On and off"

Why is he pissing all over this? This is exactly what he wants. He wants her to have more than her tenuous family links tying her Charming because he knew deep down that her heart was still 350 miles south on the I-5. Oh yeah, he'd seen it, whenever she slipped up and found herself talking about it like she was still there her eyes became excited and he knew she'd go back to L.A if she could.

"No, you're right, your bakin' skills are phenomenal, it's gonna be perfect. What you gonna call your place?"

"I want it to be something funny, like I-sPie or something"

"Not everything has to be a pun baby"

"Or HaPie and glorious, or Half-Baked or 'I Knew You Were Coming'"

"What?"

"You know, like the song. 'If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake, baked a cake, baked a cake. If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake, Howd-ya do, howd-ya do, howd-ya do" she sang softly, "But when I know you're cuming I tense my pussy walls"

"Yeah, you do" he growled and rolled himself on top of her, his mouth attacking her neck.

She moved her hand down his body and wrapped it around his cock, rubbing it back to hardness within seconds. One of his hands tangled it's self in her hair while the other found its way to her cunt and teased her until she was wet again. The condom they'd used before was discarded somewhere and a fresh one was rolled on in the blink of an eye, hands so all over the place that neither of them could be sure who'd performed the task. She'd read Othello at some point in High school and it had described fucking as 'making the beast with two backs', one organism with two sets of limbs and no front. She liked Shakespeare; he seemed to have some issues with spelling like she did. As Happy slid his cock inside her with one hard thrust, that was exactly how she felt, like they were one living thing.

He waited a moment for her to adjust to the intrusion but when he felt her nails digging into his bare ass and her legs winding their way around his hips he knew she was fine. Sometimes he liked to demonstrate tremendous self control and just stay there, buried inside her and let her beg him to move, feel her try to flex her hips in search of the wonderful friction that she craved. But he didn't have time to 'torture' her today. Sometimes he thought he might prefer this kind of torture to the grizzly punishment he inflicted on all who crossed SAMCRO. After all he had passed on assisting Otto in his revenge upon Caruso to spend the night in the tub, her naked back pressed against his, pseudo-brain washing her into seeing that killing was a sometimes necessary means of survival.

He moved his length out of her before slamming back in at a ferocious pace over and over again. Her eyes went from intensely staring into his to rolling back in her head to closed, her mouth hung open from start to finish, emitting pants and sighs until finally she wailed out her praise.

"So fucking good" he growled as he felt her pussy contract around him one last time and he found his release.

"Yeah, you are" she sighed into his ear as his head dropped onto her shoulder, his whole weight falling dead on top of her, her tits pressed against his chest.

* * *

"Hale is buying up all the land around the streams" Clay announced in Church. Happy felt one of his hands clench into a fist. He wasn't going to like what was coming, he could just feel it.

"Remember Darby's meth lab down there? Apparently Hale's willing to pay big for the property. He's gonna sell to a conglomerate, no doubt about it; we'll be seeing a superstore on our doorstep in two years time. That is if Hale doesn't get the last two pieces of his puzzle. Darby's willing to sell to Oswald at Hales price, not a penny less. Oswald thinks he can build starter homes on the land, so long as he gets the premises bordering it"

Happy knew immediately when he heard 'the streams' this item of business had to do with Caroline. Everything she'd chatted excitedly about yesterday was going to shit. And he'd been the one to pull the trigger. As soon as he'd recovered from his orgasm the night before he'd pulled on his clothes and told her there was something he needed to deal with before dropping a kiss on her lips and promising he'd be back soon. Out in the clubhouse he'd interrupted Tig's 'courtship' and told him about Hale's offer. Clay was there within the hour, the sun barley visible over the horizon. And now here was Clay making shit complicated with his alliance with Oswald.

"Luckily the property belongs to a friend of ours" Clay grinned, arms out, palms to the sky like he's Jesus or something.

"He can match Hale's offer, right?" says Bobby cautiously.

"Thing is Oswald's barley gonna turn a profit on this, maybe make a loss, has to cut costs wherever he can, it's about pissin' on Hale but that means no big payoff for your girl"

When he says 'your girl' no one's certain if he's talking to Bobby or Happy, just like Clay intended. He's aware Gemma doesn't much care for the girl and she causes tension between Bobby and Happy. But she's useful now and on balance the 'three guys-one diner' incident wasn't something he could hold against her because it had been their fault for not doing something about Caruso earlier. All in all she could be a bigger pain in his ass, but honestly if she spontaneously combusted it'd save him a lot of trouble.

"I ain't tellin' her" Happy shrugged,

"Me neither" Bobby scoffed,

"I don't mind breakin' the bad news to her, just givin' you a heads up"

"Great, I gotta introduce my pissed off girl to my former charter, that's just great. Can it at least wait till morning?"

"Sooner she knows the sooner she'll calm down and sign on the dotted line"

"Can I get a couple of hours with her first?"

"Think we can do that"

This should have been a good night; the two Washington charters were coming down with Oregon insuring an awesome blow out party. He wasn't sure who the big gossips were but news of Caroline had spread north, all of Tacoma wanted to meet her. He wasn't sure what they were expecting but he knew Caroline probably wasn't it. She looked younger than she was, wore flowery dresses in every colour of the rainbow and generally didn't fit the mould of an Old Lady. He'd asked her to look her best and he thinks she understood what that meant.

Clay banged the gavel, adjourning the meeting and they flood out into the clubhouse. Within an hour the music's loud and the women have come out to play as well as the various hang around's and Nomad's. The outside charters pull into the lot an hour later, earlier than they'd predicted, Clay would have postponed Church till their arrival but they couldn't have all squeezed into the chapel and frankly, he senses some decent in the ranks that had developed when they were inside.

Half an hour later Caroline strutted up the lot dressed to impress. She'd known what she was going to wear the moment he'd asked her to 'look her best'. It was a black, sequin dress, long sleeved, impossibly short with a back so low her ass crack could almost be seen. Another favourite stage outfit from L.A. She'd spent hours straightening her hair before carefully arranging it into a sleek ponytail. Her face didn't look like hers, the tiny dot of a mole that rested on her cheek was invisible, her lips were covered in pale pink lipstick and her eyes were framed in flawless black eyeliner and purple eye shadow.

She looked amazing but he wouldn't miss it when she washed it all off and slipped on her uniform, ready for work at the diner.

* * *

"You" Koz said, pointing at her with his index finger "are a goddamn legend in Tacoma. Seriously, every sweetbutt is talkin' 'bout the woman who managed to tie down the killah here. How'd you do it? Gotta be black magic or some shit"

Happy wasn't particularly thrilled that this was the topic of conversation but it was a welcome change from hearing about her new aspiration. She'd really been thinking about it and it was a genuinely good use of her skills. She'd been talking about 'premises' that were free, 'hygiene certificates', 'frosting'. Sex was off the menu tonight.

"No, it's pie"

Jesus, please don't let her bring up baking again.

"What?"

"Pie, I make really awesome pie. I mean I put out like crazy but it is mostly the pie. Ain't that right?" she asked, twisting in his arms to look at him.

"Something like that" he grinned, "you ain't bad to look at either"

"Awww, nicest thing he's ever said to me" she lied for appearances sake, turning back to Koz and jerking her thumb back at Happy.

"I believe ya, not famous for you kind words, are ya Hap?"

"I'm all action"

"Yeah you are" she smirked, reaching back and brushing her hand over his crotch. She must have been drunker than she thought to do that. Even Happy was a little surprised but he let out a raspy laugh and pulled her back so she was completely pressed against him, he leaned down and bit into her neck roughly. Caroline squealed in surprise and twisted back around, untangling her arms from his and winging them round his neck, pulling her flesh from his mouth and putting her lips there instead.

"Yeah, I'm still here" Koz said, cleaning his throat.

"Sorry, we're so rude, it's terrible" Caroline apologised, arms still around Happy, her body as close to his as she could get.

"Nah, I was the same way with...what's her name...shit, what was her name?"

"Bambi? Candi? Shandi?" Happy shrugged, "round the club we just called her 'big rack, low standards'"

"Oh that's nice man, that's real nice"

"Whatever, you and her lasted a month then you were onto 'bigger rack, lower standards'"

"Yeah, she was a keeper. So your ink must be spectacular, a real masterpiece with Hap on the iron"

Koz knew his mistake when Happy's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. Fucking Koz, why'd he have to go and say that, Christmas was weeks away and it would have been perfect to spend all day branding her, bit by bit, she'd have to stay naked all day long and if it hurt he'd just have to find a way to release her endorphins. And now the element of surprise was gone, fucking obliterated. Absolutely best thing about it? She hadn't even mentioned it. He'd seen many of his brother's bitches nag and moan about when they were gonna officially make them their old ladies and in SAMCRO that meant putting a crow tat on a woman.

"I haven't got 'ink'" Caroline said, her voice casual but you could tell that she felt awkward saying it, that she wasn't sure why she didn't.

"Not rushin' it till I've got the perfect stencil worked out, don't want her walkin' round with some rush job"

"Don't want anyone questioning your workmanship?"

"Exactly, it's gotta be perfect 'cus that shit's forever"

* * *

"I'm runnin' low here" she said with a fake polite smile to the crow eater as she waved her glass in front of her. Jesus, she was turning into a dick and she wouldn't have really blamed the faux red-head if she spat in her glass...but she wasn't going to drink whatever was bought back, it was a power thing.

But she was loving this, everyone she met was looking at her like she was the holy grail or something. And Happy was so fucking proud of her, she was playing the part like there was an Oscar riding on it. The Tacoma president had tactlessly dismissed her moments before so he could talk to Happy in private and rather than telling him that rather than 'walkin' that sweet ass somewhere else' she'd rather 'walk it into his skull and groin' she'd simply turned and moved herself over to the couches where Opie and Jax were politely fending off the advances of crow eaters and sweetbutts.

"You ok?" Opie asked,

"I got dismissed" she said, voice full of attitude.

"Duke's a dick darlin', don't worry 'bout it" Jax offered as the crow eater placed a full glass into Caroline's hand.

"Thanks" she smiled before glancing down into the glass, expecting to see a foaming lump of saliva floating in it but saw nothing. She still wasn't going to drink it though.

"But that aside, you enjoyin' yourself? Everyone playin' nice? No one we can call on their shit givin' you shit?"

She nodded vigorously;

"No, everyone's bein' really nice, it's strange"

"'Couse they are, you're with a 'killah'" said a voice she knew and Tig came to sit in the spot beside her, exchanging a look with Jax and Opie that they all seemed to understand.

"Where's the retard tonight?" he asked, noting the absence of Juice from the room who'd vanished after church.

"He's been MIA lately" Jax admitted,

"You really haven't worked it out yet?" Caroline asked, head cocked to the side, they stared back clueless, "he's got a girl"

"I shoulda known man, Hap was exactly the same way, kept disappearing every night"

"Maybe Juice'll bring back your long lost offspring" Caroline shrugged,

"Or your man's" Tig shrugged back, "Refresh my memory, you old enough to drink?" he asked snatching the glass out of her hand and downing it. She'd tell him that a Crow Eater probably spat in it but she thought that would probably have been a waste of breath seeing as Tig had probably swapped saliva with every Crow Eater here.

"C'mon" he said nodding in no particular direction, "Clay wants to talk to you"

"'Bout?" she asked, head rearing back and nose scrunching in total bemusement. What would Clay want with her? She looked to Jax and Opie for some kind of explanation but they averted their gaze and Tig took her elbow, not roughly, and guided her to the back rooms.

* * *

She hadn't got it at first, why they needed this private conversation just to ask her to sell to a different guy. Then it clicked. She was getting screwed. She was 'taking a hit for the club' and she wasn't being asked, she was being 'told'. But she'd nodded obediently, she wasn't entirely clued up on this whole 'MC life' but she knew better than to argue with the President and the Sergeant At Arms while alone in a room with them and a loud party raging on outside was a bad idea. They left her alone to compose herself and she was surprised when she didn't cry. She was a crier. You'd imagine somewhere down the line she'd have grown that thick skin Happy had mentioned days before but it had failed to materialise.

Eventually she took a deep breath and told herself she'd be fine as soon as she was with Happy. She found him waiting for her at the end of the small hallway, standing on the periphery of the party.

"You ok?" he asked, and something else dawned on her.

"You knew!" she yelped, "you let me go on about all my plans for that kind of money and you knew!"

"Yeah, I knew" he confirmed,

"And you didn't tell me! You didn't prepare me to be disappointed! You just let me ramble on and on!"

How the fuck could he promise that that no one was going to hurt her and let her find out that the one thing that allowed her to see a future in Charming wasn't going to happen from someone else?

"I know you're upset but calm the fuck down" he said in a low, dangerous voice, aware that they were attracting some attention.

Her jaw hung open like a snake about to devour a whole deer.

"I can't fucking believe you sometimes Hap! It's one thing letting your 'brothers' talk to me like that but you can't, ok? You can't talk to me like that and expect me to spread my legs! Do you even know what I'm giving up to stay here! What I'm sacrificing!"

"Your 'singing career'? Grow up Caroline"

There was that urge again, the 'I want to punch you in the gut' feeling, the 'I want to throw hot coffee on you' feeling, the 'I'm gonna slap you round the face as hard as I can' feeling.

Her hand shot out and made contact with his cheek so hard her hand stung and he shifted backwards slightly. The sensible part of her brain told her to move fast because if she stood there and let him 'react' it'd do damage that couldn't be repaired. She moved surprisingly quickly given her heals were 6 inches.

As she moved through the clubhouse all eyes were on her.

* * *

"There's a part tonight" he told her, coming to stand very close to her, so close he could feel her breath on his lips.

"There's a party every Friday, should know, some poor bastard gets dragged into the ER lookin' like they've been in a one sided boxing match" Laura said, voice light but knowing. Juice wasn't exactly bull shitting her about being in an MC but she knew he was sugar coating some of the stuff he told her. What she and Juice had was weird, they flirted heavily, kissed a lot but that was it. When he'd vanished from the hospital corridor that night she figured she'd catch glimpses of head tat's around town but she never thought he'd seek her out.

"_**Shouldn't you be in hiding?"she asked nervously as she came to stand in front of him in a secluded spot in one of St Thomas' hallways.**_

"_**What? Oh no, I didn't...I just found her like that, I didn't do anything to her so I got no reason to hide" **_

"_**I think we both know that's not how the law works, not everyone who does something bad gets punished for it like they should. And sometimes perfectly innocent people to time for shit they didn't even do. Sorry, sometimes I just talk to fill the silence, I should really learn to reel it in"**_

_**Juice grinned; her eyes, like, sparkled as she spoke, the big blue peepers were like the pacific ocean on the sunniest day of the year.**_

"_**It's ok, I talk shit all the time"**_

"_**Bet no one tells you that, you're a 'scary biker', 'scary bikers' don't get told off"**_

"_**You think I'm scary?"**_

_**She shook her head,**_

"_**You look scary but you're not. Sorry, did you need somethin'?"**_

"_**Your number?"**_

_**Laura snorted but a wide smile appeared on her lips;**_

"_**Smooth"**_

"_**I thought so"**_

Now they stood, toe to toe in her bedroom. That Rod Stewart song keeps going on in his head, 'Tonight's the night'. They've been dancing round it, she gets him all would up and sends him back to the clubhouse to take it out on a Crow Eater. But tonight's the night, he can feel it.

"But there's a really big party tonight"

"So why are you telling me this? Why are you here and not there?"

"Because" he shrugged,

"Because?"

"Because I want to be here...with you" he admitted before leaning down and let his lips catch hers in a hungry, intense kiss. As their mouths moved against each other she rose on her tip toes and wound her arms around his neck. His hands went straight to her ass and eventually migrated to the front of her jeans. He's barley slid past the waistband before her hand was wrapping round his wrist and pulling his hand away.

"Can we just stop? There's something you should know" she said, voice calm and level.

Juice sighed;

"Are you even interested in me or am I completely misreading you? Because it wouldn't be the first time I got it completely wrong"

"No, I like you, like you a lot and in that way, it's just that I can't rush into that kind of thing. We're friends, right? I can tell you stuff?" she asked as she moved to sit on the end of the bed, patting the spot next to her.

"Course" he said as he sat next to her.

"Ok. When I was 14 I got raped" it felt like a disservice to herself to put it so simply, it had been horrendous and traumatic and sometimes it felt like it needed more than 7 basic words to convey the events. "And every guy I tell that to has one of two reactions. They either don't want their prints on the train wreck or they say it doesn't change how they think of me but then they treat me like I'm made of glass. I don't want to be treated differently, for anyone to have to sensor themselves for me or let me get away with shit. Sorry, but I kind of have you pegged for the first guy" she smiled sadly, running her and over the soft bristles of his Mohawk.

Juice put his hand on her sternum, pushed her down onto the bed and leaned over her.

"I am neither of those guys" he told her with a soft smile that she returned.

* * *

He didn't expect her to be here. He went to Bobby's place first where she's stayed a few nights this week, so has he but Bobby doesn't acknowledge the fact that he's been climbing through the back bedroom window and he's been having very intense, very quiet and very hot sex with Caroline.

But as he pulls up to her house the headlight on his bike lights up the Impala parked outside.

"C'mon Caroline, I know you're in there" He called loudly, rapping on the door.

She held out like he knew she would and he might have let her string it out for a little while, have her tantrum but it was coming up to 2:00 AM and it had been a long day.

"I ain't afraid to kick the door down and you know it" he warned her and eventually he heard shuffling behind the front door and eventually it opened.

She gave him a long, penetrating stare before shuffling back into the living room. He closed the door behind him and slowly followed her. She sat curled up on the couch, legs tucked up beneath her and when he sat next to her she attempted to move even more into the couch arm.

"Know how you don't like tellin' people shit they don't want to hear?" he asked, wondering if he's even going to get a reply "Well I don't like tellin' you shit you don't want to hear. Makin' you sad is the last thing I want to be doing"

"I just can't believe you let me get excited. You must have known when I told you about Hale's offer that it was way too good to be true"

"I did. But didn't you? He offered you triple so when he sold to the Big-Corp USA the headline on the 'San Joaquin Gazette' wouldn't be 'Charming Mayor Cheats Residents'"

"Hap, I am not smart, like, at all. It's why I can't 'make it' outside this dead end town, why the one thing I'm good for is waitressing. I don't know what to say. I mean I get it. SAMCRO has to keep Charming small so it can 'rule it' with its leather fist, but I'm disappointed and you were part of that. And I know I just thought of it but it was the most tangible thing I've ever wanted. All my life all anyone's ever told me is that my singing isn't a 'viable career option'" she said, quoting her high school guidance counsellor, "and now I just can't picture the future, I can't see what our future looks like and that scares the hell out of me."

That was sort of a lie. She had a vague vision of it; she just didn't like what she saw. It was full of keeping her mouth shut and taking SAMCRO's shit like a good girl. Living 'for the club', 'for the club' becoming her fucking catch phrase.

"I could see what my future with Seth would have been, kinda shoved me out of town really. Get pregnant, get married, in that order, give him a second chance when I catch him screwing around on me, threaten divorce on the second time and finally, on the third strike, get divorced and live on the bread line till I meet some guy who'll put up with the kids and screw around on me all the same but I'll have learnt my lesson about calling a man on his shit and pretend I don't see the very obvious signs"

You could hear the clock on the wall ticking away the seconds in the silence that followed until finally he spoke.

"How did you picture it? What did you think your life was gonna be?"

"I was gonna be a star" she shrugged, "the next fucking Madonna"

"Because famous people are just so goddamn happy" he said almost snidely.

"I know it sounds ridiculous that I would actually think my life would turn out like that but that's what I needed to tell myself, that all the suffering was going to get repaid"

"With money? Caroline, having millions of dollars doesn't make you happy"

"With fame" she sighed, "I don't want to be rich, I want millions of people to feel the way about me the way I feel about Ronni Spector and Patsy Cline. When I hear them I feel it right here and here" she said laying one hand on her heart and the other on her stomach.

"People feel that way about you. I do, Bobby does, Lyla does. Haven't met Jim and Barbra but if they know you even a little they feel it. Your aunt does, Tiki and Leo do, I hate to say it but Seth does, the woman at the diner does, I'm pretty sure this 'Harlow' and 'Tommy Q' do" he told her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "you don't need millions of people feeling it when you sing, you need people who feel it just thinkin' 'bout you"

Happy was proud of himself, he found 'the words' and didn't sound like a total pussy saying them. She was pretty proud of him too. She turned and bought her hand to rest under his chin, her lips descended on his

"What do you get out of bed for?" she asked, moving her lips just an inch from his,

"The road. The club. My mom. You. That's about it"

"All I've got is you, I live for you and I hate that that's all"

"Know what your problem is?" he asked as he wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her onto his lap.

"I can't be alone with you and not get naked?"

"That. And you dream too big"

An incredulous look appeared on her face,

"Whatever happened to 'reach for the stars'?"

"Sure, reach for them, but you gotta work your way up to them. People who don't work for shit are the people who get murdered. Look at Caruso, he just woke up and decided he was going to start making porn, didn't have any background. Ended up with Otto going Medieval on him"

"I want instant success, that is my problem" she admitted, "You're right, I need to 'grow up'"

"I'm sorry about saying that 'bout your singing, you're real talented"

"Yeah, well, so are a lot of people and they never get anywhere, they just sing at their cousins weddings and shit. But cooking, I'm good at it and I like doing it"

"Plus you got a clubhouse full of guys who don't mind being fed"

"So that's the plan, become a chef" she said as she nodded, voice positive "You know Gordon Ramsey wanted to be a soccer player. Martha Stewart was stockbroker for a while. Julia Child! Julia Child was a spy, didn't start cooking till she was ancient, like 36 or something"

His eye brow cocked;

"Sorry. But you are, like, way old. Still hot and make me wetter than the ocean but still old. Speaking of which Harrison Ford was a carpenter before he was a space cowboy or whatever. Walt Disney was fired as a news paper editor. Hitler wanted to paint and he became leader of his country; terrible, awful, evil guy but considering he was a failure he did pretty well for himself. Jesus, why am I picking all the Jew-haters?"

"'Cus your dad's Jewish?" he shrugged, "know your enemy baby"

"I like that" she smiled, "means I'm not a massive racist"

* * *

"You do that one more time and I don't know what I'll do but you won't like it" Precious mumbled sleepily next to him as he turned over for the billionth time that night. All week sleep had been impossible, he'd caught a few hours here and there but the kind of sleep that actually refreshed him wouldn't come. And he thought he knew why.

He tossed back the covers and slipped out of the bedroom. He didn't need 'stationary' very often, but he had some paper and envelopes stashed in a living room cupboard.

Sergio sat at the kitchen table and used the dim light that shone through the hatch from the living room to light his task. He couldn't be the one to tell her that The Sons of Anarchy's Vegas charter was the 'local gang' that her sister had pissed off, that in all likely hood they'd made her disappear. But he couldn't sleep knowing that she'd be forever ignorant of it. He considered his words carefully before he started to write and when he was satisfied with his letter he placed it in the envelope and marked it for Caroline's attention.

* * *

As she sat opposite Oswald at the desk in T&M office something else occurred to Caroline. She was going to be on Jacob Hales Shit List for the rest of her life. Opening her own business wasn't going to happen so long as he had any authority in Charming. This deal was like cornflakes, without sugar they were hard to choke down so Caroline decided to make it as sweet as possible.

Her pen hovered over the paper and she turned to Clay and Jax who stood over her.

"Can you leave us for a minuet?" she said and Clay gave her a very dark look. He can sweat for a minuet or two she decided.

Oswald didn't look particularly pleased that she was renegotiating at the last minuet.

"Do you need me to explain it again?"

"No, I think I get it, it's pretty basic. Thing is my little sister is, like, pony crazy and you own that ranch" she began and Oswald smiled and told her that he thought that they could work something out.

* * *

"She better know what she's doing" Clay grumbled,

"Relax, she doesn't need to be told what happens to people that try to screw the Son's over" Happy shrugged and Clay lumbered back to the garage, satisfied that Caroline probably wasn't backing out on the deal he'd cut with Oswald.

"Hey speaking of people who screw Son's over there's something I need to tell ya killah" said Link, the Vegas intelligence officer who he'd been sitting on the picnic tables with as well as Koz, Bully and Doughnut, "It's probably nothing but just thought you should know that we got word that someone was askin' round about that girl you took out for us 'bout two years ago, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember"

She was number 11 on his tally.

"Don't matter whose askin' they'll never find all of her"

"Just thought you better know in case you get hauled in and asked 'bout 'Caroline Sweet', won't be a surprise"

Happy's heart stopped in his chest.

"That her name?" he asked, trying to keep his voice in its usual level growl.

"What she said her name was, fuck knows if the bitch said anything true" Link spat. Two years on and he was still pissed, he'd been genuinely seduced by the woman, told her stuff about himself, thought she'd told him stuff about herself but who knew what had been true and what had been lies.

Everything quickly linked in Happy's head. Caroline had gone to Bobby's ex's man and who'd put the cash Caroline had saved up to someone in Nevada to ask around. It was unclear who knew what right now but most likely Sergio knew that the Sons had her killed and he'd kept it to himself because if Caroline was even vaguely aware that the Sons had something to do with it he sure as shit wouldn't have woken up next to her that morning. The question was why and could he be trusted to keep it to himself?

Happy knew one thing for certain, he'd killed 'Caroline Sweet'.


	14. Chapter 14

Everything was blurry now, life was blurry.

Moving into the new house went by in the blink of an eye. One moment he was standing in an empty living room, box in his arms, the next there was a gigantic, impractical, cream leather couch, a huge TV, plants, Christmas shit, pictures on the walls, too many of the one thing he can't stand to see. There's this one of the two of them, Caroline's got her face painted, a butterfly that covers everywhere but her mouth, chin and a fraction of her forehead, someone's gotten real artistic and used every shade of blue and green. Stephanie's heavy on the make-up but he doesn't think that it's 'for fun'. They stare out at him every time he passes it, gives him the fucking creeps.

The club's pretty blurry too, nothing to focus on. Everything's running too smoothly. No danger, no violence. Fucking boring.

Some things were clear.

The ink in that one smiley face seems brighter, standing out, mocking him. He wants to cut it out. But at the same time it's a declaration of what he did for the club, this wasn't a 'dirty' kill, this was a 'they started it, we finished it' kill.

Caroline was clear. She moved between the blurs with agonizing clarity. If he was freezing up on her she didn't let on that it was bothering her, but then again she probably didn't want to acknowledge that she'd made the wrong choice between him and L.A. He wished she was a blur because every time he has these moments where he had to look at her for extended amounts of time he saw himself putting a gun to her temple in a shitty house in a Vegas suburb and pulling the trigger without a moment of hesitation.

They didn't look particularly-a-like, but sometimes, in those twisted day dreams, she adopted features he's observed Stephanie to have, her eyes turned blue and her lips became smaller and pouty. Honestly if they'd been standing side by side in a bar or something he probably would have gone for Stephanie, she looked more come hither. But she was also a back-stabber and Caroline was perfect, so perfect, there wasn't a thing he'd trade.

Fuck, it was 'time'.

* * *

"How is it 'girlie'?" Leo demanded as he awkwardly dismounted, about 5 times more gracefully than Caroline who did little more than fall off and manage to land on her feet. Never in a million years had she thought Leo would have wanted to come riding with her and Tiki. But apparently he was fixated with them, had been since he was little. Precious had told her that he'd been so fascinated by horse racing when he was 10 she'd thought it might have been the earliest signs of a gambling problem.

"Girls like pony's" she shrugged as she moved to assist Tiki down;

"This is a horse, not a pony"

"Same thing" she shrugged again,

"No, not the same thing. Horses are manly! Cowboys! Knights! 'Horse Power' in cars! Horses are manly! Jesus, you sound like Bobby" she heard him huff as she reached up and helped Tiki dismount.

"He's dad to you"

"You don't call him dad, you call him 'Bobby'" he pointed out, handing the rains to one of Oswald's employees.

"Maybe I will when I'm good and ready"

Tiki leapt onto her back as they made their way to the ranch's exit and Caroline reached out to run her fingers through Leo's hair. It was so fucking curly. She'd compare it to the gay guy off Ugly Betty's but he'd take offence. She was pretty sure Leo wasn't gay, he was just lucky enough to have a genuine interest in something women melted at the thought of. He should be grateful that he likes horses, horses are gash magnets.

"When mom says 'maybe' it doesn't happen"

"I'm not your mom, when I say maybe I mean maybe"

"So when you said 'maybe' about 'Red Hot Chilli Peppers'?"

"I meant maybe. Gotta wait till your mom's in a really good mood. But I gotta warn you they'll do all their new shit. No Under the Bridge or Scar Tissue. They haven't done anything great since 1999. Tell you who I really wanna take you to see if they tour again, AC/DC, you'll really like that"

She already had plans to take Tiki and Ellie to Dolly Parton, Beyoncé and Scissor Sisters at the very next opportunity.

* * *

This was perfect, opportunities like this did not come along so often. So when Happy spotted Sergio at the bottom of the driveway of the 'Employees Entrance' of Oswald's ranch the urge to take him out then and there was an urge he resisted with white-knuckle discipline.

Ask questions now, shoot later. This was a system he wasn't comfortable with. It was like new boots, the first time you wore them you didn't think you'd ever feel comfortable in them.

"I know you know 'bout her sister and The Sons"

"Then you should know I'm keepin' schtum. Look, she's a nice kid and she's happy, she just had a sister who made a bad decision. I know how you guys work, someone bites you and you bite back harder, she bought it on herself, I get that"

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"That's the thing about trust, you just have to do it and see if you get burnt, it's a learning curb. I'm not stupid, I know what's gonna happen if I spill. They'll never find all of me, right?"

"Right" Happy nodded.

They're conversation ended in good time because moments later Caroline and the kids came down the little slope and her face lit up. He's been silent and distant for weeks and her face still lights up. These are the moments he hates, when he has to look at her for an extended amount of time because he has to _look_ at her, take in every detail, see the adoration in her eyes and feel like scum for it. Every time he looks at her a voice in the back of his brain told him that she'd hate him forever if she ever found out what he'd done. She knew what he did, seen it and done it herself but this wouldn't be something to 'understand', he could explain the situation a million times over and at the end of the day her sister still had died at his hands and she'd never want to lay eyes on him again. It was all some sick coincidence.

They bid farewell to the kids and Sergio, Leo shooting him that 'I've taken sex-ed, I know what you do to my sister' look, the one that wills him to burst into flames.

* * *

She begrudged being at Gemma's Christmas eve party, she should have been sipping cocoa with Jim and Barbra in her PJ's. She wasn't getting Stephanie declared dead for more reasons than she had energy to justify.

It's made mildly better by the passing of a joint around the kitchen which she hogs.

"You're going be licking the wall paper if you don't knock it off" commented Tara and considering she was a doctor Caroline might have listened, only she felt goooood. Better than she'd felt in weeks.

"I always have the same trip when I've had too much, always, always the same. Always. Alllllways. I move like this" she explained, moving forward jerkily, as if trying to wade through syrup, "something from here down is makin' it hard to move, and I keep moving very slowly till I look down and all around. And it's pie! I'm in a big ol' pie. Seth swears I used to try and eat the van walls"

"The van?"

"Back in school, the van was the place to score"

"Am I old or has high school gotten less innocent?" Tara scoffed,

"Both" Caroline yawned,

"Ignore her, she's a dick when she's high" Lyla advised,

"I'm a dick most of the time, you just tune me out"

"We need refills out here ladies!" Clay's voice barked from the living room.

"Not even a please, not even a little one"

"Get used to it" Gemma warned stiffly as she snatched the joint out of Caroline's clutches and put a refrigerated six-pack in her hands before gently pushing her out of the room.

"C'mere, got somethin' for ya" Bobby smiled as she put the last of the 6 beers in his hand,

"Ok, but if it involves mistletoe I might call Steve Wilkos, see if his shows still goin' on"

"You high darlin'?"

"Yeah, like, a lot" she said as she flopped into the empty seat. Bobby reached down the side of the couch and pulled out a rectangle box wrapped in snowman paper.

"You already got me a present, the car, which I love by the way. But there are a lot of terrible drivers out there, some ass hole nearly ploughed into the back yesterday"

"Yeah, be careful out there. I wanted to get you another one, saw 'em and thought of you"

She excitedly tore into the gift and pulled out a hard case containing Elvis shades that couldn't have cost more than $10.

Had she not been high her reaction probably wouldn't have been so large. The huge gasp of air that could be heard from anywhere in the house would have been significantly quieter.

"They're amazing!" she gushed, "they're, like, perfect!"

She practically leapt onto Bobby's lap and tossed her arms around him.

"They're the best thing ever!"

"She is faded" Chibs laughed,

"Hap, man, if you got somethin' to give her do it now 'cus she's real grateful" Tig hooted, thrusting his hips off the couch for a moment.

"C'mon, think you need to lie down" Happy muttered, yanking her off Bobby and tossing her over his shoulder.

"You gonn lie on top of me? That what you mean?"

"She is crazy! I love it!" Tig cackled.

* * *

"You mad at me?" she asked.

He didn't turn the lights on in the guest bedroom and they lay in the darkness. The combination of the quiet and the dark had been nice.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Cus I embarrassed you in front of your 'brothers'"

"They all know you don't take your 'substances' good"

"No, not then. When your Washington friends came to visit. You've been...weird. Did they hate me?"

"No, course not"

"So why you being all...not here?"

"You're gonna hate your Christmas present" he lied, her Crow tat was going to have to wait till the future looked more certain.

"No way! You wouldn't let that put you into the gigantic funk you've got goin' on"

"You really wanna know?"

He heard the rustle of her hair against the pillow as she nodded.

"I'm goin' down to Bakersfield and I want you to come meet my Ma before she punches out. And I don't know how that's gonna go"

"I'm not gonna pass inspection?"

"I don't know. I love her but Ma can be hard to like"

"I think Gemma's given me enough practice"

"Gemma's a pussy cat compared to my Ma"

* * *

She was 120 miles from L.A, she could just feel it calling to her, behind her as she stood in front of the entrance to 'Pacific Breeze Care Home'. Her hands clutched the helmet she'd unwrapped yesterday morning, black with electric pink skull graphics on the sides.

'Shut up' she told the ethereal, chanting voice, 'I don't want that anymore'

'You'll always want it' it called again but seemed to disappear in the wind.

"Ready?" Happy asked,

"Yep"

The walls of the hallways were soft cream with framed prints of not-so-famous oil paintings and green potted plants every spaced evenly along the beige carpet. Was beige the colour of slow death? Being here Caroline supposed it might be.

He reached out and clutched her arm as she attempted to move further down the hall, past their destination. The room was nice but small, soft blue walls and a big window that faced the gardens. The bed was along the wall opposite the door, by the side of the bed was an oxygen tank and tucked up in the bed was an extremely frail looking lady in her late 60's. This was the woman who made Gemma Teller-Morrow look like a 'pussy cat'?

Caroline took a second to run her eyes over the CD collection next to the bed while he leaned down to kiss the woman on the cheek. Shirells, Supremes, Kinks, Ronettes, Jefferson Airplane, Rolling Stones, Simon & Garfunkel. Nah, she and Mama Happy were going to get along just fine.

"My boy" she woman smiled, ghosting a hand over his cheek, "help me sit up"

He wrapped both his arms around her body and helped her shuffle up before arranging her pillows more comfortably behind her.

"Ma, this is Caroline" he said, reaching back and tugging Caroline forward by the elbow, "Caroline, this is my Ma"

"Pleased to meet you" Caroline smiled politely.

"Not really fair, you know why you're here but I don't" the woman croaked in a knowing way, eyes drifting to Happy who looked almost uncomfortable under his mother's scrutiny.

"Ma, this is Caroline, she's my girl"

"Don't sound too thrilled" Caroline smirked,

"You should be thrilled, look at this face, you think you're gonna do better? You're not. I mean you ok? In the head?" she asked and Caroline snorted,

"Most days, yeah"

"So what does your mother think of him?"

"My mother's dead. My dad's SAMCRO so they get on fine"

They got on 'fine', right?

"Ah, an MC princess"

"Not really, I've known my father for, like, 4 months"

"But that's how you met my boy?"

"Nope, met your boy one night 3 years ago. Well, it'll be 3 years in March"

"How old are you kid?"

"20, 21 in 2 months"

"Goddamn, you are some young stuff"

"I am. I like your collection" she said, pointing to the CD stack, keeping the conversation flowing.

"They're not like the vynals"

"I know, I've got them all!" Caroline told her excitedly before launching into her top 10.

* * *

"What day care did you drop her in at?"

"The mall"

Caroline had spent 2 hours chatting away with his mother before suggesting that she give them some alone time.

"She's nice" his mother said, "she's a child but...very nice"

"She's lived, trust me, more than she thinks she has"

"I always imagined you bringin' someone with blood on her hands to me"

"She's got bloody hands Ma, trust me"

"That little thing?"

He nodded;

"Shit" his mother said with a chuckle,

"But I gotta tell you somethin' Ma"

"Shit, you makin' me a grandma right before I punch out? That'd be a real shitty thing to do, tell me about a grandkid I'll never see"

"Don't worry, not gonna happen. She's got this siter-"

"I know where this is going"

"You don't. I took her out for the club"

His mother was quiet for a moment.

"Before you knew her?"

"Didn't know it was her sister, it had less than nothin' to do with Caroline" he began before launching into the whole story.

His mothers expression would have appeared to have stayed neutral and unmoving to the untrained eye but Happy saw it descend into pity.

"My poor boy" she croaked, "What trouble you've made for yourself. It's not going to work my love, something that big, that damaging, it's a foundation you can't build on. Let her go my love, while she's still young, before she gets attached and it kills her"

"What she never finds out?" he asked, his hand subconsciously reaching out and rubbing along his mothers arm, passing over her collection of smiley faces as he did.

"You can't guarantee that my love"

* * *

He changes his mind every 10 seconds. When someone walks past him on the skinny sidewalk outside the big glass doors of the mall's south entrance and walked as close to the wall as they can he knows he should let her go. Because one day someone's going to look at her like something they stepped in if she stays with him, grows into the MC mould. But then he thinks about how that would go. It could be so easy. He could just start heading south, drop her off at a motel or with that Tommy Q guy and head back, wouldn't add too much to his journey. She had cash in the bank, she'd survive even in extreme circumstances, he'd shown her how. He'd send all her stuff down for her.

But it wasn't easy. She had family in Charming, she had a lease and jobs. She'd tied herself to Charming just like he wanted.

She came out if the big glass doors guiltily stuffing a Forever 21 bag into her backpack like he doesn't already know she's a shopping addict and feels his lips tugging upwards.

Fuck it, he's keeping her. He's willing to gamble with her happiness and if that makes him an ass hole so what? He's done worse and lived with it. He'll just have to make her unbelievably happy for the rest of her life.

* * *

"So I couldn't help notice your mom's tats" she says carefully when they're finally home after 5 hours on the road, she sits on the bottom step that leads up to the one bedroom upstairs. She'd been adamant about a house with stairs; she'd never lived anywhere with stairs "I didn't think that that's where you, you know, 'learnt your skills'"

"She taught me everything I know" he shrugged, "how to take care of myself"

"So that was her 'career'? You said once that killing for hire was 'a dirty business to be in'"

He sat next to her on the step, the moonlight flooded the small hallway through the glass of the front door.

"She didn't 'kill for hire', did it for a greater good. She actually did something with it. And sure Sons take out scum but she did it for a communities sake. We'd move from state to state into these shit hole neighbourhoods and by the time we left they were good, all the dealers and thugs mysteriously vanished. It was her calling. I think she was rebelin' against her pops 'cus he 'made people disappear' for the mob, taught her everythin' he knew, she taught me. She never wanted it for me, a life of killin. I don't want kids Caroline, you should know that now, I don't want to pass on everythin' I know"

"You already have" she said quietly and their minds harked back to that night when he taught her how to 'prepare' a body to get 'torched', told her what kind of spot to do it in, what to toss in the burning pit and what to burn a million miles away from it, all kinds of useful shit.

"Shit, guess you're right" he sigh.

She reached out and took his hand in hers, Dark shadow cast over her face and all he could see was that hair. She could have been Stephanie, some ghost come to haunt him.

* * *

He's sitting through Breakfast at Tiffany's and he's bemused as to how a movie about a hooker could be so fucking boring. It's part of his 'make her unbelievably happy for the rest of her life' regime.

"What's your name?" she'd asked half sleepily- half drunk as the skinny hooker and Hannibal from A-Team walk away from...skinny hookers ex-husband? He's not really watching. She raised her cheek off his chest and turned to look at him better.

"You know my name, you scream it every night"

"Yeah, we're becoming really unpopular with the neighbours. But that's not your real name, what your mom named you? Is it super goofy like Lance or something?"

"No, 's just not who I am anymore. You always gonna be 'Caroline Sweet'?"

"In L.A, when we were tryin' to get into really hoity-toity places like Chateau Marmont me and Harlow used the names Riley Chandler and Lola Pendergrass"

"And who was 'Riley Chandler'?"

"She was an up and coming Indi actress, nearly was 'Juno'-fact. Dates Michael Cerra on and off and is the secret love child of Kyle MacLachlan and Peggy Lipton"

"Because both she and your mom have boned Elvis?"

"And everyone tells me I look like her when she was in Mod Squad"

He took her chin between his thumb and index fingers and studied her face for a few moments.

"Maybe" he conceded,

"Well the door man thought so too 'cus we got in. Nothin' good ever happened when we were there though"

"How come 'Riley Chandler' didn't have either of her folk's last name's?"

"No one ever asked me that. Probably because she wants to 'make it' on her own terms"

"She any good?"

"God no, she's a shit actress, makes Paris Hilton look like Marlon Brando. So" she said, moving further up his chest, "What's your real name?"

He reached into his back pocket and handed her his wallet;

"You wanna know so bad? Take a look"

"I want you to tell me. Don't want to tell me? Fine, next time you wanna know something I'm keeping my mouth shut"

"You couldn't keep your mouth shut if you wanted"

Caroline sat up, straddling his thighs and pretended to zip her mouth closed and flick away whatever enabled them to open again.

"You're not talkin' to me?"

She shrugged, lips staying firmly pressed together. He sat up, forcing her to wrap her legs around him and leaned into her neck.

"I got ways of makin' you talk baby" he grumbled against her neck before moving up to her ear. His teeth bit into her lobe and a heavy puff of air blew out of her nostrils but her lips stayed firmly sealed. He wrapped his lips around it and sucked but still she was silent.

He fucking hated her skinny jeans. They were so fucking tight and hard to get off but he managed to force them down around her calves along with her red lace thong before lifting her off him and laying her down, hands gripping her ass so hard she's going to have yellow bruises in the morning.

She tossed her arms up behind her head and smirked up at him but it was quickly whipped off her face when his knuckles grazed her clit, ice cold rings and all, her teeth sank into her lip. He brushed them back and forth, her eyes squeezed shut.

"Like that?"

No answer, only ragged pants.

"No?"

And she didn't admit that she didn't like it, she _loved_ it, but her toes curling into the couch's leather told another story. When he moved his hand away she gave a little, almost inaudible whine but he heard it loud and clear and knew that she was cracking. He let his index finger circle the tight hole he knew like the back of his hand, what angles provided maximum stimulation, what hidden places made her howl and wail. It was getting wetter with each agonizingly slow lap.

"What about that? You like that?"

God, she didn't even know what she was holding out for anymore. His name? Who cared? Maybe she'd go her whole life never knowing it and would that change anything? Make every moment they'd have together any less real?

She'd been about to give in when she heard the jingle of his belt buckle being undone, it was almost Pavlov-ian, she heard the sound and she felt herself growing wet. And when she felt him rub the head of his cock against her she nearly gave in, felt her mouth go wide but made no sound.

"If you want me here you gotta say 'cus I aint sendin' you to heaven and back to have you turn round and say you didn't want it" he gruffly chuckled, knowing that she'd _have_ to give in.

Caroline's eyes snapped open;

In one quick motion she rolled out from under him, yanking her jeans and underwear halfway up to allow her to move.

"That's not funny, ok!" she snapped venomously, "I would never cry rape! You don't joke about that, you just don't!"

He watched as she stomped out of the living room and up the stairs with dark, confused eyes.

"Crazy bitch" he muttered to himself.


	15. Chapter 15

"You wanna tell me what that shit was about?"

She felt him lurking in the doorway before he spoke but she guessed that was intentional otherwise he wouldn't be much of a hit man. She didn't answer.

She hadn't bothered pulling her jeans and underwear up past her thighs and laying there with her ass exposed he got a sick agony in the pit of his stomach. The thought of someone violating her made blood thump in his ears. The thought of anyone touching her made him angry but the idea of someone forcing themselves on her and... his fingers dug into the door frame.

"If someone hurt you like that I'd hunt 'em down and castrate the fucker. If anyone hurt you at all I'd make 'em pay" he told her as he moved over to the bed. She rolled over to face him and gave him a thin lipped smile. She had to tell him something, couldn't let him think for a second something so terrible had happened to her, that would be the absolutely worst thing she could do.

"I never got raped Hap. When I was a kid mom had this boyfriend, real creepy bastard who...he'd come into our bedroom late at night, sometimes drunk, sometimes not. He'd do it to Steph. I didn't know at first but I woke up one night and saw it. God, it was so fucking scary, I thought it was the first time, thought he might go for me when he was done but he just left the room. I told my mom about it and she flipped out, called me a liar. Steph told me not to tell anyone else because if she got put in the system she couldn't be around to keep him away from me. She was my hero after that, even though she left that'll always be the best thing anyone's ever done for me"

He dropped to his knees next to the bed, their faces level. He reached out and ran his thumb along her bottom lip.

"What happened to him?"

"Don't know, didn't exactly stay in touch"

Perfect.

* * *

"You could have given me some notice Hap" she grumbled,

"Last minute decision, but you can still go, you get on ok with everyone" he assured her. He leaned against the door frame and watched her wrap strands of her hair around a curling iron to have them bounce back into a verity of different sized curls. He'd seen her mind working away when they'd viewed the house, she'd been planning to make the tiny second bedroom into a wardrobe/dressing room.

"I get on 'ok' with Opie. And Juice, I guess"

"Think Juice is bringin' his girl tonight"

At this Caroline spun around on the stool in front of her vanity table, face lit up.

"The mystery woman? Wow, can't believe he's managed to keep her away so long. But you still haven't told me why you'll be 'late'"

"Gotta do what I do best baby, know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean. But I'm missin' out on my midnight kiss. Maybe I'll just have to find someone else to plant one on" she shrugged.

"Good luck with that, you're not worth an ass kickin' to anyone there"

"I'm 'not worth an ass kinkin'?"

"I'd take a beatin' for ya baby, sure. But just the one"

"I've technically crawled bare kneed over broken glass for you, that night at the diner when those guys shot the place up"

They were in a Mexican standoff and neither of them wanted to say it first, risk having their hearts bruised by not having it reciprocated. But fuck it, he wasn't a pussy, he wasn't scared to look down the barrel of a gun held by someone unafraid to pull the trigger, he wasn't scared of getting his feelings hurt by some 100 pound girl.

"I'll be there, before midnight, promise"

"Well if you 'promise'. And I promise I won't be kissin' anyone else"

* * *

She hates New Years Eve already. The high expectations of having the greatest night out of the year were never fully achieved. But at the SAMCRO club house you wouldn't know it was any different from any church party and she liked that, liked the lack of commemoration for one year becoming another. Because life wasn't like that, years changing number didn't mean that it inserted clear, defined lines into your life.

She wasn't sure who was in charge on the play list but whoever it was needed to reconsider it, there was a world of difference between what a guy likes to listen to and what a girl can work it to on the dance floor. She looked on from the bar as two sweetbutts resorted to making out with each other to compensate for the lack of a beat to move to. Sad.

"Where's your man at?" Tig asked as he sidled up to her.

Caroline squinted and her head tilted to one side in a 'shouldn't you know?' way and studied Tig carefully. Maybe he didn't, maybe this was like the 'Donna thing' that Lyla had told her about, the itsy-bitsy amount of knowledge Lyla had of it basically amounted to the fact that sometimes the club did things that only a select few were allowed knowledge of. Maybe this was one of those things.

"Didn't he tell you? His mom's meds are running low, he had to go scout some more, should be back later" she lied quickly. She was a good liar, she'd been cultivating it her whole life. She'd forgotten to ask her mom for the field trip money. No, she never ate lunch anyway. Yes, everything was fine at home. That kind of shit, the kind of shit that kept 'the state' away. Throughout her childhood 'the state' had been made out to be like the child catcher from Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang but as she'd grown older she'd begun to wonder if maybe it was the lesser of two evils.

"That's rough. Heard you met the legend herself?"

"Yeah, that's some crazy shit. So weird, if I hadn't seen her tat's I would have never suspected that she wasn't just some old lady. Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it" he shrugged,

"Was that your life? Was your childhood 'interesting' like that? Is that how you got into...doing what you do?"

"Nah, just your regular blue collar back ground"

"So how'd you turn out..."

"Different? Don't know, you just wake up one day and realise you don't want 'normal', that you never agreed to live like everyone else. If you want 'normal' darlin' back out now, ok?"

"I think I've gone past the point of no return"

"Course you have" he smirked before ruffling her hair and walking away.

"Tigger playin' nice?" Bobby asked as he sidled up to her,

"He is, which is strange but not unwelcome"

"Juice bought his girl, think she'd like to meet someone without a prison number"

"I'd better get to her before Gemma does"

"Sweetheart, you're gonna have a helluva easy life if you learn to play nice with Gemma"

"She just doesn't like me, I'm used to it man, women just don't like me"

"Cus your pretty an' you know it"

"You are one sweet talker Bobby Elvis, no wonder you keep gettin' hitched. So point her out to me"

"That's her, in the line for the bathroom, the short brunette in the classy black number"

"Better go warn her then" Caroline laughed before wandering over to tell the girl that there were a couple of dorm rooms with attached bathrooms and if you could catch one 'between visitors' then it beat the communal 'shitter' hands down.

Caroline swaggered over to the line in no particular hurry. Happy's mother had called her an 'MC princess' and as the crowd parted for her she felt it. Everyone here knew that if they wanted to start trouble with her there'd be at least two guys willing to finish it for her. She was looking forward to getting her Crow Tat but she refused to allow herself to ask about it, she wanted him to put his ink on her because he wanted to, not because she'd asked for it.

"Hey, Juice should-a told you about the VIP bathrooms down the hall" she said as she came up behind Juices date, voice light and friendly.

Laura's eyes widened. She _knew_ that voice. Slowly she turned around on her stiletto heels to find Caroline's eyes slowly widening. The world around them slowed down to a crawl and all she could think about was that night, snippets of it playing in her mind.

_**She knew him. Kyle White. Stephanie's boyfriend. **_

_**Maybe it was all the shit with their mom's abuser boyfriend but Steph seemed attracted to that kind of man too. Creepy ass holes. He was probably promising Stephanie the world beyond Charming. Did she even like him? Caroline doubted it, she just liked that he could break her out of this town. Kyle was handsome but there was something strange about him. In a few years she'd get about 17 minutes into American Psycho before she couldn't bare to watch anymore because Kyle White was Patrick Bateman, 100%. From a relatively rich family, on the football team and did well in school. So why was he about to toss it all away? He had a girlfriend who'd drop her panties in a heartbeat for him so why was he about to fuck it all up? Because no one was going to believe them? In the hours that followed Caroline never considered that this was a possibility but in the months after it became all too clear.**_

"_**Hey" he greeted as they emerged from the tent they'd erected not-actually-that-deep into the woodland at the back of her house. It was their 'den', their special place away from the shit of the real world.**_

"_**Hey" she greeted back warily, "Steph send you to come get me? We were just going"**_

_**She reached out and shoved Laura in the same direction she began to move in but Kyle started to move that way too so they tentatively stepped backwards, intending to go another way.**_

"_**So this your 'club house', no boys allowed, right?"**_

"_**Right" she confirmed as they moved in another direction but he blocked that too.**_

"_**Would you let me in?"**_

_**She gave him a thin, polite smile, "You're a boy, no boys allowed, remember?"**_

"_**Why? You two 'practicing' kissing?"**_

"_**We're 14" Laura piped up, appalled at the idea.**_

"_**I know" Kyle shrugged,**_

"_**We should go" Caroline muttered, latching on to Laura's elbow and leading her away. They moved through the woods quickly, walking as fast as they could but not running, not yet. The they both heard a twig snap under someone's foot from behind them.**_

"_**Run" Caroline gasped. **_

"Fuck" Caroline muttered to herself as the memory faded away.

"What...what are you doing here?" Laura asked, voice shaking.

Caroline instantly wrapped her arms around herself.

"Same as you" she said eventually,

"I heard you were back in town, been avoiding everywhere you might be, you know, the diner, Duvall's, under rocks, those kind of places"

It wasn't the sharpest, most acidic retort Caroline had ever heard, in fact it was pretty lame, but Laura's words sliced into her, made her wince.

"I know...I know you're still mad at me, that you'll never forgive me-"

"What you did to me was unforgivable" she squeaked,

They'd never talked about this. In the months that followed Laura had been silent and Caroline busily chatting about nothing every second of every day to fill the awkward silence of them both knowing what had happened.

"I know, I know it was, I shouldn't have left you-"

"You know what I'm talking about Caroline!" she suddenly shrieked.

_**He was yelling something, something about stuck up bitches, the blood pounding in her ears preventing her from making sense of it in her mind. Ahead the darkness stretched on, that and trees that flew into view as she approached them. She didn't have to look to know Laura was right by her side, matching her stride for stride. They'd never tested the theory but Caroline had always assumed she'd be the fast one, she was at least 8 inches taller, legs were longer, body was leaner. But no, here was the test and they were evenly matched.**_

_**Actually no they weren't because Caroline could feel the space between her ribs and hips beginning to feel like a blunt spoon was being jammed into it and she began to slow down. And then she began to panic. No, sorry, but she wasn't going to let this happen to her.**_

"You _tripped_ me!"

"I didn't trip you" Caroline insisted but didn't even convince herself because they both knew the truth and the truth was that as they ran through the woods, that in daylight and under normal circumstances they could have navigated easily, Caroline had stuck her leg out and tripped her best friend before running on to safety.

"He could have killed me! Sometimes I wish that he had!"

The music was loud but Caroline's head turned from side to side, checking if anyone of note could actually hear them.

"I think we should go outside and talk about this" she said, placing a hand on Laura's shoulder,

"Don't touch me Caroline!" she screamed before shoving Caroline back roughly. She staggered back before landing flat on her ass. She scrambled to her feet quickly but it had gotten someone's attention.

Chibs moved over to them quickly and full of purpose.

"Juice probably hasn't filled you in yet so I will, you don't shove Happy's girl love, not unless you want your man to catch a beating in the ring"

"It's fine Chibs, an accident" Caroline said quickly, "Come on, better bathrooms down the hall"

She put her hand on the small of Laura's back and shoved her down the hall.

* * *

It's so fucking easy it feels like it's a dream. He gives Juice a name and the plate number of the car he was driving a decade ago, information obtained from an old photograph Caroline playing with a hula-hoop in her driveway where the back of the car is visible in the background. Within the hour Juice has the guys latest address and where he's working.

He does a recon trip, the guy leaves for his job at 9 PM which takes him on this stretch of road off the highway that's deserted, a long street of closed factories that's perfect.

"Car trouble?"

"Yeah, don't know, tail pipe started makin' this crazy noise a mile back"

"I could take a look"

"Would ya? That'd be great"

"Called triple A?"

"They're on their way but this place is kinda off the radar"

"I guess it is" the guy commented as he made his way to the rear of the car.

"I mean you could kill a guy and no one would ever know 'bout it"

The man froze but then loosened up.

"Yeah, could" he chuckled nervously. Happy drew the knife out of his hooded sweatshirt and before the guy could even react he'd reached out and gripped the guys greasy, greying hair and yanked his head back.

"You 'member Stephanie Sweet, you 'member what you did to her?"

He didn't wait for an answer and plunged his hunting knife into him, the soft hollow between the collar bone and neck. It plunged in like a knife into warm butter.

"Well this is on her behalf"

The terror in the man's eyes soon faded into glassy, passive nothingness and his corpse flopped into the open, awaiting trunk.

By the time he'd returned home it was past 11 o'clock. He showered quickly, scrubbed hard and meticulously but he was well practiced at it and knew there was no way in hell the cops would be knocking on his door asking about some guy who hadn't been 'missing' more than 2 hours. He dumped his clothes in a trash bag in the hall closet under...more evidence of Caroline's shopping addiction, burn them some other time. He was pulling on a clean t-shirt off the rack she'd set up in the living room that afternoon when his eyes shifted over to a photo in a frame, one of Caroline, Stephanie and Lyla with some dog and he felt nothing, no guilt.

That was it, he was done. If he moved fast he could spend the last five minutes of a very mixed year with the best thing about the year. All signs pointed to an awesome new year ahead. Sure, he was probably going to have to bury his mom soon but he'd been preparing himself for it for three years now and he'd be ok when the end came.

* * *

In their senior year Mrs Thompson had taught 'The Glass Menagerie' and Caroline couldn't help seeing the similarities between the character of Laura and real life Laura. Meek, sweet, liked pretty things, attracted to charismatic people. Toss in a limp and a closeted brother and she'd be set. She was soft, allowed herself to be pushed around and controlled, honestly it was what Caroline had liked about her when they were younger. If Gemma didn't think that Caroline could cut it as an Old Lady then she was going to find Laura even more lacking. But right now, as they stood in Happy's rarely used dorm room, Laura seemed like a mini-Gemma, her arms were folded and gaze calm and steely.

The only sign that she was surprised when Caroline dropped to her knees was a slight twitch of her eyebrow. But she was surprised, she'd forgotten how dramatic Caroline was.

"Laur, I'm begging you here, please don't tell anyone about what I did. This place really is like a family and I'm the daughter-in-law that's still very disposable. My mom's dead, Steph too"

"Good"

_**Stephanie took Caroline's hands in hers and held them tightly.**_

"_**I need you to do this for me" she pleaded, voice careful and controlled, "You don't even need to say that he didn't do it, you just gotta say that it was dark, too dark to be sure that it was him ...you owe me, ok? Remember Pete? You owe me for that. And it's ok 'cus he probably won't go down for it anyway, no one believes you two, your just making it more definite he won't get put away"**_

"_**But he did it, it was dark but I'm not blind and deaf, I know it was him"**_

"_**I know, ok! I know! I just need you to say that it wasn't!"**_

"_**Why!"**_

"_**Because I need to get out of this goddamn town!"**_

"_**And you wanna leave with him! A fucking rapist!"**_

"_**There are worse things to be Caroline!"**_

"_**Like what!"**_

"_**Like a fucking rat Caroline! Just like you'll be!"**_

"This is my shot at a family again. My guy...anytime he learns something about me he doesn't like he backs off. This will make him back off for good and I love him, ok? I never thought I'd actually love anyone like I love him. Please, please promise me you won't say anything. Please"

"I'm promising you nothing" Laura snarled, "you don't deserve protecting"

She'd seen Caroline cry before, she knew the signs, lip wobbled, eyes shone with ready to fall tears.

"The worst part is we both know he was after you, you can pretend that it could have been either one of us but he always watched you, looked at you, always trying to touch _you. _It should have been you"

She stepped around her as she went to the door. As she reached for the handle she spared Caroline another look.

She didn't plan on spilling the secret she'd kept for 6 years, Caroline had been 'the girl who abandoned her best friend' all through high school and been a pariah for it. But she'd never gotten to punish Caroline herself and tonight she gotten it. Jesus, she was bored of being angry at her.

She'd always pitied Caroline in a way. Sure Caroline was the pretty one, the talented one, the funny one. But she was also the one who was so damaged she'd never be completely repaired. She'd had a 'reputation' before she'd even known what one was, Laura'd heard her lack of clothing scrutinised by teachers, parents, kids in their class. She had wanted to but in, tell them that the reason why Caroline was so lacking in clothing was because any cash for new clothes went down her mom's throat, not because she was a pre-teen slut. Caroline wasn't 'smart', her grades were poor, teachers spoke to her like Caroline wasn't painfully aware that she wasn't academically gifted.

That didn't excuse what she did though, not by a long shot.

**I kind of really hate the way this chapter's turned out, not at all satisfied with it.**


	16. Chapter 16

Life continues without interruption and had she known all of January would pass by in such a way she would have enjoyed it, savoured it even, because it all falls apart in February.

She was on alert 24/7. Anytime she and Laura are on opposite sides of the clubhouse Caroline's fingers dug into any surface they could find. Any time she sees Laura's lips moving her mind is screaming to slice her throat out with one of Happy's knives.

Unfortunately that does occur to her, to just put a bullet in her former best friend so she can never tell the terrible secret they share. She's done it before, taken lives, it'd be easier this time, right?

She has a theory that the unbelievable guilt she'd feel would be less agonising than the constant sickness she feels when she's not around the clubhouse, keeping her metaphorical plates spinning.

Being around the clubhouse so much has up sides and down sides.

She's now all about the club, nothing Gemma asks of her is too small. New Years day, when she woke up with Happy wrapped around her after a night of silencing him about the shoving with the only thing she believes she's truly gifted at, she'd resolved to quit being a pain in the ass and gone to see if there was anything she could do to 'help out'. Gemma had asked how hard Happy had slammed her skull into the headboard the night before.

The down side is the 'novelty' is wearing off. A Crow Eater walks past and Happy looks, just a glance, just for a second, but he looks. And she pretends not to notice. But that's so much better than him knowing the truth, seeing the affection die in his eyes.

Now, on a lazy Sunday morning, she was watching Laura talking to Tara, they work together after all. Fuck, she should have made more of an effort with Tara, offered to babysit or something.

Laura wasn't around much, she and Juice are juts dating casually, but the threat that she could walk through the door and spill it all is enough to make Caroline feel like she's on the edge of the empire state building, ready to plummet at any given moment. She should have milked the shoving for all it was worth, gone whining to Bobby to pressure Juice to drop Laura, that was do-able, right?

Her eyes darted between Laura and Happy who was shooting pool with Chibs, circling Crow Eaters threatening to swoop in at any moment. This was exhausting, keeping all the plates spinning.

Every time they fucked was heartbreaking because it could be the last time. But she always wanted it, because she'd always regret not fucking him one last time. Sure if he found out he'd probably stick it out for a while before he realised that he couldn't be with someone who did something so terrible to someone she called a friend. They'd have cold, detached sex for a while and it would numb the memory of what they used to have. She couldn't live like that.

Something...something was hitting her hand.

She let her head snap to the left for a split second. Otto was at the other end of the bar tossing peanuts into an ashtray next to her. Well he was trying to; he was mostly hitting her hand. She watched him for a moment, transfixed and almost excited to see if he actually made it. He wouldn't though, he never did.

"You do that a lot. What's the motivation?" she asked finally,

"I'm tryin' to improve my aim, hope one day I'll handle a piece again"

"You need a bigger target, or a closer one" She said, reaching out and drawing the ash tray closer to him, "start easy and move it further and further away"

He tossed another one and it found its way into the glass dish.

"So what? That's nothin'" he shrugged,

"Someday it'll be something. Try again" she encouraged, moving it a little further away, eyes going back to her two priority targets. Bottle blonde bitch was getting a little too close, a little part of her brain was saying 'beat her in the head with the ashtray, go on, you know you want too'. At that moment Happy looked up, his eyes raking up and down Caroline's body for a moment before he potted his shot. The Crow Eater could live...for now.

Over the next hour her and Otto's 'Aim Game' gathered almost everyone's attention, they'd graduated to a space of 15 feet between them, the ashtray flat on Caroline's palm, slowly moving from left to right.

"Ok, I get this and we break out the shots, everyone's gotta do one, got it?" Otto asked and the clubhouse erupted in cheers.

"Take your time" she reminded him,

"Got nothing but time"

She was gonna find Otto a woman. Like, a real one. Luanne would want that for him... she thinks. Actually if she died she'd want Happy to spend the rest of his day's morning her death. Yeah, then his name would be super ironic, 'Happy' who's only sores of 'Happiness' had been cruelly ripped from him, he'd never know joy again. But if she's totally honest he'd probably morn for a little while before getting over it and getting his leg over the nearest blond. Actually he was probably more likely to die than her. Shit, what was she going to do? Maybe she'd 'pull a Gemma' and hook with one of the other guys, she probably knew too much to be allowed to walk away now anyway. Juice was out of the question, she wasn't having Laura's sloppy seconds. Chibs' wife was in the picture, Jax and Opie weren't an option, ditto for Clay. That left, like, Tig and Piney. Fuck, if Hap died she'd have to start doing Tig and... Someone was waving a hand in front of her eyes. Had Otto made the shot? Yeah, that was why everyone around her was screaming and cheering.

She felt Happy's arm slide around her.

"You can shut your mouth now, you look kinda retarded" his gravelly voice laughed gently,

"Bet I could get 'em in her mouth, 's fuckin' huge" Otto chuckled,

"Nah, she hates nuts, won't let 'em near her mouth" Happy said offhandedly, tightening his grip around her.

"If the bathroom wall at Charming High's anythin' to go by that's not entirely true" she heard Laura scoff from not too far away which was heard by all.

There was a beat of intense, awkward silence before Caroline burst out laughing, hysterically, over the top and unconvincingly.

"We talked about this" she heard Juice scold quietly, "you did shove her ass to the ground over nothin'"

Caroline and Laura's eyes locked. She was gonna blow, Caroline could see that. She knew that face.

"_**Feel free to go fuck yourself" she told the Junior who'd enquired,**_

"_**I don't see what the big deal is"**_

"_**The big deal is that you're trying to find holes where there aren't holes" she answered, taking a drag of the joint she held in her hand, "Question is why? You gonna get the Whites to drop a fortune for you to testify that I told you I lied? They approach you to do that or you doin' that on your own initiative? I may be taking remedial...everything but I'm not retarded. C'mon, answer me, don't see what the big deal is"**_

_**The boy, Doug Foster but she doesn't learn his name until next year when he nails the wrong guys girlfriend, slunk off in defeat.**_

"_**You're getting good at that" Seth commented from next to her on the bleachers, taking the joint from her "the 'dressing downs', the attitude"**_

_**Behind them the 'Welcome Back Bonfire' crackled and a few levels down the kids they 'hung with' announced they were heading out to score some beer.**_

"_**The appeal's coming up, gonna have to get used to their little 'researchers' trying to catch me out"**_

"_**There's nothin' to 'catch out', right? You told the whole truth?"**_

"_**So help me God. Why? You looking to cash in on that 'reward for any information to the contrary'?" she asked, half seriously.**_

"_**Of course not!" he insisted, actually offended that she'd think that about him, "Just making sure you're the girl I think you are"**_

_**She resisted the impulse to inform him that she wasn't, not really.**_

"_**Either way I was gonna lose her, may as well tell the truth" she said sadly.**_

"_**I know she's your sister and you're pretty much obligated to love her but asking you to lie for that guy? I mean come on, you can't ask a person to lie about that"**_

"_**Sure you can, she did. Then she left when I didn't. The graffiti's gonna get ridiculous. What's the latest?"**_

"_**I think they were trying to write 'Caroline Sweet sucks dick for dollars' but they forgot they were doing all block capitals and started trying to do cursive halfway through with this really fat marker pen, it looks like 'CAROLINE SWEET SUCks clicks for dillirs'"**_

"_**Disappointing, 'Caroline Sweet: hymen free since 2003' at least rhymed, there was some thought there"**_

"_**Shit, you've got another visitor" he said, nodding down the bleachers to where Laura stood. They didn't talk now, not ever. They'd parted ways the summer between the end of middle school and their freshman year after a year of awkward small talk, both pretending that what they both knew happened didn't.**_

_**She slowly made her way down, trying to put as much time between her and this conversation as possible.**_

"_**Hey" she greeted softly with a thin smile only to receive a hard look which as excepted as one of the more minor punishments she deserved on top of all the big ones.**_

"_**The appeal-" Laura began but was cut off by Caroline.**_

"_**Just let me know when, yeah? I'll be there"**_

"_**We're not fighting it"**_

"_**What? What the fuck do you mean you're 'not fighting' it?"**_

"_**He got 5 years, He's gonna be out soon anyway"**_

"_**That's not the point! If the appeal goes his way it's gonna be, like, off his record, he'll be 'innocent' as far as the law's concerned, as far as all the retards in this town are concerned!"**_

"_**You don't get an opinion on this Caroline!" she screamed, the rage in her face more intense than Caroline would ever see on another person in her entire life. Before she knew it Laura's fist had swung round and connected with Caroline's jaw. It wasn't much of a punch but it made her stagger back which Laura took full advantage of, jumping on her and forcing her to the ground.**_

_**Laura was barely 5 feet tall, Caroline was 5, 8. She could have easily fended her off but she didn't, she took all Laura's sloppy slaps, scratches and hair pulls until Seth gently-as-possible pried Laura off.**_

"_**Feel better?" Caroline asked as she got to her feet, ignoring the blood running down for her eyebrow where Laura's nail had taken a chunk of flesh out.**_

"_**Never, I will never 'feel better'!"**_

People didn't change, not really. Laura was the kind of person who bottled everything up until it exploded. Caroline was the opposite, if she was upset she usually let anyone who'd listen know about it. Except when it came to her mom, that shit got buried in the shadowy corners of her mind.

But to Caroline total shock Laura pursed her lips and said;

"I'm gonna go"

"I'll take you-"

" I'm fine to walk"

And with that Laura stalked to the door.

Shit, that was close. But one day she would 'blow', Caroline was sure of it, she just hoped she'd be around to do the 'damage control' when she did.

"Sorry 'bout-"Juice began to apologise as the room's attention went to one thing or another and some music started up.

"Don't, it's fine. 'S true anyways, there's a shit load of graffiti 'bout me on the men's room wall"

She felt Happy's arm tighten around her.

"School sucked" Juice agreed but didn't expand and she could tell it still plagued him. She could imagine him skinny and smart in an inner city school. Maybe spending a summer bulking up, the next year getting into fights, playing dumb in class, getting arrested, maybe some juvi.

"Gonna go lay down" Happy growled into her ear as Bobby approached her, "be expecting you on top of me in 5"

"I'll make it 4" she assured, letting her hand run up his tattooed forearm before letting him let her go.

"She always been an icy bitch?" her father asked, head nodding towards the door Laura had just left through.

"She's not an 'icy bitch', ok? Something really bad happened to her when we were kids and it just made her really guarded. Never say anything about me mentioning that, ok? It's super sensitive"

"Anthin' you want darlin'"

She wound her arms around Bobby's middle or at least as far around him as she could, holding herself close to him. She was probably compensating for the lack of it in her childhood but lately she'd been hugging him a lot, finding any excuse. He folded his arms around her and squeezed her tight. When she pulled out of the embrace he gave her a squinted eyed look, head tilting to the side.

"You're ok, right? Not knocked up or anythin'?"

"No, thank god. Can't imagine having a kid round here, knowing it's adulthood's all planned out. I'd want it to have a life of surprises, not shocks"

"I want Tiki and Leo to have 'surprises'"

"You should tell 'em that"

* * *

"What's up with you and Juice's bitch? You fuck her man or somethin'?" he asked her as she climbed onto the bed and straddled his lap, dropping kisses all over his neck.

Caroline pulled back and her eyes narrowed,

"I was long out of middle school when I started 'fucking' Hap" she scoffed,

He considered this a second and something wormed it's way into his usually focused mind, this little snippet of memory that went off topic.

"The night we met, you said you were gonna try and hitch a ride on this" he said, hands wrapping around her hips and making her body rub against his cock, "if it played out that way would I have been the first between your legs?"

"No, course not. Virgins don't try to seduce bikers in parking lots" she said, mildly amused, "but we can play that sometime if you want"

She pressed her lips to his in a long, slow kiss. Sometimes it felt like they had all the time in the world, others felt frantic, like everything was going to come crashing down in a matter of seconds.

His hands trailed along her jean clad hips and undid the fastening before sliding his hand into them, rubbing her through her black lace briefs.

She let her ass rest in his thighs and enjoy the feeling.

* * *

She burst through the clubhouse doors and slammed it behind her, not paying much attention to where she was going. She wasn't going to lose it in front of the Caroline Sweet Fanclub.

"Hey, hey. Watch it, got a kid in these arms" scolded the person she'd almost collided with.

"Sorry" Laura sniffed, whipping away the few angry years she had forming in her ducts before glancing up to see the SAMCRO queen, cradling her oldest grandson.

"Something up?"

"She's always here! And the only reason I 'get to' be here is on her good will! Makes me so fucking angry!" she growled through gritted teeth before taking one deep breath, "sorry, it's not your problem"

"Everything that happens round here's 'my problem'" she said almost kindly, but not quite. "You got drama with the little princess?"

"It's nothing...and everything, a lifetime ago, shouldn't matter anymore"

"But it does, to you"

"I guess"

"I'm not really one for 'talking' it out but do you wanna? Looks like you need it" she asked, shifting the baby in her arms.

"I can't" she sighed,

"It's bad to have secrets around here, I kinda just learnt that"

"It's not really a secret, was all over the 'San Joaquin Gazette', I wish it was a secret"

"If it's not a secret why don't you tell me about it?"

Laura sighed again, She was going to tell her story and this woman was going to give her the 'I'm sad for you face' like the dozens before.

"When I was 14 Caroline's sister's boyfriend raped me" she said simply.

Miraculously the woman didn't give her 'the face' but took off her shades.

"I know how that goes, another thing I learnt recently. Been what? 6 years? Get any easier for you?"

"It was. Then I saw Caroline for the first time in 3 years and it's all coming undone"

"What, 'cus her sister's boyfriend did it?"

"'Cus she left me in the woods with him, ran away"

Gemma scrutinised her face

"That's not all of it, can see it in your eyes, like your lying for her or something. It's like you're about to burst, it's all over your face"

Three words, 12 letters destroyed Caroline Sweet's life and only 3 people would ever know about it.

"She tripped me"

* * *

"You and me need to have a talk"

Caroline leaned up against the doorframe of her home's front door, allowing her eyes to quickly giving Gemma a once over.

"Better come in then" she shrugged,

Caroline hated Gemma's 'talks', they never gave her anything useful but provided plenty of heart ache.

"You can be the first to try my new creation, it's kind of like a gingerbread man did it with a macaroon"

"There's an image"

Gemma followed her to the kitchen, a small, square room. Everything was clean, white and shiny, any evidence that a master baker lived here had been cleared away except for the tray Caroline pulled from the oven with a pair of Hello Kitty oven-mitts.

It smelt good, she'd admit that.

"What did you want to talk about?"

Gemma reclined herself casually against the counter top.

"Bout you leaving your friend to get raped"

The try hit the floor with a loud, echoing clatter. After the echo died down all that could be heard was Caroline's hard breathing.

"That's a damn shame, your Gingeroon's sounded good, never tasted any of your stuff, heard it's good"

"It's not how it sounds" Caroline said in what she hoped was an assuring tone.

"You didn't trip her and runaway?"

"I...it was 6 years ago!"

"That's not a very long time"

"You...can't tell anyone, ok?" she said urgently, whirling around, eyes wide and pleading, "there's something about it that doesn't sit right with people, they...look at you differently"

"Damn right they do. And they don't even know the worst part do they? That one tiny but terrible thing you did? Could you both have taken him? The guy?"

"Maybe" Caroline said in a horse whisper, her throat closing up.

"But you didn't want to find out that you couldn't? She told me about it, that he was after you that night. So had you tried to fight him off and couldn't, and he'd gotten his pick of you both he would have gone for you? I've heard that right?"

Caroline nodded, shit, she was going to cry. One of these days she'd have to grow up and quit being a total pussy. She sank down onto the black and white chequered floor. Just like the diner's. She'd never realised before.

"Well" Gemma began after a long silence, standing over her "that brings me to a conclusion that I really didn't wanna get to. The thing is that the club needs a certain type of person around and you're not it. There are gonna be times when you have to take big, big hits for this club. You can't do that, you're not that kinda person. You're selfish-"

"I'm not!"

Gemma came to sit next to her on the floor.

"You are, and that's ok, that's normal. The club is about protecting a certain way of life, one that's not 'normal'. Imagine it, you're sittin' in an interrogation room with ATF agents breathin' down your neck, threatening you with some hard, HARD time but they'll make it all go away if you just tell 'em a few teeny tiny things about the club? What's your first instinct? Because that _will_ happen"

And in a way it dawned on Caroline that she would hurt the club, hurt Happy and Bobby, to save her own ass. She'd never change, not in a million years.

"I know that you've tried but you're just not cut out for it, are you?"

"I...I love him" she insisted, voice full of truth and conviction.

"But you don't love the club. And he is the club, they all are. If you love him you'll go far, far away where you can't hurt him. This is really a blessing" she says, really emphasising 'blessing'. She's noticed that it Gemma's fake-kind voice, the really puts emphasis on the last words, she's really trying to convince you of something. Gemma'd make a terrible actress she decided. "You're free, the club is a cage. It's a cage I wanna live in but I can see it's not your thing, that you wanna be free"

Caroline shook her head.

"I don't, I wanna live in the cage"

"Not with me knowin' what I know about you"

"Jesus, haven't you ever done anythin' you regret!"

"It's the stuff you don't do that you regret. You really 'regret' it? Wish you coulda traded places with her?"

Caroline said nothing, they both need the answer.

"You disappear, ok? And they'll never know, they'll just have fond memories"

Her head turned and she looked Gemma in the eye, eyes red and wet but face hard.

"And if I don't?"

"Then I'll tell 'em, and they'll look at you different. And you'll hate that it'll never be the same again. There's a run coming up, they'll be gone over a weekend, that'll be the best time, give you time to put distance between you and here. Leave a note, something like 'love you, can't live like this, will never ever rat on you'"

"What if he comes looking? I know stuff"

"Think that gun you took those guys out with just vanished? Didn't. We think you'll squeal you'll be doing 25 to life at the world's worst slumber party. I don't think it'd be too much of a change going from Happy to some ultra butch dyke" she said with humour in her voice.

On the countertop, glinting in the afternoon light, were her top of the range knife set, calling to her. She'd taken lives before, reckons she could do it again.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hap...Hap!"

"What? Oh, yay"

"Ok, motion passed" Clay announced as the gavel come down with a sharp wood-on-wood clink, "Next item..."

But Happy soon zoned out. 6 Fucking months. 6 months ago the bitch ran out on him and left a fucking note in her place. He should have known something was up, she'd been acting like a nut job the week before, clingy, refusing to leave his side to go to work. They'd argued the morning of the run...

"_**Give me my jeans!" he ordered as she wrapped the quilt tightly around herself and the jeans, curling into herself, "C'mon Caroline, I aint playin'"**_

"_**Come and get 'em then" came her muffled voice,**_

_**He forced his arm under her quilt enclosed body as he kneeled on the bed, lifting her easily too him, he pushed his other arm into the space where the two ends of fabric met and groped around until his hand found the denim texture. With one hard pull the jeans appeared.**_

_**He heard her exhale hard and raggedly.**_

"_**Baby, I'm gonna miss you too but it's two nights, I think you can handle that"**_

"_**You can handle it, with a bunch of whores 'handling' your junk"**_

"_**Why are you tryin' to upset yourself with shit that aint true?" he asked as he zipped up his jeans.**_

_**She stayed cocooned in the sheets, not moving.**_

"_**You gonna say goodbye to me or what?"**_

_**Slowly she unwrapped herself. He's thought back to that moment approximately 259,200 times since. Was there something he should have seen? Something he could have picked up on? Looking back it was all so obvious, how wide her eyes were, her words, it was all so very obvious that something was very, very wrong.**_

"_**Do you...do you have to go?" she asked voice shaking as she sat up on her knees,**_

"_**What?"**_

"_**Do you have to go? Won't they be fine without you?"**_

_**It was completely obvious that she was serious, he didn't need to do the 'are you serious?' shit.**_

"_**I thought you were 'getting' this! I can't just say 'not today, catch you on the next one' Caroline!" he snapped. If he hadn't would she still be around? It was a question he asked himself when he woke up alone every morning, even if he wasn't the only person in the bed he was alone.**_

_**Her lip shook and she sank her teeth into it to make it stop. They were still for a long moment, staring back at each other. Outside the roar of Harley Davidson's could be heard, they were getting ready to move out soon, this was their last minute together and he'd one day ask her if it killed her to know that. He was not-so-blissfully unaware.**_

"_**Sorry" she said finally, "think it's the pill, it's fucking with my hormones. I get it, I swear I do. I don't want to part like this, ok?"**_

_**He shrugged,**_

"_**We can part however you want"**_

_**She stood on the bed and let the sheets fall around her legs. Her hands reached for his cut and pulled him close, planting her lips on his. Had he known that this was their last kiss he wouldn't have tainted his lips with another's while he was gone.**_

_**He fucked a Sweetbutt while he was gone, not even just the once, it was all night, plenty of opportunities for his conscience to kick in. And he enjoyed it too, to just have some quite submissive beneath him.**_

_**They got in a little after 10 the next night and he doesn't go to see her, just crashes in the dorm room. The sheets smelt like her and he doesn't sleep right so he manages to throw himself out of bed relatively early and heads home. She doesn't leave for her shift at the restaurant till 11, hours to spare making up.**_

_**The Impala's not in the driveway so he figures she's at Lyla's or, god forbid, Seth's. He trusts her though, and he trusts Seth not to want his face beaten featureless. It doesn't register that the photo's that line the staircase wall aren't there.**_

_**He pushed open the bedroom door and found an envelope with his name carefully written on it.**_

_**She left a fucking note. Bitch left him and left a note.**_

It's folded in his wallet. He should burn it really, take a lighter to it and just watch the last little piece of her disintegrate. There was shit she left at the house, sure. But that was just stuff, this was her borderline illegible, misspelt words, it was like the strands hair he sometimes located in the house when he dared himself to set foot in there.

He should give it up, he can't really afford to keep renting it and not live in it. But she haunts it. He stands in the kitchen and he swears he can hear her singing, he stands at the bottom of the stairs and he catches a glimpse of her at the top, he lays in their bed and he can almost feel her head on his chest.

The meeting adjourns and he's only half sure of what's been said and decided. He stood to leave but Clay stops him.

"Hap, you got a minuet?"

He shrugged,

"As many as your need Prez"

They sat at opposite ends of the redwood table, Clay fumbling with his lighter a little as he lit a cigar and Happy pretended not to notice.

"I think you know you've been distracted the past...what's it been? Four? Five months?"

He won't admit that he could probably work out how many minuets 'it's been' if you gave him a moment.

"I think we can spare you for a few days if you wanna take some time off. Go visit your mom, go up north" Clay shrugged. 'Go anywhere where you're not bringing everyone down' hung unsaid in the air.

If the club could 'spare you for a few days' it meant you were disposable. That was bad. Part of him was growling to go down to L.A and drag her back north, he knows she's down there, saw her on the front page of the paper under the headline 'Charming Native to play Joplin', slow news day and he's not sure how they heard about it but it was there in black and white, Caroline Sweet was in L.A making movies apparently.

* * *

The bathroom tiles looked like the tiles in the kitchen back in Charming she found herself thinking as everything her 'agent' had forced down her throat that night made a second appearance. Her 'agent' makes Ari Gold of Entourage look warm and fuzzy. He kept telling her that she was 'gonna be a star', the thing she always wanted to hear. Now it just sounded hollow, and not because it was coming from a soulless human being.

Music thumped on the other side of the door making the bathroom floor vibrate beneath her knees. She thought sitting on the kitchen floor that afternoon with Gemma Teller-Morrow telling her to beat it and realising that she could take another human life if the fancy took her was the lowest moment of her life. Nope, those were 'the good times'.

As she walked out of the stall the bathroom attendant gave her a quick but knowing glance with Caroline returned with a 'mind your own fucking business, I could get your ass fired if I wanted' glare. Her feet carried her over to the sink.

Her eyes had watered and made her mascara run. Shit, she was a mess. The producer she and her agent had dinner with had said how good her appetite was, that usually when he ate with an actress and her agent it was all 'salad, hold the dressing'. Little did he know that the girls who pushed their salads around the plate were the healthy ones. Anyone in this place with a 'healthy appetite' was barfing it up in the bathroom.

Her 'acting career' happened by accident really. She'd been back in L.A two weeks when Jovi burst through the doors of the restaurant she was working at, announcing that some casting directors dumb ass assistant had called the wrong talent agent looking for a Janis Joplin sound-a-like for a movie about Woodstock. She'd promptly dropped the stack of plates she'd been carryng.

The plot was pretty fucking woolly if you asked Caroline, a guy follows his dream girl to Woodstock only to discover that she's kind of a bitch who's come for the 'free love' and falls for the 'quirky' girl who's there for the music. Sundance thinks the same and it takes no awards but Caroline and all the fellow Icon impersonators are reviewed favourably, some going as far as to say that she and Dwayne Gunther's Hendrix are the indisputable stars of it. And now everyone's talking about her, the Hollywood underground is whispering loudly that Caroline Sweet is the first choice for everything and anything musical... but if he dares say anything that's 4 letters long and rhymes with 'Plea' she'll hit him...hard.

The word is that screenwriters laptops are going crazy, that Cameron Crowe is writing something called 'Forever 27' that's top secret but guess work concludes that it's about Hendrix, Joplin and Morrison and the psychedelic circles they moved in. Her 'agent' put the word out that she wasn't interested in 'reprising her role' so he can screw more money out of them.

But the thing Donovan Wass has his eye on is the Cass Elliot biopic, which she's first choice for because she's only got one credit to her name and she can't demand more than a million dollars. When he told her that her head nearly exploded, the way he said 'a million dollars' like it was a pittance. Now he's got Caroline going to a vocal coach to 'take that voice' every day and shovelling anything edible down her throat, trying to fatten her up.

She barfs up everything with the assistance of her middle and index fingers, that ache in her belly to go home had to be eased somehow. And it's not just that, this body of hers...the way Happy's hands fit perfectly into the curves of her waist, the way her ass fit perfectly into them, the way her tits were just the right size for them, no, it was a body she wasn't giving up for nothing and no one until lady time took it from her. It was his, it was how he liked it, it's staying how it was the last time he touched it.

She stared herself down in the bathroom mirror.

"Are you ok?" asked the bathroom attendant, eyebrow cocked.

Caroline's eyes drifted to the stack of towels next to the woman. She could quite happily wrap one around the woman's neck and choke the life out of her if she wanted. A perfect stranger who'd done nothing more than give her the wrong look. Just imagine how easy it would be to take the life of someone who'd wronged her.

The plan formed so quickly she began to consider that maybe she wasn't as dumb as everyone had always told her she was.

* * *

She's never been so happy to see that damn sign, 'Our name says it all' doesn't make her want to retch for once in her life. She was on the road for 7 hours in total, couldn't bare to tell Harlow she was bailing to her face so she left a note and enough cash to cover her share of the rent for a couple of months. Most of her stuff currently occupied trash bags in the trunk. She goes straight to her first stop.

Laura's eyes bulge at the sight of her on her doorstep.

"What...what are you doing here?"

"Jesus Laur, you were meant to be the smart one. I wanna talk"

If she'd vanished for 6 months what she had to say had to be interesting at the very least.

The inside Laura's apartment looked like an Ikea catalogue, everything was just too 'just right' from the brass Buddha head to the arrangement of Russian dolls on the window ledge. She imagined this was Laura's subtle rebellion against her mother's 'Classical English Regency' style of decorating. It always amused Caroline that the complete collection of Jane Austin novels that sat on the book shelf spine's weren't cracked in the slightest, never read, just a decorating feature to make guests think that Laura's mother was well read.

"I wanna make things right with you"

"You got some kind of time machine out in the car?" she asked sceptically.

"Again with the 'dumb ass' routine? I said 'make things right' not 'perfect'"

"How you gonna 'make things right'?" she asked tiredly,

"I'm gonna kill Kyle White"

The silence stretched out forever until finally Laura spoke.

"Is this...is this what the club turns you into?"

Caroline shrugged,

"You might morph into a tech-buff"

"You can do that? Just walk up to someone and..."

"I think I could, I mean I've done it when it was them or me, this is sort of like that, he dies and I get my life back"

"Oh, was being a movie star too hard?" she asked unsympathetically,

"I felt dead inside every single second or every single day, I felt like a ghost. You got your ink yet?"

She shook her head,

"He's mentioned it, but sometimes I see stuff that's hard to live with, get called in to pull a bullet out of someone"

"Hap?"

"No, he's ok. Well he looks like a ghost too, all dead inside but he's walking and breathing and shit"

Caroline fought a twisted smile, but it was so damn good to hear that he was just as miserable without her. She always thought he'd get over it, that her feelings for him were far stronger than his obvious affection. She'd always thought she was the only one of them in that stage, that she wanted to be with him every second of every day and he was just permitting it because she wasn't too much trouble.

"Well if you ever want out just tell Gemma that you're an accessory to rape, that'll get your ass thrown out of town pretty fast" Caroline almost scoffed. Almost.

An internal war was being waged in Laura's heart and mind, was it better to keep what she knew to herself or share it.

'It's bad to have secrets around here' echoed in her mind, you said it yourself Gemma.

"It happened to her, did you know that?"

She knew she didn't.

"Gemma got raped?"

Laura nodded,

"Not that long ago, before the guys all got put away that time, it's all linked but I get sketchy bits of information from different sources, it's like doing a jigsaw that doesn't mention how many pieces there are on the box. She's been opening up more to me lately, I think now that everything's 'quiet' for them she has time to really think about it, doesn't have anything to distract her. That can be good and bad"

The only sense in which Caroline could picture Gemma 'opening up' was unhinging her jaw to swallow her whole. But everything was more clear now, her excommunication had been more personal than 'you're bad for the club'. That pissed her off but she understood that sometimes you took shit out on other people. Jesus, maybe she should go and see her before she made contact with Hap?

No. She needed to do what needed to be done, then she'd confess all.

"I'll keep you posted on my...mission"

"I wanna be there when you do it" Laura said quickly.

Caroline shook her head,

"Things might go south, this is me making things right, not putting you in danger. If this is gonna happen I need you to stay silent about it, ok? If it gets out at the club Bobby'll try and stop me or get involved and this is my thing, I need to do it alone"

"I need to be there, I need to see that bastards life get took. And it's not just that he raped me, ok? At the hospital you see all these good people get their life snatched from them by drunk drivers or just bad luck, I want to see someone who deserves it for once"

"Jesus Laur, tell me your views on Capital Punishment why not?" Caroline snorted, eyes wide. Maybe she was going to do all right in SAMCRO.

"It's the only way I'm keeping my mouth shut"

Caroline's arms folded and head tilted to the side, jaw clenched and eyes intimidating. It used to be the stare that made Laura back down but Laura stared back.

"I...fine! But...if it goes bad it's not on me, ok?"

Laura nodded, lips firm but thin.

* * *

He was at the garage no doubt but she didn't want to go there and have an audience for whatever happened so she went to the house but as soon as she reached the front door she stopped.

What was the etiquette? Could she just go in? Was this still her home? Would her key even still work?

One step at a time. She plunged the key into the lock and it slid in with ease. Inside the place was a mess and for a second the thought of 'wait till you get home!' crossed her mind before reminding herself that she was the one who bailed for months on end.

She could see some hard core begging and pleading in her future. Honestly she hadn't really considered the possibility that he wasn't going to easily swayed by 'I never wanted to leave you! Please forgive me! Let's fuck?'

Shit, would time travel be a possibility in the future? Could she go back and tell 14 year old Caroline to just let Kyle White do what he wanted to her? That going through that one ordeal may be better than 6 months without Happy, that she wouldn't have gone through High School being 'that girl Caroline who ran off and let her best friend get raped', that her sister might have stuck around for her out of guilt, hell she and Gemma might have some common ground.

But then she remembered Laura's black and blue face, how it had robbed her of her confidence that she seemed to have only recently regained. She probably wouldn't have thought of Happy as anything more than a sexual threat when they first met, would never have known his touch.

She felt her eye lids grow heavy, 'what if's' were tiring, Happy wouldn't be back for hours if at all, it didn't look like he stayed here much. In the bedroom the bed was made, a half-assed man's attempt at it but made none the less. It called to her, told her to rest her head because encountering Happy would take up a lot of energy, she had a lot of explaining to do. She lay down and felt a mixture of comfort and agony as he wasn't next to her. Sleep claimed her quickly.

* * *

His mind was fucking with him again, it was getting more elaborate and realistic which was concerning, maybe he was well and truly loosing his damn mind.

Pack some shit and hit the road, that was the plan. He could have sworn he saw the Impala parked round the block but he'd dismissed it as his imagination.

Now he was imagining her sleeping on the bed. The second he blinks she'll vanish, he's knows the drill. But when he eventually did blink she was still there.

He moved backwards to the dresser, never allowing his eyes to leave her form. In the top right draw was the 'fun' stuff that they kept hidden on the off chance her little sister might run up here again, find the hand cuffs they'd used the night before and ask if they'd played cops and robbers. He reached in and pulled out those very handcuffs.

Gently he took her wrist in his hand and wrapped the restraint around it before wrapping the other around the bed post. She was real all right and she was waking up.


	18. Chapter 18

In a San Francisco suburb Caroline and Laura sat in a car Laura had been left by her Great Aunt. She'd kept it in storage, it was piece of junk, no doubt about it but there was something about it that stopped her from selling it; something told her that she would one day need it.

That day was today.

She stared straight ahead but caught glimpses of the blonde in a cheap brunette wig in her peripheral vision. Laura knew that Caroline must have been hating this, she would sooner cut off her arm than her hair so the short, chocolate brown bob must to have been her definition of hell.

"Look, we don't...you don't have to do this, ok? We can just turn around and-"

"And what Laur? You're just gonna forget what happened? Forgive me just like that?" Caroline replied, snapping her fingers for effect.

"I could...I could try"

"Trying is the first step towards failing Laur, so why don't we get out the car and go guarantee it? You can stay here if you've pu...changed your mind but I'm doing this, I have less than nothing to loose"

They sat in silence for a moment, both staring dead ahead at the house on the corner.

"You should probably let go of the wheel then"

"I will"

"I'm gonna hang out outside if you get in, ok?"

"If it sounds like things aren't going to plan I can trust you to be my cavalry, right?"

"You can trust me"

* * *

She recognised him right away; he was even more handsome than he'd been the last time she saw him coming out of the market a little after his release. His appeal had been successful and Laura's family had moved not far from Stockton later that year so Laura could get her fresh start. And Caroline had been left to look like a liar all by herself. She's never been sure what she'd preferred, being the girl who abandoned her friend to a rapist or the girl who lied about her sister's boyfriend raping her best friend.

When Kyle White opened his front door she realised that she shouldn't have ever had to even consider which she 'preferred'.

No, sorry Kyle, there was no going back.

"Hi" she greeted in a southern drawl, an impression of Harlow she'd been cultivating since she first met the aspiring model, "I'm real sorry to do this to you but my car's makin' this real unhealthy noise and my cell won't let me call Triple A. Is there any chance you'd let me use your phone?"

She held his gaze and used her foot to carefully and discreetly move the plastic tube into the space there the door met it's frame. If he slammed it in her face it wouldn't stay shut for long.

"Sure" Kyle said, "come on in"

He held the door open wide for her and Caroline clenched her fists to keep her body from the shakes that were bound to course through her the second she returned to her 'right mind'.

She'd never be able to look at an Ikea catalogue without thinking of Kyle White's living room and that was a shame because she'd always found something comforting about the way Ikea catalogues made it feel possible to have a home like a movie-set.

"Y'all are a life saver, I swear I thought I was never gonna find anyone who was home"

"Yeah, the school's got some basketball thing goin' on"

"Basketball not yo' thing?"

"Nah, I'm all about Football"

"You seem the type. The phone?"

"Sure, it's right here" he said, reaching over the side of the couch to pick the cordless phone up off its docking and handed it to her.

She fake dialled some random number that told her that she'd dialled an unrecognisable number.

"Hey, my car's broken down, I'm on... A'hm sorry, where am I exactly?"

"I would have thought you'd know seeing as you must have made a special trip out here Caroline"

Ice water coursed through her body, the element of surprise metaphorically ripped from her grasp. The phone physically tumbled from her hands.

"You really think I wouldn't recognise you C?" he asked, leaning back against the couch arm and folding his arms, eye brow twitching upwards. Psycho. "You're still...indescribable, still got that face, too damn pretty, like a doll or some'in. One question. How'd you find me?"

Shit. Happy had told her, shown her and had her practice all the mechanics of getting rid of the body but the actual killing part had been a topic he'd never covered, never given her helpful little titbits like never ever let your mark get between you and your exit in case everything goes south.

"Facebook. You posted a picture of yourself washing your car outside this house and you mention to one of your cocksucker pals that you live by Eden Park. God bless Google maps"

"Shoulda known, you've always been ingenious like that"

A 'Thank you' is on the tip of her tongue before she reminds herself who's just paid her a complement.

"Anything in particular bring you here or did you just come by to catch up on old times? Hate the hair by the way"

"It's a wig"

"Good. That was the best thing about err" he paused for a moment, genuinely trying to recollect her name, "... Steph, yeah, that was the best thing about her, I got to fuck her from behind and make believe she was you"

She felt her stomach churn. She'd felt this type of ill before but never like this, this intense, this violated.

"Of course your pussy would have been tight and untouched and just perfect. But I bet that's not the case anymore, right? Bet you'll spread 'em for anyone. You know I always thought you'd end up hanging around SAMCRO, be one of 'those girls', fucking MC scum"

That did it. He was completely ignorant of the truth in what he'd just said but it riled her all the same.

"SAMCRO's a lot of 'scummy' things but at least they're not rapist scum. And in my 'humble' opinion is the worst kind of scum to be"

She drew the gun she'd acquired from the collection Happy kept under the stairs. It was significantly heavier than the last one she'd held the night she'd taken out Caruso's guys but she was confident. Not for the first time Caroline's confidence was very misguided, before she could even line up the shot Kyle was on her, forcing her arms above her head and trying (and succeeding) to disarm her.

The gun fell from her grasp and later she'd consider the possibility that this fall could have jolted the gun to life and it could have lodged a bullet into her shin. But it didn't, just fell to the flood with an unsuspecting thud. She felt Kyle's elbow make contact with the bone beneath her eye brow.

"Fuck!" she exclaimed, hand instantly reaching for the injured area. Big mistake, Huge.

Kyle's fist threw an uppercut to her jaw and she felt her own teeth involuntarily sink into her teeth. His first pulled back again and made contact with her right cheek forcing her to tumble backwards, crashing into the coffee table.

As the RAMVIK coffee table collapsed beneath her the memory of the night before flooded her brain.

_**She jerked awake at the mere feeling of his presence and found him standing in the door way, arms folded and face hard. In 20 minutes they'd be fucking like animals, but when she opened her eyes Caroline couldn't have been more ignorant of this. She was immediately aware that her arm was cuffed the iron bars of the bed frame, that jolted her into alertness.**_

"_**Hey" she said in a whisper.**_

_**He said nothing.**_

_**She'd never been as scared of Happy as she should have been. She'd met him 'on the job' so she'd always known what he was capable of, right from the start. But him letting her go that night had tricked her into something of a false sense of security. She hadn't learnt the rules, hadn't absorbed what Gemma had tried to tell her what happened to women who bailed on MC's. Now her heart was pounding in her chest.**_

"_**This...This is the part where you talk" she said quietly as she tried to sit up but ended up laying awkwardly on her side.**_

_**Was it possible for him to have been more silent than before?**_

"_**I mean if you want to play 'Sexy SAW' I'm game but I'd really like you to say something...anything. I missed you. Sorry, I should have started with that. And I'm sorry I left, I had to, there were things that were forcing me out-"**_

"_**I know why you left Caroline, I read your damn note, read it 50 times over"**_

_**She gave an internal squeal of pure joy, he was talking, that was better than good.**_

"_**What I wrote wasn't true, not really. I mean sure there's stuff I don't like about the Club but I'd put up with it-"**_

"_**Nice to know you're willin' to suffer" he bit out.**_

_**She'd never heard him be sarcastic. She hated it.**_

"_**I left because I did something bad to Laura a while back and I couldn't be around her anymore-"**_

"_**So you left? You did something to hurt me and Bobby because you did something 'bad', that is just you all over Caroline" he growled, moving towards her, stopping just out of her reach.**_

"_**I know, ok!" she suddenly shrieked, everything felt like it had been building to this, all through her life she'd been waiting for someone to finally say it, to call her on what she'd always thought about herself "I know! I'm stupid and selfish and terrible! I fuck up anything and everything I touch! I should have just let Caruso's guys put a bullet in me!"**_

"_**Don't fucking say that shit!" he growled,**_

"_**It's true! Better yet I wish my mom had just finished the damn job in the tub! Just held me the fuck under till the bubbles stopped-"**_

_**His had forced it's self over her mouth,**_

"_**Knock that shit off, ok? 'Cus it pisses me off to hear you say that crap. What did you do that's so bad you had to skip town?"**_

_**He let his hand fall away,**_

"_**I can't tell you-"**_

"_**Would it kill you to fucking trust me!" he roared,**_

"_**Every time you learn something about me you don't like you bail!" she screeched back.**_

"_**So you thought you'd bail instead?"**_

_**She shrugged, or tried to, her arm was still chained to the bed frame.**_

"_**I'm not even thinking about taking you back if you don't tell me, ok? So you've got nothing to lose"**_

_**He sat down at the end of the bed and rubbed his temples. He'd expected to be here all of 5 minutes, grab some clothes and head out. This was the very last thing he's expected. It was the very first thing he would have wished for.**_

"_**I gave you a second chance" she sniffed, "I made you sweat a little first but I did give you another shot, no questions asked"**_

"_**Good for you, But I need to know what makes you run away"**_

"_**I'd be running right now if I wasn't chained to the bed"**_

"_**I know, 'S why I did it"**_

"_**Smart"**_

"_**Talk"**_

_**She swallowed hard and her gaze shifted downwards as her tongue darted out to wet her lips.**_

"_**When we were 14 Laura got raped, it was my fault" she said finally, her words fell heavily from her mouth, the last 4 coming out with long pauses between.**_

"_**Your fault how?"**_

"_**I tripped her, ok? We were running from the guy and I tripped her"**_

_**The silence seemed like an eternity and the only scenario she'd ever pictured when she finally had to reveal her dark true nature was one where he informed her that you didn't do that shit to a friend.**_

"_**Good"**_

_**It felt as though all the bones had been vacuumed out of her face.**_

"_**Good?"**_

"_**Yeah, what did you think I was gonna say? 'How could you'? Fuck that, protect yourself first, everyone else is disposable, always remember that"**_

_**Tears that had been threatening to fall since she woke up burst through, heavy, hot, salty droplets dripping down her cheeks.**_

"_**I thought you'd hate that about me" she choked out,**_

"_**You thought I'd hate that you're not a total idiot? Baby, when some asshole's chasing you do whatever you have to do to stay safe, I don't care who gets hurt in the process"**_

_**The question of 'Even you?' hung in the air, thick and heavy. It was accompanied by an even heavier 'Yes'.**_

_**Her lips broke out into a wide but wobbly smile.**_

"_**What?"**_

"_**You called me Baby, alls not lost"**_

"_**Course it's not dumb ass, You'd have to do something huge for 'all to be lost'"**_

"_**Like shoot you?"**_

"_**Like shoot me" he confirmed.**_

"_**I meant it when I said I missed you. You believe me, right?"**_

"_**I believe you. I missed you too"**_

"_**Yeah?"**_

"_**Yeah"**_

"_**So where are you on the whole 'taking me back' thing?"**_

"_**I don't know Caroline, it-"**_

"_**Do you need convincing? 'cus I'm real good at talking but I'm even better at other stuff" she said, the whole time unbuttoning the sleeveless red blouse with one hand. She lay back against the pillows, arms twisted above her head and wriggled a little so the halves of her shirt fell away to reveal the see through black mesh bra. She lifted her leg and ran her gladiator sandal confined toes up his chest which made her once-upon-a-time-Levi's skirt ride up.**_

_**She knew she had him, something happened in his eyes when she did, she'd seen it on their very first meeting, when she'd described the pie as 'sweet and moist' she just hadn't understood what it meant. Now she knew what she was looking for, his pupils dilated, eyes went dark, primal.**_

_**Or she'd though she had him. She awoke around four in the morning to find her arm unlocked and Happy gone.**_

_**She'd at least left a note.**_

Kyle's hands wrapped themselves around her throat and squeezed, all his strength was being channelled into his sweaty mitts as he began to choke the life out of her.

Shit, she was going to die! She knew it had been a possible by-product of this quest but she hadn't really committed to it. Fuck, she was stupid. Stupid for coming here, stupid for coming back to Charming and stupid for trusting Laura!

Maybe this was how it was meant to be, maybe she hadn't been meant to live, maybe her mother was meant to have drowned her in the tub but Steph had been there to save her. Then maybe fate had put Happy in the parking lot to put things right only he had a thing for blondes. Maybe both Caruso's interferences had been meant to once again put things right but she'd dodged her fate once again. Maybe she'd been living on a lot of borrowed time.

Everything was getting pretty fucking blurry, it was like she was underwater again. Not surprising, she thought to herself, drowning was basically suffocation. It was amazing what you thought about before you died.

Then Laura appeared over Kyle's shoulder, wielding something big and heavy. She lifted it high above her head and forced it into his skull with one heavy blow. Caroline would live the rest of her life never, ever forgetting the crazed look in Laura's eye. Later she'd theorize that Laura had burst in a while back and watched him choke her for a little while before intervening, not that she'd blame her if she had.

Kyle's blood spattered Caroline's face initially and then when his lifeless body slumped onto her thick, heavy drops dripped down onto her cheek.

"A little help?" she groaned weakly from under Kyle's dead weight but Laura was less than no help. When she'd managed to wriggle out from under the corpse she found Laura against the back of the couch, legs tucked up to her chest with what she supposed the police would refer to as 'the murder weapon' clasped in her hands, staring out into space.

She reached out and took the object from Laura's hands, cradling it in her own. It was a trophy.

"Charming Highschool Football MVP Class of 2006" Caroline read aloud, "You gotta admit that's pretty funny"

Laura's eyes narrowed in response.

"You're no fun" Caroline tut-ed.


	19. Chapter 19

"_**I noticed when I was driving in that they're building on the land around my...the streams" she said tentatively after he'd rolled off her, after they'd regained their breath, when they'd lay there for what seemed like forever in silence.**_

"_**Yeah, Oswald bought it off Hale, rock bottom price and all, gonna be a TV studio"**_

_**Caroline's head rolled to the side to look at him, eyes wide.**_

"_**Shows that you ain't had any contact with your buddy Seth"**_

"_**Why, what's he got to do with Oswald's TV studio?"**_

"_**He's working on the construction crew. Hale basically stole his folks restaurant from them, some bullshit health violations"**_

"_**Shit!" she exclaimed, bolting upright as far as her shackles would allow, "I should...I should call him. Fuck, I shoulda been there for him...I...he... I suck" she finally concluded.**_

"_**I think he's used to you flakin' on him"**_

_**Her eye brows twitched together and she gave him a look that said 'and how the fuck would you know!'**_

"_**He told me, came by a couple of days after you vanished to see why you hadn't shown up for work. I'll be honest with you we didn't have the nicest shit to say. You know he's in love with you, right? You're not blind to it like he thinks you are?"**_

"_**Yeah, I know. Problem is I'm in love with you"**_

"_**Yeah, that's a problem"**_

She watched mesmerised as the cement moved down the slide and into the deep hole that would make up the foundations of Charming TV. It was thick, her fingers itched to reach out and see just how thick and sludgy it would feel in her hands. It coated Kyle's trash bag wrapped body within minutes and when it eventually became a pond of the thick grey sludge she dared to sneak a look at Seth.

"I'm sorry to drag you into this mess" she said finally,

"I know" he said quietly but coolly, staring down into the grey abyss.

"And I'm sorry about everything"

"You've said that already" Seth said solemnly,

"I just don't feel like I can ever apologise enough to you Seth, you've been better to me than anyone ever has and I just...I treat you worse than crap"

Seth slowly rolled his head towards her and to her surprise gave her a thin but genuine smile.

"You don't, trust me I know what being treated like crap looks like and that's not how you treat me. You use me sometimes, like now, but I don't mind because it's you and you've been there for me in the past"

"I can't think of one time when I've 'been there' for you'"

"Sorry, do you not remember how we met? That two days into Freshman year a formerly fat kid was a little over ambitious in the size of his pants and ripped 'em bending over to get this backpack. That one paisley kaftan wearing girl walked directly behind him to the home ec classroom to get thread and sewed up said pants within minutes of the second bell. Ring any bells?"

"That was barley anything, nothing really"

"There have been a lot of those 'barley anything's', they add up, they count, ok?"

"If you insist" she said sceptically.

"Caroline, you made me feel good when I was so wrapped up in my teen angst bullshit I didn't know when it was gonna end. But you leaving was good, good for me. I depended on you to make me feel good, it was unhealthy, I needed to learn to live without you"

She felt herself start to cry. This was the most devastating moment of her life, bar none. She'd always taken Seth for granted, hadn't called nearly as often as she should have because she'd wanted him to get over her so they could still be friends.

"Now I need to learn to live with you again" he said. He smiled and reached out to wipe her tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

"You bastard, I thought you were breaking up with me" she snapped,

"I don't think anyone could ever leave you, no man anyways. You're like 'un-get-over-able'"

"That's not a word. And recent events lead me to believe that not to be the case"

"What happened?"

"Happy and I fucked and I haven't seen him since"

"Caroline men and women aren't so different. He's hurt, he's having a sulk, he'll get over it"

"I'm not so sure"

* * *

When she pushed the front door open she found Laura sitting on the bottom step in her bathrobe, hair wet from the shower Caroline had instructed her to take when she'd dropped her off before departing to dispose of Kyle.

"Is it...is he-"

"Yeah, he's gone, rotting in hell among other places"

"Good. Should I feel bad? I should be racked with remorse, right?"

"God no. Think of it this way, think of all the girls he might have attacked in the future that he won't now"

Laura nodded solemnly,

"You're right"

"I know. It's weird. Remember the days when I thought that Unicorns were whipped out with the dinosaurs?"

Laura snorted, "yeah, that was so funny"

"So embarrassing when I included one in that diorama"

Laura's head snapped back with an almighty cackle remembering the incident. Then she remembered how red Caroline's cheeks had gone, remembered her face tensed and determined not to cry as the rest of the class laughed at her expense. Damn teacher just had to announce it as loudly as possible. Laura maintained that all kids had those kinds of little ignorance's, at that age she'd honestly believed that dwarfs were make believe fairy tale characters, she'd been spared public humiliation by being corrected by her mom one afternoon. It suddenly didn't feel so funny.

"You saved my life. You could have just left me, then we'd be even"

"Yeah, but I'd have to live with myself, go into that club house and look at Bobby and Happy and know that I let someone they love die"

Caroline nodded. But frankly had roles been reversed she'd have no trouble looking Juice in the eye having let his girlfriend die. If that made her kind of a scum bag she could live with that. She hated that about herself.

In the morning her face would be about as bad as she expected it to be. Her lip was fat and split, a bruise covered her right cheek as well as her left eyebrow. She thought she'd never looked better.

* * *

"Caroline's here!" Ellie declared,

"Don't you start that shit too" Lyla grumbled. For two months after her departure Piper had taken to pointing out of the window and saying Caroline was outside. Lyla had fallen for it more times than she cared to admit.

"No, really, she is. Come see"

Lyla reluctantly followed Ellie back to the window where she found a street devoid of human life.

"Really Ellie? Really? I try so hard, so damn hard! Why can't you just-"

"Aunt Caroline! Aunt Caroline!" she heard Piper squeal out in the hallway, "Mom says you stopped 'wasting your life doing karaoke' and got a real job makin' movies!"

"Yes, I have stopped wasting my life in L.A, decided to come and do it here instead and be just like your mom" Caroline cooed, bending so she was eye level with the little boy and slapping her thighs in enthusiasm. "C'mere, gimmie a hug".

As Lyla moved from the kitchen to the hallway she caught Ellie's 'I told you so...bitch' glare and had a feeling that she'd pay for it later, Ellie had a list a mile long of CD's she wanted, Caroline's initial influence had bore a lot of fruit.

Caroline stood bent double in the hallway with Piper hanging around her neck.

"Ok Pied Piper, get lost for a while, gotta have an argument with your mom"  
"Why are you and mom arguing?"

"Because I am a flake who can't think of anyone but myself and your mom is very, very unforgiving. But you knew that anyway"

"That true?" Lyla asked as soon as Piper had gone back into the living room.

"That I'm a flake and-"  
"That you've come back for good?"

"Oh that, yeah"

"I... what happened to your face!"

Caroline ghosted her fingertips over the bruise on her cheek. It was a fucking rainbow that's spectrum ranged from yellow to the deepest indigo.

"Accident, a mild t-bone in the Hills"

"If you're gonna go see Happy you should cover that shit up. I mean I don't think you've got a hope in hell of winning him back but he's definitely not gonna want someone who looks like they've been on the losing side of Foxy Boxing"

"I don't think you're in much of a position to comment on my appearance. I don't wanna be a bitch but you're, like, getting majorly chunky"

"And you're almost skeletal. I'm pregnant genius"

"Sucks that it's all going to your face" Caroline smirked, blowing air into her cheeks and expelling it again with a popping smack of her lips.

"You really did come here to argue didn't you?"

"I know you're probably pissed, that you were probably the first person they looked to, that you probably got accused to knowing I was gonna high tail it out of town and kept it from the club. I knew you'd still be pissed so I thought if we argued then we can get that all out of the way and you can start loving me again"

"I always love you Caroline. I just don't like you some of the time"

"That's fair"

"So you wanna come back? Really? You wanna give up your acting career?"

"I was in, like, three things Ly, wasn't a 'career'"

"I saw your movie!" Lyla insisted, "You were good! Amazing!"

"And my singing wasn't 'amazing' or even 'good'?"

"Of course it is, but you aren't in the door with that"

"Ly, I'm coming home. No singing career, no acting career. I'm getting my guy back and I don't really care if he wants me back or not because it _is_ happening, I will hold him captive 'Misery' style if I have too"

"I don't think they'll win him over"

"No, he'd love it. My man is one sick bastard, and I love him for it"

* * *

Her quest to find Gemma leads her to T&M but as she discovers upon her arrival that there's a fund raiser at the High school that the entire club appears to be attending. All except one member.

When she sees that bike parked out on the lot her blood boils hotter and more violent than molten lava. She crashed through the doors of the club house to find him seated on one of the sofas, arm slung across the back, watching 'American Chopper' or some duplicate of it at least.

"Really! Really Hap! You've been here the whole fucking time just avoiding me! If...If I didn't have a shot then you should have said, should have said 'thanks for the post-breakup fuck' not just left in the middle of the fucking night!" she screeched and his head snapped around, "I mean I've been going round town making things right! Making it so I can be here, with you, 100% and not be looking over my damn shoulder like a fool and you...you've been here...been waiting for me to get the message" she grabbed onto the post by the door for dear life and tried to hold herself up as she descended into sobbing hysterics.

She felt arms scoop her up and a hard chest against her. Happy carried her to the sofa and put her down where she promptly curled into herself and continued to cry and wail.

"I just...I don't know what to do to make you love me! Please tell me! I thought...I thought screwing over my friend would stop you loving me but you...I...Love me! Want me! Please!" she sobbed into the leather of the couch until she began to hiccup.

She felt his arm wedge itself under her and lift her body until she sat upright and a cool glass of water being pressed to her lips. She sipped but continued to hiccup periodically until her diaphragm finally wedged itself back into its rightful place.

"Baby what happened to your face? You been hurtin' yourself? Been doin' dumb shit again?"

She slowly nodded,

"What'd you do?"

'Can't tell you' wasn't an option, she knew that.

"Went huntin' for the guy who raped Laura all them moons ago. Found him too"

Happy's face immediately darkened.

"Why are you so fuckin' dumb?" he asked in a low, deadly voice.

"My mom hit the sauce pretty bad while she was knocked up with me" she shrugged,

"Can you fucking be serious Caroline! Everything's a fucking joke to you! I'm a fucking joke? How can I take you seriously when all you do is crack wise ass remarks all the damn time!"

She said nothing for a long time until she slumped against the back of the sofa.

"Do you ever wish that you'd never met me? I kinda wish I'd never laid eyes on you. Had I never known you I could have married Seth or whoever and never known what this truly, madly, deeply shit felt like"

He leaned in and pressed his lips to her temple and kissed all the way down, across her cheeks before taking her lips in a long, slow kiss, lips barley parted.

"Go wash your face" he told her, using the position of his arm to lift her off the couch.

"You'll be here when I get out, right?" she whispered, eyes down cast,

"I promise"

"Ok, if you promise"

She shuffled off to the bathroom and ran a sink of cold water. Her face burned 1000 degrees and looked about as red. She pulled her hair back in one hand and dipped her face into the basin. She didn't have a flashback to the night with her mother like she thought she would, instead she felt relaxation and tranquillity move through her body. She couldn't hear the TV in the other room anymore and figured Happy had turned it off. She whipped away the remnants of her mascara and patted her face dry with the hand towel of questionable cleanliness that hung on the rack. She felt exhausted but relieved. When she'd woken up to an empty bed she'd suddenly been slapped with the panic that she'd never see him again, that he'd gone Nomad again or returned to Tacoma or some other charter in some other town she'd never find.

When she returned to the club house's main room he was leaning against the pool table, arms folded.

"Fell better? Calmed down?"

She nodded.

"C'mere" he commanded. She stepped carefully towards him but fell into his arms the second she reached him. He held her tight to his chest and took a deep inhale of her hair.

"You gotta make me a promise, ok? You gotta swear that you're never gonna let a situation get out of control again, ok? If you'da just told me from the very beginning that you knew Juice's girl and what your history was we coulda saved a lot of heartache"

"I know" she whispered into his chest, "I promise, promise I'll never, ever, ever keep anything from you again"

"So tell me what went down last night"

She took a deep breath and recounted everything to him. How she found Kyle White, how Laura had stayed outside, how she'd taken one of his guns...that was ok, right? How Kyle had overpowered her making her regret tripping Laura that fateful night a little less, How Laura had bludgeoned him to death with his trophy, how they'd driven two hours from San Francisco with a dead body in the back and how Seth had helped them dispose of the body, the murder weapon, the intended murder weapon...sorry about that.

He rubbed a hand down over his face in semi-frustration.

"And you're sure you cleaned up, right?"

"Yeah, like you taught me"

"Ok, no body no crime, it's gonna be 50 years till someone might see fit to tear down the new studio and even then they might not find him"

Caroline nodded along.

"Don't think I'm cool with this, I'm not. You coulda gotten your ass killed or worse"

What he meant by 'or worse' wasn't lost on her.

"I had to make things right so I could stay here, be with you...if you want to be with me too that is"

He grasped her chin between his thumb and index finger and tilted her head up to look deep into her eyes. They were packed full of hope and he felt his mouth twitch into a smile.

"Whada you think?"

Her hand reached out a grazed his crotch and felt no activity.

"Don't know, you might have to show me" she said very carefully, careful not to let him think she was making 'wise ass' remarks again. His hands fell to her ass and lifted her onto the pool table with no effort at all. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans at a measured pace before pulling them to the floor.

"It laundry day or somethin'?" she asked when her eyes clapped onto his boxer-less lower half.

"Kinda" he shrugged. She took his flaccid cock on her hands and rubbed it, feeling life spring into it within seconds. He leaned down to kiss her, a long, hot kiss, tongues rubbing against one another, tasting each other. She braced one arm around his shoulders and lifted herself up as he slid her panties off, abandoning them around her knees for fear of losing a second of contact. She kicked them off the rest of the way before his hand moved under the skirt of her dress to touch and tease her, moving her ass to the edge of the pool table giving him perfect access to all of her.

"Fucking love your fingers, they're so big and flexible" she groaned as he pushed one into her to test how ready she was. Her pussy wrapped it's self around his finger and nearly tried to pull the flesh from the bone. He added another, her body expanding to accommodate, and stroked her until he felt the familiar slickness surrounding his touch.

She grabbed his head and forced his mouth to hers, rocking into him.

"I wanna finnish with you in me" she mumbled against his lips, stroking his cock one last time before settling back with her hands on the green on the table.

He removed his fingers and plunged himself inside her earning a loud wail of ecstasy from her lips. Her arms gave out and her back hit the table, her feet came up to rest on the table edge, opening herself wide to him. But Happy had other ideas, he took her ankles in his hands and moved them to his shoulders allowing him to go as deep as possible before returning them back to her hips. He let out an animalistic groan as he felt the tight wetness wrap around his dick.

Heaven. This was it. No drink or drug compared.

He pumped and pounded inside her furiously until she called out to whatever god she may or may not have believed him, mingling his name in there somewhere. He wasn't managing anything anymore coherent, he might have even called her a bitch a couple of times which he was always careful not to do. That was every other gash out there, not her. She was his woman, not his bitch.

He watched her hands moved from rubbing her tits through the fabric of the top of her halter neck dress to entwining themselves in her hair, clutching her scalp as he lost her mind to his movements inside her.

She screamed so loud when she came for the second time she'd be horse for hours after. When he came his forehead scrunched up into a hundred folds and he cried out some Pig Latin of her name. He managed to clamber up onto her table and drag her further up with him until they both lay fully on it, his jeans around his ankle making it more than difficult.

They hadn't been lying there longer than 5 minutes before his phone rang.

"Fuck" he groaned, reaching into his cut. "Yeah? Ok. Ok. On my way"

He slowly eased himself off the table and pulled his jeans back up. Caroline was only half conscious but she got the gist of what was going on as he scooped her up. Moments later she was deposited onto the bed in his dorm room.

"I gotta go find Gemma" she mumbled into his pillows,

"Catch a few Z's first baby, gonna need your energy if you need to make shit right with Gemma"

Within seconds of the door closing behind him she was sound asleep.

* * *

Being on the Charming High campus felt like seeing on old friend that you had a big fight with and hadn't spoken too since... and realising that you were still mad at them and it was totally all their fault.

Shit, that must have been how Laura felt when she saw her.

Her nose scrunched up as her eyes made the journey from one end to the other of the football field, 'Charming High Sports Fundraiser' was in big red letters on a gigantic banner. Damn jocks. Damn money grubbing jocks.

She spotted Gemma right away, those highlights caught her eye immediately. Did she pay to have that done? If anyone dared to do that to her head she'd have no trouble taking them out, run them through with their own scissors.

When she caught Gemma's eye the SAMCRO queen's face contorted itself into a tenseness, lips pursed and eyes narrowed.

"I don't mind you visiting Horney but steer clear of Happy and Bobby, they missed you for a long time, finally over you"

"I have it on pretty good authority no one ever 'gets over' me. I'm coming back, thought I should give you a heads up"

Gemma's hands came to rest on her hips and her eyebrow cocked.

"You can't just walk back into this shit honey, doesn't work that way"

"Yeah, I kinda can and am, live with it. Look you seem to have a tough time trusting people so consider this a huge leap forward for you. You trust me not to rat you out for forcing me out of town 'cus I know you'd be in some sort of shit for that and I'll trust you not to be trying to get me in trouble all the damn time. Ok? Deal?"

Caroline had never seen a sourer expression on a face before.

"Can I sweeten this deal for you at all? I will never attend one of your dinners , how about that? I will never ever park the Impala in 'your spot'? I will play baby sitter for any club kids anytime I'm needed? I will hope on one foot from here to Stockton Gemma just tell me what I have to do to make you just a little closer to happy than you were before"

Gemma continued to stare her down and at that point Caroline was sure she'd have to offer up her soul or her first borne to appease the angry matriarch.

"I know it's not really the same but when I was a kid my mom's boyfriend was coming into out room every night and doin' whatever the hell he wanted to my sister. Never did it to me but I know at least a little of the terror. Steph used to say that the waiting was the worst part, it was like I was constantly waiting for it to happen to me so 'the worst part' was the only part, all day and all night I was waiting for it to happen"

"You're right, that's not the same. You're on cleanup duty every Saturday morning"

"I accept that" Caroline said with as genuine and kindly a smile that she could muster. The second she turned away from Gemma her face fell and she cursed herself for trying to 'sweeten the deal'. But hopefully it wouldn't be so terrible it she woke up with Happy next to her and was able to go crawling back to his bed the second she'd run a rag over the bar counter top one last time.

* * *

"You're gonna have to talk to me eventually, you know that, right?"

Leo shuffled a little further down the bench. She wasn't deterred and pursued him despite his obvious desire to get away from her.

"You're starting here next year, right?" she probed, trying to drag a conversation out of him, "I went here. It's gonna suck but if you-"

"Why are you here? Huh? Shouldn't you be dry humping Channing Tatum on a movie set or whatever?"

"I'm not gonna lie, that would be pretty sweet right about now but in all honesty I'd rather be here taking shit from you than getting it on with anyone right now, Hap included. Look, Leo, I love you. And you love me, ok? I know you do, that's why you're so mad, because you trusted me with your feelings and I hurt them. And I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking of you, I was just thinking of myself. But I wanna make it up to you if you'll let me"

"You're just like dad, you say you're gonna do stuff, 'make it up' to me and you don't, you bail"

It occurred to her that it wasn't really about her. She had mixed feelings about that, happy that it wasn't her Leo was mad at, not really. But a little pissed that she was being blamed for something that was Bobby's fault.

"I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, I left 'cus I was being blackmailed"

Ok it sounded really dramatic and she was using it to make him feel bad but if it was a shortcut to Leo's forgiveness she'd take it.

His head snapped up and eyes went wide,

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I can't really talk about it but it's over now and I can come home"

"Is that what happened to your face? Is it...was it the people who killed your sister?" he asked in a whisper.

Caroline recoiled and blinked rapidly,

"What do you know about Stephanie?" she asked finally after a very long silence.

Leo looked to his feet,

"Nothing really. I heard Surg on the phone. He said 'they' killed her but 'they' probably won't hurt you"

She felt like all the blood had gone gushing out of her, her face probably showed it.

"Who do you think 'they' are?"

"I dunno, but whoever 'they' are you either mean nothing to them or everything"

Caroline nodded along. This was...strange...

The roar of Harley's distracted her immediately, her heart skipped every other beat as her eyes searched the man that belong to her. But he wasn't among them, most likely having gone back to the clubhouse to find her...or so she hoped.

"I gotta go talk to 'dad' but I'm gonna be outside your school Monday afternoon, it's just gonna be you and me, we're gonna do whatever you want, ok?"

Leo nodded before pushing off the bench and leaning into her for a quick hug. After she'd ran a hand through his curls one last time she made her way over to her father.

"Hey" she said almost nervously. Of everyone who would react to her return Bobby's had been the hardest to predict. Sure he'd be glad to see her and everything but he was hard core SAMCRO and women who know club secrets running off without a word was not cool with men like him.

"Holy shit" Jax said as she approached, each syllable paused for effect in a way not dissimilar to Gemma.

Bobby's small mouth spread into the biggest smile it could.

"Hey there Movie Star"

"Don't, every loser I ever knew at this hell hole's calling me that. You saw it then?"

"Course I did. Twice. I know I don't have much right to be but I was so proud when I saw you on that screen"

"Good. Because it's probably gonna be the last time" she said wrapping her arm around his and leading him away a little for the sake of a shred of privacy.

"What?"

"I'm coming home, I...my body can't handle L.A, my mind can't handle it. It's weird, I spent so long trying to get out of this town and as soon as I did I was desperate to come back"

"Don't know what you've got till it's gone" Bobby observed,

"Did you just quote Joni Mitchell?"

"Hell yeah. She's one of the 5 female singers it's ok for a guy to like"

"And the others?"

"Joan Jett"

"Excellent choice"

"Siouxsie Sioux"

"Fair enough"

"Patti Smith"

"Love"

"And Tina Turner"

"You truly are my father"

Bobby's eyebrows knitted together and bought a hand to her face.

"Jesus, what happened to you face? Someone rough you up darlin'?"

"Oh no. I was in a little car accident but-"

All of The Sons heads snapped up letting her know that they'd really had no privacy at all. It was impossible to tell who said what but their reactions had a universal theme.

"You crashed the Impala!"

"We worked so hard on that car!"

"We spent forever on that thing!"

"I practically whored myself out for that carburettor!"

Caroline held her hands up in surrender.

"The Impala's fine, it's over there!"

"Thank God" Bobby breathed.

"I'm fine by the way, thank you for asking"

"Does Hap know you're back?"

She nodded vigorously but resisted the urge to tell them that if they wanted evidence go check their pool table.

"Might actually hear the guy laugh for once" Tig muttered,

"Maybe" Opie shrugged, head tilted and watching something in the distance.

She didn't even need to look to know who was approaching she felt it, it made her toes tingle and her head feel light.

"I think Gemma's looking for you guys" she lied,

"Crap" Jax groused, "Like we didn't lift enough heavy shit today"

No sooner had Happy pulled up than she was at his side.

"You done what you had to?" he asked,

"Yeah. You?"

He chucked, the lyrical sound mixed with the usual gravel,

"Yeah, it's done. Another day, another shoot out"

She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his, arms circling his neck as his snaked their way around her body. When she pulled away she rested her forehead against his.

"Let's go home"


	20. Chapter 20

"It just...it feels like I'm just waiting for the cops to come and get me" Laura mumbled into her finger nails.

Caroline leaned against the bar, eyes trained on the chapel door, waiting for church to be over with. She hated knowing that Happy was in the same building and she couldn't be near him, touching him, sliding her hands up his shirt, down his... was Laura still talking? No, she was waiting for an answer.

"I know, it'll lessen and fade until you don't feel like that at all"

"How long does that take?"

Caroline shrugged,

"Few months" she said but in truth part of her was still waiting to get caught out for the three guys she'd shot in the diner.

"Thing is" Laura began, "I've got this friend from nursing school who got this really great gig at a care home and there's a vacancy so I applied"

"This doesn't sound like a 'thing is' kinda thing, sounds like a 'good news' kinda thing"

"It's in Florida"

"That's gonna be a bitch of a commute"

But Caroline knew what Laura was driving at and it sounded like a pretty good idea to her.

**September**

She was going to stop drinking. No, honestly, she was.

This was, by far, the worst hangover she'd ever had. She tugged the covers up over her head. Day light was no friend of hers. Under the covers she curled into herself, vaguely aware that Happy was sprawled out next to her. She didn't even remember drinking last night, hell she didn't even remember last night. The last thing she remembers from yesterday is...she had eggs for breakfast...eggs...all runny and with that smell and...she was going to puke.

She leapt out of the bed and made it to the bathroom just in time. Why did her puke always have carrots in it? She almost never ate vegetables, the only time she ate fruit was when it wormed its way into her baking. She washed her hands, rinsed her mouth out and just as she was turning to leave something in the bathroom mirror caught her eye, something on her back.

Her mouth hung open. On her back, in the blackest shade of ebony ink, was a crow so well done you'd swear it was emerging from her pale flesh.

Immediately, without a moment's hesitation, her mind told her that her mom was going to kill her. Sometimes that happened, she forgot then suddenly remembered the unhappy truths of her life.

Her mother was dead. Her sister was probably dead too. She was a murderer. She liked alcohol a little too much. She'd given up L.A.

But there were the little happiness's too.

She had a father. She had other siblings. She had a man she loved.

And now she had a huge crow tattooed on her back, talons protruding and wings spread as if to land.

"_**I can't believe you let someone do that to you half a million times" she'd moaned into the pillow as Happy rubbed lotion on her back; "that stung like a motherfucker, so glad I only gotta do that once"**_

_**His hands stilled, she could feel the tension coiled in his fingertips.**_

"_**What? What is it?" she asked, turning her head to look at him over her shoulder.**_

"_**Don't freak out, ok?"**_

"_**Why would I freak out?"**_

"'_**Cus it's only half finished?"**_

_**Her eyes bulged. When he'd shown her his sketch of what her Crow tat would look like she'd squealed and clapped...and pulled his jeans to his knees and blown him.**_

_**But when the needle had first punctured her flesh she'd buried her head in a pillow to muffle her screams, practically tried to devour it.**_

_**Was it terrible that he'd kinda enjoyed it? That his cock had stirred in his jeans when he'd heard her wails of agony. She hadn't told him to stop though; he'd persisted until he'd gotten bored.**_

"_**Can't you just use permanent marker?"**_

"_**I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that"**_

"_**You're gonna have to get me wasted, you're gonna have to get a funnel, stick it in my mouth and poor everything behind the clubhouse bar down it"**_

Her lips twitched into a tired smile. She could never accuse him of not listening to her.

* * *

"Can't believe you're gettin' up before me" she purred into the pillow,

"Yep" Happy agreed as he tugged his jeans up over his boxers, "bet hell's havin' a snow day"

"I've never had a snow day, never even seen the stuff" she sighed lazily. Jesus , she'd missed this bed. Pillow topped mattress and soft as a cloud. Big fat goose feather pillows that were worth every over priced penny. The bed and the couch were things to be forked out on, no doubt about it.

He stopped fastening his belt for a moment, eyebrows twitching together.

"What? You're shittin' me right?"

"I shit you not lover" she mumbled, burrowing further into the bedding, "I ain't been north of Big Bear City"

"What's in Big Bear City?"

"My underwear and a very pissed off park ranger"

"You're wild baby. You really never seen snow?" he asked trailing a finger down her face.

"Naw. only on TV. Be cool to see it some time, make a snow angel or somethin'" she yawned, "Why? I missin' much?"

"No. Just frozen rain. But everyone should make a snowman"

"Can't put tattoos on a snowman, not the kinda man I'm into"

"You gonna do anything today or are you still gonna be in bed when I get back?"

"Gonna meet Seth later, he's got this 'big idea' he can't wait to tell me"

**October**

Caroline practiced her smile in the bathroom mirror. Her 'I am the proprietor of this establishment, won't you please come in' smile stretched into an 'I am out of my depth, please just buy some cake and leave' one.

Jesus, how had she let Seth talk her into this? It was all happening so fast. One moment she'd been sitting at the breakfast bar in his crappy apartment listening to him lay out his 'business proposition' to her the next she'd been wearing an outfit borrowed from Tara trying to figure out a way to tell the guy at the bank that she hadn't been to culinary school in a way that wouldn't fuck up the whole meeting.

And now it was the grand opening of 'The Sweet Spot', the bakery/cafe that Caroline had once hoped for but had thought lost to the higher power that was SAMCRO.

"Sugar, a whole lot-a people just came on through the" Harlow began as she slipped through the door that separated the kitchen from the 'front of house' but broke off when she caught sight of Caroline pulling faces in the mirror "...what are yo' doin'?"

"Trying not to pee my pants with fear" Caroline admitted. She never had to pretend everything was fine with Harlow because Harlow never worried about her in the way Lyla or Barbara or even Seth did, if she'd admitted she was nervous to any of them they'd immediately devise a way for her not to have to go through with whatever it was she was nervous about. Harlow merely absorbed the information.

Harolw was not her 'fixer', Harlow was her 'diary', allowed her to work stuff out on her own.

_**It had been her 21**__**st**__** birthday and they'd say on the beach, a bottle of cheap wine each that Harlow sipped at and Caroline chugged. It felt like she'd been crying nonstop since she'd driven out of Charming.**_

"_**I've ruined everything" she had sobbed, "Everything I touch turns to crap!"**_

"_**Aww Sugar, come here" was all Harlow had said, letting her lay her head in her lap and sob for hours.**_

"Oh Sugar, you used to get on stage in a sequined leotard that rode up your ass pretty bad and this scares you?"

Caroline spun to face her, eyes wide in horror.

"How bad! You never told me! You let me get on stage with my ass hangin' out!"

"It wasn't hangin' out when you got on stage, it made an appearance half way through. See, now you know that nothin's ever gonna be that bad, so get your ass out here and great yo' customers!"

"In a second"

She exhaled heavily,

"And you're supposed to be what exactly?" Harlow asked, cocking a perfectly groomed eyebrow at Caroline costume,

"I'm The Queen of Hearts, see Jam Tarts and everything" she explained as she picked up a nearby tray piled high with jam tarts the size of Happy's palm... and her tits, an observation he'd made a week ago as she'd force fed him two of everything from her practice run.

"Shouldn't you be Alice?"

"I like this outfit better. And I am the queen of this kingdom so I figured I should be in this"

"So you're having an 'Alice in Wonderland' Tea Party with no Al...oh no, no no no"

It was Caroline's turn to arch her eyebrow.

"What? You thought I was gonna invite you up here, let you drink my alcohol and want nothing in return? Have we met? You can change back there"

Harlow pursed her lips and jutted her hip, it was a pretty good impression of Gemma actually.

"Oh come on, please. You know you wanna do this for me"

"I do?"

"Sure you do"

"You're gonna be shipping a box of your brownies down to me every week for the next year, yo' know that, right?"

"You're modelling career's gonna go to shit"

"My modelling careers already going to shit, might as well take a shot at plus-"

"Don't say it!"

"Plus sized modelling"

"No, don't say that. What happened to 'Chinese Vogue'? Remember that dream?"

"Same thing that happened to 'Starved Ears', Caroline Sweet and The Diabetic's rave reviewed debut" Harlow shrugged.

Caroline didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Go change bi-atch"

"As your majesty wishes" she said with a roll of her eyes and Caroline went back to practicing her smile.

"So" Harlow called from over the stall door, "when do I get to meet your man?"

"Hap? He's on a run"

"I still don't know what that actually means"

"You're gonna meet Seth in, like, 10 minuets though"

"Oooo, yo' high school lover"

"Yeah, something like that"

"I've seen the pictures Sugar, he cute, mind if I try an' tap that while I'm up here supportin' yo ass"

"Tap away my fair maiden" Caroline snorted, not really thinking two of her best friends would hook up.

But then again thinking was never really Caroline's strength.

**November**

"I'm sorry about your Mama" she said softly as she climbed onto his lap, knees resting on either side of his thighs.

"I was ready for it" Happy said, trying to convince himself.

"You're never ready for it Lover" she said with a sad smile, cupping his face in her hands and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. His arms closed around her and he held her tightly to him, like she'd once held Smokey the stuffed dragon to herself . He wasn't going to cry, she knew that. He just wanted to be sad for a little while, just wanted someone to hold onto. "Hap?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, ok?"

"That's fine by me" he said in a low throaty laugh, amused by the fact she'd pose it as a question, "I love you, that a'ight?"

"That's perfect" she breathed, wrapping her arms tighter around him, "Sucks that we're not doin' this under better circumstances"

"I shoulda told you at Christmas"

"Took you all that time?"

"Nawh, just when I knew for sure, a hundred and ten percent"

"I knew the day I got my DNA results, when you squeezed my hand"

He kept one arm wrapped around her but reached the other one out, searching for her hand. He squeezed it gently and passed his thumb over each knuckle before returning to the finger between the middle and little. He rubbed it between his thumb and index finger before looping them around it.

He doesn't have a ring or anything. Shit, he tells himself not to, to keep his mouth shut because no good can come of it. But out it comes.

"Marry me" he mumbled against her neck.

She laughed softly,

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that"

Perfect get out but no, his mind and mouth just aren't seeing eye to eye.

"I'm serious"

"You're seriously upset and want to make a new family right away so you don't have to morn your mom properly"

It's about the smartest observation she's ever made.

"I just...I want to make this permanent"

"It is, I'm not going anywhere Lover" she said, leaning back to look at him before leaning back in and kissing him.

"You don't know that, shit happens" he mumbled against her lips.

"And you think that if we got married it'd make me less inclined to bail"

"Wouldn't it?"

"I guess. Be nice if you were askin' 'cus you love me"

"I am askin' 'cus I love you"

"Nuh-uh, you're askin' me 'cus you're afraid you love me more than I love you"

"When'd you get so smart?"

"One of us gotta be thinking clearly or we'd be on our way to Reno right about now"

"Fuck thinkin' clearly, thinkin' shit out gets in the way of life. It'll be perfect; we'll just get on my bike and ride to Nevada"

"Hap, this is, like, fucking crazy. But I guess we've never been accused of being sane"

Half of her was glad a pot hole buckled his bike's back wheel an hour and a half out of Charming. Lyla would be pissed, Bobby and Tiki would be 'disappointed', Barbara would be livid. Getting married is so much bigger than two people.

"God damn it!" he roared taking his foot to his bike and regretting it immediately as pain coursed through his foot.

"Please don't do that again, you'll hurt yourself or worse, the bike. You love your bike"

Caroline shifted uncomfortably on the rock she'd perched herself on, having hung up on Opie minutes earlier, he'd come get them and wouldn't ask questions about what they were doing half way to Nevada.

"Maybe it's a sign, that we shouldn't be doin' this right now"

"Not a sign" Happy grumbled, "It's just shitty luck!"

"We can do this some other time, actually might have a couple of witnesses we've met before. We don't have to get married tonight"

"Yeah we do!"

"Why?"

"'Cus if we don't do it right now we ain't ever gonna do it, I can just feel it!"

"So what if we don't? Hap, pieces of paper don't keep people together, people keep people together, you know?"

He considered her words and knew she was right. He sat next to her on the rock and gave her a look that only she could possibly read, a look of 'you're right, I'm wrong, but let's never say it'.

"People who need people are the luckiest people in the world" she sang softly distorting her voice a little on the last word to sound a little more like Barbara Streisand.

"My mom loved that movie, seen the damn thing 'bout fifty times"

Caroline grinned; she'd seen it on a shelf in his mom's room when she'd visited.

"No fucking way! No fucking way have you sat through Funny Girl"

"If I asked you to sing that at her funeral-"

"Don't even got to ask Lover, do the whole soundtrack if you want"

"Hell no, be puttin' a bullet in my brain in no time. No offence, love hearin' you sing baby but no way could I set through more than one Streisand number"

He lifted her up and set her on his lap.

"So you gonna tell me your name or so I have to wait for the vows to find out?"

**December**

"Hap! Hap!" she squealed as she burst through the doors of the Tacoma club house, "You gotta come out here! Gotta see this! It's snowin'! Like, Fer real!"

"Be there in a second baby" he grinned and she dashed out again.

"Is she ok, in the head I mean?" asked Doughnut,

"She's with me, ain't she? So no, not completely"

"She actin' like she never seen snow before" Bully snorted,

"She ain't, California Girl"

"I think the Beach Boys were on to somethin'" Kozik grinned as he bit into the chocolate chip cookies Caroline had managed to construct with their 'piss poor kitchen equipment'.

"Yeah, this is some good shit even if she does spaz out seein' snow"

Out on the lot Caroline opened her mouth and caught some flakes on her out stretched tongue.

He watched her run around in the heavy downpour of frozen rain. She was wearing a faux fur trapper hat and thick padded jacket. She'd be drenched pretty soon, he was glad they had a decent motel room with a good shower because she was going to need it when she was done playing in the cold. Hell he was gonna need it he thought as he pulled the hood of his SAMCRO sweatshirt over his head and jogged out to meet her, wrapping an arm around her waist and swinging her round in the blizzard as soon as he caught up with her.

She was red cheeked and perfect, eyes wide and wet, smile like he couldn't describe. This was the way he'd think of her in the future when she wanted less than nothing to do with him and he wished to torture himself because it was all his own damn fault.

**April**

Caroline beamed as Elliott Oswald came through the front door of 'The Sweet Spot', it seemed so long ago that they'd sat at the desk in T&M's office and she'd signed over her home for a disproportionate amount of cash. Now he was here to repay her though this was not on his mind when the idea had come to him.

"Let me guess, you're having a party and you want a cake from" she began, grinning widely and grabbing the magazine that she and Seth ripped open that morning before dancing around their business in the bastard style of Fred and Ginger, "And I quote, 'The producer of the richest and indulgent baked goods on the West Coast'?"

"In the future I definitely will" Oswald conceded, "but today I want to talk to you about something else. Caroline, have you ever considered TV work?"

And Caroline's world got a hell of a lot sweeter.

**2 years later**

Caroline beamed down at the tiny 1 month old infant she held in her arms.

"Did I or did I not get you one boo-tiful grandchild?" she asked Seth's mother who peered over her shoulder at the little girl with a tuft of red hair upon her head.

"She sure is. I'm going to see where her father is"

"Kay. Yes you are, yes you are my Ruby-oobie-woobie"

Although the birth of Ruby Grace Duvall had tossed her mind into a chaos that was tearing her apart, made her weep daily and her head hurt so hard she couldn't get through the day without a shot of vodka...or three, she couldn't help the stupid noises that came dripping off her tongue whenever she was around her.

"You are hogging her" Tommy Q observed, "you see her everyday and she _is_ my goddaughter as-"

"You need to back the frick up Tommy Q"

"'frick'? 'back the frick up'? Jesus Christ you have changed! You gone all Disney girl!"

"You are in a church!" Caroline gasped despite not being at all offended.

Tommy looked at the church around them, the shiny wood pews and the stain glass windows, the tiled floors and the stone font they'd be standing at in a little while.

"If my grandma could see me now she would wear me out somethin' special"

"Why?"

"I was raised to be a good ol' Baptist, this is all a little ostentatious. Baptists don't do ostentatious"

Caroline stared incredulously at his cream Viktor & Rolf Tuxedo, the crisped high necked white shirt fastened with an antique broach and the hair, the bleached white spikes that covered the top portions of his head while on the bottom swirling patterns were shaved into his hair line.

"This is tame compared to my usual look"

"I know, they play your video on MTV2 every 15 minutes"

"Number one baby!" he exclaimed, fist pumping in the air. "That coulda been you, you know that, right?"

"Maybe" she said, heart not really in it,

"It could have been" he insisted, "but no, you had to come back to the least aptly named town I've ever known, had to go making yourself into Martha Stewart, started sayin' 'frickin'"

"Really, Martha Stewart? You think?" she grinned, thrilled at the comparison.

Tommy Q shrugged,

"You got your own bakery chain, your own TV show, gonna have your own book"

"It's, like, four store, not really a chain. Oh and the book deals on the back burner...for now"

"Then I'm gonna have to bump you down to Rachel Ray"

"You shut your mouth! I would never be caught dead in a bikini with a chocolate covered spoon hanging out of my mouth. I'm the classiest TV chef under 40, according to Cosmo at least"

"That ain't sayin' much about your peers honey" Tommy grinned.

She was about to respond when the clicking of high heels on tile began to echo around the empty church.

"There you are Shug, thought you gone run off with her!" the women formerly known as Harlow laughed, her machine gun laugh was in time with the impact of her heals, heals Caroline had bought her as a 'New Baby' gift, she'd never stopped believing that mommy deserved a present .

"I would, I totally would. You seriously should get me chipped or something"

"I trust y'all to make the right choices. And to know if yo do I will hunt yo down and beat yo ass so bad your biker boys will have somethin' ta say 'bout it"

"Forget her biker boys, her TV bosses would have a hit out on you" Tommy snorted.

"Speakin' o' bikers can you tell them to quit puffin' away and come in, we can start now, Seth's pants are finally dry"

"Will do" she shrugged and began to move to the front entrance of the church.

"Not so fast, come on, hand her over"

"But I'm her Godmother, it's my special day"

"Yeah, well, I'm her Godfather" Tommy said, easing the infant out of her arms and into his, "and I've held her, like, twice"

As she handed the baby over her heart ached and all she could think was 'I want one'.


	21. Chapter 21

**I read back the last chapter and I suppose I didn't make it crystal clear that Caroline and Happy didn't get married and Caroline is in fact Godmother to Seth and Harlow's daughter. Apologies to all I confused!**

"That is some cake" Tommy Q said after a long, low whistle.

Caroline frowned, she could do better.

On a flat bed of the fluffiest sponge and creamiest ice cream Caroline had created an Oz Judy Garland would have been proud to exist in. The gingerbread house and Munchkin land marked the beginning of a yellow brick road made of pineapple cube candy Caroline had made herself all up till a field of hand crafted Poppies and an Emerald city made of spun sugar. All along the yellow brick road edible characters were placed. If she broke it down the whole thing had taken 24 hours to make and she knew that there wasn't a chance Ruby would even remember the cake her godmother had slaved over.

Beyond the neon pink, porthole'd double swing doors of The Sweet Spot's kitchen Ruby's christening party was in full swing. She found it a little surprising that all of SAMCRO was invited but she sensed that there were things afoot that she didn't completely understand and decided not to question it.

The Sweet Spot was at the end of the main drag and its decor was a topic hotly debated. Neon pink and green, eye sore or the panicle of modern design? Jacob Hale was very vocal about how it was the former in his 'humble' opinion.

"You know it'd be criminal to take a knife to that, right?"

"Cakes are for eating, not for lookin' at. I'm already planning her first birthday, it's gonna make this look like a sack of shit"

"That poor kids gonna be morbidly obese by the time she's 5 if you have anything to do with it"

"With Harlow for a Mama? Doubtful. You just know her Lullaby's go something like '12 Top Models standing on the walk, 12 Top Models standing on the walk, and if one of those Top Models should accidently talk there'll be 11 Top Models standing on the walk. 11 Top Models at the photo shoot, 11 Top Models at the photo shoot, and if one of those Top Model's can't squeeze her size 9 foot into a size 5 boot then there'll be 10 Top Models at the next photo shoot'"

"Have a little faith" Tommy Q laughed, "She managed to name her something surprisingly un-trashy"

"I named her. Har-Har wanted to call her, like, Larlene-Brandine or something. I swear you can take the girl out of the Ozarks but you can't take the Ozarks out of the girl"

"You mean the Appalachians, those are specific places, not just expressions for 'the boonies'. And she ain't from there either"

"Whatever, the point is that names are important, they gotta last your whole life"

Tommy Q snorted,

"Whatever you say 'Sweet Caroline'. You know my name's Wayne, right?"

"I did not know that!"

"Wayne Thomas"

"Where did the Q come from"

"I'm from Quitman. Well, there's about"

"So, by your naming technique, she'd be Duvall C?"

"Doesn't really work here, but you'd be Sweet C"

"Sounds like a piss poor rapper"

"Well you can't rap so's about right" he laughed.

But then something caught his eye out of the kitchen's small window.

"I don't wanna be racist or nothing but did you know that there are some seedy Hispanic guys hanging round your parking lot?"

Caroline dashed to the window and sure enough, advancing towards the rear of the building were heavily armed men she thought to be Myans.

"Shit!" she shrieked before latching on to Tommy Q's arm and dragging him out to the front of house.

"Everybody out!" she screamed.

Nobody moved a muscle.

"Come on!"

Dozens of eyes blinked back.

"Fire!"

The stampede out of the front door started immediately.

She latched on to Jax's cut and dragged his ear to her mouth.

"Heavily armed Myan's round back"

In the hours that followed she'd discover that this was the crumbling of the Columbian Pipe Line, the Myan's had little to nothing to do with it. But Jax knew what she was really telling him and leapt into action, instructing all Son's present to get round back and keep the 'problem' there.

Happy spun her around and fixed her with a look that made her spine straighter than it had ever been, 'Chronic sloucher' Barbara had called her.

"Get out of here right now, run down Main, I don't care who you're leaving behind, if there smart they'll get out of here the second it kicks off"

"I'm not leaving Har-"

"Go"

"But I-"

"Go! I'm not fucking around Caroline!" he snapped before forcing her through the front door and taking off back through the kitchen doors.

Out front the party guests were gathering a 'safe' distance away.

"I need you all to get out of here now...Please" she said as loudly as possible.

And then the first round of gunfire sounded and the guests didn't need much more incentive. Her feet carried her off the curb and further and further away from her business, Seth pushing Harlow in the same direction but still reaching back for Caroline. He'd never stop reaching back for her, no matter what she did or how many thousands of miles were between them. One day death would part them but occasionally a scent or sound on the air would drag the one back into the others memory and for a second they'd be reaching out, hands touching ghostly hands.

And as she heard the gun fire start up again she knew something bad was going to happen, felt it in the pit of her stomach.

Funnily enough that was where the bullet lodged itself inside Happy that very moment.

* * *

Screaming 'get the fuck out of my fucking face' at a kid and her mom would probably be bad for business in the future but as she was persuaded to sit down in the plastic chair she really didn't give a shit about the future beyond Happy coming out of theatre breathing.

Her hands took up residence cupped over her mouth as she hyperventilated into them.

"Darlin'" Bobby tried, "You gotta calm down"

This only made her breath harder and heavier into her hands.

"Jesus Bobby" Gemma groaned, "no wonder you can't hold a wife down. Come on, come here"

Gemma sighed and took her elbow, urging her to her feet.

"N-no! I got-gotta b-be here w-when he-"

"You'll be back for that" the former queen cooed softly, the tone so hypnotic that she couldn't help but follow.

In the bathroom Gemma stood against the door. And in the relative privacy Caroline felt the first tears start to run down her cheeks.

"Let it out" Gemma encouraged, "Let it all out now, nothing' you can do to help him so you should do whatever to make yourself fell better"

She descended into hysterics quickly.

One would think that Gemma's role within the club would have been minimized since Clay's death but if anything she was around more than before. But she and Caroline were fine now, they didn't see too much of each other but there's been a point when it dawned on Caroline that Gemma was a glass half empty kind of a person, she prepared herself for 'worst case scenarios' and she did this because she was smart, and she'd lived, she knew that silver linings came with clouds.

She let Caroline fall against her.

"Come on, come on. Let it out, you'll feel better"

Ten minutes later Caroline splashed warm water onto her face. She felt like she'd run a marathon. Her head was pounding and she was no closer to knowing if Happy was going to live. But she now understood that freaking out until the moment a surgeon emerged and told her the verdict was entirely useless.

* * *

"Don't...don't scare me like that, ok? You just can't leave me Hap, I don't...I don't know how to be without you anymore!" she sobbed into Happy's chest as he lay in bed two days later having been released from hospital that evening.

He rubbed a lock of her hair between his finger and thumb.

"I'm sorry I put you through that Baby" he said, voice even lower and raspier than usual.

"I want you wearing that vest all the time, ok? 24 hours a fucking day"

He chuckled low in his throat,

"Why don't I just wear a suit of armour"

"Don't you dare mock me Joseph Giordano!"

"I ain't mocking you Baby, but you gotta know that my expiration date could be tomorrow, or next week or twenty years, right?"

"Don't talk like that! Why are you saying this shit?"

"Because I love you and if you don't prepare yourself you're gonna be devastated, the 'can't get out of bed or do a damn thing' kinda devastated and that's not somethin' I want for you"

She said nothing, only lay her head on his chest.

The question of 'What about what I want?' hung heavily in the air.

"_**I don't want kids Caroline, you should know that now"**_

Almost 4 years ago those words meant nothing to her. No kids? Fine, she'd stay thin and hot, sounded good to her.

But now, now she was out of that strange twilight between adolescence and bonafied adulthood, she'd thought about what she'd agreed to give up and regretted it.

Was she really willing to trade Happy for a baby? The truth was that Happy could be gone in the blink of an eye and the shot of a gun. Then she'd be alone.

_**"So you're not thinking about...encouraging your relationship along?"**_

_**"Is that what you told yourself it was when you got knocked up on purpose? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? We used to call it 'trapping', 'trapping your man', that's how my cousin got her kid, not that she'd ever admit it, how she wound up being a single mom too"**_

Jesus she wished Dotty was still around to tell her what to do. Barbara would have some sage wisdom too but she'd passed not a week before the birth of Ruby.

And so Caroline began playing Russian roulette with her pill.

At first she missed just one or two a week. She was vaguely aware of the science, that by just missing one she was fucking up the 'course of treatment', that she'd have to be back on them a week straight for them to be 'affective' again.

But it eased her conscience.

* * *

Happy ripped the phone from her grasp.

"Baby, go to work"

Caroline's hands were still poised as if she held it in her hands.

"Fuck no! What if you...you..."

"What if my pillows go un-fluffed?"

"What if you, like, start bleedin' or somethin'?"

"Then you could probably sue St Thomas for a hefty chunk of change"

"I'm serious!"

"If I start bleedin' I'll call someone"

"What if you go into shock or something? Or have a seizure or stroke or heart attack or-"

"Please go to work...and maybe stop watchin' General Hospital"

"I just don't want anythin' to happen to you. I'm so scared that I'm gonna loose you one day out of the blue and then I'll be like Jim, all sad and alone"

"Go to work and go visit Jim, please, for me. I'm goin' crazy bein' cooped up in here, you don't get to go crazy too"

Caroline rolled up onto her knees on the bed and leaned carefully over him. She leaned down and pressed her lips to his.

"You would not be tryin' to get me out this house if you were in any condition to fuck" she whispered against his lips.

"Then we'll save all your hookie days for when I am"

"You gonna watch me?"

"Course I am. I love watchin' you, I really like that crazy face you pull when you've picked up somethin' hot without oven gloves on"

"This one?" she asked pulling THE face, eyes and smile as wide as either would go.

"Love all your faces baby"

"I love all yours lover" she said, pulling the bedding down and running her tongue over the smiley face tats that weren't obscured by bandages.

He wound his hands in her hair and bought her lips back to his, not comfortable with the fact that she'd unwittingly ran her soft pink tongue over the one he'd earned putting her sister in an unmarked grave in the desert outside of Sin City.

* * *

Jax glanced around Caroline and Happy's living room. Though he'd never say it allowed he thought that Caroline and his mom had at least one thing in common, they were photo kind of people. Carefully arranged in varying sizes but purposely selected frames were dozens of photographs. Shed raided Happy's mothers possessions for ones of him in his youth, laughed her ass off at some of them and kept others hidden from view in immaculately maintained photo albums. But their early lives were interwoven on the walls of their home.

Jax felt his lips twitch into a smile when he spotted one that just had to be Lyla dressed in _the_ most wholesome cowgirl costume for Halloween, he was pretty damn sure Lyla had at least one rodeo themed porno to her name. Next to her two girls were dressed as a ladybird and a butterfly, the ladybird being Caroline and Jax was suddenly aware of how little he actually knew about Caroline, he hadn't known she had a sister.

"Damn it Caroline, I ain't gonna fall" came Happy's gravelly voice from the stairs,

"You do not know that. If you'd just stayed in bed-"

"Can't stay in bed forever, who am I? John Lennon? Guess he got shot too"

"No, no, no" Caroline squeaked, in a way that would make one think that someone was talking over her kitchen floor in muddy boots...as Jax once had, "don't say that! He died! And how f-ing dare you cast me in the role of Yoko, she sucks, s'not music it's just f-ing noise!"

Jax had to laugh.

"I coulda come upstairs" he laughed, "y'know, if you're bigger than Jesus an' all that shit"

"We got a Prez and a comedian when we voted you in, lucky SAMCRO, huh?" Happy half smirked as they did their man-hug thing.

"You want anythin' Jax?" Caroline asked, hovering by the wayside.

"Besides a word with your man here? Naw darlin'"

"Really? Cus I pulled some peanut butter cookies outa the oven a half hour ago, they're for Tiki's school thing but I know how much you like 'em and I made a lot so-"

"I would love a peanut butter cookie" Jax interrupted,

"Coffee? It's the real good shit. I mean not from Columbia or nothin' if that bothers you now-"

"Coffee would be great"

And Caroline quickly exited.

"She's a good one"

"Don't gotta tell me man" Happy smirked, "but she's gonna make me fat an' shit the way she feeds me"

"You know women get their idea of the right man from their dad's right?" Jax laughed,

"Think she's tryin' to turn me into Bobby?"

"Might be"

"So S'up? Know you got more important shit to be doin' than makin' house calls"

"I need a full table. Think Annie Wilkes in there'll let you leave the house?"

"Naw, gonna have to bust out Shawshank style" Happy grinned.

* * *

Leon Moretti.

The second Jax said the name Happy knew the end was neigh. He sat and he listened to how Moretti's relationship with the Vegas Son's had gone from mortal enemies to grudging truce to bountiful 'business partners' over the last 8 years.

He listened but the whole time the scene that was playing in his head was a mash up of him grabbing Stephanie Sweets hair, using it to pull her against him and putting his gun to her temple. In between these scenes were ones of Caroline. Caroline laying back of a bank of snow, arms reaching out for him to fall into. Caroline waving to him through the glass of The Sweet Spot window. Caroline running towards the ready-to drive Impala. Caroline singing at her cousins wedding. Caroline standing in her bedroom doorway, boots on and butter in her hands.

Unless he spoke now he was fucked.

"There's somethin' I gotta tell you" and to his own surprise he found himself looking to Bobby.

"What is it man?" asked someone, likely Opie. Yeah, Opie'd be another ally in all this.

So Happy talked. Told the whole story. From beginning to end. How he'd met this pretty girl in a diner off the highway the night he took out a Nord son of a bitch. How he'd taken refuge there when the Myan's tailed him. How he ran into her at the hospital when her mom died...he left out the part about the boots and the butter, her father was sitting three feet away from him and no doubt had a gun somewhere on him. And he told him about 'The Vegas Job' and then how Sergio The Bounty Hunter had discovered the conflict between Leon Moretti and the Vegas charter, how Stephanie Sweet had worked for Leon Moretti, how Link had told him that the bitch he'd killed had said her name was 'Sweet Caroline'.

"And he told her everythin' an' left out that it was a Son's charter"

"And you think that gettin' in bed with Leon Moretti is gonna lead to Caroline finding out?"

"It's a chance I don't wanna be takin'"

"Me either" Bobby said solemnly,

"Moretti has connections, ones we need since the blow pimpin' Columbian bastards got greedy. The minute chance that he's gonna have a conversation with Caroline about her sister-"

"Is a chance that could result in absolute disaster" Bobby insisted,

"Do you really think she's willing to avenge her sister at the expense of her man and her father?"

"What was your reaction when you found out who killed your father?

Chib's eyebrows had always been expressive as hell. They shot up, in complete shock that someone had dared to bring up what they'd all vowed never to mention.

"You think Caroline's capable of killing in cold blood?" Jax asked incredulously, "Is her show on now? C'mon, lets go watch her talk about scones in whatever retro getup they've got her in today and you can look me in the eye and tell me that Hap's life is in danger"

And Happy launched into the tale of Kyle White: Rapist and corpse.

By the time he was done most jaws hung open.

Except for Tig's, his mouth was twisted into a small but essentially creepy smile.

"Oh yeah, she's a keeper" he mused.


	22. Chapter 22

"Give a girl a second to recover" she panted as she lay on her stomach.

Happy pressed himself against her sweat slick back to suck and bite on her neck.

If ever he didn't want to go three rounds before talking when he got back off a run she'd know he'd taken advantage of the code that dictated secrecy when it came to a brothers infidelity when on the road.

"No" he mumbled into her flesh as he put his mark to her. He reached down for the ankle of her left leg, her chalk suede Jimmy Choo 'biker boots' still on her feet, encouraging the limb further away and allowing him access to her. His fingers tested her briefly, worked her up a little so when he pushed his cock into her for the second time in mere minuets there was zero resistance to make him think twice.

Her hips moved backwards into his and a whine of exhausted pleasure fell from her lips.

"You still need time to recover?"

She shook her head as best she could, mind still too tired to consider stringing coherent words together. She felt his hands on her thighs as he persuaded her up onto her knees but when she did one migrated to her lower back to control their pace while the other wound it's way around her, the index finger taking up residence on her clit.

Her head stayed buried into the pillow from start to finish, absorbing her moans as she moved herself back into him at the exact moment his hips swung forwards. Just before she came he tangled his hand into her hair and dragged her roughly against him, the crow on her back kissed the snake that dwelled on his chest, the other arm banded around her waist so as not to lose a second of their synchronised contact.

Her left arms wrapped it's self over Happy's while her right reached back for his head, grabbing it and forcing his lips close enough so when she leaned her head back she could steal a long, sloppy kiss before her mouth became occupied wailing out something only Happy could understand because he was growling something similar, an animalistic roar that fused 'I missed you', 'I love you' and 'I love and missed fucking you'.

They collapsed sideways, one of his legs thrown over her hip and Caroline let her free hand wonder down to the skin under her tummy wondering if this was it, after two months of not taking her pill was this the time when she'd tell her old-enough-for-the-truth baby about the night they were conceived?

"_**He'd just finished 'Suspicious Minds'" her mother only slightly slurred,**_

"_**I like that one" Caroline contributed,**_

"_**Guess that's why"**_

_**She'd caught her mom on a 'good' day, a 'friendly drunk' day.**_

"_**Anyway he'd just finished when he looked up from the microphone and his eyes looked right at me. Me and Karen were at that bar that's full of white suprem ass holes now but was a pretty good night out way back when. I don't really remember if they were doin' karaoke or what that night but he was singing. Anyway he comes over and he asks me if I was the kinda girl who appreciated 'The King' and I said I was but that I liked Neil Diamond a whole lot better and then he asked if I'd give him the opportunity to change my mind. And I said I would. And so here you are, all 'cus your Mama ain't opposed to havin' her mind changed"**_

_**12 year old Caroline's eyes became heavy with a kind of incredulous disappointment. This was NOT going in her VH1: Behind the Music.**_

But now she supposed her story would begin: Well, your father was back off a run and I was pretty sure he hadn't cheated on me so I let him do me doggie style twice.

And her kid would say sarcastically: Nice mom, real nice.

* * *

"You keep lookin' at me weird. Why?" she demanded, slamming the knife down on the countertop.

Juice's eyes darted to the knife and then back to her. He would never watch her show in quite the same way ever again. When she turned to the camera, says 'see, so easy even I can do it', smiles and winks he's going to imagine she's talking about slicing and dicing some poor bastard that dared to cross her.

Now standing in the clubhouse's kitchen he can't help wondering if her comfort with the knife is from cooking or killing.

"You...your just so cavalier with that thing, I'm scared you're gonna slice your hand up"

Caroline folded her arms.

"Fine. But what about when I ain't got a knife in hand? You've been lookin' at me strange for, like, weeks"

Juice tried to shrug as casually as he could before folding his arms likewise, neck of a beer balanced between his fingers.

"I just see you on TV more than I see you in the flesh lately, so when you're right in front of me it feels weird"

Caroline dropped her arms, buying every word and feeling guilty about not being around the club as much as she used to.

"You should come into the shop!" she insisted, "we got this new waitress last month, Elana. She's, like, too pretty. Seriously, I get totally jealous when Seth's talkin' to her and I'm like 'hello, people come here for me' and he's all 'yeah, but they stay to look at her'"

"How is business?" he asked, taking a sip of the forgotten beer.

"Good, real good actually. We want to expand, we're talkin' 'bout L.A and maybe Vegas"

At this Juice choked.

"You ok?"

"Yeah" he spluttered, "just forgot how to swallow"

"Aww, you're like a cheerleader on Prom night" she grinned before turning back to the chicken she'd been slicing, ready to be marinated and BBQ'd.

"So business so good you're opening more stores? We haven't talked in a while, huh?"

"Been busy with the shop and the show and-"

"The baby?"

"Did you see her!" Caroline cooed at the mere thought of her goddaughter, "She's soooo beautiful!"

"That something you might be interested in?"

Caroline's eyes narrowed,

"Hap put you up to this? You doing recon?"

"Hey, I may be Information Officer but I know when not to disclose somethin'. I'll keep my mouth shut, promise" he said holding his hands up.

"Yes, ok? That is something I'm interested in. I'm kinda scared though. I mean my mom sucked and I'm scared I'll be like her. But then again she did manage to keep me alive so if she can do it any idiot can. I mean the same can't be said for Steph but wasn't really my mom's fault"

And at this Juice choked on his beer yet again.

"I love you an' all Juice but sometimes you are a fucking 'tard"

* * *

'Alison From Wardrobe' did not wanna say it. And she wouldn't. No, really she wouldn't. But...But...

"Caroline, I don't know how to say this but...have you gained a tiny bit of weight? Like a teeny, tiny little bit?"

Caroline stepped off the stool Alison had been fitting into the dress on. 'Sweet Caroline's Kitchen' saw its host in retro inspired dresses cooking traditional food with modern twists. The tops were tight, her waist was synched to an inch of its life and skirts were so full they were surely a fire hazard. Caroline loved them. Her hair was in a perpetual beehive, sleek and flawless.

Bobby had smiled, really smiled, and told her she looked like her grandma.

Caroline scrutinized herself in the mirror.

"Dunno, maybe"

"It's just that this should fit, should be a little snug but it's-"

"Tight, I know, I was in it"

Her hands ghosted over her belly. Could she possibly...

She didn't have time for that right now, she had to get to the cafe and then over to CaraCara. One of Lyla's best girl's was retiring and Caroline had constructed a cake in the shape of the woman's very unique tits for the occasion, nipple piercings and all.

* * *

In the bathroom of 'New CaraCara' Caroline sat on the toilet seat lid and waited.

Beyond the door Lyla berated one of the talent for having a second slice of cake in while telling another to have a third if she wanted to maintain her position as her top Plus sized girl.

Less than 2 minutes. What takes less than two minutes?

She leaned back and rested her hands on her lower belly and sang under her breath. She wasn't really a fan of The Smiths but she'd seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off at least 50 times. Laura had called her that sometimes, told her she 'couldn't just Ferris Bueller her way through life'. Caroline had begged to differ.

"Good times for a change, See, the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad. So please please please, let me, let me, let me, let me get what I want , This time. Haven't had a dream in a long time, See, the life I've had, can make a good man bad. So for once in my life, let me get what I want, Lord knows, it would be the first time, Lord knows, it would be the first time"

Taking a deep breath she reached for the plastic handle of the test that would change her life, good and bad.

When she saw the little plus sign her breath went ragged and one would mistake the look on her face for abject horror. But then her mouth broke out into a smile. She allowed her tears to fall, grieving for what was the inevitable beginning of the end of her relationship with Happy.

Eventually she stood; she couldn't hide in there forever. She had to go out into the real world.

She left the test exposed in the trash because she thought it'll be funny, even though she won't see the fall out, even though it's a dick thing to do, even though it'll cause Lyla even a fraction of stress. She smiled to herself.

It's what Ima would have wanted.

She swore she was going to keep this to herself as long as possible but the second she's face to face with Seth she blurts it out. A girl can't keep this kind of thing from her best friend. They never mention that he was the first to know, it's their last _big_ secret.

* * *

The absolute hardest part of keeping her pregnancy a secret was the generating of excuses why she wasn't drinking at Church parties.

But she'd summoned the natural acting talent that had once won her the role of her idol and gotten faking drunkenness down to an art.

No one was the wiser when she climbed up onto the clubhouse bar and wailed out her rendition of 'You Shook Me All Night Long' to Tig's maliciously gleeful delight and everyone else's pleasure.

But it couldn't last. The night everything changed forever she'd emerged from brushing her teeth in the bathroom in a black lace Agent Provocateur slip that no one would accuse of being value for money as far as the money to fabric ration went. Happy was reclined against the pillows in his boxers watching a Dog the Bounty Hunter rerun. He liked how un-self-aware the guy was but cringed internally any time he said one of his Dog-isms. Caroline was convinced he thought Beth was hot, had told him that she knew he liked big boobed blondes but that he should really employ some quality control.

He glanced over at Caroline who was bent over to look into the vanity mirror to aid her in her task of removing the heavy silver earrings he'd given her, one shaped like a crescent moon and the other a howling wolf's silhouette. When she was bent at the waist like that he got a good view of her ass. And it was a nice ass, a great ass in fact. It was just a little...bigger than it had been months before.

"Baby?"

"Yeah"

"Don't take this the wrong way or nothin' 'cus when it was just your tits an' ass I was too busy enjoyin' to care but are you gettin' a little...big?"

Caroline's eyes widened and her neck snapped towards him. She felt her feet carry her backwards back into the bathroom.

Happy leapt to his feet off the

"Baby! C'mon, I didn't mean it like that" he calls after her, following her to the bathroom before the door is slammed in his face.

He's not gonna bullshit her with all that 'I'd love you if you were 500 pounds' because they both know it isn't true, that he likes how big her tiny ribcage makes her tits look, that he can almost wrap both his hands around her little waist, that her ass is made so plentiful by the lack of thigh beneath it. Caroline's a slender waif with great tits and a rockin' ass- fact. A fact he doesn't really want to change.

He's met Piney's ex-wife, apparently a former pole dancer. You would not think it to look at her. But they can go the other way. His mom was always a lean woman but he remembers being a little boy and hugging her from behind, his arms around her waist and his head resting low on her back, just feeling the solid, stable weight underneath. When the home called and said that it looked like it was time he'd travelled down just to embrace her one last time, and he remembered all the times he'd hugged her in his youth.

Beyond the bathroom door Caroline sat against the bathtub with her legs drawn up to herself.

This was it.

The End.

She'd give anything to stall this moment, just 24 little hours. But the last time she'd known their relationship was about to collapse in on itself the last 24 hours were agony.

How this was going to go down flashed into her mind like scenes from the most miserable drama ever put to film. She'd tell him, he'd ask how she could be so stupid to let it happen and then he'd ask what she was going to do. She'd then tell him she was keeping it and he'd get angry and yell before packing some shit up and heading to the club house. And that would be it. Happy & Caroline would be over. And...

Then everything became less clear. But then again the future had never been clear for Happy & Caroline, no white wedding, no station wagons, no retirement plan in Summerland.

Side by side funeral plots had probably been in the cards. His & Hers Gloks at some point. A cake that read 'Congratulations on your early release' . A newspaper headline that read 'Clean Cut Cook's Porn Past and Gang Present'.

She slowly reached for the door handle.

"Baby, I didn't mean-" he began the moment the door cracked open.

"I know what you meant. And you're right, ok? I have gained some weight"

She took his face in her hands and leaned up to kiss him, intense and desperate, and when she pulled away he could feel her breath on his lips.

He knew that kiss. He'd spent 6 months dissecting that kiss. It was her 'Last Kiss', he'd received it only once before and he'd give anything to forget it. It felt like the kiss of death.

He put her hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back so he could look at her.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

She took a deep breath. This was it. The End.

"Promise...promise me something, ok?"

"What?"

"Promise me that you're gonna yell and be a jerk when I tell you what I got to tell you 'cus it'll make it a tiny bit easier. So promise you will, ok?"

"Why don't you just tell me what you did? You cheat on me?" he asked, not really believing that she would.

She shook her head;

"It's not something I 'did', it's just kind of happened"

'You are such a fucking liar!' that voice in her head snapped. Jesus, was that her conscience? Probably. Christ, she hadn't heard from that in a while.

"And you're not gonna like it, not one bit. And then you're gonna leave me" she said, breath hitching. She commanded herself to keep it together.

"If it wasn't your fault why would I leave you? Accidents happen Baby" he said, brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"They do, I was an accident and some people are pretty pleased with the result"

What she was telling him became instantly apparent.

"Shit" he muttered, "You sure?"

She nodded,

"Shit!"

"Can you stop saying that? 'Cus I'm actually kinda really happy about it" she said, voice heavy with resignation to the fact that this was it, this was the end of Happy & Caroline.

She closed her eyes and waited, waited for him to say something like 'how the fuck can you be 'happy' about this. No way, I'm out'.

He fell back onto the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. He should have seen this coming he told himself, everything had been too good. He'd been too concerned about Leon Moretti coming to Charming and discovering who she was he'd taken his eye off her.

He didn't 100% believe it was an accident. He'd seen the way she gazed down at that kid of Seth's and he should have known that one day she's pull this crap with him.

He glanced up at her finally, ready to tell her that it was a pretty convenient accident for her considering how badly she wanted a kid. But when he did her eyes were screwed shut and both her hands were resting on her belly and something inside him switches.

The Waitress is having his baby. Right now, right this second, deep within her belly was a tiny collection of cells that's half him and half her.

He stood and moved to her but kept himself from touching her.

"I'm not mad, ok? And leaving you's not something I've ever been interested in"

"But you said you didn't want kids, you said so after we visited your mom the first time"

He shrugged,

"It's happening; 'want' doesn't really come into it"

If anything that made her get upset again,

"Hap if you're not... if you're not gonna love it then...I think it's better I was on my own 'cus I know what it's like to live with a parent that just sees you as an imposition and that's worse than if you weren't around at all, it just...it kills you and I can't let that happen to it" she managed to choke out, hands resting protectively over her belly.

"'Course I'll love it" he said almost incredulously, she was talking some real dumb shit now.

"Promise? Seriously, swear to me that you will, that you're not gonna decide to bail when it's crying all night"

"I can deal with gun fire an inch from my ear, a kid cryin's gonna be nothin' compared to that" he said, finally taking her hands in his and entwining his right hand's fingers with hers and resting it back over her tummy.

She didn't think she'd ever smile that wide again.

Late that night he lay with his head level with her only slightly pronounced belly and whispered;

"I'm sorry I did this to you kid"

Not sure if he was talking to the girl or the child that was growing inside her.

* * *

Telling Lyla is made easy by Ellie.

"Your mo...Lyla's gonna kill me, you know that, don't you?" Caroline sighed as she combed through Ellie's hair one last time.

Ellie snorted and flipped the box over in her hands once more.

"I'm 16, I think I'm old enough to dye my hair"

Her hair was wet and matt with Nice 'n' Easy, very nearly black. When Caroline had placed Lyla's sleeping two year old son (Nixon, named by Caroline of course) into his crib she'd turned to find Ellie in the doorway, clutching a box of hair dye in her hands and momentarily cursed the girl for putting her in this position.

"I'd never dye my hair, never in, like, a billion years"

"Your hair's brown in your movie"

"That's a wig, made me look so much like my dad. Hated it, missed the blonde"

"But your hair's nice, mine's mousy and bleh"

"Gotta do what makes you happy I guess"

"You ever do anything, like, impulsive when you were young?"

"I'm still 'young'"

"You're 24, that's ancient"

Caroline's eyes narrowed briefly.

"I did a lot of crazy shit when I was a kid. Just none of it too my hair"

"What kind of shit?"

"Shit that if you never do you will go to college and have a successful career. Is 'The Van' still the place to score?"

"Score what?" Ellie asked in an attempt to act casual but Ellie wasn't much of an actress.

"'Score what?'" Caroline quoted in a gormless tone, "bitch please"

Ellie laughed,

"Naw, 'The Van' is now the stuff of Charming High mythology. You gotta know someone who knows someone one. I thought the club was supposed to keep drugs out of this town"

"They are, they do. I mean if it's guys like The Nords- you remember The Nords, right?"

"Yeah, kinda"

"Ok, so when it was guys like them with a big criminal structure with potential to grow out of control and affect the town, junkies on the street and shit, then that gets taken out. But I figure they see it as kids who wanna get together and swap their meds or maybe someone with some bad weed from their cousin in Lodi then it's not a threat to Charming's...charming-ness"

They were quiet for a moments and Caroline could practically see Ellie's brain ticking away, trying to decide something until finally-

"I've got some, you know, 'weed', if you want some"

And Caroline was just about to say 'fuck yeah' when it occurred to her that she probably wasn't allowed to smoke weed while pregnant.

"Love too but unfortunately I am knocked up and if you puff refer while you're Juno-ed up people get all judgy"

"Seriously!" Ellie gasped, mouth agape.

"Fraid so"

"Does Lyla know?"

"Nope"

"You gonna tell her?"

"I'm pretty sure she'll work it out eventually. Come on, we should rise before your scalp starts burning"

When it's rinsed and dry Caroline doesn't mention the fact that Ellie's eyebrows are still blonde and it looked a little silly. Ellie works that out herself and promptly starts freaking out.

"Shit! It looks...it looks...shit! I gotta go to school on Monday!" she exclaims right before the hyperventilating and crying begins. Caroline believes this to be a bit of an overreaction from a girl who lost her mother in childhood, she thought that would have made her immune to such petty traumas.

She's still sobbing when Lyla and Opie arrive home.

Lyla took one look at Ellie's hair, turned to Caroline and said in a low, furious tone;

"I am gonna hit you so damn hard it's gonna make Steph's Indian burns feel like a tickle"

"You can't hit her" Ellie choked, "she's pregnant".

* * *

Telling Bobby is made easy by the fact that it just comes out when the new prospect asks what she's drinking and she replies that she's not.

"What? You knocked up?"

"Indeed I am" she tells him and all within ear shot turn their heads, Bobby included.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously, almost four months"

"How long you known?" Bobby very nearly demands,

"Not long" she shrugged, not really a lie because, really, in the grand scheme of things three months isn't long, it's a puddle in an ocean. Silence follows, and just before it can get truly awkward Caroline's mouth drops, "Really? No 'congratulations'? No one?"

To which everyone hastily offers their congratulations, except for Bobby who slowly sinks into a chair in shock. She watches him carefully and thinks she can see his brain eventually coming to the conclusion he voices moments later.

"Fuck, I am old. Gonna be a grandpa"

"Yeah you are" she smiled, "Gonna have to switch your cigarettes for a pipe or somethin', huh?"

* * *

At 5 months she pops. One day her belly only had a slight curve to it and the next it's beyond concealment. There's a point when she can fit a bowl perfectly between her belly and her boobs, she discovers this one night when they're in bed watching a movie.

"Kids gonna have a dent in its head if you keep doin' that" Happy observed when she showed him 'the neat trick she'd discovered'.

"Shut up! No it's not!" she gasped but un-wedged the bowl of popcorn all the same, picking out a piece and tossing it into her mouth.

On screen Kill Bill Vol 2 was reaching a natural end.

"The thing that really bugs me about this movie is the 'kill the pregnant chick' thing. I refuse to believe this Bill guy wouldn't wait for her to have the kid. I mean he knows where she is, she's getting married so she's not going anywhere. Why not just wait?"

"He's the bag guy, bad guys don't 'wait', and you should know that by now. Kinda worried that you don't" he said mournfully, passing a hand over her belly. It wasn't just herself she was putting in danger anymore and that was cause for much concern.

"I know that"

"Ok, pop quiz. 'Seedy Hispanic dudes' come into The Sweet Spot, wha-da-ya do?"

"Leave, back out through the kitchen and out the door. Better to offend customers than get a bullet in the back of the head"

"Ok, good girl"

"I get a gold star or somethin'?" she asked, face lighting up at the idea, "I never got a gold star, like, ever"

"Never?"

"Nuh-uh, can't put gold star's on singing or Home Ec projects. And gym, I climbed the fuck out of that rope"

"That sucks, even I got a coupla gold stars. Art and shit" he explained as she turned to him, a 'are you shitting me?' expression on her face.

"You get gold stars and smiley faces? Not fair!"

"You can have a few smiley's if you wanna let me put ink on you again"

She resolved not to speak again after that but folded moments later.

"You think our kid'll be old enough when it figures out what you do for the club that you won't have to refer it 'Stomping On'?"

"I think we can keep it pretty sheltered from that if we really put our minds to it"

"But it's gonna come up, at some point Tig or someone's gonna call you 'killa' and the kids just not gonna buy 'it's an 'in' joke'. How old were you, you know, when you figured out what your mom did?"

"When I figured it out I was...dunno, 10, maybe. But I didn't ask her 'bout it till I was 12 an' she just called it 'cleaning shit up' so I never really thought of killin' as killin' till I was 15. We were in Chicago, this real shit hole neighbourhood, one of the worst we'd ever been in and Ma had just taken out all this big shots guys, all in one night. So this guy came lookin' for her and for a second he must have thought it was all gonna go down like he thought it would, he'd break in, choke the shit out of her and go rebuild his team. Didn't count on me though. He was standing over her, had his foot on his neck and I saw red. Grabbed the bat he'd bought with him and beat him till the bat split. My first kill"

Damn he wanted a cigarette right now. But she'd banned him from doing it in the same room as her and he was cool with that...mostly.

They were quiet, the only noise in the room were the voices of Beatrix Kiddo and Bill.

"I'd never stomp on you baby, never ever"

"I know you wouldn't lover" she sighed, burrowing into his side.


	23. Chapter 23

"Hap, isn't it, like, the coolest thing you ever seen?"

Happy wanted to scoff 'no' at the catalogue. He'd seen about a million things 'cooler' than the crib on the page. But what he would admit to was;

"Coolest crib I ever seen"

And then his eyes drifted to the teeny-tiny printed numbers in the corner. In washed-too-many-times harem pants and an old sweatshirt with her hair scraped back you wouldn't have guessed that this girl was becoming beyond spoilt.

He remembered a time when all she asked of him was that she was the person he slept next to. That he was just there.

Now she wanted stuff. Lots and lots of stuff.

He could blame Oswald and Seth Duvall who were always giving her presents just for being good at what she did.

But mostly it was his fault. Anytime she asked for too much and he was about to say 'hell no' he reminded himself that he took something from her once that he'd never ever be able to replace.

And he wanted to make her happy, the kind she hadn't had growing up. It was just that saying 'yes' all the damn time wouldn't do her any favours, not when being an Old Lady was concerned.

"Two grand! Jesus Caroline, the kids gonna be out of it in no time!"

"It's from Spain, so after delivery costs it's gonna be more like three" she said simply, as if three grand was nothing.

He knew the look on his face must have been dumb as fuck.

"Three thousand dollars! That's like what Jax shelled out for that damn guard dog"

They were silent for a moment while they thought about Dane.

"How you like that for a name?" he asked finally.

"I'm hell bent on naming a boy after Jim but sure, for the next one"

"Aint gonna be a 'next one'"

"There wasn't gonna be a 'this one' but look what happened. And three grand is a lot to spend on a crib just one kid's gonna use"

"We ain't spendin' three grand on a crib Caroline. Live with it"

"We'll see" she replied in a way that would have been 'primly' on any other girl. On Caroline it just came out belligerent .

* * *

"You got kids?"

Happy's head fell sideways to the man who'd just asked him a question, brain simultaneously dissecting the question and searching the man's face for any hint of an ulterior motive behind the asking.

They were in an abandoned warehouse in a Vegas suburb waiting for the gun provider the Son's had been given contact with through Leon Moretti. Relations had become frayed when ATF had intercepted one of The Rogue Rangers (or The Dixi Chicks as Tig referred to them) truck's and gave them cause to suspect that they'd been sold out. Moretti had managed to calm the waters by sending his only son down to them to escort the delivery as a sign of trust. The Rogue Rangers would interpret this as 'putting eyes on them', hog tie Zach Moretti, hold a gun and phone to his head and force the man to tell his father that everything was going down as planned.

Shit was about to go south. But they could not have known this right now; right now Happy was trying to work out how to answer the question in a way that would lead him to finding out what Leon Moretti knew about Caroline.

"One on the way" Happy shrugged.

Moretti was quiet for a moment but then spoke again.

"For your sake I hope it's a girl. Girls are easy, you can lock 'em in a tower of pretty shit till you find 'em a guy to treat 'em right. Boys, they're the hard ones. You wanna protect them but you can't, not if you want 'em to become a real man"

Moretti bounced on the balls of his feet and craned his neck to the wide open doors the truck was supposed the pull through. He was nervous that his son wasn't gonna come back breathing and that was all that was in the question.

Relief swept over Happy though his face never gave it away. He turned ever so slightly to glance at Bobby a couple of feet away. For a brief moment they had a psychic connection and Bobby's mind told Happy;

_I know. I was shittin' my pants for a second there too_

To the left Jax and Opie exchanged looks too.

Their relief was sort lived.

"Your girls on TV, right? Some cooking thing?"

Before Happy could react a truck pulled into the warehouse and Leon Moretti moved forward.

Happy's looked to Bobby.

_Caroline being on his radar is not good, not good at all._

But the sound of Leon Moretti shouting broke off communication.

"What the fuck is this shit!" he demanded as his son was unceremoniously tossed from the trucks cabin, still bound. "Goddamn redneck bastards!"

"We figured we'd keep our stock and take the cash, it's the least your biker bitched can do after they led ATF right to our door" Announced The Rogue Ranger's leader, AK at the ready, as he swung down from the door, his crew leaping from the back and surrounding them.

But The Sons, Redwood and Vegas, had positioned themselves around the warehouse, staying out of sight, armed to the teeth as per usual. Another day, another bridge burns. Jax was getting seriously bored of this shit.

"You seriously don't want to screw with us" Jax said in that way that Caroline often attributed to being raised by Gemma. Careful, forceful, and said more than was actually being said.

"We do?" The Ranger's second in command asked, voice amused.

Jax gave the nod and all The Sons came into view, outnumbering The Rangers no problem.

Gun fire erupted within the building.

Leon Moretti and a Vegas Son were casualties along with 9 of the 10 Rogue Rangers. Only difference was that Leon Moretti was the only one not hit by 'enemy fire'.

It was messy, to the body and Happy would hardly have called it some of his best work. Happy dropped to one knee under the pretence of trying to stop the bleeding, reached for the bullet wound and slid his fingers inside, widening the wound, making the blood gush faster from him until finally the life left him. Jax wouldn't question why he was within ten feet of Moretti. Gotta do what ya gotta do.

He'd sleep easy that night knowing that there was one less person alive that might reveal all to Caroline.

Another life lost to the cause that was Caroline.

If only Zach Moretti hadn't had a perfect view of his actions.

* * *

She was sure Elliot Oswald had a foot fetish.

Anytime he wanted something from her he bought her shoes.

There were the Manolo Blahnik's when her 10 episode run was over and he wanted to sign her to 30 more.

The Christian Louboutin's when she was being 'wooed' by another channel.

The Jimmy Choo's whenever he needed her to do publicity.

Every time he'd given her shoes she knew what he'd wanted. So when she opened the box and pulled out Crocs she was puzzled.

Every pair of shoes he'd given her had been in an immaculately wrapped box sitting on the countertop of her set ready for her to discover it. This was no exception. The purple foil-based paper was like a mirror with a sparkling silver bow wrapped perfectly around it.

Tara had once referred to the hospital as 'her other life', where everything felt clean but fake and plastic.

That was a pretty good explanation for how she felt about the studio and the gifts Oswald lavished upon 'The Star', that was what some of the other 'presents' called her. In some regions more people watched 'Sweet Caroline's Kitchen' than the news. She was the draw, as Lyla had explained to her.

"_**You're the one they tune in for. You're like...like Bridgett at Caracara**_"

"_**I'm the equivalent of Double Anal? Oh boy! If my Mama could see me now...she'd probably slur 'congratulations', puke and pass out"**_

She had just pulled the lid off the box when Elliot emerged seemingly out of nowhere, hands clasped behind his back.

"When you want something from me you buy me shoes. I don't know what you want" she told him carefully.

Elliot Oswald sighed and smiled,

"I want you to be as comfortable as possible"

"Ah, you want me to keep working"

"I do. You are...extremely popular. 'Julia Child for Generation Y' apparently"

Caroline grinned.

"I know, I read the article"

"What have I told you about reading your own press?"

"Please, you don't want me to ask for more money"

"You can have anything you want just-"

"No maternity leave?"

"You need time off, I get that. I'm just gonna need you to film a lot of stuff before you do"

"You're gonna want me to be doin' twice as much work and all I get is Croc's? C'mon, where's my real present?"

When he placed the small square box in the palm of her hands she assumed it was jewellery and started doing a manic dance in her head. Then she'd pulled the horse shaped keychain out of the soft cushion foam inside and noted the key hanging off it.

Life was perfect.

* * *

"Bet she totals it in a week" Tig grunted as Caroline pulled up in her shiny, brand new Mustang, the blue paintwork sparked in the sunlight.

"That ain't fair Tigger" Chibs scolded, "she only crashed the Impala four or five times"

Opie laced his fingers together, bought them to rest on the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and bowed his head in prayer;

"God" he said, "Please watch over all drivers and riders a like as the forces of evil have conspired to give Caroline a machine she can do some real damage with. Please watch over Caroline and keep her from ploughing that thing into a tree as we both know she is capable of this. Amen"

"Amen to that brother" Chibs muttered,

"You know what this means, right?" Tig asked,

Opie cocked an eyebrow.

"Your girl's gonna wanna get her hands on the Impala. Worse yet, your woman's gonna be askin' why she ain't got a brand new Mustang"

"Goddamn it" Opie muttered.

Happy stepped towards her and fixed her with a hard stare as she got out of the car.

"What's that?"

She squinted and tilted her head to the left, pretending to consider his question for a moment.

"Aren't you a mechanic? You know this is car, right? That mechanic's are usually known for fixing this type of thing?" she asked, pointing to the machine behind her.

He felt his 'hard stare' melt off his face.

'Baby, why'd ya gotta go pull this shit in front of my brothers' he internally sighed.

"Where did you get the car?"

"Elliot gave it to me"

"Sure you're the daddy, Hap?" he heard Tig cackle from behind him. All hope of a reprieve was lost for Caroline there and then.

"He just gives you cars now? That's a big jump from shoes, y'know?"

Over his shoulder she spotted Juice. The look he gave her...it told her to just roll over and play dead...but she hadn't a clue why she should be doing that.

"I'm his frickin' star, he wants to keep me sweet y'know? Shame you don't feel the same way" she shrugged, mouth puckered in defiance.

"Remember all them months back when you were cryin' and wailin' that I was gonna leave you? You keep up this attitude and you're gonna find that you weren't worryin' over nothin'" he told her, voice low and threatening.

She blinked up at him, big brown eyes wide and shocked.

"I mean do you even realise how fuckin' spoilt you're gettin'?" he continued.

"I'm not-"

"You talkin' back?"

"N-no. Sorry"

"You're damn right you're sorry. Keys" he demanded holding his hand out. She gave them up without a fight, "The Impala at home?"

"Yeah"

"That's lucky for you 'cus you'd be walkin' to wherever heap of toys you toss shit you get bored with when somethin' shinier an' more expensive gets given you"

He could see her brain working, screaming 'play the baby card!' If it's in baby's best interests he can't take the car away. But then he saw her consider the fact that telling him this might lead to him doing it anyway and finding out something she'd really rather not known about him. He hated that he'd made her even have to consider that.

But she'd shown him up in front of his brothers, made him look out of control of his shit and by definition less than a man in their eyes. That couldn't go unpunished. But in straightening her out he'd made himself feel like less than a man.

Walking home wouldn't kill her but it killed him to make her do it.

* * *

She tapped along to the tune of one of Katy Perry's older hits on the steering wheel of the Impala as she awaited the light to turn green. She didn't really count it as serious music but not everyone could be Nico.

Happy hadn't come home that night. He hadn't come that morning to accompany her to her scan. He hadn't been at the hospital. He hadn't shown up just as they'd called her name. He hadn't entered the room as the technician placed the ...whatever of the ultrasound machine to her belly and the baby's heartbeat filled the room. He hadn't been in the waiting room when she returned. He'd missed the scan completely.

She was in need of some love and affection so she was heading to the one place she knew she could always count on it.

Her eyes drifted down to what was balanced on the dashboard and, despite everything, she couldn't help but smile. It made her all warm inside to look at it and she hoped it would do the same for Jim. He'd been so sad inside since Barbara had passed away. But when she'd told him she was pregnant he lit up, not too much, it didn't heal the broken heart that ailed him. But it warmed him inside, like hot chocolate on a freezing winter's morning. He'd smiled and told her that no one made cookies as good as hers and didn't have kids, it was inevitable. Told her that her kid probably wouldn't know Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or Old MacDonald but would know every word of Like a Prayer and Baby Love.

And he was right.

James Robert Giordano-Sweet or Joplin Barbara Giordano-Sweet would be the most extensively musically educated baby at Mommy & Me.

She pulled up to the house, though it was in need of more than a little repair work the Victorian Stick Style house was beautiful, like The Sweet Spot it was a gem in the stucco-wall infestation that Charming was becoming. It was the place she felt best in her childhood.

She slipped the key in the lock and strolled inside.

In the hallway the live in carer she'd employed since Barbara's death was on the phone.

Diane's eyes widened at seeing Caroline.

"I see" she said into the handset, "If that's the fastest you can come then I can't really argue, can I? Ok, thank you"

"How is he today? Think he could use-"

"Miss Sweet" Diane interrupted, "There's...I...I've got some news that you'd think I'd be used to givin' folks but it don't get much easier"

Her voice was soft and soothing and communicated everything Caroline needed to know.

"When did it happen?"

"In the night I think. Went in his sleep it seems, best way"

"Yeah" Caroline nodded in agreement, finger pads tightening around the photo in her hands.

"I called his physician, to come declare him and get his remains seen too"

"That's great Diane, really good of you" she said, voice cracking halfway and a tear breaking free. She sniffed and whipped it away quickly although there's no way Diane wouldn't have noticed. "Where...where is he now?"

"Still in his bed"

"I'm gonna go sit with him till they come for the...for him"

Diane nodded, understanding completely.

She'd seen a dead body before- several even- nearly become one herself a couple of times actually. But still she fidgeted on the threshold, her fingers curled at her mouth, her knuckles whitening as they pressed into her upper lip.

But eventually she worked up the courage to step into the room and say goodbye to the man she wasn't biologically related to but was the only grandfather she'd ever care to know.

"Hey Jim" she said, sitting down on the bed next to his body, back against the headboard. "I guess you're with Barbie now, at least I hope you are, and I'm kinda glad, you were real sad without her, weren't you? I wish I'd got to say goodbye to you though. You were a good grandpa, you woulda been a good great grandpa too. Wish the kid coulda met you. I'm glad I knew you, I don't think I ever woulda found my voice without you. I know you didn't really support my wanting to do it for a living but I know that came from a good place in your heart, knew it was a long shot and that I'd be sad if I didn't make it...when I didn't. And you were right too, weren't you? Smart old guy. I want this kid here to get _everything_ he or she wants, never say 'can't' or 'won't'"

She reached out and took his cold, heavy hand and held it in her own.

"Let's just sit here together"

But inevitably she found herself crooning softly to his corpse.

"_**Beyond the shore" Jim sang, perched on the edge of the piano stool, allowing her the lions share. Jim had a voice like Leonard Cohen, hypnotic and mellow. She couldn't tell the difference and even years later she'd listen to Sisters of Mercy to help her fall asleep.  
"We'll kiss just as before" she sang back as she hit almost all the right keys on the piano, just like he'd shown her a million times.  
"Happy we'll be, beyond the sea" Jim chorused, holding the note on 'sea'.  
"And never again I'll go sailin'" she continued, not missing a beat.**_

"_**No more sailin'" Jim chuckled lightly,  
"So long sailin'"  
"Byebye sailin'" they finished together and laughed as Jim hit a key on the end of the piano to signify 'The End'. **_

_**Barbara applauded them from the arm chair,**_

"_**Bravo, bravo. Encore, encore"**_

"_**Jesus you two are dorks" Stephanie snapped,**_

_**Caroline and Jim shared 'a look', one that said 'Steph's being a Miss Moody Pants lets harass her'.**_

_**She ran her fingers over the keys and sang along;**_

"_**Stephanie says, that she wants to know why she's given half her life, to people she hates now".**_

"_**Amen to that" Stephanie muttered as she stared pointedly down at the magazine in her hands; her legs tucked up underneath herself on her grandparents couch.**_

_**Later when they walk home Caroline refers to them as Grandma and Grandpa and Stephanie, her mood being foul that day because a girl she thought was a friend spread a lie about her, snaps that they're not Caroline's Grandma and Grandpa. She regrets it straight away but isn't mature enough to take it back. She forgets it quickly but Caroline doesn't.**_

She sat at that piano for long after Jim was taken away to have cause of death determined. Clearly playing the piano was not like riding a bike, you could forget. But eventually, after hours and hours of practice she'd remembered it almost perfectly.

Later she sat curled up on the front porch swing and watched the sun dip down behind the houses of Charming. In all of them were people that would die someday. One day she'd die, one day Happy would die and, though she would give anything for it not to be the certainty of life, the baby that was growing inside her right there and then, the one that hadn't even had a birth yet, would eventually die someday.

When Happy pulled up on his bike the numbness that had been spreading throughout her all day was at its peak and ready to shatter. She supposed he'd been looking for her and this wouldn't have been in the top five places to look. He'd be pissed off- or at least she hoped he would be.

As he approached her she wondered if it was the fact that he was so much older than her that he seemed to know exactly how fast to walk at any one time. His stride towards her was purposeful but you wouldn't call it fast. It was so strange. If she had somewhere to go she walked fast, even if it wasn't urgent she still rushed. Why? So she could wait to have something else to rush off to? She was always in such a sucking hurry to get somewhere , in a hurry to live. Was that really life? Racing from one thing to the next?

If she really pissed him off he yelled a little but most of the time, when he was only a bit pissed off he was just kinda sarcastic. Didn't suite him but she wasn't about to tell him that when he was mad. She really hated it when he yelled.

"Y'know how you were all 'Hap, I want an Iphone. Get me one, like, now'? Did you know that it can be used to make and receive phone calls?" he asked, doing an impression of her that wasn't altogether unfair.

Had her phone been ringing? She was still too numb to care.

"You missed the scan. Could hear the heartbeat this time. Up till now I always thought 'Little Green' by Joni Mitchell was a really pretty song but I never really got it. It's about the baby she gave up when she was, like, 22 or something. Now I do, completely, a hundred and ten percent. Wish you'da been there"

She didn't look at him, stared at a point beyond his shoulder.

"You mad?" he asked. Even if she said she was absolutely fucking furious she couldn't be more angry with him than he was at himself. Leon Moretti was dead. So what? How did that change a thing about them? It didn't, couldn't. So why was he being an ass hole? Because the one person outside of the Son's who knew the secret he'd been keeping for all these years was dead? Treat her like he knew some of his brothers treated their old ladies? That wasn't them. He wouldn't let it be.

"Can't be, need all the people I can get a hold of. Jim died"

And he felt about a million times worse.

"Shit" he sighed, ghosting a hand over his head. "I'm sorry. About everything not just your grandpa dying, being an ass hole yesterday, all that shit"

" 'S ok, you were right, I'm a spoilt bitch-"

"You can be whatever, however you want when we're alone baby. I love you, always will. Just when it comes to everybody else-"

"Don't be a dick?"

He sat next to her on the porch swing and gathered her into his arms, setting her onto his lap.

"Yeah, don't be a dick" he breathed into her neck.

* * *

The last time she'd seen Mike Flannigan she'd been eight.

Stephanie's father had always treated Caroline like a puppy. He'd pat her on the head but never talk directly to her. He didn't really consider her a proper human being. And that was fine by her considering the way he treated the actual human beings in his life.

She supposed he'd been in jail for some of the past sixteen years. Whenever the club spoke of 'rats' Mike Flannigan was the person she pictured. Tall, skinny, twitchy looking. He was deceit and self interest personified. Which was probably why the first time she'd seen him in sixteen years was at the reading of Jim's will.

Well, that wasn't strictly true, she'd seen him earlier as she'd 'umm'ed her way through a speech about Jim she'd spent hours on and hadn't come out the way she wanted so she'd resorted to singing 'Bird on the Wire'. He'd sat in the back and hung back at the grave site, probably unwilling to approach her with Happy by her side.

Now as they sat in Jim's lawyers office and Happy was no longer by her side conversation couldn't be avoided.

"Hey kid"

"Hey Mike"

"You ok? You good?"

She rested her hands on her belly,

"I'm ok, yeah"

"Yeah, caught your show on TV the other day, re-run I guess" he said, gesturing to her stomach.

They sat in silence for a moment before Mike finally breached the topic they both dreaded but they couldn't go without speaking of.

"You ever hear from Steph?"

She shook her head.

"No, never"

"Do you think-"

"No. I'm pretty sure she's no longer with us. Sorry"

"Jesus" he groaned, running his hand over his face in his genuine grief, "loosing your dad and your daughter in one day, that's...fuck"

And because she was feeling brave she raised an eyebrow at him;

"You lost your daughter sixteen years ago when you thought to pick up a damn phone to check in and then didn't. If you felt one iota of that I feel for what's growing inside of me right now for Steph you wouldn't have been able to stay away for so long without tracking her down"

He said nothing for a little while and what she'd said must have stung. She hoped that it did.

"Considering your doing so well for yourself professionally and all it's strange you got a Son hanging off your arm"

She gave him a venomous stare.

"I'm doing so well professionally because I'm an Old Lady"

Though SAMCRO's involvement in her career wasn't obvious if you looked at the time line, the events that had shaped her life, SAMCRO had sealed her fate in many ways. Ways she didn't know about yet, ways she'd later wish she'd never discovered and ways she'd never know.

Happy had given her a lot of confidence. She asked for and got what she wanted because he'd shown her how to get away with murder and knowing that she could made her bold, meant that there was always and absolute last resort, and if she couldn't do it herself there were ways to make it happen.

She knew Jim's lawyer, Isaac Fisher. They were friends, he and Jim. Went on fishing trips, played cards and shared a beer until doctors warned them against it.

"Michael, long time no see" Isaac said coolly. Judgmentally. "Hey sweetheart, you comfy? Can I get you a pillow from upfront?"

"Nah, I'm ok, not too big yet"

"How long you got to go?"

" 'Bout three months shy of my due date, summer baby and all"

"That's great, great for birthday parties out by the pool"

"We don't have a pool or nothin'"

Mr Fisher smiled down at the papers in his hands.

" 'Nough room out back"

Caroline's brow furrowed,

"You seen my back yard? Be pushed to get one-a those little japans tree things out there"

"I was talkin' 'bout the other house"

"What other..."

And then it dawned on her.

And on Mike.

"She's gettin' the house!"

"She's gettin' pretty much everything. Jim-Boy had me come over a couple of weeks ago, drew up something new. Don't worry Mike, you were written out a long time ago" he said, fixing Mike with a piercing glare, "Barb was always a little unrealistic about how likely it was that Stephie would turn up again and had it so that she had a year to turn up before you got everything. Jim-Boy told me that that this kid of yours needed a real home with a real back yard"

When Isaac had sidled up to her and said that Mike was 'itching to get that Will read' she'd figured it was an old one that left him everything in the event of both his parents' death. Actually that's where Happy was right now, back at the house moving the piano with Opie and Jax, along with a few other mementos she wasn't exactly in a position to be moving herself. She'd already got Barbara's jewellery; Jim had told her to take it not too long ago.

Shit, she should probably call and stop them before they had to move it all back again...

Nah, serve him right for publically telling her off.

**I know where I'm going with this...I just don't want to do the driving. I got the 'Happy' memo late so as far as my story's concerned his 'real' name's Joseph ****Giordano so you're gonna have to use your imaginations but I bet you're good at that anyway ;-)**


	24. Chapter 24

**So...it's been a while, huh?**

***Tosses chapter to the ravenous fans and runs away***

**"_Wakey wakey sleepy head" someone whispered in her ear._**

**_Her eyes flickered open to find Steph squatted by the side of the bed, mouth set in a big grin._**

**"_Steph?"_**

**"_Who else would it be silly girl. Come on, time for school"_**

**"_I...you mean work, time to go to...you're dead, how are you-"_**

**"_Do I look dead?" she laughed, standing up and spinning around. It was then Caroline realised that they were in their childhood bedroom, the one that The Charming Network now stood on. If she had her directions right the parking lot now stood on top of it._**

**_She looked down at herself. She was still eight months pregnant. She got out of bed and looked in the crooked mirror on the wall. She was still 24...God, her skin was amazing, if she'd known getting knocked up would have given her such clear skin she would have done it ages ago._**

**"_Come on, you'll be late!" Steph laughed again, placing her hands on her shoulders and walking out to the front door._**

**"_I'm- I'm in my PJ's!"_**

**_She was wearing a SAMCRO t-shirt which she'd stolen from Bobby when she'd stayed with him and never returned it. Even with the swell of her stomach it came just above her knee._**

**_But that didn't seem to faze Steph and the front door seemed to open all on its own as Steph shoved her outside. But outside wasn't outside; it was the hallway of Charming High school. _**

**_What!? No, no, she was done here, never coming back again._**

**_Down the hall she spotted Seth at what had been his locker. But he wasn't his high school self, he was his adult self too. Hell, he was even wearing the suit she'd seen him in yesterday as he'd gone to talk to the guys at the Bank about financing more 'Sweet Spots'._**

**"_Seth!" she called, "Seth!"_**

**_She walked towards him but the hallway stretched on and on, he seemed to be getting further and further away. All around her students swarmed, faster and faster until they became blurs and she dashed to the nearest door, yanked it open and dashed inside._**

**_What should have been a classroom turned out to be the SAMCRO club house which was empty save for one loan figure drinking at the bar._**

**"_Tig, where's Hap?"_**

**_Tig turned to her, no life in what were usually pretty vivid blue eyes._**

**"_Erm, Tacoma, maybe? Don't know what those guys got going on. What? Don't tell me the killa started tappin' Jail Bait when he was down here last time" Tig smirked,_**

**"_Tig...what year is it? Who's the president?"_**

**_It was at that moment that Jaxx, alive and kicking Clay and Bobby walked through the door._**

**"_Dad! Tig's screwin' with me and it's not funny!" she shrieked,_**

**_Bobby cocked his head to one side and regarded her, like he was thinking that she did seem sort of familiar._**

**"_Dad! It's me! It's Caroline!"_**

**"_Don't you work at the diner a ways out?" Jax asked and she growled in a way she'd never do in front of the real Jax Teller._**

**_She forced her way passed them and bolted out of the clubhouse door. She found herself standing in the middle of the desert._**

**_She turned a full 360 degrees and when she turned back to where she started from Steph was standing a few feet away._**

**"_I'm looking for Happy" she called to her sister._**

**"_He was here a second ago" she said kind of vaguely,_**

**"_Is he coming back?"_**

**"_What's that saying about 'returning to the scene'?" Steph laughed, "Come on, come see my new place"_**

**_She took Caroline's hand and they moved as if on a conveyer belt to a rectangular hole. A shallow grave._**

**"_I'm gonna have to ask you to take your shoes off" Steph laughed as she pushed Caroline forward._**

**_She fell and fell and fell until-_**

She bolted awake.

"Hap! Hap!" she called out.

The sound of the shower shutting off came from the bathroom. Was she dreaming about Dallas now?

"What's up Baby?" he asked as he walked out, stark naked and rubbing a towel over his head and shoulders.

"Clay's dead, right? Jax ran him off the road and put a bullet in his neck, yeah?"

"You weren't supposed to know that. I told you never to repeat that"

"I know, I know. I just...I...had a bad dream, just a...bad... stupid dream, had to make sure I wasn't still dreaming"

"Were you eatin' left over pizza in the middle of the night again?"

"No" she scoffed but they both knew that yeah, she had.

* * *

"Can I ask you something?" Leo asked wearily,

"You can ask me anything" she said as they walked the isles of Charming's discount formalwear emporium, "I totally think you should go with retro ruffles. Not many people can pull them off but I really think you've got the build for 'em"

"I...am never taking you seriously every again. No, it's...You're Prom night...did you...Jesus, I can't believe I'm asking you this"

"Did I lose it on my Prom night?"

"Yeah" Leo mumbled, refusing to look at her.

"No, I was active long before then. Well, not 'long', lost it just after my 17th. Seth since you asked"

"I didn't and I can never look him in the eye again"

"Prude. So I take it you aren't...active"

"I've done stuff, don't think I'm 'innocent' or anything but the whole nine yards seem to evade me"

"Probably because you say stuff like 'evade'"

"Nah, girls love that shit, makes 'em think you're smart and going somewhere in life"

"If you're knee deep in 'gina why are we having this conversation?"

"Because I'm trying to gage whether Megan's going to 'expect' to do it on Prom night"

"Yeah, I do"

"Okay, well wash your junk and wear a rubber. If you never not use one you'll never know the difference until you meet 'the one'. Y'know, the only 'one' you'll ever stick it to bare back"

"You are so classy"

"I know, right? Now, what do you think about a white jacket? SO James Bond"

Leo didn't look taken with it at all.

"You could always borrow dad's rhinestone jumpsuit, that'd be a pretty awesome prom photo. It'd go viral in hours" she teased.

"Fine! I'll try the white one!" he huffed, snatching it from her hands.

Too easy.

* * *

After shopping with Leo for his prom tuxedo she had a sudden impulsive urge to see Seth and reminisce about their brush with the law that night.

Actually she could probably trace her history of 'liking it rough' back to the night David Hale slammed her onto the hood of his police car.

She was supposed to be on maternity leave. Actually she was on maternity 'ban' from 'The Sweet Spot'. One night not long ago Happy had come home after a long day dealing with a 'misunderstanding' of the Myan variety to an empty house. He's found Caroline in 'The Sweet Spot' kitchen seeing if her latest creation could be produced on a larger scale than she could do at home, flour in her hair and mania in her eyes. It was then and there he'd banned her from the building. And Seth had agreed 100%; Happy hadn't made him terrified for his life at all... no, not one little bit.

She was just quizzing Elana about Seth's whereabouts when a voice she wasn't expecting came from behind her.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Caroline jumped.

Busted.

She turned to find SAMCRO behind her, having just come through the door. How had she not heard the roar of their bike engines?

She knew the risks of dropping by The Sweet Spot to 'check in', that she might get caught breaking the terms and conditions of her maternity leave. The terms and conditions being 'steer clear- or else'. She should have thought of a reason to be there before she got in the car. Hindsight's a wonderful thing.

"I was...looking for...I'm...I'm here as a customer" she announced, total light bulb moment. She sat down in the booth and laced her fingers into one another, "Saturn Shake if you would Eleana".

Elana smirked at her boss. There was something inexplicably charming about Caroline Sweet both on and off TV.

"We agreed you'd steer clear of this place for the next 6 months" Happy said, arms folded and face hard and unyielding.

Tig grabbed a chair and took a seat like Apocalypse Now was playing out in front of him. Everyone else seemed to have more decency and occupied their time elsewhere. Juice with watching Elena bend and stretch and jiggle as she made the shake Caroline noted.

"I can't believe that you believe a word that comes out of my mouth. I can't help it, I haven't had more than two weeks off work at a time for the last 4 years, I'm bored"

"Shouldn't you be learning to knit and all that shit?"

"Did your mother knit?"

She already knew the answer.

"My mother had a whole other skill set"

The sound of a Maserati engine could be heard from outside the immaculate plate glass windows, cleaned every single morning so the shop shone like a jewel on the now plastic Main Street.

Seth had 'treated' himself to it last year and he was getting ready to 'treat' himself again this year. At least he had been until he was awoken in the early hours of the morning with a phone call.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked as soon as he saw Caroline,

"I am...drinking a milkshake" she said, delighted that Elana had placed one in front of her. She took a sip. It turned her stomach.

"_This is no child on mine!" she had declared as she entered the bedroom from the bathroom. She couldn't keep anything she liked to eat down, or at least what she'd liked before she got pregnant. Now she craved vegetables, they actually tasted good now. Crazy._

"Caroline, I got this, ok? Go home, relax. Any problems of epic proportion I will let you know? Till then go home, if you really have to do something think of new stuff to introduce when you get back"

Caroline's only response was a frustrated growl that lasted all the way to her car.

Seth turned to the SAMCRO collective. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Problems of epic proportion" he groaned, nodding towards the kitchen.

In the kitchen The Sweet Spot's pastry chefs milled around, attending to creations designed and more than often quality controlled by celebrity chef Caroline Sweet.

"Out please" Seth barked and the staff didn't need to be told twice. For all the perks of their job spontaneous extended breaks were not one of them.

"What happened?" Jax asked cautiously, anticipating that he was going to hate whatever came out of Seth's mouth.

"I got a call from Frisco's Fire Marshall at...not even 5 AM. The shop off Fisherman's Warf went up last night"

"Thank God" Jax muttered,

"Really? Really Jax? Because my most profitable shop just went up in flames and it's gonna look like arson and my alibi's gonna be 'I was at home with the wife', an alibi that's pretty much an arsonists first port of call. And you're just grateful that it wasn't the shop you're actually stashing your guns at?"

Never in his life did Seth Duvall ever think he'd be talking to Jax Teller like that but he wasn't 'the fat Duvall kid' anymore, he was a grownup.

"I don't get you people, CaraCara is a goldmine, cash isn't an issue. You say all you want is the open road but you still do this shit with the gun's, risk your lives, risk your freedom, risk hurting someone you say you love" he said, looking accusingly at Bobby and Happy, "I just...I don't get it. I recommend you move your guns immediately because the police are gonna be watching every other shop tonight, I will make sure of that. I'm not doing time for arson because you're 'relationship' with your 'supplier' broke down, you can't ask that of me"

Jax made no move to 'explain' anything to Seth.

It wasn't their former supplier and Jax knew this. It was a very carefully disguised attack from Zack Moretti's people. But Jax was still trying to piece together the 'why'. He'd have to start thinking faster, before someone got hurt.

"Consider it done" he shrugged before they moved slowly and purposely out of the bakery.

Seth sank to the floor, head in his hands.

He loathed that he was starting to rue the day he met Caroline Sweet.

* * *

"What did you fill your time with when you were pregnant?"

Precious looked up at her Ex-husband's daughter as she pressed out the last of the perfectly round hamburger patties from her own special recipe that you had to watch her show religiously to find out.

"Me?" Precious snorted, "Oh, the usual, trying to staying sober, trying to keep Queen Gemma happy, or whatever passed for happy with her. Paint by numbers actually, found that really distracting. Did that one over there when I was having Tiki"

Caroline looked at the framed paining she pointed to when she went to wash her hands. It was a Renoir, two people in a boat on a lake, but Caroline would go most of her life not knowing that and being no worse off for it.

Leo's graduation party was due to kick off in an hour. She could hear Leo of Sergio lumbering around in the attic, searching for Christmas lights to hang around the back yard for when it grew darker and it reminded her of something else she needed to ask Precious.

"Oh can I steal Sergio for a little while? I got Leo something and I'm in no position to be moving it alone"

"Course you can. Look at you, glowin'. Pregnancy can be real good for the skin, real good" Precious beamed, holding Caroline's face in her hands.

On the way to the car Caroline let herself wonder what Precious might have been like as a step-mom. Would they have fought relentlessly? Would they have been kinda-sorta-friends? Would she have found the mother she craved in her?

The hypnosis of 'tender Precious' was worn off when she heard her yell;

"Gio! Get your ass down here! You gotta help Caroline! When I say now I mean 'now'! Tiki! Go help your brother!"

Maybe it was a good thing she'd never lived with Precious. Her ear drums would have burst for sure.

Her ears are ringing and her eyes are screwed up as she wiggles her little finger around in her ear trying to rectify the ringing. If she'd opened her eyes right about then she would have seen Zack Moretti pass by in a none decrepit car and thought 'that's something to watch out for'.

But she didn't.

* * *

_"Where we headed"_

_"The storage place off the highway. Got Leo a graduation present"_

_"Do I get to know what it is?"_

_"Nope, it's a surprise" she'd grinned when he'd asked._

But now they stood at the Storage unit and looked at the slightly dusty blue Mustang she realised that he was going to find out before Leo anyway so it had been a bit pointless.

"He's going to love, love, LOVE me, right?" she'd beamed, stepping towards the driver's door.

"You ask Precious about this?"

Caroline stopped,

"No. Should I?"

"Well there's insurance and gas, all that stuff"

"Shit" Caroline muttered. Could she give him some kind of allowance for that? Would that make him spoilt? His first car being a shiny almost brand new Mustang would probably do that anyway. Should she hand over the Impala keys instead? That would lead into another mine field with Happy, right?

"Tell you what" Sergio said gently, "why don't I take you home and you can cut Leo a cheque that'll cover the cost of some used piece of shit like all kids should have and some left over for the bare necessities"

Caroline nodded.

"Good call"

"Been known to have them" Sergio laughed. It was the last time he would ever laugh and as his life was ripped from him he'd wish that it hadn't been shared with Caroline Sweet. Nice enough as she was he would have preferred it to have been with Precious or a friend or even his mother, terrifying as she might have been.

When she attends Sergio's funeral four days from then she'll bow her head in silent prayer and tell a God she wasn't sure existed, or at the very least wasn't listening, if he really wanted to take her out gun fire clearly wasn't the way to do it.

As the gun fire erupted he dove on top of her because that's what every guy is pretty much bought up to do, when there's danger to protect the pregnant chick, even if you don't know her, even if you hate her- you protect her and the innocent life she's got growing inside of her.

The car speeds away as too much attention's been raised from the commotion.

He grasped her wrist with the last of his strength and tries to get her to look at him;

His last words were,

"Don't read"

And he was gone.

Later she'd lie like hell and say his last word was 'Precious'.

* * *

She was chomping on her sleeve again.

Tara had patted her hand as she told her that the baby was fine but any medication to take away her anxiety was out of the question. That was three days and five long sleeved t-shirts ago.

So here she was, sitting on the bedroom window seat, chomping on her sleeve of her bathrobe, waiting for Happy.

"You don't have to go Baby" he told her as gently as his raspy voice would allow but they both know that she does, she has to go and pay her respects to the man who saved her and her baby's life.

Slowly she stood from the window and ran a hand through her wet hair.

"So what do you think? Black or black?"

He pulled her into his arms and encouraged her to lay her head against his chest.

"You're so brave Caroline, y'know that? I'm so proud of you, how you handle yourself, how you navigate the club. I never thought I'd have 'this', that I'd want this. But you make all this 'settled down' shit so much better than I ever thought it could be."

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. They were so cold and hard. They were like...like Blowpops. They looked really hard and empty but if you put the time in to find out you discover there's all this stuff inside. This sticky stuff that's...and that's where the metaphor fell apart for Caroline.

"I love you. If you had any space I'd make you ink it on yourself. 'Caroline Sweet Loves Me' so you'll always know and everyone else would too"

"I got a...we'll say a 'friend' to cut to the chance, a friend who's done stuff on the soles of feet before. I'll work somethin' out and pay him a visit"

"You know what they say about gettin' your girls name tattooed on you, don't you? That it pretty much means it's destined not to last"

"I don't know about you Baby but what 'they say' has never meant much to me"

"No, me neither"

* * *

"I can't believe Sergio left me something in his Will, barley knew the guy"

She had an idea of what it might be. That bronze model of the Coliseum. She was still no closer to going to those faraway places or even leaving the country. She sensed that she never would.

She hoped her kid would. Maybe he or she would send her mementos and when strangers who visited her home asked about them she'd say 'oh that? That's from Paris' and those people would think she'd been.

"I gotta get over to the club but I'll send a Prospect over to 'escort' you home"

"Wow, an 'escort', I feel like Princess Diana...actually that didn't end good did it? Important then, I feel important"

He chucked her on the chin.

"You are very important"

"'We're' very important" she corrected him and he looked down at the swell of her stomach.

He still doesn't think of it as a person. He can see why she does, it moves inside of her, she can tell when it's awake and asleep, what it likes to eat and hates the taste of. But no matter how many times he presses his fingers to its heartbeat he still just thinks of it as something that's 'coming', not here yet.

He passes a hand over it as he presses his lips to hers.

No, still nothing.

Inside the lawyers office is a far cry from Jim's lawyers office. Plastic chairs and you get the idea that Sergio and the dude on the other side of the desk didn't know a personal thing about him.

The lawyer, Harry Miller, kinda looks at Precious with a mix of lust and revulsion, like he wants to bang her and leave ten dollars on the night stand. Caroline hates him instantly. She knows that look, she's seen that look, and people have given her that look.

When she went to Vegas and was taking to hookers, trying to track down Steph, business men had walked by and given her 'that look'.

When he turns to her and asks who represents her and her business she delights in telling him about Isaac Fisher takes care of everything. She doesn't actually know how much Isaac makes from her but from the look on Harry Miller's face it is significant.

They go through the usual stuff and she holds Precious' hand when it gets complicated, that Sergio did leave her and the kids the house but his mother is to be taken care of and if his savings aren't sufficient for that then he 'requests' that Precious borrow against the house.

Finally it comes to Caroline. She's expecting him to say;

"And to Caroline Sweet I bequeath my bronze coliseum" and maybe some fruity words about broadening her horizons or something.

But no, instead he hands her an envelope, taken from Sergio's safety deposit box at the bank.

On the envelope it read: _Caroline, if all is good and right in your life burn this letter. If knowing what became of your sister will set your mind at rest read it but be warned that what you read may alter your life in ways you might regret._

Well, she got her fruity words.

Her jaw dropped.

Jesus Christ.

How long had this letter been sitting in his safety deposit box? Years?

"I erm...I gotta..." she told Precious, jerking her thumb over her shoulder to the door.

"Sure honey, do you want me to-"

"No, no. I gotta...be alone"

She took off through the door.

Out in the parking lot there was no sign of a Prospect so she sat in her car and turned the envelope over in her hands.

"WHAT!?" she finally exclaimed her herself, "WHAT!?"

When had he written this? What was in here that was so terrible that he couldn't bear to tell her to her face?

"Sergio! You rat bastard!" she shrieked and startled a passerby.


End file.
